A New Orleans Semiquincentennial://Leg 2~True Crime Cooking Up [18+]

                          Date:7/3/2026-7/8/2026

Destination: New Orleans, Louisiana

Goal: New Orleans Culture, Myrtles Plantation

Distance: 866 Miles

Means of Travel: Flying

Potential Credits: 0

It was my first day as an engaged man, and it was slated to be a packed one! I had booked Keely and I a Cajun cooking class for the morning, and in turn, she had planned us a true crime tour amid the dark alleys of the Crescent City for the night.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A night shot of a New Orleans city street with a group of tourists, a lantern, and horse and wagon tour amid Creole-styled buildings.

It hadn’t taken me long to “get” this city at all, so I felt ready to take on the day. While we had a cooking class by day and a true crime tour by night, there wasn’t much else in between. And that’s the point of New Orleans, it’s a slow paced city you’re supposed to wait to come to you.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small park across the street with a Southern Live Oak.

Cooking class was this morning, and with the green streetcar right out front being blatantly inaccessible, we had to take the bus. The 11 line was close to this nice little park.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A woman in her 30s sits in a wheelchair next to a folded up row of seats on a bus, holding a purple phone case.

If you need the green streetcar route but can’t access it, the 11 line is a good alternative. They have a ramp to get up into the bus and the stuff to strap down a wheelchair. Sometimes (ie yesterday) when the St. Charles line is having delays they’ll also run one of these busses in parallel along the route.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A group of people stand behind and in front of a cooking counter reading "SHARING THE FUN, FOOD, FOLKLORE OF NEW ORLEANS."

“Everyone belongs in the kitchen,” I had told Keely, and New Orleans School Of Cooking validated that claim with a little aluminum ramp that could be carried to the door by hand if someone needed up the step. The thing was about the size of a cornhole board, and out of all the old buildings and outdated architecture here, this was the only business that had one of these on had. Literally the single one. So props to them!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A woman with bobbed strawberry blonde hair and a red apron ladles from an aluminum pan.

Chef Cindy was our teacher this morning, and on her menu was bread pudding, gumbo, jambalaya, and Keely’s beloved pralines.

In tandem with how to make these things, we also learned where they came from, which to me is important as someone who makes regional cuisine. Many of the techniques that make food what it is actually developed out of necessity, the same is true with Cajun. French immigrants had to take their simple, elegant cuisine to the hot, muddy bayous of a strange new world. Pork became a staple as pigs love mud making them easy to raise in the swamp, the lack of available herbs and spices led to deliberate “burnt” flavors such as dark roux, and the lack of root vegetables is responsible for Cajun food having a different holy trinity than French food. Chef Paul Prodhomme, “as Cajun a man as there ever was” she said of him, introduced the world to the unique food of his heritage. Because of him, America now thinks of Cajun cuisine not as backwater peasant food, but iconic American classics you can find on a menu. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small bowl of brown stew with chicken, sausage, and green onions.

Gumbo, a Cajun form of stew, was the first thing on the menu. This was made by taking a dark roux, sauteeing a little trinity in it,and adding it in a chicken broth with shreds of poultry and andouille. A bit more trinity was added later to have some crunchy, less cooked veggies in the mix, creating an earthy, savory blend of shredded chicken, browned sausage, moderately crisp veggies, and that lovely thick liquid. File, a ground bay leaf powder, is served with it to thicken the stew (similar effect to flax seed) and Chef Prudhomme added a dollop of rice on top for presentation.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a table sits a can of beer, Arnold Palmer, and a bowl of brown rice with sausage.

Jambalaya was next on the menu, a dish stemming from the colonial Spanish presence in the city. If you’ve had paella, this dish evolved from that and is made similarly. Many of us think of jambalaya as being tomatoey, and there is an authentic Creole variation that America knows well, but generally most people in Louisiana would laugh if you said you put tomatoes in your jambalaya. The base for this was more of that shredded chicken stew broth and Cajun seasoning.

Troy, our hardworking bus boy, also brought us a free beer with this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A bowl of bred pudding with berries and a praline for garnish.

She’d started the bread pudding first so it could soak in the milk longer, but it was just now done. This Southern classic comes from New Orleans Po Boy shops, who often had surpluses of sandwich bread go bad, this was a solution to get rid of it profitably. This is cut chunks of bread soaked in buttermilk with a rum sauce and blueberries.

She also made pralines, which Keely promptly destroyed. We were even offered the seconds, which we also destroyed.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An ornate whitewashed church nave with flags of various states hanging from the left.

