Iron Curtain 2026 Region Trip://Leg 4~Cologne is the (Glitter) Bomb!

                       Date:4/25/2026-5/6/2026

Destination: Poland, Germany

Goal: Energylandia, Phantasialand, Europa Park, Poland Culture, Germany Culture

Distance: 4700 Miles

Means of Travel: Flying, Train, Tour Bus

Potential Credits: 40

Day 4

Not a lot of photos of this morning, because we had important fish to fry! Drew and I were off to KRK to catch our flight from Poland to our next country: Deutschland! 

When I told Drew we had a layover in Germany per the Poland plan, he suggested maybe padding the Germany leg a bit more, and the next thing we knew, it was half the trip! We were off to finish the trip in a different half of Central Europe, with a very different history from Poland's.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sunset photo of an iron arching bridge crossing the Rhine River towards a tall cathedral with two spires and a barge crossing underneath.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds a small chocolate in a yellow wrapper reading "100; 1926|2026," with Lufthansa's crane logo.

I could type paragraphs and paragraphs about what happened the morning we left our AirBNB for the airport and the subsequent crazy flight, but I'll just TL;DR it so we can get to the chaos in Germany faster:

• Poland dresses their TSA in scary army green uniforms.
• After checking in yesterday, I saw we had our seats moved due to an airplane swap.
• Drew's boarding pass was on my phone. I stepped through the gate after scanning mine, then handed it back to him to scan. When it set off an alarm, I casually apologized and some guy that looked like Volodymyr Zelensky screamed at me to hand it to him.
• Both of us had our bags searched by KRK security.
• KRK is a crowded mess with no seating.
• When I scan my boarding pass, "SEATING EMERGENCY" pops up. We had been moved into an exit row, and because of my Hidden Disabilities Sunflower lanyard, I'm not allowed to fly there. I know this, I don't book exit rows for that reason, but we were moved into one because of the tail swap. So Lufthansa had to scramble to seat us, putting us both riding bitch one in front of the other.
• I made Drew sit in front of me, considering his epic vomit upon our descent into Poland.

Despite the delay in takeoff due to the plane taking too damn long to board, we didn't land terribly late.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A glass bottle of Paulaner Munchener beer sits on an airplane traytable.

Honestly, you can't really put a global-scaled airline under a microscope until you've flown internationally with them, so this flight was honestly pretty textbook. My big memory with Lufthansa, of all things, was being served Paualner Muchener in a glass bottle, something that would be a huge no-no back in the States post-9/11. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds a large pretzel dotted with sesame seeds against a train platform.

Our Germany leg was to be based out of Panem's Europe's very own District 6 Frankfurt am Main. A travel hub for both air and rail travel that I heard was littered with drugs and poverty, but we wouldn't be there long and it was just stopover stuff. We managed to catch our tight train connection, even with enough time to grab a pretzel at the Frankfurt am Main Flughafen Bahnhof, or airport train station.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A riverside landscape with a small village against the Rhine, vineyards and a castle in the hills above.

Our destination today was Köln, or Cologne, aboard the infamous Deutsch Bahn German train system. And we honestly had a great time! Didn't make great time, but had a great time. While it started off typical Frankfurt dystopian, the ride here is beautiful, hugging the Rhine and showing off all of Germany's little Rhine valley villages and castles.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A screenshot shows ICE 1228 interrupted by track repairs, intervention by authorities, and disposal of unexploded ordinance.

However, we got Deutsch Bahn'd when our ETA was delayed a for a very explosive reason! I saw this in the app, asked a buddy, turns out that old WWII bombs sometimes get dug up around here in construction. The delay caused by the need to detonate this bomb set us back about an hour, putting us in Köln at about 5 pm Germany time. I'll count that as a W, the line was supposed to continue on to Amsterdam, but was canceled at this stop.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A train traytable holds a container of fries, bratwurst, and curry sauce with a beer and wooden silverware. Out the window, the train crosses a river next to a pretty German village.

Ah, I was on a train in Germany, so I cracked open my laptop, wrote, and enjoyed myself a currywurst and a beer!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A platform shows many trains coming and going under an ornate, girdered roof.

