Butchered My Iowa Plans://Part 3~ Beans with a Side of Prairie Flowers

                 Date:7/3/2025-7/7/2025

Destination: Villisca, Iowa; Chicago, Illinois

Goal: Villisca Ax Murder House, Six Flags Great America, Chicago Culture

Distance: 641 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 1

Last day of the trip, and we’re gonna make it a great one! Five hour drive home, but first, I’m not gonna just take Keely to Chicago and not show her around the Windy City.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cityscape reflected in a large, curved, chrome surface under a blue sky.

I've been to Chicago a few times in my life, but very few of those instances did I do the whole city thing. Sears Tower, Navy Pier, Shedd Aquarium, and all that good stuff I did on a class trip in the sixth grade and ever since then it's been all Six Flags and airport layovers, plus one other time tagging along a work trip with my father. But one thing I'd not done, and it's a major one, was see Anish Kapoor's iconic Bean sculpture at Millennium Park.

We touched on this in the Villisca post, but Keely was expecting miles and miles of beautiful flowery meadow. She's from Upstate New York and grew up with Little House On The Prairie and always saw the Midwest through this romanticized lens, so she was pretty pissed when we got to Iowa and it was a bunch of corn. But I knew that in addition to Millennium Park's famous art piece, that it was also planted with prairie fauna native to Chicago before it was Chicago. She could still get her meadow, so Millennium Park was our choice for the day!

Day 3

We woke up and checked out of the hotel before getting stuck in hella Chicago traffic. Eventually we found some garbage parking garage with no accessible parking, leaving us to drive around in the dark. Fortunately, however, we found some empty spots right next to an elevator and went on up into Millennium Park.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A ring of red flowers and plants surround a white circle of concrete, with trees and skyscrapers rising high in the background.

My knowledge of this place is pretty surface level, but I understand it opened in 2000 and features different art installations in a setting plated with prairie flowers and grasses. And one of those art installations is a Chicago icon.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely, two adults in their 30s, smile into the camera with skyscrapers in the background. Keely wears sunglasses and a hat turned around.

Hello, Millennium Park!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large sheet shows a map of Millennium Park.

We've got a map of the place, let's get going!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At the base of some skyscrapers, a black brick monolith has water cascading down its side to a black granite base. A screen shows the face of a brown-skinned woman looking out of the block.

This art piece was basically two tall monoliths made of black granite that had waterfalls down their sides, and screens showing live faces looking out. They would like move and blink and stuff.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At the base of some skyscrapers, a black brick monolith has water cascading down its side to a black granite base. A screen shows the face of a middle aged white man with glasses looking out of the block.

The two were supposed to be having a sort of staring contest with one another. Profound, but also somewhat humorous on a deep level.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A few skyscrapers rise out of some trees, one reads "Prudential."

This space does such a great job combining man-made pretty cityscape aesthetic with natural grown beauty.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On the street of a wooded park, a rust-colored sculpture consists of wrinkled ribbons bent into the ground holding up geometric blocks.

This sculpture was supposed to be Stonehenge, apparently.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A concrete plaza has several people walking around a large round geometric sculpture with reflective coating, several skyscrapers rise overhead.

The iconic thing to do here, which like Nyhavn, Bruges, and Paris is swarmed with tourists from all over the world, is The Bean. A large chrome sculpture that reflects every ray of light that touches it, it distorts, warps, and beams back every building and flower alike visible in its reflective skin.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two adults smile into the reflective skin of The Bean, a dark-haired woman holding an iced coffee sits in a wheelchair while a man stands beside her with a phone and points a camera into the reflection.

And also a couple of morbid motherfuckers with a camera! It also shines those back!

(And thankfully, not the creepy ghost from the ax murder house that followed us home.)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A chromatic reflective blob reflects the skyscrapers in front of it, as more poke up from behind. A seagull flies in the sky off to the side.

This thing is a Chicago icon. If you're part of the United Airlines cult, you've seen this landmark on the gate screen for any flight going to ORD. B-roll footage of the city, this along with Sears Tower and Navy Pier are kind of the symbols of the city that are most widely recognized.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A reflective rounded sculpture sits in the middle of a plaza, as people admire and post with it.