We went back to St. Louis Cathedral after to properly appreciate it. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wall hanging depicts a man in a loincloth and crown of thorns being crucified and reads "JESUS EST ATTACHE A LA CROIX" along the base.

You can walk the perimeter and see these wall hangings depicting Jesus’s death.

 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A photo of a large vaulted basilica with accents painted on the sloped ceiling, Papal flags adorn the left pews of the sanctuary whereas flags of England, Spain, France, and America decorate the right.

While I don’t believe in any of this, you can’t deny it’s beautiful. Feelings on religion aside, Catholics know a thing or two about how to make something inspiring to the average person.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely smile at a cafe table on the street.

With the sky about to open up and pour, I took Keely to nearby Cafe Du Monde, one of her favorite spots in the city.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large patio under a green and white striped awning full of small cafe tables and chairs.

Cafe Du Monde is a legendary 24 hour French coffee stand that makes their coffee with chicory root, and is known primarily for their beignets.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a cafe table sits a small cup of beige cafe au lait coffee and a dish of three beignets topped with a thick layer of powdered sugar.

When I heard beignets, I was expecting a dusting of powdered sugar, not piled on top of them! The spongy donut-like pastries were buried under about an eighth inch thick layer of confectioner sugar, and believe me, it’s messy! But it paired well with their cafe au lait, which is very strong and nutty in flavor despite being half milk.

And this gentleman decided the coffee shop was an appropriate place to set up his loud ass speaker and  drop some bangers, and even invited this woman who was even less talented. Now, he had good range, a fun performance presence, and on Bourbon Street he’d be part of the city’s charm. But outside a coffee shop? Being loud or having loud kids at these types of places is my pet peeve as an author, maybe I’m being a Karen or maybe that’s just inconsiderate. But I couldn’t hear a thing Keely was saying throughout the whole meal.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A fountain outside a building with statues of Black men in suits in a jazz band.

Next up, we checked out the French Market for a bit, which had these really nice art installations in the little seating plazas between the stores. 

And then, looking for more to do out of the rain, we hit the street car! The red ones, like you see in the riverfront or Canal lines, are ADA accessible and feature a little elevator up into the car. “Is this the last thing food on a fork sees before it dies?” I asked Keely.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red street trolley extends a wheelchair lift onto a station platform.

Apparently, this is what’s on any school bus that’s accessible. The red line street cars have it!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The interior of a red street trolley with wooden benches.

Riding this thing is a vibe. I'm sure the view changes that vibe, but it's a chill, easy way to get around the city. Definitely make a point of riding one of these.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A photo of New Orleans's business district in a rainstorm.

After the ride to the Business District, another nasty squall was brewing, so I found Canal Place Mall, thinking the liminal space would at least provide respite from the rain.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An empty mall with glass railings overlooking the lower floor, and a movie theater at the back.

Up on the top floor, in a liminal space straight out of Stranger Things, there was a creepy little convenience store in a nook of the empty food court. Keely wanted a drink and offered to buy me something too, so I went to retrieve her purse.

This is when the trouble started. The back pocket of her wheelchair had the Velcro ripped open, and the purse and a shopping bag were missing. 

We went downstairs and spent the next few hours dealing with unhelpful NOLA police, who were busy arresting someone for causing trouble in the mall. We called the streetcar line, the French Market, and even went back to Cafe Du Monde as it’s notorious for petty theft, and a lady had been staring at Keely. The manager there pulled security footage and confirmed it was not swiped there, however, and the lady staring at her was just an asshole. But one thing’s for certain: the purse was gone. And in it, her ID to fly home.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A spooky, grainy photo of St. Louis Cathedral.

With no police coming to help, we found ourselves at the main focus of today: the True Crime Tour that Keely had booked us. After getting a lovely "it may pour during the tour" text, our guide took me inside their shop and grabbed some ponchos for us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two dingy, adjacent buildings, a beige one considerably taller than a rose one.

Our first stop on the tour was this rooftop, where he asked us if we knew of a case called Zach and Addy; I did not, Keely did. Here, circa 2006, there was a man pacing around with a shot and a cigarette in his hand before he fell to his death. On the ground, his body was recovered with an envelope on his person. Inside, a key, and a note that read: “This was not an accident. I had to take my own life to pay for the life I took.”

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a cobblestone plaza are the wrought iron gates to a green, planted park, with a woman standing next to a neon nightlife sign across from the church.

St. Louis Cathedral was also on the tour. We learned that here on Jackson Square in front is where the Spanish and French performed executions, including hanging, drawing, and quartering. You’ve seen Braveheart? Yeah, they did that here in the New World.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In an alley, a brick building has lit green arches and a sign reading "TONY SEVILLE'S PIRATE'S ALLEY CAFE."

