Date:3/4/2022-3/14/2022
Destination: France
Goal: Normandy, Brittany, and Paris Culture
Distance: 4089 Miles
Means of Travel: Flying
Potential Credits: 0
Jour 5- Betu Saves the Day
Time to head out! I woke up this morning knowing I had a crazy few days ahead of me, heading to Paris today, checking out Paris tomorrow, and flying back the day after. Let's close France out on a high note!
Our final day in St. Vaast kicked off with the last of three marches on the trip, this time in the town that had been our home all week.
I was salty we had breakfast before I saw this guy making crepes, this would've been a delicious way to start the day.
This one was pretty standard, a bit like the Briquebecque one we saw first. A few things to note here were these inflatable beach ball paddle ball things I remembered from my childhood and this delicious sausage I had.
At breakfast, we heard that the Queen of England was cancelling some appearance and talked a bit about how her reign is probably coming to an end soon. Well at the marche, they had (don't sing what you're about to read) a dancing queen, so my dad purchased it.
I told him to get it while he can, it sounds like it's limited edition.
After the marche, we all returned to the apartment so dad and I could get our stuff all packed up and ready to go, and all of us went to the La Marina for one final lunch. And what fine, authentic, French cuisine do I choose to end the trip on? Some pizza with Thai sauce, bell pepper, cherry tomatoes, tuna, and creme fraiche. French? Nah. Unique? Absolutely. It made a mess and I definitely needed my fork and knife to eat it but it was so good, and it's something you can't get back at home. But we did at least finish the Normandy leg on a proper note with another apple and calvados ice cream!
Getting to walk across the tide gate unlike the other day.
After walking back, we loaded our stuff into the car and everybody drove us out to the spot where we parted ways: the Valognes train station.
Train showed up quickly, we threw our stuff in the little luggage racks, and took a seat on the upper decks (no, not the potty) for a long, relaxing ride to Evreaux.
THIS, my friends, is how you travel! European train transport just became my new favorite way to get from point A to point B. Just sit back, enjoy the gorgeous views of the French countryside, and relax.
Eventually I just pulled my Switch out, fired up Pokemon Legends: Arceus, and grinded away as we approached Evreaux.
Like, you see stuff like this out your window the whole way and it's no biggie. America, get this!
Well we got to Evreaux and their station was a dumpster fire, so I waited with the stuff while Dad went to investigate. Turns out the tracks were torn up and we were being bussed to our next connection, Mantes-La-Jolie, out front. Well the busses couldn't keep up with the train system's capacity, and considering we had a ten minute connection there, we knew we were going to miss it. Dad looked up the time to Uber to Mantes, but then realized that the cost of just Ubering straight to the hotel was only $50 more than the tickets we could get refunded, so we just did that. This really nice gentleman from named Betu came and got us and was amazed at how good our French was and we had a great ride with him. He got quite a kick out of me asking my father, "qu'est-ce que tu fais?" when we heard police sirens, asking someone what they did when they hear the cops is kind of a common joke in the US but I'm not sure if he just found it funny or it was the fact that I did it in French. But he got us to our hotel near CDG and that's what matters! Shout out to Betu for coming in clutch and saving the trip!
Our hotel was kind of my grandmother's favorite to use when she went to France, so she had some kind of membership there and hooked us each up with our own rooms which was nice. And despite half the stuff in my room not working, it was a nice hotel.
However, the food left a bit to be desired. I know I sound like a snob having lived off of fine French food all week, but the food in the VIP lounge had been sitting out and tasted fishy, and not in the way fresh Normandy seafood tastes. The restaurant restaurant was okay, dad asked some guy if they had ESPN to watch the basketball game and he disappeared and never came back, so some bro named Johnson came to wait on us instead. I had this okay cocktail (mostly I just wanted tequila since it's virtually nonexistent in Normandy restaurants) and some pasta with shrimp and arugula, and it was okay, but like, Applebee's quality. You could tell it was supposed to be overpriced shitty bar food. Totally not what you expect to find in the fine dining capital of the world.
