Date:6/25/2023
Destination: Columbus, Ohio
Goal: Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, Tidal Twist
Distance: 78 Miles
Means of Travel: Driving
Potential Credits: 1
Driving across Ohio for some spinning wild mouse at a park I've already been to? I would never! Not like it's happened twice this season or anything...
Over the weekend, my buddy Jared was gonna be flying into CMH for work and wanted to see if we could meet up for Columbus Zoo on Sunday...which I had initially thought was Saturday and planned Kings Island for Sunday. But a little finagling, texting my grandma, and Dungeons & Dragons getting cancelled managed to make this work in my favor. Plan waffled between me picking him up and him picking me up, typical coaster shit, until we managed to make it work.
Columbus Zoo is a place I've loved since I was a kid, it was one of my first hometown exposures to the themed entertainment industry, but I had no idea there was a theme park or water park nearby, let alone Ohio's oldest roller coaster. I went once in 2011 to Zoombezi Bay with my cousins' family but didn't ride Sea Dragon, then went back in 2014 to claim the Sea Dragon credit and see the new Heart of Africa area, then again twice in 2018 when my buddy Ben worked there, and it's a super nice zoo with a cute little collection of rides. Since I last went, they'd added the new Adventure Cove area, not to be confused with Adventure Port, that looks like Fisherman's Wharf with sea lions and a little Zamperla spinning mouse. So I had plenty of incentive to return, both for the outstanding coaster credit and just to see Ohio's own little mini version of Disney's Animal Kingdom.
Continued from the conclusion of the Adventure Port Construction Log...
I had been at Kings Island the previous day getting photos of Adventure Port, and to save an hour of driving, just triangulated the trip and stayed the night at my grandmother's in Columbus. Drive there was boring as always. I-71 between Cincinnati and Columbus is a literal no man's land, I was parched from the park and it took me twenty minutes to find a Wendy's to get something to drink. Fortunately, Deathbed Confessions was not only just a Spotify away but there were two good ones I listened to, one on a KKK murder in 1950s Alabama, another on the faked Loch Ness Monster photo that you've probably seen. Eventually I got there She served me an amazing French dinner, and all of it was amazing (they'll shove six courses down your throat like it's nothing) but the main standout was this Shrimp Provençal, which she cooked to perfection with sun dried tomatoes. So we did that and I showed her an episode of Expedition Unknown on D-Day where Josh and his buddies uncovered all kinds of cool things from a historical event that majorly affected our family.
Next morning she made me the typical breakfast of 3 strips of bacon, croissant, and "beat the chicken against the counter til no more eggs come out then scramble them all to absolute delicious perfection" that only she can do. Then as we waited for Jared to fly in (his flight got delayed in CLT)...my grandma goes full grandma and pulls out a big bag of lemons and a juicer! So we had a wholesome time cutting and squeezing lemonade and sweetening it, she wasn't the biggest fan but I loved it, so we threw it in the fridge for when I got back later. So we ran an errand and she gave me a newspaper article to read on Jack Hanna and his battle with Alzheimer's, pertinent to what I was about to do. Eventually, Jared got here and picked me up, and to the zoo we went!
Good morning, Columbus Zoo!
We first headed back through North America, which was sadly under construction and I feel somewhat sullied Jared's first impression of the zoo. And it's not bad, but it doesn't look like anything more impressive than say, Zoomerica at Hershey, and the zoo as a whole is on much higher caliber than that. We did enjoy these swans though, which were not only bigger than I expected but friendlier as well. They were coming up to the fence and didn't seem to feel like annihilating the humans at all, weird considering I've always heard swans are even meaner than geese.
North America has typical US forest animals, moose, reindeer, lynx, bears, you get the gist. And it's nice and woodsy so that fits, but it also feels overgrown and neglected. The work they're doing on it I think is going to be extremely beneficial to the exhibit, make it like modern rustic and you could have something really great on your hands.
Heart of Africa was kind of the hot new exhibit last time I was here, so I'd seen it before, but still excited to go back. Jared and I wanted to eat since despite my big breakfast, he hadn't eaten since 5 am so we did Mapori and ate overlooking the African savanna they built, giraffes and zebras and wildebeest and all roaming the grassy plains. Think Busch Gardens. And I got THE kielbasa, like that's a normal-sized hot dog bun that almost served no purpose with such a big sausage stuffed in it.
There were three lions chilling on this plane wing. Anyone ever have this problem? How do you get them to move I need to catch my flight?
Cheetahs are so cool! This would make an awesome theme for an Intamin launch coaster! 
We did Polar Frontier next, which was lacking in shade but more than made up for in theming. The polar bear was out which was nice, though that was it.
After backtracking it to Asia Quest, we encountered an exhibit that was half indoor, half outdoor. These fruit bats were absolutely huge, like the size of my arm, and this cat thing. Shame the tiger wasn't out, and I couldn't get good pictures of the elephants, but I always loved this exhibit. Lots of different little tiny monkeys around.
