The Curse of Marvel Cave://Silver Dollar City 2024

                       Date:3/23/2024-3/25/2024

Destination: Branson, Missouri

Goal: Silver Dollar City

Distance: 608 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 1

Image Description: A Colorful 1880s fire district set on the water, with a swing and drop tower ride among painted wooden buildings.

Once again, a hill I will die on, Missouri deserves to be recognized as one of the most important states for coasters in the US, right up there with Ohio and Florida. The Show Me State has three parks, and while I've been to all of them, the best of them happens to be the furthest from me. Every time I go to Six Flags St. Louis, I wish I'd just gone all the way to Silver Dollar City. And last year, upon visiting Worlds of Fun for my first time, I wished I'd just driven the same distance to Silver Dollar City. So when I saw I'd have an excuse to return to Silver Dollar City, I was pretty damn happy!

Image Description: A red roller coaster car with three benches equipped with lap bars sits on a display track in a cave, the logos for Blazing Fury and Dollywood displayed on the front.

I have fond childhood memories of my trips to Dollywood in 2008 and 2012 (okay, I was an adult in 2012, but with the mindset of a teenager enjoying a family vaycay), and one ride I remember loving with my family was always Blazing Fury. It's one of the only ones we'd ride together despite our varying thrill preferences, and as creepy as the animatronics were it was a fun ride. When I first rode the original in Missouri back in 2015, I thought the ride had been preserved better but was sad I went into it not knowing there was actual history behind it.

Image Description: Concept art for Silver Dollar City's rebuild of Fire In The Hole. A train carries riders through an illustration of a burning 1880s town, with firefighters spraying water on a burning bridge. A man's lower body wearing red underwear hangs out the window to the right.

But this ride I'd retroactively learned to appreciate more than my childhood version of it was getting rebuilt in 2024, this was reason to go back! Herschend has nailed the firefighting theme on everything they've done involving it, kids love it, they're the only chain that utilizes it, and new Fire In The Hole looked like this theme taken to the absolute extreme. And when I learned my beloved Rocky Mountain Construction would be leading the charge to rebuild this classic ride in an area that actually fits it? I could've just booked my trip at that moment.

Day 1- Get Your Beaver Fudge Licks On Route 66

The plan was to pick my travel companions, my nerd friend Ben and his nerd roommate Carl, up from Indianapolis's airport and travel west in a wild and crazy adventure straight out of a road trip bro comedy. I woke up earlier than I needed to because my sleep schedule is FUBAR in this day and age, headed out and hopped on I-70, and made my way to Indianapolis to pick up the two goobers that would be traveling with me the whole time.

Image Description: A blue sign reading "Cell Phone Lot A" in a barren parking lot.

This was the "cool cell phone lot" Ben told me about at IND. So fucking cool, they had a self-cleaning toilet and wifi and strippers and everything you could possibly need to pick your buddies up at an airport.

Image Description: A blue car has its trunk open, showing several bags, suitcases, bedding, and board games neatly filled to the top.

Someone call AJR because let the games begin! I got these two bozos, Ben loaded the car perfectly, and we were off!

The drive to Silver Dollar City absolutely sucks for the first six hours, and then gets insanely cool for the last three or four. My father complained about "trucks in the left lane all the way to St. Louis" and I agree with him, I love going to Six Flags St. Louis and Silver Dollar City and all these parks, but the Ohio border, Indiana, and Illinois are fucking awful on 70. You're stuck on this shitty two lane road sharing it with trucks with no sense of urgency, there's nothing to look at but corn and silos, it's boring as hell.

Image Description: A flat screen television shows the opening to "SpongeBob SquarePants" in the corner of a Taco Bell.

In the middle of Bumfuck, Illinois, we stopped at a truck stop for Taco Bell, and lo and behold they're playing old school Spongebob on the TV so that was fun entertainment for 20s-about-to-be-30s grown men. Later on in the drive we did another fuel stop and pet the token gas station crackhead's dog so that was fun.

Image Description: A plain Midwestern town with a short, tacky Gateway Arch prop.

THE FAMOUS ARCH!!!! WE'RE HERE!!!