Don't want to mention the man who made this because he is, sadly, a piece of garbage, but just to spill the tea like I spilled Keely's coffee by mistake...

A certain English sculptor, who shall not be named, is some super rich art douchebag that's expanded his studio into the views of low income housing flats and the like. He is best known for this work, he hates that people call it The Bean and not its actual name, which is why the given name will not be used and it is The Bean in this trip report.

He also gained internet notoriety for attempting to trademark Vantablack, a process that causes an object to suck 100% of the light out of it and turns it into a pitch jet black void. Another artist, Stuart Semple, created a black acrylic paint that does basically the same, is safer to use, and smells of coffee. It's great, I got my mom some for Christmas one year. And Semple explicitly banned The Bean's artist from using it this Black 2.0 paint, forcing you to certify that you are not The Bean's artist or buying it on his behalf to make the purchase. The two of them continued this in an entertaining back and forth on social media, but because the man who made this sculpture is a penis, I will allow this to be a free commercial for Stuart Semple and Culture Hustle. Check their products out!

It's a shame that the person who created this really cool and iconic artwork that sits somewhere so beautiful is a dick. This thing, and the place in general, are amazing in person.

UPDATE: Upon typing this and fishing for links, I have leaned that the man formerly known as Stuart Semple has legally changed his name to the name of The Bean's sculptor...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A panorama of The Bean sculpture and the Chicago skyline surrounded by tourists.

The Bean was nice and accessible, to both of our surprises. There's a few steps up to the actual plaza, but it is flanked by two small wheelchair ramps on either side. I had no problem getting her close enough to see it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An abstract reflection photo in black and white, taken from the underside of The Bean and warping people and ground into a parabolic shape.

It's a selfie spot, but weirdly enough, you see just as many cameras pointed at The Bean to take group photos as you do selfies with The Bean in the background.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely kiss in front of The Bean.

Obligatory "couple on vaycay" photo.

There was this pavilion going on where they were practicing for some free concert, and the music was amazing!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An orchestra on a concert stage is surrounded by large satin-finished metal panels curving out towards filled stands, similar to a wave.

The facility itself was also beautiful. There's a large lawn and these nice stands with accessible seating for anyone viewing a show here, and it sounds like it's good free public art from how they made it sound.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On some clusters of small pink flowers, a black and orange butterfly spreads its wings.

We kept going where I saw this butterfly on these pretty flowers. And they were a total trooper and posed for a shot!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A planter filled with red and white flowers before a tall white skyscraper and cityscape.

Honestly, this place is just as much about the nature as it is the art. And stuff like this honestly isn't uncommon, but what makes it amazing is that it's local nature and it's right in the heart of one of America's largest cities.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Some Greek columns holding up an arc of concrete over a wall of names rises over a blue pond with a single water jet. A white skyscraper with a slanted diagonal roof rises over some trees.

This was Wrigley Square Millennium Monument, which had the names of benefactors who made Millennium Park possible amid this single water jet.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A grassy field before a Hellenic monument and skyscrapers has CGI palm trees decorated with lights and Latin-decorated benches.

There was also some weird AR feature to the park, which killed my phone battery almost as bad as those creepy ghost kids but showed off some palm trees on this artwork's little field thing.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A bus turns down a crowded city street at the base of several tall concrete skyscrapers.

We were burning daylight, so we hit the gift shop, got T-shirts and the like, and continued the five-hour journey back to Dayton home. Chicago traffic was brutal, but we managed to make it back to the Interstate and get a move on.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely sits in a pink wheelchair, smiling and holding a phone and a clear cup of iced coffee.

Keely ended up really liking a part of the trip she was going into blind. She loved how much there was to do and how much there was to see. And she loved that she both got her flowers and got to pet all the cute doggos that people take there.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red and white checkered tablecloth holds some messy sandwiches, onion rings, and cheese cups. A cup reads "PORTILLO'S HOT DOGS" on a dog logo.

But first! We had to do food! How could I take Keely to Chicago and not take her to Portillo's? We stopped for some Italian beef sandwiches on the way out, and she loved it even though it's messy as hell.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A framed vinyl record cover shows a triangular chromatic tube against clouds and waves. "TUBULAR BELLS; Mike Oldfield" is written in red at the top.

