Iron Curtain 2026 Region Trip://Leg 2~The Energylandia CreHoe Gauntlet

                     Date:4/25/2026-5/6/2026

Destination: Poland, Germany

Goal: Energylandia, Phantasialand, Europa Park, Poland Culture, Germany Culture

Distance: 4700 Miles

Means of Travel: Flying, Train, Tour Bus

Potential Credits: 40

Day 2

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind some pine trees, a few curves of red RMC I-box track curves low to the ground, with a train themed as a wood and steel battering ram flying over a shallow airtime hill.

It's Europe's Cedar Point, they call it. A massive complex of nineteen coasters (plus one on the way), all with their own terrifying ways of extracting adrenaline from their riders. You have grand castle ramparts towering over the gates, whole cities made of candy, fortified medieval squares, and even ancient Atlantean ruins. An RMC, an Intamin winged outer seats, and not one but two very good Vekoma LSM launchers. And it's always dead, everything is a walk on or close to it. What's not to like? This should be the top park in Europe! We're spending two days at Europa, let's do two here too!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a water feature, one sees a Vekoma junior boomerang lift spike rise up towards a Vekoma mine train.

Well, there's a catch to that partial truth. Yes, Energylandia is huge, yes parts of it are themed beautifully, yes they have a lot of coasters, but there's a catch: 75% of those 19 credits are filler. Random Wacky Worms, Big Thunder without the theming, two kiddie boomerangs, an SLC, I believe literally every coaster beyond their four headliners are low quality clones purchased off the shelf. This creates a very unique lineup dynamic where you're enjoying the good stuff while feverishly scooping up meaningless credits.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett's hand holds a train ticket.

We had another early morning, not 5 am early, but still bad. We were already cutting it close to the bus stop, when I suggest we swing into Zabka (Polish convenience store) and get something quick to eat on the bus. Drew wants chicken fingers, as other food makes him motion sick. Problem is? It takes two minutes to fry them. So we hoof it, almost making it to the bus station in time...and then we can't find the bus, nor anyone to help us. When we do, the bus has left without us, so they direct us to a train that'll get us there. Drew owns up to his time-wasting chicken fingers mistake and buys us both tickets to Zator Park Station, which is, ironically, on the line to Oswecim, where we were yesterday. After a few less-than-pleasant interactions trying to find our platform, we found our train to Energylandia.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Out a train window, one sees a platform and a small, rural farm.

So we unpacked our Zabka, enjoyed food and drinks on the train, and I made Drew switch seats with me when I realized the bro with motion sickness was going backwards right across from me.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett drinks a Mountain Dew Zero Cukru on a train.

My partner always tells me I'm part of the "Mtn Dew Cult" back at home so naturally, I got some Diet Dew to keep me awake on the ride.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across an intersection, one can see an RMC outward-banked turn and a Ferris wheel.

Eventually, out the window emerges the biggest, most dramatic skyline to a park I had ever seen in Europe. Hyperion and Zadra tower high over a wide expanse of just about everything you can expect to see at a theme park.

The walk from the train station is slightly uphill and takes about a mile on not-so-nice rural roads that you share with cars and no sidewalk. And it's a walk you will probably do with a bunch of dipshit schoolkids that were turned loose on the train without their parents.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A majestic castle entrance bears the Energylandia logo and some yellow windows and banners showing park insignias and mascots, with a tall black steel coaster rising over it.

Hello, Energylandia! You walk up under Hyperion and under this Disney-esque castle entrance.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind a wooden sign reading "Wonder Wheel," a tall red and brown RMC coaster with a lift truss and stall rises from behind a grove of trees.

And after being just outside the fence from Zadra and walking back up front to enter...we walk right back to the back of the park to clean out my European RMC set!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A midway themed as a medieval town with a wooden covered bridge over the path, and a corner of wood-supported red rails rising over it all.