Hello, Köln! I loved this station, it was like something from a dystopian steampunk novel. Okay, a lot of Germany looks dystopian, despite being a good, progressive nation with high standards of living. I love me some industrial grit, what can I say?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A massive Gothic cathedral with twin spires and ornate stonework facade.

Outside the train station, a screaming unhoused man attracted the attention of police, who were there to moderate a peaceful Free Palestine protest. But this commotion was effortlessly dwarfed by the main destination of the day: the enormous Cologne Cathedral.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An ornate iron door under an arch, flanked by statues.

No bags inside the cathedral, so Drew and I kind of tag teamed it. One played bag lady, one went inside to feel the wrath of god. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dimly lit church sanctuary with tall, pointed windows.

This place is massive! Definitely the biggest cathedral I've been in, a bit more humble in the decor thank St. Mary's, but Kolner Dom's beauty isn't in colors and paint. This place is just huge, impressive architecture, where the Gothic style can really do its thing and stretch those pointed windows tall.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall, pointed stained glass window bathes the inside of a massive Gothic sanctuary.

Not gonna lie, it looks absolutely angelic. Even as an atheist, stepping inside this building definitely qualifies as a spiritual experience.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An array of golden, glowing tealight candles in a church under a colorful stained glass window.

Lit a candle for those who can't be here to welcome me home anymore. My father, grandpa, and a slew of little paws who'd rush to the door to see me.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small altar on the wall features a Madonna and some flowers.

Mass was actually going on right now, so tourists were kind of limited to a little bullpen thing at the back of the cathedral, but having the music and incense going as I took photos only made my time here that much more special.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Atop an altar sits a golden reliquary shaped like three stacked caskets with pointed lids.

While we couldn't get close with Mass going on, one interesting thing housed in this church is a very important Catholic relic: the Magi. The three wise men who visited the baby Christ bearing gifts are allegedly entombed in these three gold coffins. Is it actually them in the reliquary? Who knows. But apparently it has been opened and does contain human bones and scraps that were once robes.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A vertical photo of Kolner Dom's cross-shaped ceiling.

Cathedrals are designed to have the aerial profile of a Christian crucifix.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall stained glass window full of tiny little pictograms.

The most impressive thing about this place, which is almost a design flaw, is the sheer level of detail that went into everything despite its Biblical proportions. As massive as it is, the art goes down to the smallest, minuscule details. God knows how much time it would even take to see and understand every symbol, every icon, every art piece that makes up this incredible location.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The exterior of the cathedral, with pointed spires and tall windows.

"Not AI slop but looks like AI slop" is an aesthetic we do not talk about enough.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a bridge, one can see the iron arching trusses and the twin spires of Kolner Dom against the sunset reflected in the Rhine.

 

From here, we elected to just walk across the bridge, as our hotel was across the Rhine.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rail of rusty, colorful locks stands in the foreground against a teal bridge at sunset.

Those "love locks" that are mostly associated with Paris and cause serious structural problems for bridges not designed to hold the weight of that much extra metal were a practice in Koln as well. The famous Rhine River bridge was full of them, with street vendors even selling overpriced Master locks for couples to lock to its rails!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett shoots his camera across the Rhine into the sun, with a view of a double arching steel bridge and a cathedral with two spires.

Obligatory dramatic "camera shot into the sunset" photo.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An elevator door on a landing between two sets of stairs in the middle of a stairwell.

We got to the hotel, where a pissed off German lady in a flashy crop top coldly let us in and checked us into the room, and I took a shower. The elevator for our luggage was nice, until we saw that this was the dumbest attempt at accessibility and the elevator dumps you literally between two flights of stairs on the landing.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Drew clink small glasses of beer at a bar.

After we got back downstairs, the woman who checked us in saw us to the bar, got us set up, and apologized for being so crabby earlier. She gestured behind us the rowdiest, most elderly birthday party I'd ever seen, sitting around a high top like the Golden Girls. "They let off a glitter bomb in here earlier and I had to clean it up, they thought it was so funny," she grumbled.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A carousel of small drinking glasses behind a bar are filled with frothy beer, with a bottle of Coke next to it.

"I will keep the drinks coming, when you are done, set your coaster atop your glass," we were instructed. The beers weren't huge, but she was filling them repeatedly with one of those little Oktoberfest carousels you see. The best part was a single Coke in the circle of cups, not sure if it was for the designated driver, the 13 year-old in their group, or if that was the same person.