This made both of us smile. She's a horror author and they clearly have a love for one of the greatest horror soundtracks ever made. I remembered Dad playing this during Halloween while chasing Trick-or-Treaters with a chainsaw as the Jeep was set up as a car wreck in the yard, fog and everything.

The Exorcist is believed to be a cursed film. This would line up beautifully with what would happen at home.

The drive home was honestly boring, as usual. Yes we passed Fair Oaks Farm, and the attached Fairfield Inn themed as a barn complete with a silo, so that's always a laugh. My boss texted me that we were off overtime and to not come in early tomorrow, so we could be up a little later, so that made for a nice, calm, relaxing drive home.

...until it wasn't! Leaving a rest area in Indiana, some guy was driving like an idiot in the parking lot and about pulled out into us, and would have hit our rental car had I not blasted my horn. In retaliation, Florida Man over here caught up to us on the highway, throws something at our rental car, and speeds off. Keely and I took down his plate and called 9-1-1, who had us confirm our car was not damaged but filled out a report because you can't just throw things at other cars on the highway. This is not Mario Kart! Though I'd rather eat a blue shell than drive through Indiana!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A shelf of miniature world landmarks. A Bean labeled "CHICAGO" sits between models of the Gateway Arch, Mont St-Michel, Nyhavn labeled "COPENHAGEN DENMARK," the Liberty Bell, a lego Golden Gate Bridge, a few Eiffel Towers, a CN Tower, a Sears Tower, a Washington Monument, and a silver Atomium.

But eventually we got home, I put my new Bean upon the wall of landmarks between Mont St-Michel and Nyhavn. And it's right in front of the Sears Tower, keeping two from the same city together.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely pose in front of The Bean, with Jarrett's hands on her shoulders.

Keely, thank you, thank you, thank you for going on this crazy, creepy, and corny adventure with me. We laughed, we cried, we had the piss scared out of us, your ghosts scared me as much as my coasters scared you, and I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I'm glad you got your bucket list trip, I'm glad you got your prairie flowers, thank you for going to Six Flags with me before they go completely bankrupt, and I love you so much.

Here's to many more? What do ya say?

Butchered My Iowa Plans://Part 2~ Rains on Raksheeka

                Date:7/3/2025-7/7/2025

Destination: Villisca, Iowa; Chicago, Illinois

Goal: Villisca Ax Murder House, Six Flags Great America, Chicago Culture

Distance: 641 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 1

So as I said in the last installment of this blog entry, the plan for this trip for almost a year now had been the Ax Murder House and Lost Island for Fire Runner. I mean, how could it not be ready by the Fourth of July? Well, turns out it wasn't, for reasons beyond the park's control. But that didn't mean there wasn't another cool, new coaster that I was trying to get to this year! 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A statue o a fanged, horned figure holding a staff stands before a blue roller coaster, with short, wide trains painted with red eyes coming out of a roll.

Now, most coaster enthusiasts do not typically like the dive coaster concept, for a few different reasons. Enthusiasts tend to be drawn to speed, force, agility, and intensity, something these coasters tend to not do after their signature face-first vertical dive. And to this day, I'd be shocked if a dive coaster made it anywhere near my top ten. However, Great America was a park I'd been meaning to get back to, and their new dive coaster Wrath of Rakshasa was just as good an excuse as any to return to one of my favorite Six Flags-branded parks. Add in Valkyria and Yukon Striker pleasantly surprising me, and more rides for the non-enthusiast I was with, and it looked like we would be having a Great American Fourth of July!

Full transparency, this wasn't a super insane "strap on a fanny pack and go ride everything super hardcore" day. Sure you can't take the enthusiast hat on, but today, the partner hat was on over it. And I was here to have a nice day with my girlfriend. I'm writing this and covering it to review Wrath of Rakshasa, as well as to show off our perspective visiting this park as an interabled couple.

Day 2 (continued)

Our drive went on, and on, and on. We prepped hardcore for it, knowing we might not see another town for a couple hours after leaving Villisca, and then made it to I-80, where we got a nice glimpse of Adventureland passing through Des Moines. And then, the sky opened and it started hardcore pouring on us, making it impossible to see the highway past a few cars in front of you. Lots of slow driving, lots of hazards, and lots of crazy podcasts all the way to Chicago. Eventually, we crossed back over the Mississippi, and headed north up through Illinois as we talked to Keely's friend Kristin about how the ghosts scared the hell out of us the night before.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Out the window, one can see a pretty orange sunset over some trees.