This alley had all kinds of gaudy pirate crap in it, which we learned came from some story having almost nothing to do with pirates. Some guy saw visions of a pirate burying treasure in the square and assaulted a woman for some reason and there was a dentist, it was a weird story.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small, weathered tavern on a street corner flying American flags and a Pride flag.

He then took us to the quiet half of the Quarter, where people went to live, not party. Laffitte's Blacksmith Shop is the oldest operating bar in North America, where a fight allegedly threw a man into the fire and has left it haunted ever since, right down to red eyes from the flames reported.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small, weathered corner store.

This street here had some pretty dark history going on. Two individuals, the New Orleans trunk murderer, and the cannibal of New Orleans, worked here delivering muffuletta sandwiches.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A brick building in the French Quarter decorated with wrought iron balconies.

This is the New Orleans trunk murder house, where John Henry Morgan killed his girlfriend Polly Pastori in 2002 and mummified her remains, storing them in a steamer chest that he used as a coffee table. It was only after Hurricane Katrina when a new family moved in that they broke the lock on the trunk and learned why it smelled so bad.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A simple white apartment with green shutters and an iron balcony with lanterns hanging from eaves.

Remember Zack and Addy? This is where they lived, and the key in Zack’s pocket after he jumped to his death unlocked this apartment. Inside, they found Addy’s legs in the oven, her arms and head in a large soup pot, and her torso in the fridge.

Zack was an Afghanistan veteran who had lived a difficult life. He enlisted to provide for a 26 year-old baby momma when he was 18, he came home with lots of mental health issues, worked as a bartender and she left him. When 7 foot Zack got with not even 5’ Addison Hall circa Hurricane Katrina, one day there was an ugly fight between the two. They are the only two that know what happened in the apartment that night, a story taken to two graves, but we know one thing: Zack walked out of there and Addy did not. Terrified, he attempted to cook her remains like food to rid himself of the evidence, but clearly, it did not work. While people call Zack the Cannibal of New Orleans, his intent was to dispose of, not consume Addy’s corpse. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark photo of a French Quarter manor at dusk.

Our next stop was a bit of a hike, but is probably the most infamous spot in a city already full of of dark history. This is the rebuilt Delphine LaLaurie Mansion.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark photo of a French Quarter manor at dusk.

Delphine LaLaurie was a French-American socialite who was born into generational wealth that grew astronomically. Like all wealthy men and women in the south, she owned slaves, with city slaves filling roles such as butlers, maids, and cooks, and they were treated considerably better than rural plantation slaves. However, over the years, Madame LaLaurie dealt with allegations that she was abusing these slaves in a “punishment room.” While authorities could never find this room when these claims were investigated, there was a story of a slave girl who had snagged LaLaurie’s hair yelling “not the punishment room!” and jumping to her death from a window.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A photo of a French Colonial manor at dusk, washed out with light only over the anteroom.

Delphine LaLaurie threw many an extravagant party, with party favors such as diamond and rubies, the woman was Jeff Bezos rich. During one of these parties, a fire broke out in the kitchen, and when firefighters busted in to battle the blaze, they found a slave woman chained to the stove. She admitted she set the fire because she’d been chained there and told she’d be taken to the punishment room after the party. As the firemen swept the house, a secret door in the stairs (not the attic) caught their attention, and they found a small, windowless nook containing about six slaves in various forms of torture, such as hanging from the ceiling, being caged, and having spiked iron collars screwed around their necks. LaLaurie ended up fleeing to France, past an angry mob in her horse and stagecoach, and many think she even returned to Louisiana in her twilight years.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small, arched anteroom to a mansion with an iron gate and gas lantern sticking down.

Now, Nicholas Cafe owns the rebuilt house, for some reason. Maybe the hidden room now holds the Declaration of Independence.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Under a balcony hangs a sign for "THE ANDREW JACKSON HOTEL" with a lantern and conical hanging baskets with ferns at night.

Final story of the night was about New Orleans’s very own Jack the Ripper. A series of murders had rocked the city, and while they all featured the same murder weapon of a kitchen axe from the victim’s home, the rest was seemingly random. Anyone could be next, and that was all it took to terrorize the city for the next year and a half. Like Jack The Ripper, he wrote a letter to the paper, claiming to be a demon from hell, but one fond of jazz music, and gave a three day window where he would not bother any home playing jazz. And it worked, as people crowded into hotels and cafes and lived there as everyone put on their best jazz vinyl.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A framed letter welcomes guests to the Haunted Hotel, with the letter from the killer printed within it.