I always find it funny that goats, one of the animals that taste best in curry and tacos and the like, have developed this uncanny ability to scale vertical walls despite being hoofed animals. He got all the way up here and Jared had no idea how!
Bear pupper! This Sloth Bear was a little furry, a little big, but acted and looked like a giant puppy in a way so that was adorable.
CW: Bugs, Cockroaches, Snakes
After a quick romp through the "aquarium" (more of a giant manatee biotope tank and nothing else) we swung through this little reptile house. And they had not only cockroaches but mommy cockroaches with babies, one of the most horrifying animal attractions I've ever seen these are terrifying, hence why I edited it like a horror shot. The little ones were drinking bug milk or whatever baby bugs drink from their mom, it was so gross.
Strike first, strike hard, no mercy! Unleash the snake! Or not, it's incredibly dangerous and behind the glass for a reason!
Feeding time for the turtles, which is apparently a seniority thing as nobody let the little guy near the veggies they put out for them.
And outside, with Australia and the aquarium and shores and islands and everything else in that mess of areas, was this penguin enclosure with all the cuteness you'd need after seeing baby cockroaches breastfeeding (or worse) from mom.
These otters were cute, shame my focus was a little fucked.
Onto the last area: Congo! Not to be confused with Heart of Africa's tropical grasslands, this was a shaded, woodsy area with animals found in Africa's rainforests. Again, little disappointed with how this shot came out.
Look at this leopard! I'm actually pretty happy with these photos, there was a crowd by this enclosure and the dude was just basking in the attention there in front of the glass loving it. Jared said that he has a theory that some animals just like cameras, and if that's the case, this one loves them!
Jared had been asking about monkeys all day, and I took him right to them! Columbus Zoo's gorillas have a super nice enclosure, and many were eating lettuce put out for them when we went over there. Inside they were way more active, chasing each other around the woodwork and one even peed for us!
The only activity we saw in Australia was this kangaroo wanting me to do a boudoir photoshoot for it like one of my French girls. I'm not gonna say no to a paying customer!
(Wait, what? You're kidding right!? You mean they don't actually carry cash in their pouches and I'm not getting paid for this???)
Okay, cute and cuddly time's over, time for some coasters! We headed back to the front and snagged tickets for Sea Dragon and Tidal Twister, and got in line for the latter. Tidal Twister is a spinning mouse, and from the looks of it in the queue, it wasn't spinning much, but fortunately we had a balancing technician on our side...
I sat as far from center as possible, Jared sat right next to me, all the weight on one side of the car, the other there was no weight at all, it was completely empty. First bit of the ride felt like anticippointment, we were just waiting on it to unlock, but once it did, whew! An off balance ride on this is easily as good as Ragin Cajun or CP's Wild Mouse, that's what you get when your unbalance weights are two grown men verses Karen and her three small children. I hit the brakes pretty dizzy, not gonna lie.
Tidal Twist is part of a new exhibit that's been done since I last went by the name of Discovery Cove, which is themed to Fisherman Wharf and features coastal California wildlife. It was a little creative, some of the enclosures inside were themed as man-made shops instead of natural environments, but sadly not much was out. Did like this cute little duck though.
And up next we saved most iconic for last...Columbus Zoo is home to Ohio's oldest wooden coaster: Sea Dragon! This little children's wooden coaster has been operating since the fifties and has ACE Landmark status, who'da thunk it was kind of crammed off to the side of some zoo?
And being completely honest? It's not amazing. Not bad by any means, but it rides about like any familiar wooden kiddie coaster, think a Woodstock Express at a former Paramount park. It's smooth, it's fun, and it's cute.
To me, the part of Sea Dragon that was most "worth it" is just its story and its situation. It's at one of the nicest zoos out there, it's the oldest operating coaster in Ohio, it's got a freaking adult lazy river full of drunk adults floating around this kiddie coaster with alcohol in their hands, it's a whole experience. Not a top ten experience, but a fun one.
I love Columbus Zoo. Ohio is known for giants Kings Island and Cedar Point, and Columbus is smack dab in between the two, but if this were in a few certain cities outside of Ohio the locals would be proud as hell to have it. A world class zoo with great levels of theming and even a few rides here and there? And two coasters? Columbus Zoo gets so overshadowed by the two Cedar Fair giants it's not even funny. And what's really shameful is that the mission of this place of conservation and saving the planet is beautiful, and I think it's worth a stop if theme parks and roller coasters are something you're into. You'll be spending 90% of the time in nicely themed animal exhibits, but it has the exact same atmosphere as a nice amusement park with this kind of theme and I highly recommend it on the way in between both Cedar Fair parks should you have time.
After this we headed back to Jared's car, he drove me back to my grandma's, and we went inside and enjoyed her A/C and the lemonade from this morning before he got going on his work obligations and I headed home. But I'm so glad this gave me an excuse to come back out here and I had a blast, can't wait to maybe return in 2025 when North America is done!
The End!