Beautiful Chicago sunset. Keely loves all things to do with a pretty sky!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In a  wrapper sits a wet sandwich bun with beef, sausage, and peppers on it.

Upon getting to Chicago, I found a little hole in the wall Italian Beef place, and got us dinner before we crashed at our hotel. This dinner was incredible! I love how sopping wet and messy these are, sure it makes a mess but this Chicago staple is a mess you want to be a part of.

Going to bed, Keely had to put on SNL annoyed because my sleep meds had knocked me out badly, and the neighbors were loudly fighting over really personal, petty stuff in the other room loudly enough to hear. Was I awake enough to understand it? No. Was I awake enough to be annoyed? Absolutely!

Day 3

We woke up, snagged a quick McDonalds because Keely needs her coffee, and made the fast fifteen minute drive to Great America!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely pose for a photo in front of a turnstile building reading "SIX FLAGS GREAT AMERICA."

Good morning, Six Flags! Gloomy day, sadly it didn't make for the best photos but I did what I could.

After the park gate opened and we picked up our ADA boarding passes, we got going. Interestingly enough, both of us qualify for these at Kings Island, and I expected the same process. So we get up there, flash both of our IBCCES cards, and I expect to get asked the usual questions. Mine is for an invisible disability that doesn't affect mobility, so for me it's just "wait in line somewhere without a bunch of people and eff off." But Keely's situation does affect what she can and can't safely ride, and Kings Island did a great job asking her what her limitations were, and marked off anything she couldn't ride. Nope! Six Flags just threw it at her, guess you find out at every individual ride here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall metal roller coaster lift hill is made of a truss, with a train arcing upside-down under a curved box truss under the lift hill itself.

I wanted to do Whizzer first, as it seemed like a good, low intensity coaster Keely could ride since she's still a bit new to the coaster thing. Well, turns out that isn't going to happen! Whizzer, and all the water rides at this park, predate ADA, and after 35 years, it's out of the question to just install a damn wheelchair lift up to the platform. So with that, I decided to start with Goliath, as Rakshasa and Maxx Force can't be your first ride. Keely could have ridden this I think, there's even a transfer door in the train, but she didn't feel comfortable being restrained upside-down by only her legs, so she gave me a kiss and told me to go have fun.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A chariot-themed coaster train rises into a twist of track, the rails are painted orange on the tops.

This is a solid ride! It's an RMC that gets dunked on a lot, and while it's no ArieForce One, I don't think it deserves hate because it's still a very good ride. It's another topper track that's stood the test of time like Wildfire, I didn't find it nearly as rough as Lightning Rod is in spots. It hit every airtime moment it had, those inversions are sick, and that massive wooden drop is lowkey terrifying.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett smiles in front of a brown and orange hybrid roller coaster.

It was totally dead and I got a few rerides early in the day. The dive coaster kept everyone away from the RMC, maybe that's why I like them now!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign in front of a blue steel roller coaster reads "WRATH OF RAKSHASA." It is flanked by carnival posters reading "THE ORNELAS BROS. PRESENT THE RAKSHASA; COUNTY FAIR EXPO + PAVILLION; DISCOVER; DARE; DIVE." They all depict a blue monster drawn in South Asian style with fangs and horns.

Continuing around, Wrath of Rakshasa was the next logical choice. Keely asked me to ride it before her before deciding if it was a good one for her to ride, so I did just. Newest dive coaster, let's see if the mixed reviews are deserved!

The theming on this is really cool but both of us felt it was underutilized. There's a few statues in the queue, and they're badass, but I'd liked to have known more about the Rakshasa and what the park was doing with it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wide coaster train with red eyes painted on the chassis careens down a helix of blue steel track with gold supports, a blue tower reading "SIX FLAGS" flies an American flag in the background.