While the perpetrator was never caught, Keely and I gasped and clung to each other when our guide told us it may be a phantom serial killer responsible for a series of murders in the 1910’s, known only as The Man On The Train. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A French-styled manor on the street at night.

Nobody should live here. As the cooking lady told us, people came to this hot, swampy place below sea level that’s barely fit for life over some belief of a mystical connection between the water bodies. Life here was hard between all the elements, and death became part of the New Orleans identity. This is where the party culture comes from, fun little ways to escape the byproduct horrors of living here, a tradition that continues to this day. Whether it was socioeconomic inequality giving rise to a monster like Delphine LaLaurie, or natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina creating cannibals and trunk murderers, this place’s story created death, and death is a part of what makes New Orleans what it is. Maybe it’s something with the water, who knows, but there’s definitely something unexplainable about New Orleans.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The interior of a bar hanging crystal chandeliers and vampire decorations.

After the tour, I took Keely to dinner at somewhere spooky enough to match the activity, at New Orleans’s famed Vampire Cafe. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plate holds a sandwich with fried pieces of alligator and arugula and potato chips.

I had an alligator po boy and some kind of A negative prosecco drink, whereas Keely has a burger with sauce suspiciously resembling blood.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely pose with a skeleton and coffin 

It’s a bit expensive and a bit campy, but it’s a sincere product. They really tried to make the restaurant have that gothic feel to it, and just being in this city of fun amid despair adds to it. We even snagged a photo with the coffin!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The streets of New Orleans at night.

We went back to the hotel after, with Keely craving chocolate. Wendy’s was drive thru only, and Popeye’s wasn’t accessible and I wasn’t leaving her alone on the street so that was an L. We had to be up tomorrow to snag our rental and drive out of New Orleans to see the rest of Louisiana, the bayou is calling!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A group of alligators jump out of the water to snatch meat on a hook on a stick.

UP NEXT: We trade the streetcar for a pontoon boat as the trip takes us to the flip side of the Louisiana coin: to the wild bayou tamed by the Cajuns. Come face to face with dangerous wildlife such as gators and feral hogs, plus, see what got my finger and wouldn’t let go!

A New Orleans Semiquincentennial ://Leg 1~ 'Til Death Do Us Part

                         Date:7/3/2026-7/8/2026

Destination: New Orleans, Louisiana

Goal: New Orleans Culture, Myrtles Plantation

Distance: 866 Miles

Means of Travel: Flying

Potential Credits: 0

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A beautiful French Creole-styled cluster of buildings with hanging baskets and ornate ironwork balconies.

People talked about the 1976 bicentennial for years. As a history buff, I was so honored to know I'd be alive for the country's 250th birthday, knowing it would entail all sorts of celebrations of American history, culture, and everything red, white, and blue. Instead...we get Idiocracy and a scummy, bleached reflecting pool with blue paint chips floating around. But politics aside, as a world traveler I am proud of my country for the unique experiences it offers, and I still wanted to celebrate that. Enter Keely, my longtime girlfriend, who wants to take me to her favorite place in the world: New Orleans. And when I had an extra holiday off for Fourth of July, everything fell into place.

And I had a special surprise in my back pocket that would change both of our lives forever. I would be bringing a ring to New Orleans for Keely and asking her to marry me.

Day 0- Down In New Orleans

We got up super early so my mother could drive us to Columbus, and like the rest of the week, it was hot as hell. Ohio had been experiencing a massive heatwave with choking humidity, to the point where swampy New Orleans would be a milder relief. Just ten minutes getting four bags, two people and a wheelchair into a car was enough for everyone involved to sweat bullets at six in the morning.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A man and woman in their 30s cuddle in an airport terminal, the woman has dark hair and wears a skeleton hoodie while the man has short sandy hair and wears a yellow Chicago shirt, Mardi Gras button down over it, and a green lanyard with yellow sunflowers on it. Multiple Southwest logos decorate the gate.

CMH TSA was super chill and let me use my precheck to go through myself faster, giving me more time to help Keely with whatever she needed. We got to our gate and set up shop in the little ADA preboarding bullpen, where I noticed this was going to be a very disabled flight to our connection in Austin. A large group of blind people were slated to fly with us, catching they'd been going to a blindness foundation con in Austin. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely cuddle on an airplane, while she holds a stuffed pierogi that says "Krakow" on it in red font.

I've not flown Southwest since 2019, and I was impressed that it was just as nice as it was during their golden age. While I know they took a lot of heat for suspending their legendary bag policy, and the fares aren't chump change like they used to be, it's still the same Southwest that serviced Ben and I's California trip, right down to the stupid jokes over the PA.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large, curving airport terminal packed full of people.