Afterwards we both turned in, knowing we had to end this trip with a bang the next morning.
Jour 6- Riding On The Metro
Dad knocked on my room door to wake me up, and I was still pretty tired, but managed to get up and get dressed. He had looked at the hotel menu for breakfast and saw some ridiculous shit where a plate with some bacon and a croissant, so we elected to instead take the train into the airport, get our COVID tests taken care of, snag breakfast there, and take the train back into the city for sightseeing.
Getting into CDG, we followed signs to COVID testing, where we were directed to terminal B. I saw a little pharmacy thing, suggested we check there despite dad being skeptical, and sure enough it's where they're doing COVID testing! So we did the nose swab, sat around for the longest ten minutes of our lives, and came back negative! We were going home! We then stopped at a French McDonald's for breakfast (I think I had some kind of bacon sandwich and a crepe with marmalade because they were out of Nutella). But unfortunately, the train wasn't working into the city, so we had to Uber downtown, selecting Champs-Elyses as our drop point.
The drive into Paris was insane. You had your usual crazy French drivers abusing their cars into dented pieces of scrap metal, but now imagine filling a city street up with it! Man I was glad I wasn't driving! But the sights were amazing, it doesn't look like your normal tourist town.
It was an election year in France and this was the first thing we saw getting out of our Uber. Still a better political situation than back at home.
The walk to Champs-Elyses was clearly one of the more touristy parts of Paris. Lots of souvenir shops selling Eiffel Towers and berets and shit, as well as plenty of nice clothing stores like you'd expect in one of the world's fashion capitals.
Arc de Triomphe was a landmark I remembered from my time in France as a young child, and it never really looks that crowded in photos, but it was a madhouse. I had to spend a lot of time waiting for cars to get out of the damn way to get decent shots of it.
Oh, and LOTS of tourists taking photos. Dad and I did a really good job making sure these photos didn't make it look as slammed as it was. And this is the offseason, I can only imagine this place around Bastille Day!
Afterwards, we realized it was getting close to lunchtime, so we hopped on Paris's famous Metro and headed to Les Halles, where my father's favorite Parisian restaurant was.
We had to do a lot of walking to get where we were going, but Dad swore up and down it would be the best meal we could get. Lots of walking through random shopping areas mixed in with historic buildings, and we put a lot of distance on our feet getting there. Good. We were gonna need the exercise to burn off the meal we were about to eat!
Au Pied De Cochon, French for Pig Feet, was our choice for lunch, and I had heard wonderful things about the place from my family. We almost didn't get in because the second we stepped in the lunch rush kicked into overdrive, but they seated us upstairs, between two elderly couples that didn't speak much English, and the menu was in only French. You won't see many other tourists if you come here!
In France, it's always Wine O'Clock!
I started the meal with, you guessed it, another overly huge bowl of French Onion Soup, which Dad informed me was even showcased on a Food Network Show at this exact restaurant. And I saw why because this was the best onion soup I had ever had. The cheese was nice and stringy, it covered the crouton completely, and the flavors were married in like a delicious French orgy of taste.
My selection for my main dish was Confit du Canard, or duck that's been cooked in its own fat, served with duck fat potatoes. And I love duck and duck fat back in the states, but this took it to a whole new level. The cook on everything was perfect, the potatoes were crispy on the outside and fluffy on the inside, and the duck practically melted in my mouth. This, my friends, is the best thing I have ever eaten and totally lived up to Paris's reputation as the culinary capital of the world. So fucking delicious, I can't see how anyone could cook something better than this.
Awww, they even give you little pig macarons with the check!
Afterwards, it was onto the Metro to head to the Eiffel Tower! We got on the wrong line, but corrected it quickly. Just two quick connections and we were at Champs de Mars.
Beware of pickpockets!
On this teal line, we just out of nowhere went above ground and I saw this and snapped the photo with my phone. But damn, I wanted to get this and get it the right way later...
Champs de Mars! We strolled a few blocks down, passed several very persistent street vendors, went through a metal detector, and we were there before we knew it.