Okay, that was in Illinois over an hour outside of St. Louis, like how people from Dayton tell others they're from Cincinnati. 

Image Description: Keychains in the shapes of guns and bullets reading "ILLINOIS" hang from a rack.

Ever go to a beautiful state like Illinois and think "man, I'd really like an ammo keychain to remember this by?" America, fuck yeah!

Image Description: Across a railway shipping yard, one can see the skyline of St. Louis and the Gateway Arch form the highway.

This is the closest we got to the real thing on the way down, sadly. But hey, missing traffic!

Enjoy a glimpse of my friends and I being stupid as we crossed state lines.

Image Description: On the left, a cracked pavement road has a "MISSOURI US 66" road sign painted on the tarmac. On the right, an old hotel has a brown sign out front, with yellow letters reading "Route 66 State Park Visitor Center."

The first cool thing we had planned to do was the Route 66 State Park Visitor Center in Pacific, Missouri. This small free museum was set up in an old Route 66 motor inn, and pays homage to the days gone by of motoring along America's Mother Road. While the interstates might have sent this historic freeway the way of the dinosaur, the remaining presence of America's Main Street remains a very significant source of pride for the people of Missouri in 2024. Maybe that's why it remains my favorite place for road tripping?

Image Description: In the top left, several Route 66 highway signs bear the names of the different states through which the road passed. On the top right, an electric guitar made of a Route 66 street sign is displayed, autographed by Loretta Lynn in the top left corner and Miranda Lambert in the top right. On the bottom left, a motorcycle sits in an indoor showroom surrounded by velvet ropes in front of a neon red and green Phillips 66 sign. On the bottom right, a sign says Route 66 Lounge surrounded by music notes.

The stuff in here came from many different hotels, service stations, and diners along the historic highway. Really gives a nice glimpse into what a road trip back in this era might have been like.

 

Image Description: A yellow 66 Campbell Express logo bears the image of a camel and says "humpin' to please" over an analog clock.

Umm, when you said you wanted to "ride on Route 66" you meant go on a road trip, right? ...right?

Image Description: A rusty green bridge skeleton crosses high over a river into a springtime forest.

Outside is kind of the biggest "artifact," if you call it an artifact, at this museum. The access road to the museum is a repurposed section of Route 66, and this bridge skeleton used to carry motorists right across the river back in the day. There are plans to restore it for cyclists by 2026, but it's iconic even in current condition.

Image Description: Three men in their late twenties: Jarrett, Ben, and Carl, pose in front of a rusty green bridge skeleton crossing the river into a forest.

Me and the boys testing the bridges built by friendship.

Image Description: On the side of the road, a billboard reads "URANUS FUDGE FACTORY EXIT 163," showing a man holding a block of fudge and a Route 66 sign. At the bottom, it says "The Best Fudge Comes From Uranus!"

Our next stop was Uranus! Not my anus, Uranus. Uranus Fudge Factory is the poster child for tacky roadside tourist shit that makes up the backbone of Americana culture.

Image Description: A colorful rocket-themed neon sign reading "Uranus Fudge Factory; Sideshow Museum; Fort Uranus; Uranus Ice Cream Co. HoMade & Hand Dipped." The sign shows a green dinosaur eating a flying saucer piloted by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Waze had to route us around an accident on the way here only for a truck to almost take us out on the frontage, but we made it to Uranus.

Image Description: A man wearing a yellow pineapple shirt and a blue mask poses in front of five colorful bottles labeled Uranus Vineyards. The wines are called Tighty Whitey, Number 2, Posterior, Sweet Cheeks, and Full Moon. A mirror behind the bottles shows a hornets' nest decoration hanging from the wine shelves.

Well this place is about as classy as you'd expect! It's primarily a tacky candy shop with a side hustle in moonshine and alcohol, and also one of those places that decorates with way too many dead animals and hornets' nests on the wall for some reason. But there's other like fun stuff to do around, and the whole idea is that it's a town called Uranus and all the signage has immature fart and poop joke humor on it. Chances are you have an immature uncle that thinks toilet humor is comedy gold and is really funny at Thanksgiving, everyone has one, take him here. It's perfect for Uncle Steve or Uncle Chuck or whatever his name is. It's dumb, silly, childish humor and a perfectly stupid way to kill your ETA.