Remember I said there was a blindness con in Austin? We arrive to what appeared to be the beautiful sight of a whole airport full of people with red and white canes and announcements declaring AUS a "blind and low vision friendly airport." And I'm thinking, "wow, how lucky are we to have connected at the accessible airport?"

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely smile in the Austin airport terminal.

Soon, however, it was glaringly obvious how fake this sentiment was. Only two accessible stalls per bathroom, and one was clogged with a mountain of soggy toilet paper. Every time Keely ordered something or spoke to a gate agent, they just deferred to me like the woman in a wheelchair is nonverbal or infantile or something. I was also snapped at by a food employee for asking her to repeat the name on an order, despite a lot of background noise and a Hidden Disabilities Sunflower Lanyard clearly displayed around my neck. There's no legit concern for accessibility here, and it's packed beyond its capacity because these low cost carriers pretend small and mid-sized airports are acceptable hubs.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A blue airplane on tarmac with a jet bridge up to its cabin door.

One couple we ran into waiting for the one accessible stall was on our flight, so we chilled with them at the gate, and complimented them on their OTT American flag getups. Soon, we were loaded onto the plane, on tarmac so hot the windows needed shut and the air blasted!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An airplane wing over swampy wetlands and a cloudy sky.

Arriving at MSY, when we landed around 4:40, I’d booked us a 6 o’clock LyftXL, thinking that was plenty of time to get deplaned and retrieve our checked bags. In reality? Myself, Keely, and our pusher had to run out of the airport Amazing Race style because MSY couldn’t find anyone to deplane Keely. Eventually, we had our bags, running across a beautiful atrium piping the gravely, soulful voice of jazz legend Louie Armstrong next to a bronze statue of his likeness, scrambling to find out ride.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A city downtown from the highway, with a large structure shaped like a short, wide hourglass with a dome atop, labeled "CAESARS SUPERDOME."

It was just a 20 minute drive through traffic into New Orleans, past two of the city’s famous above ground cemeteries. We also got a glimpse of iconic Caesar’s Superdome, home of this week’s ESSENCE Festival Black culture event. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A trendy hotel lobby with a bar and colorful pink lights.

We arrived at our hotel, The Quisby, and got DoorDash going. While I was hella price gouged for accommodations downtown, and was just going with what was reasonable, I inadvertently continued my practice of finding a unique place that fit where I was. Rather than stay at a generic Holiday Inn, The Quisby is a historic New Orleans hotel that's stayed modern. Also, despite over a hundred years of history here, this place is accessible as hell, with a ramp in the lobby and elevator. No more of this "preservation" crap as an excuse to not be inclusive!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A paper sandwich wrap holds a baguette with fried shrimp and pickles on it.

While I was very happy with the po boy I got, and the hurricane from the bar downstairs, Keely got the sorriest looking chicken and waffles I'd ever seen.

Day 1- 'Til Death Do Us Part

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles, holding up a green t-shirt that reads "Ted & Ed & Jeffrey & John."

 

The next morning, we woke up, bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to see the city! I went downstairs and got us breakfast, and we proceeded to get ready for our two stops of the morning: the Museum of Death and Voodoo Museum. Keely even got a shirt to wear just for the occasion!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A streetcar track in a grassy median has a dull green trolley driving down it, with a handicap symbol next to a 458.

One reason I picked the Quisby is that they had a streetcar stop out front. While the St. Charles line is so historic that you can ride it in Red Dead Redemption II, they do have four ADA accessible cars on this line. So, ready to go to the Museum of Death, we head out, wait, and the streetcar operator sneers "not here you're not gettin', gotta use the accessible stop back that way 2 lights down." Frustrated, I walk the two stoplights back and see that the stop there looks the same as the one by the Quisby, so I decide to grin and bear it and just push her the mile and a half to our destination. Looking into it, this is one of the most nonsense attempts to make something accessible. Maybe you can't make every car accessible, but make every stop accessible if that's the case, because this situation saved us zero walking with how few accessible stops there were.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hazy city park under a canopy of Southern Live Oaks.

As aggravated as I was, the stroll through New Orleans grew on me quickly. I'd seen social media posts about how the city's more than getting drunk and puking in the French Quarter, and how you kind of have to move with the city at its own pace to really understand it. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A series of buildings, with one sign reading "KOLBS" and another reading "OYSTERS." The buildings are New Orleans architecture, all with ornate ironwork balconies, two featuring multiple tiers of raised patios.