Wasting no time, we got right in line, which is in the back of this cool medieval-themed midway.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A stone wall with ramparts holds a logo reading "ZADRA" in a pointy font, with the words "WEJSCIE/ENTRANCE" in the corner of an archway. It also says "made in MALOPOLSKA" in the corner next to a colorful logo shaped like the letter M.

Last coaster to tick off before completing every RMC coaster in Europe! Themed to a battering ram, "Zadra" is the Polish word meaning "to splinter" or "to break apart." Let's see if it smashes through my rankings!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a wall, shelves hold pieces of red I-box rails and galvanized brackets of folded sheet metal, under a piece of concept art and an aerial construction photo of Zadra.

The park has this cool little mini museum to the ride behind the grated gates behind the entrance. Pieces of track, brackets, and rail laminate are displayed alongside concept art and medieval props, such as shields and suits of armor.

We just walked from the train station at the back of the park...to the front of the park to enter the park...and back to the back of Energylandia again. But nope! Zadra has an insanely long Boss/American Eagle-style queue full of stairs to overpasses. It takes forever to get out to this!

After this, there's a locker drop similar to Wildcat's Revenge, where it costs about $5 for a wristband to use every double-sided locker in the park for the rest of the day. Bags bags go in here, they have little shelves on the station platform to drop phones and glasses and pocket items you might not want to be without.

Ah, Autoqueue. This is a great system that badly confused me at first because of one single poor translation. The ride splits into three lines, each with a turnstile with a counter. One is for their fast pass system, the far right says standby, but the middle reads "First Ride." Why is there a different queue if it's your first ride? Upon finding an employee, I was informed that "First Ride" is an unclear translation for "Front Row." Basically, the turnstile opens for a select number of people to step through. It is a way to do grouping autonomously, the numbers counting down, which I thought initially were time, were actually numbers of people to step through. This is present on Zadra, Hyperion, and Abyssus in some form. I found it unclear and confusing at first, but it turns out I'm just an idiot.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Around a curve, a battering ram-themed coaster train navigates red track on wooden truss supports.

My first ride was in the back row, Drew got separated and rode middle, and both of us were very impressed! Didn't quite have the bite of Iron Gwazi, but every single element hit solidly and rode just about like you'd expect, which for RMC, is a very high bar. It's great, but it's not surprising that it's great, it's a large RMC with a good layout and you get exactly what you expect.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett smiles wearing an Untamed shirt and Wildfire hat and holds a sign reading "EVERY RMC COASTER IN EUROPE" with the RMC logo surrounded by the EU's stars and a Swedish, Dutch, and Polish flag at the bottom. Zadra exits its stall in the background.

And that does it! Every RMC in Europe is in the bag, from the fjards of Sverige to the polders of Nederland. I loved the ride, I knew it would be top five for sure, but I wasn't sure where to put it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Drew take a photo with a couple wearing shirts reading "Lucky Looping" in front of Zadra.

While getting this photo, another train was put on (yay!), and we met this cool German enthusiast couple who owned Lucky Looping, a company making coaster hoodies with zipper pockets in the chest.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wood and stone medieval gateway bears a purple sign reading "FRIDA."

Drew wanted to take a break before he lost his breakfast, so per our agreement, he'd sit out the garbage while I padded my count with clones. Frida, a little Vekoma family coaster similar to the one installed at Enchanted Parks St. Louis, was just across the midway, so I knocked it out. Cute ride, honestly, and it went over a pond with these little lily pads. One and done, and one of many.

Draken was another nearby coaster that was an easy grab, and Drew was feeling up to it, so we rode this pointless kiddie coaster surrounded by landscaping boulders.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall truss-supported roller coaster sends a train down a near-vertical drop on red rails, with a dark, wood and stone medieval building in the foreground.

Zadra was a near walk on with the second train online, so I decided to take that "First Ride" in the front row and get that coveted front seat POV.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A battering ram-themed train dives down a turnaround on red track supported by wooden trusses.