Image Description: A sign on the side of the highway reads "LION'S DEN ADULT SUPERSTORE," a few feet away from it is a 20 foot-tall bowling pin.

Then again, I found humor in this giant bowling pin next to the dildo store so I ain't any better.

Image Description: A circular yellow sign shows a cartoon beaver mascot wearing a red hat, with the word "SPRINGFIELD" below it. In the background, cars park at dozens of gas pumps in a massive Buc-ee's travel plaza. A long dog walking path wraps around a man-made pond.

Up next we had to bow down to our great road trip beaver overlord when we saw there had been a Buc-ee's built in Springfield. I had been to the one in Daytona Beach but Ben told me I lacked the "proper Buc-ee's experience," so this will hold me over until the one they're building at home breaks ground.

Image Description: Three men pose with a beaver mascot in front of a red truck display inside of a store. Ben and Carl stand in the background, with Carl giving two thumbs up. Jarrett kneels in front of them, holding up a red Buc-ee's thermos.

So for those of you who have never been to Buc-ee's before, imagine a truck stop but that truck stop's the size of a Walmart. It's huge, it's always crowded, there's dozens upon dozens of gas pumps, and this one even had a little puppy park for your dog to stretch their paws after Mitt Romney strapped their kennel to the roof.

Image Description: A large wire display basket holds pink, green, blue, and red foam boogie boards with the Buc-ee's beaver logo on them. A price sign reads "Body Boards Assorted Colors $11.89."

Boogie boards! You know, I love vacationing to Missouri's breathtaking coastline and catching killer waves when I'm not relaxing on the beach.

Image Description: On the left, Jarrett enthusiastically hugs a bronze beaver statue. On the right, a partially unwrapped piece of foil paper shows a large sandwich with brisket and smoked turkey peeping out from between the buns.

You come here for good Texas-style brisket, beef jerky, and beaver nuggets.

After getting that done, we had maybe an hour left to Branson. So we got on the road, enjoyed what was left of the drive as the hills shrunk into plains and the plains rose once again into Ozarks, and before we knew it there were ads for Silver Dollar City along the highway! We found the nice hotel Ben had booked us, checked in, and just kind of kept to ourselves for the rest of the night. I played OpenRCT2 on my laptop and made sure all my stuff was in order for the next day.

Day 2- Fire and Ice

All of us were up at a good time, Carl and I got breakfast in the hotel lobby and then we hit the park right in time for opening!

Image Description: Jarrett poses wearing a gray Wildcat's Revenge t-shirt, a red and white checkered flannel shirt unbuttoned over it, a tan cowboy hat, and a beige camera backpack. In the background, a sign themed like a log with an axe in it reads "Silver Dollar City."

I've been to this park three times prior: once in 2015, once in 2016, and once in 2020. In 2015, Ben was with me on one of the most chaotic road trips ever. That year, we did this as a winter trip only to get down here and find none of the coasters operable. Furthermore, the State of Missouri was also under an emergency due to some very bad flooding in the vicinity, which cut our cave tour short. To this day, Ben was missing most of SDC's coaster credits, and neither one of us had seen the bottom of Marvel Cave. Time to change that!

Image Description: A clockpunk-themed roller coaster sign made up of dials, gears, and pendulums sits atop a truss. "TIME TRAVELER" reads the name of the coaster, with a bronze and orange Silver Dollar City logo below it.

We were gonna go to Time Traveler first...but it broke down. So we did Thunderation, one of only two coasters Ben had gotten to ride when he last came here. It's my favorite Arrow mine train, cool mine-themed queue, and I love the intense downhill layout of it. It's like an alpine coaster on steroids and it's perfect for it. Not to mention this is the perfect park to rock the GOAT mine train in its lineup.

Image Description: Inside a wood-paneled Christmas shop, the focal point of the photo is a white tinsel Christmas tree decorated with ornaments depicting candy and breakfast foods.

We looked at Christmas stuff before moving on to our next ride and I now know I need a breakfast-themed Christmas tree in my life to celebrate Jesus's barn birthday.