As we waited on our Schnitzel, one of the women grabbed a microphone and started singing something in German with an ABBA vibe for our "entertainment." By now, the rounds of beers were going to our heads, and this was funny to not only us, but to the bartender! She even told me to can it with my commentary because she was laughing too hard to work!

"Your dinner includes a shot. Do you want me to be nice or do you want me to be mean?" she asked us. I said to be mean, and mean she was! Not sure what was in this shot, but I felt it the next morning!

UP NEXT: The first of two LEGENDARY German parks is on the itinerary as we take on a place that is as beautiful as it is hard to navigate: Phantasialand! A familiar face joins us for a romp around, up, down, inside, outside, over and down this compact and beautifully themed park! A bittersweet moment at F.L.Y. with my licensed pilot late father, the Chiapas line in scorching German heat, and a new #1 for one of us three awaits! Plus, the whole "never stop for the night" trope rears its ugly head as we pick the biggest dump in Europe to crash on our way to the Rhine Valley!

Iron Curtain 2026 Region Trip://Leg 3~ Dragon Our Feet Through Krakow

                      Date:4/25/2026-5/6/2026

Destination: Poland, Germany

Goal: Energylandia, Phantasialand, Europa Park, Poland Culture, Germany Culture

Distance: 4700 Miles

Means of Travel: Flying, Train, Tour Bus

Potential Credits: 40

Day 3

Now, who doesn’t love a solid city day? Whether it’s the politeness of Paris, the exemplary behavior of Amsterdam, the affordability of Copenhagen, or the excitement of Brussels, there’s something about exploring an iconic European city.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Before the large walls of a castle flying the Polish flag sits a copper dragon statue amid trees.

 While today was set aside as a flex day to probably go back to Energylandia, which would I rather do? Ride the train an hour each way for ten Wacky Worms and other credit whore trash, or spend the day exploring castles and dragons?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A series of buildings with tarnished spires atop a red brick wall.

I'd booked us kind of an insane day. I got us tickets to Wawel Castle (pronounced "VA-vul"), Oskar Schindler's Enamel Factory, two days ago I'd promised Drew we would enter St. Mary's Basilica as we saw the night we arrived, and I had us dinner reservations for Czarna Kaczka, which is Polish for Black Duck, one of the most-recommended restaurants int he city.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands before a castle palace atop a red brick wall with ramparts.

I’d done the castle thing a few times, most notably last spring in Luxembourg at Vianden. That was more a medieval military castle, built up on a hill with ramparts and weaponry on display. Wawel, on the other hand, was a bit later in period and more focused on its role as a dwelling for Poland’s kings and queens.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A series of towers and domes for a cathedral, ornately built from brick, slate, and copper.

“You could easily spend six hours there,” we were told of this place on the Auschwitz/Salt Mine tour. There were two tickets you could purchase: Wawel Castle and Wawel Cathedral. Having promised Drew we would go to St. Mary’s at some point, we did the castle now as he had never seen one. Upon climbing the castle walls, you find yourself heading past the cathedral, notice the dragon gargoyles.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black and white shot of a series of mezzanines with balustrades and arches overlooking a courtyard.

Your tour of the castle begins in this courtyard. Here there's tickets, luggage room, kind of the base for your adventure.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A chandelier hangs from an ornate wooden ceiling in a white-walled room with tapestries and paintings on the wall. In the corner sits a small porcelain tower with ornate patterns painted upon it.

As I said, this castle was a bit more "Bridgerton" and a little less "Lord of the Rings," so you won't be seeing pots of stew over roaring fires. One of the rooms, for a more modern Polish politician, even had a rotary telephone in it! But they did have the cool wine chillers you see in this photo, these towers were packed with ice to keep the alcohol cool.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a wooden dresser sits a blue and white porcelain pot. On the wall hangs a painting of a man surrounded by animals with a castle in the background.

Much emphasis here was on the art that adorned these castle corridors, if you've ever been to the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam it's a similar vibe. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a red wallpaper hangs a wood painting of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus flanked by two angels playing instruments, with shiny gold halos around Jesus and the angels' heads.