So...the elephant in the room here has got to be the B&M rattle I've been hearing nonstop about this coaster. And while it's there, it doesn't completely ruin the ride. Yes it's annoying, yes you notice it, but it's not enough to call it rough as balls or anything.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Multiple twisting rolls of blue coaster track are held up with 

This has got to be the weakest beyond vertical drop I've been on, sadly. And from the first Immelmann thing, it's a pretty textbook dive coaster. But the element out of that completely took me by surprise! There's an odd upwards barrel roll that continues its twist into this helix. And it's got some pretty good RMC-esque twisting floater on a dive coaster! Imagine Steel Vengeance's twist up into the lift hill turnaround, it's that in the place you'd least expect it. The rest of the ride is a good mix of rolls and helices, and one particular S-curve thing jolted so hard that I hit my head on the bar of the restraint. But the thing that sells the ride are that first inversion as well as the other rolling elements, and the way it rises and falls out of them.

It's a divisive coaster with pros and cons, you decide which are and are not important to you. I said I'd get another ride and decide, but I came in expecting a new worst dive coaster, and might have walked away with a new favorite.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Under blue light, a t-shirt says "WRATH OF RAKSHASA" vertically next to a stylized lion-like head drawn in the South Asian style.

Oh god, the drip this coaster has! Dive coasters, gimmicky and non-enthusiast scaring as they may be, typically have sick merch, and Wrath of Rakshasa is no exception. I had to get this shirt, I love different world mythology and religion and the like and I was so happy to see South Asian mythology used in such a creative way.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A silver coaster train themed as a race car twists

Next up, only for crowd reasons...flashback to 2019. The person I was dating at the time, who shall remain nameless and is not a good person, and I drove to Chicago when Maxx Force opened. We planned to gate crash it both days we were there, as it was a highly anticipated new ride and we knew there would be really bad waits with its capacity. So we go the first day, gate crash it, get the credit, it's a great ride and we decide we want to ride it in the front.

Next day, we show up, and there's this stupid annoying local kid in front of us that WILL NOT SHUT UP about riding in the front, the mom is not comfortable riding in the front and says "no, we can do it some other time." Well, my lovely ex so graciously volunteers out of the goodness of her heart, "hey, I'll ride in the front with you and my boyfriend can not ride in the front with your mom!" After I told her I wanted to ride up front. After the ride, I politely asked her, "next time you volunteer to give my front seat to some annoying kid, please ask first." And she got snippy with me because of course she did. Every time I saw Maxx Force after this, I loved the coaster, but there was a bit of a stain on it for me.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely flip the middle finger in front of a chrome sign reading "MAXX FORCE."

Over half a decade and a pandemic later, I finally got to experience it in the front row! And even better, it was with my new partner, who's absolutely wonderful and supportive and while she didn't trust her legs with the whole lap bar/inversion combo, she was supportive and went right up to the platform with me while I took on what is now the world's most powerful launch.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A white roller coaster with black supports sends a chrome and red race car-themed train up through a banana roll element, with an orange and magenta roller coaster framed within the banana roll.

Oh my god, that was worth the wait! The launch on this is absolutely insane, and in the front, you might as well look down an industrial air nozzle and turn it on. This acceleration does not play around, one second you're sitting pretty, chilling, basking in the mild anxiety before the blast. The next your head is smashed to the back of the seat, cheeks flapping, eyes tearing up; the wind adds so much to this experience. 

As of this writing, I'm hearing it went down not even a week after we went and might be toast all season. This might be the luckiest I've ever gotten riding something I wanted!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Out a hazy window, one can see Maxx Force, Raging Bull, Viper, and the waterpark from high up in a tower.

K, time to get Keely on something she can ride, we went to Sky Trek Tower next, which had no wait but required a minimum to ride. And to make matters worse, there's no way to get a wheelchair into the ride's cabin and it had started to sprinkle. Fortunately the rain never got bad enough to completely soak the seat she had to sit in all day, but it would've been a lot easier to just roll it inside and park it instead of making her transfer on and off that bench.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tray holds a chicken sandwich, corn muffin, and a cup of mac and cheese.

Both of us were feeling food, so I took her to the chicken restaurant that hates gay people. The one with the pickle chicken sandwiches and waffle fries and mac and cheese.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small Midwestern-styled farm building has a sign with a chicken on it that says "STRUTTERS; Chicken, Brews, and Spirits"

Oh wait, nvm. It's just a generic theme park chicken stand.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely cuddle in the coach of a theme park train.