Image Description: A photo op shows a drawing of a man and woman wearing steampunk attire, with the sign reading "Silver Dollar City; Coca Cola." Through the holes cut for the faces, Ben and Carl look at each other seductively. Carl sticks his tongue out.

A right wing politician secretly meets with his drag queen lover moments after voting to take both of their rights away. Washington, DC. 2024. Color.

Image Description: A plaza for a roller coaster. To the right, a sign made of rusted metal on rock reads "OUTLAW RUN" with a man riding a horse atop the text. Under a roof structure sits a red stage coach. To the left, a rusty tower of pipes holds a gold sheriff star. In the background, a wooden roller coaster rises into the sky, dips downward to the left a little, and dives nearly vertically.

We went to try out Outlaw Run next, only to be met with a pretty rude surprise.

Image Description: On the left, a brown bucket-style roller coaster test seat has its belt buckled, with approximately eighteen inches of seatbelt available. On the right, the lap bar is shown in the down position.

In 2020, I came here rocking a few pounds of quarantine fifteen. This time, I had spent a good part of the late offseason being sick and unable to work out as much as I usually do, I was about the same size as I was in 2020, maybe a little smaller. Now, I was able to ride everything here then, though Outlaw Run's belt was a tight squeeze that I didn't deal with on Lightning Rod a week later. Well this time, not only could none of us ride, but there was a guy that was literally just above average-sized (couldn't have been more than 220 pounds) that could barely get the belt to click. Talking around both at the park and in RMC Connection, I learned that the belt material had shrunk due to age, and that the park had tightened the lap bar a full inch and a half since I last came. I was almost able to get the belt to click, and maybe in another seat it might have, but there's no getting an RMC lap bar an inch and a half lower on my fat ass. First RMC I've not been able to fit into. Here's the test seat with the bar at the go/no go point, they're much smaller than the actual ride seats here so make of that what you shall. I get coaster seats can only be so big, but when people like that gentleman are at risk of being turned away that feels like a design flaw. Whatever they were solving by doing this it wasn't a good solution.

Image Description: A red roller coaster train with lap bars climbs a wooden left hill, with the drop and a turn through the truss visible on the left.

It's a shame, too. Because this was my first RMC and I knew it was a tight fit but I did think I'd get to ride. It's a unique coaster that I really like, last time it was still my favorite in the park. But I heard it's gotten rough so maybe it's for the better. But mostly I felt bad for Ben, last time we were here this ride was down due to cold so he's never ridden this significant RMC. It's definitely a cursed coaster for both of us now.

Heading back to Powder Keg, we swung by Giant Barn Swing for some airtime! I think I like Barnstormer better but this ride is still pretty fun!

Image Description: A roller coaster train decorated with faux wood panels and decorative TNT barrels on the front prepares to drop down a length of white steel track. Riders are restrained via lap bars and raise their hands up in anticipation.

Alright, Do-Dodonpa rated PG, let's do it!

Image Description: A vertical spike of black roller coaster track rises into the sky before the rails bend off, appearing damaged. In the foreground, trees with pink blossoms and green leaves contrast the black steel of the coaster.

Powder Keg is a slept on family coaster. It's quirky and unique and delivers a pretty great ride if I do say so myself. It's fast, smooth, plays with the terrain beautifully, and you get airtime on it.

Image Description: A hand holds a small strap and buckle attached to a sideways lap bar.

Again with the bad test seats, these stupid belts aren't even on the trains themselves. None of us were able to get this to click but we all rode the coaster no problem. This isn't like "make it a bit tighter to remove any doubt," this is "tell you you need to go on the Subway diet and lose fifty pounds when you don't."

Image Description: A roller coaster train of four cars each holding two rows of two comes to rest on a brake run. The wooden structure of Outlaw Run can be seen in the background.

We all loved it! It's got that light ejector, it's still smooth, and that launch is killer as always. It makes me want to get to Great America and do Maxx Force again.

I'm a Zoomer now I made a TikTok. Someone fetch my Fortnite and Tide Pods I don't want to work anymore.