The Virgin and Child Enthroned By Two Angels, according to the audio guide, is one of the most famous paintings held here. This whole room had stunning goldwork on the paintings.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Atop a marble fireplace hangs a wide painting of a man with a lyre surrounded by animals, with a bleak hellscape in the background.

Don't look back! This painting showed the Greek myth of Orpheus and Eurydice, famously portrayed in a dirty industrial setting in the Broadway musical Hadestown. I absolutely love Hadestown, so this was great to see. This shows the tragic end to the story, in which Orpheus escapes Hades's underworld but looks back at the following Eurydice, trapping her in hell forever.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A domed ceiling shows a series of ornate gold paneling and trim atop a chamber.

This was probably the most beautiful room in the castle, both for this ceiling...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Out a window protected by netting, one can see across the rooftops of Krakow, including St. Mary's Basilica.

...and for the best view in Krakow! That's St. Mary's Basilica we saw on day zero, and plan to visit later today! Shame about the netting in the way, though.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A jade green clock with ornate gold leaf accents.

If it strikes four times, Vecna snaps your neck and deletes your eye sockets. I love clocks as art pieces, for some reason.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Chinese porcelain vase showing a person doing tai chi.

This room was darker and had more of an assorted art collection, including some Eastern influences. I know from my tai chi training that this is a movement called "play the lute."

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A white statue showing the crucifixion of Christ with several detailed figures at the base of the crux.

This crucifixion scene in the next room was insane! While it wasn't quite life-sized, it was still massive and full of detail. Imagine how much it had to take to sculpt all these people?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A statue of an angelic armored warrior with a gold outfit and wings wielding a spear and a shield reading "QUIS VI DEUX."

There was also an incredible Archangel Michael in the same room, with a beautiful gold finish.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A marble bust of a portly man sits before a window overlooking Krakow, draped with a thin white curtain, silhouetting the statue.

Obligatory narcissistic room of important white men's busts in a fancy hallway. I can't remember who this was, but he made for a good "villainous king" photo here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A jade-colored castle room with a window, wine cooler, and portrait with an ornate wooden ceiling. Around the upper walls, a painted scene shows knights jousting.

From here, the castle changes a little. It gets more colorful, a little dimmer, and a little more medieval. This was the tournament room, named for the scene of a joust around the upper wall trim.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Around an ornate wooden ceiling hanging a chandelier, the wall shows 

This room had a similar setup, but featured a military scene of an army marching into battle.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tapestry shows a red shield-shaped coat of arms decorated with a crown and white eagle.

This was badass! A tapestry here shows the famous red coat of arms and eagle, so famously associated with Poland. If you bought a souvenir here, have played as Poland in Civilization or a similar game, you've probably seen this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An ornate wooden armchair sits in a room atop some red velvety stairs before a tapestry showing Poland's eagle, with more ornate art all around the room.

This was a royal audience chamber, not the dedicated throne room but it served the same function in some instances.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tapestry shows one man bludgeoning the other in the head.

There were several tapestries on this side of the castle telling the story of Genesis. Being both a huge religion nerd and a fan of another musical, Children of Eden, this was cool to see. Here's my man Cain killing Abel.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rounded room's ceiling with baroque accents and rococo paintings on the inlays.

Another room with an incredible ceiling and cool chandeliers.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small, baroque chamber of gold and amber colors with dramatic oil paintings.

This side of the castle was a lot more ornate than when we got in. Like, it gets more and more beautiful the further in you get.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An ornate, dark-colored room with chandeliers and a throne atop steps draped with a red carpet.

And you end the tour here, in the legit, real, royal audience chamber. It's huge, dim, and very...dramatic.

We had a dragon to hunt! I'd been hearing murmurs around Krakow about some fire breathing dragon in the castle, and upon looking around, we found the Dragon's Den! For $5, you climb down a long spiral stairwell (watch your head!), and descend the castle wall into a small underground tunnel. This little cave tunnel, according to legend, was the dragon's den.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett smiles before a bronze dragon statue perched on a rock in front of a castle.