Wow was I blown away! This was a major surprise in the front, it's so fast, so smooth, and feels like a more cold, calculated take on Iron Gwazi, taking an amazing but flawed layout and streamlining it to work a little better. Every element hits, there's no dead spots, and it's always doing something with what momentum is there. Ironic considering their themes, but if Iron Gwazi is a blunt, heavy sledgehammer, Zadra is a sharp, pointy rapier.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A train twists into an inversion on red track into wooden supports.

This was the ride I needed to confidently put this ride in my top 5, landing at #3. Truss lift, low to the ground, high momentum layout with a lot of emphasis on fast transitions verses just an onslaught of airtime hills. You have Iron Gwazi’s outward turn and snappy transitions, one of those epic zero-g stalls mounted under a lift truss, a few killer airtime hills, and even a little time inside  the support structure. Aside from that awesome initial turnaround that’s kind of Zadra’s unique trait, it’s a very “by the books” RMC, but that just means it’s a solid world class coaster.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A stone sign reads "ABYSSUS" under art depicting waves and coaster track, with an inversion of blue coaster track in the background against blue sky.

Continuing around, we found ourselves at Aqualantis for Abyssus. This gorgeous Atlantis-themed midway has a touch of steampunk amid the ruins, the alt history nerd in me was a kid in a candy store.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster train themed like a wooden boat twists up and out from under a submarine trench lined with brick.

Abyssus is a Vekoma multi-launch, one of two launched Vekoma thrill coasters in the park, and by far the longer of the two. Two launches await ruins explorers in their boat-themed trains: one into a mild family-esque segment, one into the main ride. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A pile of ruined wall bricks and columns with a riveted steel boat crashed through the ruins.

The queue here is gorgeous! Like Zadra, there’s a lot of pointless up and down and around, but at least it feels like you’re exploring an ancient acropolis.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster train themed as a blue, riveted boat navigates a corkscrew of blue track.

Abyssus is great! First half is pretty tame, a little Big Bear Mountain, but it works as a fake out when you’re blasted through a temple-themed tunnel and into a sick top hat into the rest of the layout. There’s airtime, there’s snappy transitions, brisk little inversions, and of course the ride’s signature underwater batwing that wraps the queue and dives twice under the station. Easily one of new Vekoma’s best creations, it’s not the intense ejector machine that Zadra is, but that’s not the point of these.

Drew ralphed those chicken fingers in a trash can moments after we got off, so I decided to do a ride he had no business riding while sick and didn’t care about: Ekipa Light Explorers.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A few rides present across the water, including a wavy length of kiddie coaster track that crosses an arch.

It’s a clone of Fårup Sommerland’s Saven in Denmark, and like its twin, it’s a short, linear layout that plays with the surface on which it sits. Cool bobbing and weaving around the water and ruins, though, and the station is beautifully themed like a Minoan lighthouse. One and done.

From here, we elected to head to the front of the park, and Drew found in the vending machine a Mountain Dew flavor we do not have at home. It was fruity, but not like the sugar rush you get with American pop.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A race car-themed train twists downward at a sharp angle.

We were racing through this lineup as fast as we could, and Formula was next! This was the addition that put Energylandia on the map, and to be honest, when I saw the layout during its construction, I was skeptical. How is the company that brought you masterpieces like Kong and Ninja going to pull off a tight transition out of a loop all the way at 3 o’clock??? I was very vocal in 2016 that there was no way Vekoma could pull this off.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tent-style station with station gates separated by checkered racing stoplights.

The wait was incredibly short. They were running one train, but we’re talking a ride that’s maybe twenty seconds long, so like a Maxx Force situation. I got right on no trouble, amid good but gaudy racing theming.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster car themed as a black and checkered race car navigates a curve of red steel track.