Image Description: A dish contains kettle chips, taco meat, shredded yellow cheese, and a drizzle of sour cream. It sits on a checkered red and white tablecloth.

We swung by for some kettle chips before going for Fire In The Hole.

Image Description: Jarrett and Carl sit in a test seat reading "Silver Dollar City Rescue Wagon." Both of them give a thumbs up.

Okay, now we have a fire to put out! This was our primary purpose of coming down here, let's put the wet stuff on the red stuff!

Image Description: On a wall, three wanted posters depict comical caricatures of men in horned Baldknobber masks.

And here we have the latest list from social media of the coaster influencers that we're cancelling this week.

Image Description: A Fire In The Hole train, consisting of two cars each holding three rows of two, loads in the Fire In The Hole station. Each seat has a simple red lap bar. On the left, a ride operator in a firefighter costume loads the front row.

You now sit in two-car, six-row RMC trains. You can see the resemblance with the I-box trains, but they feel nothing like them. They ride a lot higher, the lap bars are a simple ratchet that engages much higher up, and there's no knee defender. They're great dark ride trains, honestly. RMC should try to sell more if they can.

Image Description: Ben, Carl, and Jarrett stand in front of Fire In The Hole's station. Badge-shaped signs mark rows 1-6 hanging from the ceiling.

Time to ride! Run boys run, don't be slow, fire on the mountain, Fire In The Hole!

Image Description: The entrance to Fire In The Hole. A red two-story building holds a sign reading "Silver Dollar City Pumper Factory; Public Entrance." To the left, a black sign says "FIRE IN THE HOLE" in red and gold letters.

The building might smell freshly constructed, but inside is the same ride. Same layout, mostly the same scenes, same everything. Minor details are different, such as character dialogue, but all in all it's the same animatronics and props but in a better, newer, freshly renovated setting that'll keep this fun and campy ride around for generations to come. Baldknobbers are still burning the town down, Ned Flanders still ain't got no pants, but now you have dialogue telling the story a bit more directly. Sadly our ride lacked the onboard audio, but that's what you get for doing a soft opening. RMC's work on the ride system itself was great, the trains are nice and comfortable (and accommodating!), and the trackwork is glass smooth. Sadly there's no airtime left, but you also aren't getting punched in the gut with a piece of Home Depot pipe on the drops anymore. And of course, the splashdown appears again after the final drop. It's the perfect indoor family coaster, I'd take even non-rider friends on this!

Image Description: A Colorful 1880s fire district set on the water, with a swing and drop tower ride among painted wooden buildings.

Fire District was rocking because of Fire In The Hole's new presence! It's where the ride belongs now, and this makes me hope Dollywood will do the same and find a way to rebuild Blazing Fury near FireChaser. It needs the same treatment and they probably wouldn't need to develop anything that different from what's already there.

Image Description: A blue, teal, and wood-paneled rapids boat floats through a rocky canal under a water tower. A wooden aqueduct sprays water on the riders. Below the tower, boxes read "DO NOT GET WET; DRY GOODS."

We went from fire to ice, with Mystic River Falls nearby. Last time I came this was under construction, but now it's open in March when it's 60 degrees outside. Everything about this screamed cold, wet, and miserable.

Image Description: A teal and yellow logo reading "MYSTIC RIVER FALLS; SILVER DOLLAR CITY" is displayed against a rocky waterfall.

So naturally, we decided to do it! Well, Ben and I. Carl was bag lady.

Image Description: A teal-green pool of water with a series of blue and yellow buildings behind it, one of them reading "MYSTIC RIVER EXPEDITIONS." An elevator themed as a mine shaft leads to a spiraling waterslide, which leads to a shallow drop. A rapids raft splashes from the drop into the pool.

OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS COLD FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

Let me start by saying I liked the ride a lot. I'm a bit of a rapids enthusiast with these, I fucking love Infinity Falls so I was pretty excited to ride this one. The rapids are a bit tamer than on Infinity or Popeye's, but what it lacks there it makes up for in theming and good water effects. I more or less took a shower under that water tower, while the whitewater sections might have lacked the rollercoaster quality they have on others they still dumped a good deal of (very cold) water into the boat, and I loved the theming.