And outside the tunnel? We have the real dragon! This is probably the most touristy spot in Krakow, lots of those little tents selling souvenir junk, huge line to take a picture, the like. The statue is equipped to actually breathe fire via a blow torch in its mouth, but we had more important things to do. Our next tour was an Uber away, and the driver was hot on our dragon tails.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A propaganda poster in Polish shows Volodymyr Zelensky with an unflattering expression photoshopped onto Uncle Sam's body.

Ah, the simple things that are different in Europe. Hushed, timeless streets, the hourly toll of the church bells, and the most unhinged political graffiti you will ever see. And it's on every surface and probably directed at us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A series of panes wrapping around a concrete wall show an array of black and white headshots of people.

Oskar Schindler's Enamel Factory was next on our agenda. This wasn't exactly something I had looked into or talked about much prior to coming. However, considering Schindler's List is not only a favorite film among my family, but objectively one of the best films ever made (if not the best), I had to come here. We had a guided tour here, also from a woman named Barbara.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A camouflage-painted tankette points its gun barrel at the camera.

I am not going to talk much about this as I typically do with the whole "museum infodump" blog post, because honestly, this place was kind of a letdown. It's incredible, but not in the way I was hoping. One thing I learned about Oskar Schindler today was that his story wasn't really common knowledge until Spielberg made his cinematic masterpiece that told the world of his deed. Therefore, for fifty years, this was just an ordinary industrial building. Nothing was done to preserve it and time just went along before circling back to this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tipped aside metal truck holds a hopper of white gravel in a room with pebbles lining the floor.

Today, Oskar Schindler's factory now serves as a more generic Holocaust museum, albeit an incredibly nice and artistic one, that focuses more on the Nazis in Krakow. Rooms designed to look like town streets with hate signs on the streetcars, the like. This room with gravel on the floor housed a quarry truck from Plaszow Forced Labor Camp not far from here. You may not know Plaszow by name, but if you've seen the film, this scene is etched into your mind. This was where Amon Goeth, played by Ralph Fiennes, famously and chillingly shot prisoners from his balcony over bathtub stains.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small, dimly lit office space with windows and a coat rack is furnished with a touch screen and display case, with incandescent lamps hanging from the ceiling.

This was Oskar Schindler's office in the film, not in real life. But the staircase outside of it was in the movie as well.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden desk with a portfolio, a black box, a lamp, and some photos on its surface. A map of Europe adorns the wall behind a leather workchair.

This was Schindler's real office. They actually were unaware of the huge map behind his desk until the place was remodeled and they discovered it. Behind this desk, one man saved millions of lives by doing nothing. The man employed so many Jews, not to get rich, not as a model of German productivity, but to keep them out of the camps. As a matter of fact, this place was a "model of non-production" during the war! Something was always down, something needed a part, anything to avoid actually making munitions for Hitler.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall transparent box is filled to the ceiling of the room with metal pots, plates, and bowls.

In Schindler's office, an anomalous plexiglass cube is found across the hardwood floor, filled to the brim with metal pots and pans that had been enameled. Why? To remind us that these everyday objects saved lives.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cylindrical room has hundreds of names written around its curved surface in typewriter font.

There are two portals into the metal box on either end, and when you enter, you find yourself in side a cylindrical chamber with hundreds of names surrounding you. This, right here, is Schindler's List. And to see a film and know he saved 1200 people is one thing, but to actually see 1200 names surrounding you from floor to ceiling? It really conveys the scale of Oskar Schindler's heroic deed.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Christmas diorama of Stalin hiding under a church with two UNRRA aid workers in crowns.

Christmas Eve 1945, they had two nativity scenes: one showing two Nazis with Death himself, one showing the Soviets, both hiding from Allied bombings.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Christmas diorama showing Hitler, an SS officer, and the Grim Reaper hiding beneath a church.

"One group is going to die, the other is going to starve," we were told. Happy stuff!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A crowd moves towards a hallway adorned with an extravagant portrait of Stalin in an elaborate frame bearing a Communist red star, flanked by red flags.

When you leave a Holocaust exhibit in America, often it ends with liberation and VE Day. Winning the war, Mauthausen's band playing Star Spangled Banner, flag with fifty-six stars, hooray we won the war! But here in Krakow, the ending is a bit more bittersweet. You exit here, to the slow drone of Soviet propaganda music, and the floor is made of rubber to convey the wobbly instability Krakow now faced under totalitarian regime #2.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rusty steel cart with a wooden bottom and worn yellow paint reads "8 TRANSPORT 8" in white letters.