Imagine living in the Quarter! It was hot, sweaty, and steamy this morning, but I didn't mind. I wore Hawaiian shirts, the sweat would dry, and these balconies provided a lot of much-needed shade on the uneven sidewalks below.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A street with palm trees in the medians and red trolleys running between buildings of French architecture.

Canal Street, kind of a main vein of this district, was a bit more modern and serviced by these red streetcars which I was told are accessible. This place had the vibe of Broadway in Nashville, in a sense.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A row of buildings with ironwork balconies and fire escapes, one flies a Pride flag, one neon sign reads "FELIX'S BAR RESTAURANT" and another "The PENTHOUSE Club."

While it was still French Quarter, the Museum of Death was in a bit of a quieter corner of it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A storefront says "MUSEUM OF DEATH" in colored lightbulbs.

And here we are! The Museum of Death, one of a few locations around America, has the appropriate vibe of a Vaudeville sideshow in how it’s run. You walk in, pay admission, and everything is behind a curtain, with photos strictly prohibited. What was Keely getting us into?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cardboard hand fan says "I PASSED OUT AT THE MUEUM OF DEATH" with a cartoon of a man and woman in room with autopsy video, crime scene photo, methods of execution, coroner tools, and a sign pointing to war atrocities.

Okay, so no photos as I said, but this place is amazing, and this hand fan does a great job showing what’s here. That being said, it is also not for the faint of heart. The Dahmer/Barbara letters were Keely’s big draw here, as was John Wayne Gacy’s artwork, and while that’s amazing, the scope of this place goes well beyond just murder. Old embalming equipment, those little free contact info trinkets businesses give out but for funeral homes, autopsy videos, JFK assassination photos, and shrunken heads that were just perfect for New Orleans.

The one thing I had to excuse myself from seeing was, of all things, Jack Kevorkian’s machine. While it’s a right I support people having, MAID has freaked me out ever since I saw someone with my disability approved for it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A glass shelf with Museum of Death keychains, a French Quarter Murder book, Son of Sam book, a jar of sheep eyes and a jar containing a sheep heart.

In the gift shop, we saw a mother and father with their ~10 year old son come in. The man behind the counter explained that while kids are technically allowed, it isn’t recommended and they don’t have a children rate for a reason. The kid enthusiastically said he wanted to do it, the museum clerk said “well that’s not up to me it’s up to your father.” The dad reluctantly agrees and they head behind the curtain.

The child walked out twenty minutes later beaming ear to ear.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely snuggle up for a photo, with Jarrett sitting in a yellow chair adorned with Mardi Gras beads, neon lightning bolts and a "MUSEUM OF DEATH NEW ORELANS" sign.

It was a shockingly good time and yes, that is a real electric chair I'm sitting in!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A row of weathered brick buildings with ornate iron balconies, one of which has several Mardi Gras beads hanging from the railing.

Our next stop was the voodoo museum, which had us explore kind of along the way. One French shop sold kitchenware, so it was nice to use my French with the old woman there.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A museum gallery decorated with voodoo talismans, a panting of the bayou, and a few turtle skulls.

Keely had been told this place was accessible over the phone, but we were greeted to two spooky old rickety doors with crap stacked in front of them atop a full-sized step. Fortunately, another museum guest helped me two person lift her up the steps. From there, it’s the driver’s test to maneuver around the tight hairpin turns into the museum gallery. Keely’s wheelchair is tiny and could barely fit the corner, count this place out if you have a big tank-like power chair with six wheels!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark hallway of African talismans and idols with nets of bones hanging over the lights.

You step in to the sound of African drums and a waft of patchouli incense, round the corners and you’re in. This museum is like the Death Museum in that it’s small from a square footage standpoint because it’s a bunch of small, tiny trinkets piled on top of each other. This hallway and two rooms and that’s it. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A horse and cow skull painted with veves and a veve in a frame next to them.

Traditional voodoo skulls with veves painted on them, one of the first things that pops into your mind when you think of voodoo. Maybe you think of a voodoo doll. But what it is beyond this, is an unlikely blend of two otherwise unrelated belief systems into something very unique.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A museum display of a voodoo grave, decorated with skulls and crucifixes.

Voodoo is sort of an amalgamation religion of a West African faith called Vodun or Hoodoo and more familiar French Catholicism. Here, you’ll see wooden masks, idols, and totems stand right beside Bibles, crucifixes, and rosaries and it’s all part of the same, singular belief system. Their deities, the Loas, are often depicted as a respective Catholic saint. While this is very similar to another faith, Santeria, they are notably not the same and are rooted in different African pantheons.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A puffer fish sitting on a glass display case, with coins placed amid its spikes.