However, the best part is that insanely cool elevator lift/water slide/drop combo. The thing feels shoddy as hell, you lift up there, it's way taller than it looks, and that mountain air chills you to the bone when you're already decently wet. That water slide looks terrifying from the elevator, you see you're going to go down a straightaway and into a bend and the walls don't look tall enough to stop you from careening out around the bend. It takes this bit with gusto and then goes into the drop, which Ben went down ass first and got full blast of the resulting wave at the bottom. Like, I could have just dumped a bucket of ice water on him. But just when I think I'm safe, a bunch of sadistic adults with quarters are manning probably the best water cannons I've seen on any rapids. We're getting hosed down with ice water from every angle, to the entertainment of these other park guests. "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED???" I asked them as my freezing to death brought wholesome smiles to their faces.

Image Description: Jarrett stands soaked in front of the Mystic River Falls sign, holding up his middle finger while looking cold and annoyed.

I have a few of these "flipping the bird because the rapids soaked me" photos, but I think this was the most warranted in all my years liking these rides.

Image Description: Several styles of period clocks hang from the ceiling over an atrium.

We were gonna do the cave next, but Carl wasn't feeling up to all that climbing in the moment...and just in time, Time Traveler reopened with minimal wait!

Image Description: A gold gear-themed coaster train consisting of four spinning cars, each holding four riders with overhead lap bars, traverses a loop of black coaster track.

This coaster was kind of neck and neck with Outlaw for my favorite in the park last time, but I think this has kind of pulled ahead. As much as I love my RMCs, Outlaw Run just seems to have aged poorly both last time when I could ride it as well as now. I think I have a new favorite in the park! It's okay if Outlaw Run doesn't like my dad bod anymore, Time Traveler takes me for who I am. <3

The insane part of Time Traveler is that you can be facing any direction through any element, and you have no idea what it's going to do next even when you've ridden time after time. Time Traveler at its best is facing backwards in the back out of the station drop, facing sideways through a corkscrew to do a somersault/backflip, and facing sideways in a loop and seeing the horizon twist around right in front of you. There's airtime, hangtime, terrain, visuals, and wrap it all up in beautiful theming that I love and you have an incredible coaster worthy of any top ten.

Image Description: A rust-colored coaster train leaves a weathered wooden station, holding rows of four riders each secured with an over-the-head restraint. A Silver Dollar City logo marks the front of the ride vehicle. On the right, a man waves to the camera.

Wind was starting to pick up, so we elected to go knock out Wildfire should it get to the speeds needed to shut things down.

I hate, HATE Wildfire. Last time I rode this in 2020 it was so rough and painful. You could feel the wheels almost grind against the rails, normal old B&M headbanging aside this was something I'd never seen one of their coasters do. So yeah, wasn't too thrilled to be riding this.

Image Description: An engineering blueprint says "U.S. PATENT OFFICE; REJECTED; CANNOT BE MANUFACTURED" and shows a drawing of an impossible M. C. Escher-esque wooden crankshaft that cannot be manufactured in real life.

This stupid shit in line made me laugh way more than it should have because of my job.

Image Description: A mountainous Ozark landscape overlooking Table Rock Lake, with Wildfire's red boxy track and a train in the foreground.

This coaster has redeemed itself! Sure it's not the best in the park, or even a top tier B&M, but it's fun through the inversions now and I was able to let go and enjoy myself. And there's no denying it's got the best real estate in the park with this view.

Image Description: A water wheel powers a wooden propeller, but one of the five blades is missing.

Thanks I hate it.

Image Description: A Silver Dollar City citizen leads a brown and white goat into the park.

Cute goat on the midway!

Image Description: A framed map of Marvel Cave on the wall of the tour center. A large Cathedral Room marks the entrance to the cave, then the cave moves to the right, down further to the right, and then back up to a train tunnel.

Next up we went to do the cave tour, hopefully all the way to the bottom. Looking at this map, last time I was here we were able to get to the end of the tunnel at the bottom of that large chamber to the left before they made us climb all the way out, due to a state of emergency regarding flooding in Missouri. The bottom of the cave was completely flooded then, so hopefully we would have better luck this time!