Then we did the train which was just stupid inaccessible. After getting up to the platform, I was prepared for there to be a little aluminum ramp into a car with a gate on it, where we'd just put her chair and lock it down and I'd sit on a bench next to her, just like Kings Island's. Nope! There is nowhere on this train for a wheelchair, it has to stay in one station, and I had to help her up those stairs into the train bench and had to leave her wheelchair behind. They were at least cool and moved it under the roof at my request, because I could tell the sky was about to piss on us. But it was this ride in particular that made me decide Six Flags was going to be getting an email about accessibility when I got home.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red locomotive bears two American flags as it pulls up to a platform.

I do like Great America's train, though. You get some nice views around the park, and I love how it goes right next to my favorite ride Goliath. The main station in Hometown Square is really nice, it's a convenient link around the park, I just wish it was accessible so we could all enjoy it in the same way.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Goliath rises high over a white kiddie coaster into a cloudy sky.

After this, it began POURING. Like, there was a puddle sopping into a third the floor space of the gift shop at Dark Knight, it was bad. Once the rain let up, we headed over to Johnny Rockets for a drink plan use, and the line is moving at a snail's pace despite being only two families deep. I hear something garbled, my auditory processing couldn't pick it up, and Keely calls me and says, "babe, did they just close the park?" And I check social media, see nothing about it, and it seems odd they'd close given there isn't anymore rain projected for the rest of the day. A few minutes later? I'm outside under the Johnny Rocket's covered dining area and hear "ladies and gentlemen, the prior announcement was made in error. Six Flags Great America will remain open until 9 pm." How tf do you accidentally close a theme park???

We went back and did Justice League next, which Keely thought was fun but didn't like how much it threw you around without much of a bar. No more 3D glasses on this which is nice since I know people who can't use them, and the ride is still just as fun and crazy and competitive without them.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A mural shows a villainous South Asian-drawn monster standing before a Himalayan temple.

We killed another round of rain in, as one lady called the ride, Wrath of Raksheeka's gift shop. I used the time to buy souvenirs, and had issues with my season pass discount. We got it squared away at least, but these old Diamond legacy passes barely work anymore and I'll be cancelling mine simply because they're so archaic the employees don't know how to make use of them anymore.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely kiss in front of a sign that says "Greetings from Six Flags."

Things were beginning to open up, so we went back to Southwest Territory and did two rides:

Raging Bull- Keely would have been able to ride this with the harness, but wasn't up to ride something so big and scary, which I get. So they put me in the front with this huge family, two women next to me were absolutely terrified to the point it was hilarious and it made an already awesome hypercoaster ten times better. This is one that get's crapped on all the time, personally I think it's one of the best if not the best old school B&M hyper, and the other guy riding with me yelled "THAT'S A BAD MOTHERFUCKER!!!" on the brakes over and over again as we rolled back to the station.

Giant Drop- Another very good ride back here is Great America's drop tower. Keely loves drop rides, so we were going to do this, but then trouble struck not with her but with me. I helped her in, pulled her bar down, and parked her wheelchair before sitting down myself. I hear her ask me, "babe, can you get that?" Turns out I'd not pulled it down far enough for her to buckle it and she didn't want to accidentally staple herself, so I pushed it down and buckled her belt for her. Then I sit down...and the belt doesn't fit! I lost 20 pounds this spring and still didn't fit into a simple Intamin drop tower. But then Keely tells me, "don't feel bad, it was tight on me too." This very tiny person couldn't fit this ride without being stapled. Fix it, Six Flags! I rode the same drop tower at Walibi Belgium and fit just fine!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles on X-Flight's platform, with the queue and train in the background.

"I want to go upside-down," Keely had told me when we were in the early stages of our relationship, and I'd invited her to ride rides with me. And she'd not been to a theme park since she was a kid, so we'd been taking it slow and easy. I figured X-Flight was a good first extreme coaster to get her on, so that's what we did!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red roller coaster twists a train of seats hanging off the side of the rails through a roll.

Keely likes being afraid. It's why she dragged me ten hours to Iowa to stay in a terrifying ax murder house. It's why we navigated a corn maze full of monsters at Kings Island during Haunt last fall. And it's why she, after getting off X-Flight, told me that she had fun and enjoyed it.