I’ve known I owe Vekoma an apology for all the trash I talked about this ride when it was built because of Fønix, Siren’s Curse, and Abyssus, so now I’m willing to call it even between my trashing Formula and them building Kong. This is great! There isn’t really a standout element, it’s short, but the launch sequence is good and, contrary to what I expected in 2015, it’s so smooth. It’s not Siren’s Curse, but it wasn’t supposed to be. This was supposed to be a manufacturer testing a ride system for the big leagues with a small, simple layout and it worked. The 2020s Vekoma Renaissance, and Energylandia as a whole, owes a lot to this feisty little launched coaster.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A brick building decorated with skulls reads "MONSTER HOUSE" over the entrance.

We went to Hyperion next, but on the way found this weird operator-less dark ride. You go into a dark room, almost too dark to see the car, and sit down and it starts moving. The actual theming on the ride was absolute trash and consisted of plastic figures that suspiciously resembled the Xenomorphs from Drew’s beloved Alien franchise. Worst dark ride ever and you have to do it for the laugh.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall Intamin hypercoaster painted black.

Okay, Hyperion time! We walked under this Intamin Winged Outer Seats when we entered the park, let’s see if this space-themed ride really does fly high above Skyrush.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster station reads "HYPER_NOVI STATION" in neon with a Pepsi logo and sci-fi accents.

The queue is totally insane, think Six Flags Great Adventure’s ridiculous “several tiers of wheelchair ramps” up and then back down, with another auto queue at the bottom barely twenty minutes even on one train. I loved the theming here! I'm a space nerd so this had me full on geeking out.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An Intamin winged outer seats dives down its drop of black track.

Color me impressed, it is better! Smoother, faster, not quite as intense, but the layout is all in all better. Amazing drop that really lets you feel that free fall, great first airtime hill, and that turnaround dive feels so agile. Only gripe is that it does lose momentum towards the end, and the deck of the train extends out under the wings, but what it lacks in airtime it makes up for greatly in a cool layout. It’s like Kondaa meets Cheetah Hunt!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster train themed like a black race car with checkered flag accents navigates a twist of track over an airtime hill and a zero-g roll in the background.

Wanting to backtrack so Drew could hit Formula, we ended up taking another lap. “It’s not on one train,” Drew questioned my judgement because the train that left the station returned just seconds later.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From behind some bamboo, rises a red roller coaster suspended beneath the track.

He decided he was done riding for the day, and I wanted another spin on Zadra, so I decided to just make our way back there and pick up stragglers. Mayan, a hideous red T3-looking SLC, was nearby, so I sucked it up and did it. And it actually was not bad at all by SLC standards. Rattly, yes, but I was pleasantly surprised it didn’t totally knock me around.

My biggest problem? Every time I get wrecked on some god awful POS coaster and get it on camera, the people laughing at my pain make it break the internet. Nobody will watch this if I was not in complete agony.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Under a stone arch topped with a cartoon bat, a tower has a spike of curved purple track rising through it to a dead end.

Someone remind me again why we need two of these? Boomerang was next, which was themed as this cute bat in a little Alpine house. Same layout as Snoopy’s Soapbox back at home with some better theming. One and done, but it feels a little "spamming premade layouts in Rollercoaster Tycoon" to have this and Ekipa in the same park.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind a facade meant to look like a Viking ship with shields and paddles is a series of tight Wild Mouse turns of coaster track.

Wanted to hit Viking next because I was here, but I was walk of shamed not for my gut but for my arm. No elbow room on this trash, and I hear it’s the worst coaster in Poland so I doubt I was missing much.

We headed back to Choco Chip Creek, which had an adorable, obnoxiously long, empty queue for me to go up, down, and around. This ride even has a colorful stoner video preshow that tells you you’re on like a mine train to dig up chocolate or something.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An entrance themed like a mine with candy rocks embedded in the stone reads "CHOCOL CHIP CREEK; THE BEST CHOCOCLATE EVER!"