Image Description: Carl, Ben, and Jarrett stand with a crowd in front of a painted "MARVEL CAVE; SILVER DOLLAR CITY" sign. Jarrett has a camera around his neck.

We managed to snag the last tour of the day, let's go spelunking! Waterfall room, here we come!

Image Description: A tall 300-foot underground cavern, with a path leading up a rocky mound to a tower leading back to the surface. A sinkhole pour blue-ish sunlight into the rocky cave.

You begin the tour by climbing down this tower onto a pile formed by the rock that collapsed to make this sinkhole. An Osage legend tells that a man was chasing after a dog, found the dog fighting a bear, tried to fight the bear, and the three of them all fell down the sinkhole and died. When colonizers found the cave they discovered notches carved in the trees surrounding the hole, a method used by the Osage to denote forbidden places.

Image Description: Left, a blob-shaped rock formation of calcite deposits with layers and stalactites hanging from it. To the right, a tall column-shaped calcite formation.

The calcium formations at the bottom of this cave are gorgeous. The Liberty Bell on the left (or Jabba the Hut as our guide also calls it) was once a stalactite that fell and began growing in the minerals at the bottom of the cave.

Image Description: A tour group traverses a dark, rocky cavern. The Liberty Bell formation sits at the left of the photo.

Going back to the next room some weird kid tells me to check my photos for ghosts when I edit them and asks me if I've ever taken a ghost photo in my travels. I've taken one photo in Charleston, South Carolina that I can't explain to this date, but I'm not superstitious or anything.

Image Description: On left, a rocky oblong-shaped room with a perfectly flat ceiling. On the right, a look down a rocky chasm with a glint of light at the bottom.

We get back here, there's a bat overhead which spooked some people, but it turned out it was the least of our worries. Our guide gets back here, while we were already to the same room Ben and I reached last time, and tells us, "good news and bad news!" I knew something was up. "The bad news? The train broke and you're gonna have to climb all the way back out of here. The good news? None of you have to go the the gym today!" I wasn't mad at anyone in particular, but I really want to see that waterfall room so this definitely pissed me off after my second time down here ended like this.

Image Description: An elderly man in a khaki cave guide uniform holds a glinting lantern in front of layers of beige sandstone, partially darkened by shadows.

So he shows us this room, called the shoe room, and we get ready to head back.

Image Description: A winding path of ramps leads to the bottom of a cavern, lit by orange light.

On half tours, this guide lets you peek down the path to the waterfall room, so we take turns doing that, but while I'm shooting Ben tells me we need to get out of the way of something. We weren't heading back yet, so I was confused, but once I was gone, he tells me what's up and things get even worse. Here we are, stuck 300 feet beneath the surface, no operating funicular to the top, and to make matters worse someone has just passed out all the way down here. The guest seemed fine and was in good hands with two guides down here with us, but this whole thing just went from bad to worse. And in a cave believed to be cursed by the Osage no less, just as I was asked about ghosts in my photos. Not gonna lie, looking back on it I'm creeped out by it. That's a lot of bad stuff to happen in one place regarding two specific people trying to get to the bottom of it.

Image Description: A sandy hole in a rocky wall, lit up with yellow.

That tour did not rock.

Image Description: Jarrett looks exhaustedly into the camera, drinking a bottle of water.

The climb back out of the cave was fucking brutal, my legs were sore for several days after. You know it's bad when the park is giving out free bottles of nasty Dasani water.

Ben and Carl wanted to rest up a bit more after the climb, so I went over and got in some Time Traveler action. Which involved, you guessed it, more stairs!

Image Description: A gold gear-themed Time Traveler train consisting of four spinning cars, each holding four riders with overhead lap bars, traverses a dive loop.

But hey, it was worth it! Got my favorite seat in the back and got pulled directly over the drop backwards!

Carl and Ben eventually joined up and we tried the front, which is better for positives but lacks the airtime you get in the back.

 

Image Description: In muted color, an underside view of a Time Traveler train drops in front of the rider, showing the mechanical hardware of the train undercarriage. Out of focus in the background can be seen a piece of Time Traveler track and a tower over the treeline.