As I said earlier, this place just kind of got swallowed by time, so there's not a lot of original infrastructure from the enamel factory to see. This wagon, they said, is one of the only surviving artifacts used by Schindler's employees.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A long building with irregular, pointed roof and glass doors. A totem pole sits outside.

This building was the actual factory floor for Oskar Schindler and his employees. Now, it's been repurposed into a trendy art museum.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Drew looks through the eyeholes of a large, round stereoscope machine.

All in all? I did like it, yes, but I felt kind of like I was beating a dead horse as a longtime Holocaust nerd in here. While there was some nice new info in the scope of specifically Krakow, I feel like I didn't learn much because I already knew the stuff. If you're like me and want to come here specifically as someone who likes Oskar Schindler's story or the film, and you're okay with not walking the factory floor as it appeared in the 1940's, go. But if you want to see an authentic, preserved time capsule immortalizing one man's heroism, you might be disappointed. HOWEVER, for a casual Krakow tourist that maybe doesn't want to or can't stomach the horrors of the long day trip to Auschwitz, this might be a good alternative. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A setup looks like a dark underground bomb bunker, with bunk beds and jarred rations on shelves.

Honestly, the best thing here is simply the immersive presentation. These aren't just glass cases and placards; it's artistic and immersive and it's the best-looking Holocaust museum I've seen. If you've been to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum in DC, and you did the Daniel's Story children's exhibit, think like that but the whole museum is presented in that same immersive, set-like style.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cement storefront reads "APTEKA POD ORLEM" on a sign under a balcony.

Ghetto Heroes Square was right where the light rail station was, so we figured we'd do one more dark thing before heading back to the light. The pharmacist who ran this shop, Tadeusz Pankiewicz, smuggled in medication and provided lifesaving treatment for the Jews walled up in Krakow's ghetto, which was once where we are standing. This man is another hero.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large cobblestoned quad is decorated with large, empty, brazen chairs.

And finally, right next to the Light Rail, is Ghetto Heroes Square. Everything you see here was once the gateway to a walled off section of town to cram Krakow's Jews into tight quarters, a precursor to the concentration camps. These large, empty chairs you see represent the same as an empty chair at a family dinner or academic commencement: the grim symbolism of one longer with us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds a bagel-like pastry with a stuffed panda stuffed into its hole, a large medieval cathedral rises in the background.

Here, have something adorable to look at after seeing some of those things. After taking the light rail back to the Old Town, where dinner and the cathedral were, I snagged an Obwarzaniek to hold me over. Polish for Ouroboros, these bagel-like treats are on every street corner. Plus, Noodles fits inside!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall, vaulted cathedral with colorful red and blue walls painted with gold stars. A large pipe organ is framed with gold.

Drew had asked if we could enter St. Mary's Basilica two days ago, so it was kind of now or never to deliver on that promise, plus I wanted to see it too. This cathedral costs to get in, but trust me, it's worth it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall Catholic cathedral nave painted dramatically with red and blue colors, with tall stained glass windows, a gold altar, and a large Jesus statue on the cross over it all.

I love me a good cathedral, and this is a very good cathedral, but Drew had never even seen a large, Catholic cathedral in Europe and this was his first one. Needless to say, he was blown away.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall painted cathedral wall with ornate designs and gold stars on the blue ceiling.

Here, the art is supposed to resemble a night sky, with twinkling stars of gold against a dark aqua blue field. While I've not been there, conceptually it reminded me of the forest-inspired Sagrada Familia and its design to invoke tall trees.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small Catholic shrine with a Christ wearing a crown of thorns on the cross, a painting of a woman with a knife through her heart, and a gold reliquary containing something wrapped in dirty fabric.

Relics of St. Theodore lived in this gold reliquary. As much as I love these cathedrals, I've not done much relic hunting, so it was cool to see this tradition in person.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hazily lit cathedral with glowing golden and crystaline chandeliers under hazy orange sunset through a stained glass window.