Paris will host the 2024 Olympic, and because of this, Tour Eiffel was under construction to get it looking pretty for all those beauty shots and B-roll videos for the media. So sorry for the scaffolding in these pictures but it is what it is.
It was a cold misty day, and dad didn't want to go to the top with how slippery and windy it would be, but at least he got us hot chocolate since it was so chilly. Besides, I remember it fondly from when I was a child so it's an experience I have.
I always loved this era in engineering, when the use of steel in construction allowed us to start really reaching for the stars. It had to be absolutely fascinating living in this time period and seeing buildings the size of mountains go up when they were just kind of six story numbers at most. One thing I always thought was underrated about France were their contributions to human innovation. But you got this, Sadi Carnot, Jules Verne, lots of good minds that came out of this nation that had great visions for our future.
Kings Island is lit today!
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Possibly my favorite photo I have with my father.
Back onto the Metro for our last stop: Sacre Coeur!
We took the same line back, and now that I knew about that angle I could get on the Eiffel Tower, I kept my camera set up, settings dialed in, ready to fucking go. A woman was sitting near the window but I just excused myself, wrestled with the glass to put it down, and pointed my lens out the window, hoping for the best. And voila! I got it! Possibly my favorite shot from this whole trip!
Final Metro stop, not sure why everyone was taking selfies with this sign but I took a photo because it's what you do apparently.
Sacre Coeur Basilica is another church in Paris, probably the most famous one that didn't burn like a creme brulee in April 2019, and it's built in the architectural style of an Orthodox church, so it's a little different from the Gothic and Romanesque architecture we'd seen all week. I've been inside this one before so no need to head back in, but it's always worth a trip to the top of this hill.
We took the funicular to the top of the hill where Sacre Coeur sits, which is supposed to have a gorgeous view of Paris with everything visible, but the mist obscured my view and I couldn't get the Eiffel Tower in it.
The rain was really starting to pick up. I had to keep wiping my camera lens off and Sacre Coeur's gargoyles were starting to actually spit water.
Just around the block from Sacre Coeur was the Pompidou, a square where artists like to set up shop and paint and sell their art. Not a lot of painting going on in the rain for obvious reasons, but it was cool to walk around and see.
After this, we headed down the hill to find a spot where we could get an Uber, I stopped in a hotel to pee while Dad used their wifi to get our ride, and we passed some stupid American tourists groping a statue's ninnies and turkums. We got in the Uber, headed back to the hotel, and burned whatever Euros we had left on food and wine for that night. I played Pokemon for a bit before Dad invited me to watch the SEC Championship basketball game with him, so we cheered on Tennessee over some Pim's cookies and Gewürztraminer.
Afterwards we went down to the bar for dinner, and I had a mojito and a margharita pizza. After this I headed back upstairs and passed out, knowing we had another obnoxiously long travel day ahead of us.
Jour 7- Do You Have Zee Veeza?
I woke up earlier than I should have even been up at all, and to the tune of a threatening text message from a coaster enthusiast wishing me not make it home safely, so that was lovely. I tried to sleep a few more hours, but then I needed to get going, so I got dressed and headed to the airport train with my father.
Getting to the Air Canada counter to check into our flight, we were met by this guy that was a total walking stereotype for pretty much everything negative that ever gets said about The French. This dude had the thin mustache, exaggerated cartoonish accent (I didn't even think French accents like this were real until now), and was basically the short asshole chef from Ratatouille. He asks us where we're going, we tell him we're connecting through Toronto and heading to Columbus, and he asks us, "do you have zee veeza?" Dad and I looked at each other, puzzled, both of us having gone to Canada on many occasions in both of our lives, and never having needed a visa to go. We didn't even need one to connect in Toronto to come here! So this guy tells us to go to the Canadian Border Patrol website and buy a $7 visa and wait fifteen minutes for them to maybe or maybe not approve it, and just as dad starts disagreeing with this guy and telling him he's full of shit as politely as possible, this couple comes up with him and they get stopped over the same thing, also not knowing anything about a visa needed to connect in Canada. So we argue with this guy for a few minutes and he finally gives and lets us through.