The puffer fish of zombie lore fame. There was a reported practice in Haitian voodoo of using puffer fish venom to trick people into thinking they were dead or poison them with neurotoxins to the point of mindless obedience. Did this actually happen? It's debated. But much of the zombie lore we have today, Last Of Us, Walking Dead, Zombieland, can trace its roots back to Haitian Voodoo.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wood carving of a rainbow serpent eating its own tail, covered in change.

This find here threw me for a loop, as the same symbol exists in Norse Paganism, as I learned when I went to Sweden. Jormungandr, the World Serpent, to them lives beneath the ocean grabbing his tail in his mouth holding our realm together, and when Ragnarok comes he will let go of his tail and fight Thor. Here, it’s a benevolent but more abstract meaning of completeness and the full circle nature of the universe. Found it interesting it's in two unrelated belief systems.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An altar for a deity called Ezrulie, with a pink, yellow, and cyan portrait of a woman with African features before a heart-shaped sun wearing a crucifix necklace.

Ezrulie is one of the Loas in voodoo, who represents love. She was important in a time when the slave trade was tearing families apart, they would call on her to keep their loved ones together.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An art mirror shows the backside of a woman peering into the glass, with her reflection a skeleton, and snakes decorating the top of the mirror.

This legit caught me off guard when I noticed those bones peering back out at me from the mirror. Mirrors play a role in voodoo, as I've noticed with other folk mythology. We'll even see that later in the trip at The Myrtles!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden statue of a Black woman in a blue dress and pink head wrap, with dollar bills, jewelry, and a palm rose in her fingers. In her gold hoop earring sits a dollar bill folded into an interlocking ring.

Marie Leveau has a little altar here, and you can leave offerings of cash with a request for a blessing wrapped around it. Considering I was proposing to my girlfriend tonight, I asked her to bless our upcoming marriage, wrapped the request around a coin, and folded a dollar bill around her earring. We will need all the help she can give us for our long future together.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely take a photo in a museum gallery with various African and Creole art pieces, a display of the Seven African Powers, and a Catholic cross decorated with African-styled skulls.

This place is incredible, and as much time as we spent here, I still wish I'd learned more. I took a college course on Latin America and we did a whole day on voodoo, and even now I still feel like I've barely scratched the surface. There's so much to learn about this misunderstood religion and it's fascinating.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A purple ad shows a cartoon purple bus with the features of a middle aged woman saying "Hey Baby, be sweet and share your seat."

After this, we returned to the hotel to freshen up and change for the lovely dinner I had planned for us, and New Orleans was chill enough to send a regular bus along the St. Charles line, as they were lagging behind on times. This let Keely and I get aboard, they just locked her wheels down with straps and we were good to laissez les bons temps roulez!

They also had the best priority seating notice ever.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely smile in front of the riverfront, with a bridge and paddleboat in the background.

I had them drop us off at the riverfront, where I had a super secret surprise planned for her!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sculpture made of multiple painted panels come together as a Star of David.

First place I wanted to take her was the New Orleans Holocaust Memorial, as I was unable to take her to Auschwitz with me and she helped me cope with what I saw. This beautiful art piece makes a few different pictures depending on the angle at which it's viewed. Another angle gives a menorah, for example.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A statue with a raised hand appears at the top of steps and a pedestal reading "MONUMENT TO THE IMMIGRANT" on the base.

This was meaningful for me to see, coming directly from America's French-American community, and with Keely's own Italian heritage about to be blended with mine. This was Monument to the Immigrant, celebrating the role of globalization in making New Orleans the beautiful cultural melting pot we see today. Shoutout to the fam!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds a silver Master lock reading "KEELY + JARRETT" before a rusty chain link structure forming an XO on the water.

This was another quick one I pulled out last minute, finding and electro etching a keyed lock to leave here at Love Wins, New Orleans's designated love lock spot. Locked it in the bottom of the O, next to Bruno and Luciana.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett kisses Keely on the forehead before a rusty chain link structure spelling out XO, covered in colorful locks and Mardi Gras beads.

A gentleman saw what we were doing and asked why people put locks on this thing and what the meaning is, so I explained the whole love locks thing to him. You're supposed to throw the key away in the Mississippi, we will get to that later.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind a street artist's display rises a white cathedral of three slate blue steeples.

Still had time to kill before dinner, so I knew a spot from my studying of this city's layout. I took Keely to beautiful St. Louis Cathedral to kill time. The deacon out front was very nice and showed us where the access ramp is, not too far from the steps outside.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Catholic basilica of white adorned with beautiful paintings of Christian themes on the ceiling, decorated with various flags over the pews.