Without getting on a soapbox, while I love these places and I love learning about different religions, I do not actually believe in one myself. To me, this is what makes sense, I am at peace with it, my life is better without it. And while it would be wrong to be a part of this for a number of reasons for me, I can't be the only atheist who sees some of this art, these places, and goes "damn, that's cool! Why can't I have a beautiful place like this for myself to go?" And I think that's kind of the point. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small Catholic shrine shows a scene featuring the Pope over a portrait of Pope John Paul II in papal garb.

Pope Jan Pawel II, or John Paul II, is revered as a saint here in Krakow. The cathedral had a little nook dedicated to him over here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dimly lit nave with golden accents and a red and white stained glass window.

The lighting we got here was perfect. This might be the most beautiful church I've seen in Europe, and that's not a statement I make lightly.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall, ornate altar of gold with elaborate stained glass windows behind it, rising high in colorful panes depicting Christian art, amid the stars of the building.

After a romp around, we headed out for our dinner reservation, via an egress with a wheelchair ramp. But this place is absolutely incredible. This is the colorful cathedral, the one that uses not its sheer size, not its coastal mountain location, but the rainbow of Noah to give its congregation that spiritual experience. It was almost like the hand-painted Protestant church of rural Sverige was Catholic.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A modest but beautiful restaurant with white walls, unfinished wood gabled ceiling, and mirrors decorated with insignias of flying ducks.

Our dinner reservation was made on our first night, and had to be pushed to the last night as this place was that good. Czarna Kaczka, Polish for "Black Duck," would be our final meal in Krakow. While this was a Polish restaurant, it was giving me "New Nordic" energy both in the decor and food on the menu. Kind of a folk horror vibe of something being beautiful but slightly unsettling in a way that makes it more beautiful.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A spread of maroon, amber, and coffee-colored vodka shots and a black plate of bread, pate, and pickles.

Last night in Krakow? Bust out the vodka! We got these spreads of red currant, apple pie, and teakwood-flavored vodkas, wouldn't be complete without the complementary spread of duck pate and pickles.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A silver roasting pan is filled with a roast duck, potatoes, a baked apple, dumplings, and red cabbage.

This is the "Before" shot of the Krakow roast duck we got to split. This whole duck (which pains me to eat as they're adorable), was cooked with dumplings, potatoes, Polish red cabbage, and this delicious roast apple stuffed with currants that wasn't even mentioned on the menu. My Polish-French-American grandmother makes the cabbage and potatoes regularly, so I felt like I was at grandma's house.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An empty roasting pan has only scraps of duck bones and red cabbage strewn about.

Don't usually do this, but have an "After" photo. One of the best meals of my life, and I am never eating again after this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall clocktower in Krakow's old town square at sunset.

Can't leave Krakow without a bang! On the way back, some guy advertising his Indian restaurant asks us "Can I ask you a personal question?" When I reluctantly agree, he starts following us and asks "are you democrats or republicans?" When I answer honestly, and tell him we are on his side, he starts following us grilling us about America's gun laws. While I think we agreed on the policy, I felt uncomfortable, so I told him we would gladly swing by his place to sample the fare and discuss it further with him. Told him our flight was at 3 so we'd be there at 11 to grab lunch and talk American politics before leaving Poland. Just, you know, so he'd stop following us down the street.

Our flight was at 11. While this guy was waiting on us, we were high in the sky on a plane to Germany.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands under the high starry ceilings of St. Mary's Basilica.

"The land of your ancestors," my grandmother told me days before I left. Poland was an odd case of me wanting to visit a country, but there were so many weird, little things making me want to go that I couldn't not come here. It's a cold, quiet land that's survived two trips to hell and back, people won't exactly roll out the red carpet for you, but maybe that's a blessing in disguise. You come here, it should be on you to crack that shell. Explore the place, exchange a simple "dzien dobry" with that restaurant server, it's something so wonderful you kind of have to work for it yourself and work your way in a little. It's worth it, I promise.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two tall cathedral spires of stone rise into blue skies.

UP NEXT: Do Widzenia, Polska! Drew and I hop on a flight with the longest layover ever in Frankfurt, with enough time between flights for a beer and maybe to explore Western Germany a little. A crazy Lufthansa flight takes us from the (also crazy) KRK airport to catch a beautiful Rhine river train ride to Cologne, where a beautiful cathedral and a drunk singing German lady awaited! Phase 2, coming right up!