We were never asked about a visa again the whole way home.
So we get through security, get through an obnoxious wait at passport control, and make it to our gate and snag some McDonald's. I got an egg and bacon mcmuffin, which was okay, and of course, French McDonalds's exclusive Croque McDo.
Happy is already one of the most terrifying food mascots out there but this was straight up threatening. How did this make it into a secure area??? Look at this thing!
Threaten to strap your bratty child into this. Trust me, it'll make them behave.
Went to Disneyland Paris to enjoy the wait to get on the plane.
Air Canada did it again! The same airline that harassed us over a negative COVID test that we didn't need to connect, held us on the tarmac for 3 hours in Toronto with no explanation, and just harassed us and another travel party over a visa (sorry, veeza) that we didn't even fucking need, delayed another flight, and didn't even communicate with us. We just sat at the gate like sitting ducks with no if or when we were going to board, like thirty minutes later than we should have. Move over, Spirit Airlines, this is the worst airline ever, and here, you're supposed to be paying for better than this!
Eventually we got on the plane and in the air, and not gonna lie, taking off over the French countryside was actually kind of cool.
Airline food LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! Actually, this was good too. It was some sort of roast chicken breast with mushrooms, mustardy mashed potatoes, and this really good chocolate and pistachio cake. Even better when Dad didn't want his dessert and I got his!
We landed in Toronto, which was a snowy hellscape even in mid-March, and went through customs, which was ridiculous, telling me I was good to go and then holding me because one of my bags hadn't been checked (good thing I didn't bring those Kinder Surprise eggs!), so that was annoying. Then we got to passport control for preclearance, and hit a snag there because only one person was checking passports and someone with a special circumstance (I /think/ he was a DREAMer but we couldn't really tell exactly what was going on) caused a hold up with extra red tape, so they opened another one to keep processing. Passport control gives me a ton of anxiety for some reason, especially coming into the US, but after a long, anxiety-inducing pause, the lady let us through.
We made it to our gate, grabbed a beer, talked to this vegan Canadian girl at the bar (I had to awkwardly slide my SeaWorld mask elsewhere) about how Air Canada's known to be the worst airline ever in her country, and made it to our gate for our Chicago flight, the first Air Canada flight we had that wasn't annoyingly delayed. I attempted to sleep on the flight from Toronto to Chicago, but couldn't, so I cracked my Switch open and played HollowKnight until we landed.
"We are so fucked," my father declared when we landed and saw how far away we were from Chicago-O'Hare's airport. The one time I was at this airport before it was a total mess, no flow of traffic, and they had to turn our plane around because ground crew didn't shut the cargo door correctly and delayed my flight by an hour. But Dad and I were fine, we made it to our final flight: a United flight to Columbus, and toughed it out. Everything was starting to blur together by now, but we made it to Columbus, found where my car was parked, and got our luggage to head home.
The drive from Columbus back to Dayton at 11 pm is brutal enough, but add the fact that Dad and I had been at it since 2 am Eastern time, oh it was awful. We snagged McDonald's so he could have coffee and I could have pop, and toughed it out the whole drive home. He got to their place, I took my car, took it across town to my apartment, and about passed the fuck out, knowing I wouldn't get enough sleep to fully catch up before working another shift tomorrow.
But it was totally worth it and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
For a trip with no roller coasters, this crazy week in France was full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and unforgettable experiences that will last a lifetime. However, unlike a coaster ride, this is something I could share with my family, and everybody on this trip that I've known all my life I feel like I know even better coming out of it. I got to explore the beaches of D-Day with my father who grew up reading about WWII, I got to walk along an old revolution-era fortification wall with my mom and grandmother, and all three of them showed me medieval wonders like Mont St. Michel and Dinan. This is by far the best trip I've gone on that didn't involve riding coasters, and gave me a whole new level of respect for my family and the legacy that comes before me. I'm so lucky to have such an awesome family that's willing to bring me along on the adventure of a lifetime to walk away with these memories and experiences.
Love you guys! Almost as much as I loved that duck confit! Almost!