Mass had just let out and they were closing up shop, but they were chill and let us head in and poke around. Beautiful place, and I promised Keely we'd be back to fully explore it tomorrow.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely smile in front of a steamboat dock in front of a man on stilts dressed as Uncle Sam holding a yellow sign reading "NEW ORLEANS JAZZ DINNER."

Okay, I was getting hungry and it was hot as balls, so after a hurricane, we made our way to dinner: the launch point for the City of New Orleans steamboat! I would be proposing to her aboard a New Orleans riverboat to the tune of Cajun food and jazz music! And while we wanted today to be about us instead of America, my boy Uncle Sam was still very welcoming!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A white steamboat floating on muddy water with a red paddle wheel says "CITY OF NEW ORLEANS."

So...City of New Orleans was boat #3. I first messaged the Creole Queen about wanting to propose on a riverboat and accessibility, and heard nothing back from them. So I found the Natchez, the last steam powered paddle boat in New Orleans, and booked with them. They were doing a second BBQ cruise for the 4th, and Keely doesn't do BBQ, so I made sure I was aboard the Cajun food cruise. Turns out the Cajun cruise has been reassigned to another boat, City of New Orleans, and unlike the Natchez, this boat has an elevator between decks.

Waiting to board, the Natchez at the neighboring pier started singing! It had this cool little organ, a Steam Calliope, that could play 'Murica music.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles at a table behind some salad in a beautiful Southern-style dining room.

Keely has always wanted to dine on the Titanic, after boarding, I saw just how close I actually got her. This dining room was adorable!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plate piled high with beef, chicken, pasta, etouffee, and other Cajun offerings.

The food here was buffet style, but god was it delicious. The etouffee was the best thing here, as was the fried chicken and creamed spinach. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely, on a green boat deck with classical American styled rails and flags, both look in a red coffin-shaped ring box, as Jarett opens it on one knee.

As discussed, their events coordinator pulled us to the back of the boat, to the paddlewheel overlooking the Mississippi and Crescent City Connection Bridge. Now, Keely and I had discussed getting married, so the surprise here was more how I chose to do it than the proposal itself, but I still got down on one knee and asked her to spend forever with me.

She said yes.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely elegantly sips a flute of sparkling cider with a red, green, and purple ring-shaped pastry on the table.

We are engaged! And again, with the boat's help, sparkling cider and a New Orleans king cake! While this couple is childfree, she found the baby as we tore into this colorful, glitzed up cinnamon roll to celebrate.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles behind a steamboat railing, overlooking the muddy water at sunset.

After this, we went outside to enjoy a nice cruise on the Mississippi at sunset. We also took the opportunity to throw our keys into the river, forever leaving our love lock shackled here in New Orleans where we got engaged.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Off the prow of a steamboat, the New Orleans skyline and some rough, swampy riverbanks against the sunset.

While it's no Riviera, the ride is pretty at sunset, and I think the vintage industrial grit is part of what makes New Orleans what it is. We just sat out there, sipping our sparkling cider, and lived in the first moments as an engaged couple.

But we were missing one thing...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across the water, a barge shoots off two small gold fireworks, a white one, and a large red and blue one.

Alright, we've got America's 250th birthday on 4th of July and someone just proposed. How can we not have fireworks? The river had been cleared spare one barge, from which they launched explosives into the sky over the river, and we had a front row seat to it. The boat's jazz band (who were lovely) took a backseat to the city's fireworks music as Born in the USA started playing synced with the fireworks. New Orleans knows how to blow things up, this is the best fireworks display I've seen! Some of the rockets even made shapes or color pallets, we had a few splashes of green, yellow, and purple in there for New Orleans.

Last year, we spent 4th of July in an axe murder house with drunk Iowa rednecks playing with explosives just feet over our heads. I think she liked this better.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Fireworks launch off a barge over the water.

Thank you, City of New Orleans. For everything.

We had an insane trip back to the hotel, which I ended up just pushing her alongside bumper to bumper traffic all through the French Quarter and Business Districts. We thought this was just ESSENCE Festival traffic, but it was clear something was very, very wrong somewhere in the city at the moment. What was it? 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At dusk sits an urban mansion with French architecture and wrought iron balconies.

UP NEXT: If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen! Keely and I wet our appetites at a New Orleans School of Cooking class in Cajun cuisine, where the chef tells us what all the hubbub was last night. Then, after a streetcar ride and spot of Cafe du Monde, our plans for a true crime get us a little too close to the criminals! I never thought I'd be promising murder, police, and explosions in a trip report, but that's what happened! Definitely check out the next installment, it's insane!