But at the end of it, it’s Big Thunder with even less theming than Calamity Mine. Theres scaffold around the ride, but no actual theming, almost as if they started building it and abandoned it. WTF Energylandia?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From under an Atlantean-themed coaster station, a boat-themed train emerges from a tunnel of blue track.

Decided to take the scenic route back to Zadra and hit Abyssus on the way, this is such a good coaster! I might like it better than Hyperion, even.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An RMC coaster with a truss lift and stall sends its train through the stall on the underside of its arch-shaped support truss.

Ah, Zadra. Last ride was a middle seat, and like Wildcat’s Revenge, don’t count the middle rows out on this coaster! It’s fast, smooth, comfortable, and just such a beautiful machine no matter what sort of ride you get. This is, to me, the perfect hyper-hybrid coaster, my only complaint is that there isn't more of it but I'll take less of a better element mix than a longer layout that's repetitive to a flaw.

JARRETT'S USA AND EUROPE RMC RANKINGS:

1. ArieForce One 2. Wildfire 3. Zadra 4. Iron Gwazi 5. Railblazer 6. Steel Vengeance 7. Untamed 8. Wildcat’s Revenge 9. Twisted Timbers 10. Fire Runner 11. Twisted Colossus 12. Lightning Rod 13. Iron Rattler 14. Wicked Cyclone 15. Jersey Devil Coaster 16. YoY Thrill 17. Outlaw Run 18. Twisted Cyclone 19. Wonder Woman Golden Lasso Coaster 20. Storm Chaser 21. New Texas Giant 22. Goliath 23. YoY Chill 24. Joker 25. Fire In The Hole

This encompasses every unique RMC coaster in the USA (Wonder Woman SFMM and Stunt Pilot I've not ridden, but I've ridden near clones of both), with both most coasters living up to their hype as well as a few good upsets in there. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rusty cartoon truck with uncivilized features and buck teeth has its eyes on the windshields and serves as an ice cream stand.

JEREMY CLARKSON VOICE: "On the way out, we ran into a certain buck-toothed rusty truck that enjoys cheap alcohol and poor decisions. He's not Tow Mater, but he is Tow Mater's Slavic cousin."

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Through a glary window, one sees Energylandia's castle entrance in front of setting sun.

Unable to risk getting stuck in Zator, as the last train of the day leaves before the park closes for some reason, we made it a point to be punctual on the bus. After Drew got us a chicken bucket to split and I ran and pissed in the ten minutes before we left, and we recuperated after running through enemy fire snagging nineteen credits in seven hours.

I looked on Coaster-Count, logged my progress, and counted eleven credits logged to my name today, not good by percentage, but the only notable thing missed was that Intamin water coaster we intentionally skipped due to it being chilly. Literally everything else was cloned family/kiddie garbage, including a Wacky Worm I didn't even see all day walking around this place.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Drew smile for the camera with a lion, bunny, and turtle mascot.

This park is beautiful, they have four very good rides, but my god is it weird! It's like Maxx Force, Iron Gwazi, Pantheon, and Skyrush all got dropped in with a bunch of random clones, and some areas looking gorgeous while others are concrete Six Flags laziness. As big as it is, my advice if you come here is to just make one day and squeeze what you can out of it. You'll probably have no issues with everything worth riding, everything else is just bonus to pad your count for all you credit whores out there.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a river at sunset, one sees the walled complex of Wawel Castle high up on a hill.

UP NEXT: Upon returning to Krakow, sweaty and tired, we get this gorgeous view across the Vistula. While we had kept open our option to come back to Energylandia tomorrow, it wasn't worth it for seven kiddie credits when it's our last day in Poland and Krakow is calling! Wawel Castle, shown here, was on the itinerary, as was Oskar Schindler's enamel factory. Plus, Drew got us into quite the unexpected adventure in another underground tunnel when we go searching for Krakow's legendary fire breathing dragon!