However, on the ride, she did the same thing she always does: screamed and cussed me out. White knuckles, screaming "JARRETT!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!!" And I'm just casually trying to keep her calm, telling her what it's gonna do, the like. And I'm over here just hoping we can get off without her being totally scarred for life, thinking I made a mistake and picked the wrong coaster. But nope! Just like with Snoopy's Soapbox, and just like with Bat, after screaming bloody murder lift to brakes she smiled and said it was awesome. I was happy for her! We'd talked about Dollywood since she has family in the area, she likes animals so I know Wild Eagle is going to be right up her alley.

Photo from 2017. I didn't have any of the ride from today but I wanted Keely to have a picture of the ride she rode to show others.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall swinging disk ride with blue legs and a white arm.

This, however, she asked to ride. And it was a bad call on both our parts for being excited for it.

Sky Striker's ADA loading system is a joke. They have a big rolling ramp that gets chained to the wall that doesn't fit the ride's plot. So they have to unchain it, roll it over, wheel the person up, load them, roll the wheelchair down, move the ramp back to the wall to chain it, and repeat the process when the person gets off. And it's a pain to get someone out of those seats because of the slant. 

The ride was honestly terrifying to both of us simply because of how high it swings and the spinning made her sick. One and done, and she wanted a break after this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden roller coaster twists through a dive loop behind the cupolas of a Roman-themed building.

Sooo...I rode Goliath!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles across the table, drinking a root beer float and snacking on a massive funnel cake covered in whipped cream, caramel, cheesecake, powdered sugar, and a cherry on top.

Keely wanted dinner next. And I had dining plan usage, but she wanted funnel cake. So we used my Diamond Elite discount and got a reasonably priced funnel cake to split for two, we're adults I swear!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A blue roller coaster sends a red and gold train up through a twist, with a twist of yellow track from another coaster framed by two golden supports in the background.

We went to ride Flash next, but her legs didn't agree with the knob on the front of the seat, so we decided to pick another ride. She had the same problem with Wrath of Rakshasa, but told me to go have fun and ride because she's awesome, so I snagged another ride on this big blue brute. And it was good the second time! Middle seat was great, little less rattly than the first time, a little less forceful but that twist still put a huge smile on my face. I give it a golf clap!

Many of these coasters have a little knob at the front of the seat that kind of rides up your crotch and keeps you from falling out by slipping under the restraint. Problem is, when your legs don't move independently very well, it can get difficult to get them around that knob. Something to keep in mind if you have someone with CP or a related condition that wants to ride a specific coaster.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely kisses Jarrett on the cheek, with a lit carousel in a sunset over a reflecting pool in the background.

So I found something she could ride! It was a pain, but she could ride it! Colombia, Great America's iconic carousel, is a theme park classic. I mean, this is the amusement ride, you go around in a circle with fun music and lights overhead riding on a bench or a horse or something. Great America's, sadly, lacks any sort of ramp up the single but large step up to the carousel platform. I was able to pick her up and put her on the bench, but it was much more strenuous on both of us than it needed to be because they were lacking a ramp. Keely informs me that a simple aluminum porch ramp can run you $100 at Home Depot, why a massive corporation like Six Flags can't add something this simple is beyond me. 

However, it was all worth it to get to ride this with Keely. We did the whole couple thing, I threw my arm around her and we just kind of cuddled as we circled around that reflecting pool to the organ music.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely pose in front of Wrath of Rakshasa's sign.

Thank you so much, Keely! We had an amazing day out, being that couple at the theme park holding hands and taking selfies and all that good stuff, I got a new credit that's now my #2 dive coaster, and who doesn't love funnel cake for dinner? In the face of rain, hostile architecture, and somehow closing the park on accident (still scratching my head over this one,) this is one of the most special days I've had at a park and it's all thanks to the company I kept in this moment.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plaza in the middle of some skyscrapers has a large chrome bean, with tourists taking photos of the art installation.

UP NEXT: Keely came all this way for Little House on the Prairie, she's getting her prairie flowers, but she's getting them in the heart of America's Second City! We're closing the trip out at Chicago's famous Millennium Park, home of the one, the only The Bean!