With nothing else to do, I made the tough decision to sit on Time Traveler the rest of the day. We were gonna do Fire In The Hole again but it went down, oh well!

Probably my favorite station of any coaster ever.

Image Description: On the left, Jarrett stands in front of a Time Traveler car bathed in green light. On the right, an empty platform for Time Traveler under a series of lights and clockwork gears.

After I stuck around for Last Ride of the Night on Time Traveler, or LROTNOTT, we headed out through the gift shop and got food!

Image Description: A logo on a menu says "Gettin' Basted" and shows a pig drinking a beer with a sausage on a skewer, relaxing on a grill.

Hehehe, the restaurant was called Gettin' Basted.

Image Description: A spread of food consisting of bologna smothered in barbecue sauce, Texas toast, pickles and pepperoncini, macaroni and cheese, chili smothered with cheese and green beans, and a dish made of creamed corn and poblanos that's been charred on the top.

I had barbecue bologna with chili, mac and cheese, and their iconic corn poblano brulee. And all of it was to die for, but I'm sorry, the corn was the best part of this meal. I didn't eat all of my food and took some home, but I left none of the corn because it was too damn good!

In case you want to learn to make it yourself!

Image Description: A glass containing ice and an amber-colored drink, with a red cherry.

I also enjoyed a Cherry Bomb with my meal, which was Dr. Pepper and bourbon with cherry syrup. An alcoholic Cherry Pibb, if you will.

Image Description: A large white classical-styled building called Wonder Works appears smashed upside-down over a cabin.

All that aside, we headed back to the hotel. Our final thing to do on the trip, which was right next door to Gettin' Basted, was WonderWorks, and we needed to catch it right at opening.

So we went back to the hotel, I played OpenRCT2, nearly fell on my face to Ben's amusement walking to the car to get peanut butter and jelly, and went to sleep knowing we had a third crazy day ahead of us.

Day 3- It Does Not Flood In Missouri. Ever.

It was up pretty early again the next day, as we had a 9 hour drive ahead of us, and Carl had WonderWorks tickets for us. We get to the parking lot ten minutes before it opens, only for all of Branson and their kids to run in through the rain.

Image Description: A lobby themed as an upside-down building, with a staircase inverted from the ceiling.

I like stuff like this. We're pretty spoiled for science back at home with iconic COSI just an hour away, and I probably wouldn't have done this ordinarily, but Carl had the hookup so now that I was here I was pretty stoked to check it out.

Image Description: A teal-colored arcade game made up of several lights called Speed of Light.

When I was in the fourth grade I did vision therapy to correct a tracking problem with my eyes, and each week I'd have to play this game staring at an LED board pushing the buttons as they lit up. So I was amused to see it had been turned into an arcade game for a science museum.

Image Description: A framed museum photo of a period truck in front of a gas pump. The caption says, "Because of Missouri's central location, Branson is only a day's drive away (or less) for one-third of America's population."

Again, Missouri is very proud of Route 66. They had stuff about it in this museum as well.

Image Description: On the left, a coloring page shows a long-necked sauropod dinosaur colored blue with burgundy stripes. On the right, a 3D rendering of a dinosaur matching the color scheme of the coloring page, with other dinosaurs.

This was pretty cool! I see this screen and in front of it, Carl sits down and just starts coloring in this dinosaur. Now, my friends are weird, so coloring a dinosaur isn't odd behavior for any of us, but I did ask Carl what he was doing. Turns out this scanner can scan the dinosaur you colored and bring it to life in CGI! This was my dinosaur and I love how it turned out. 

Image Description: A glowing Lite Brite showing a stylized purple and red roller coaster lift hill.

In the theme of reliving childhoods, I saw this giant Lite Brite on the wall and had to check it out. So I made this roller coaster, I guess. Almost as cool as the one that can communicate with the Upside-Down!

Image Description: Jarrett stands in front of a glass case, with his hand in a chainmail glove touching a blue-pink lightning bolt from a Tesla Coil.

This Tesla Coil was probably my favorite thing in the museum. You wear this chainmail-esque glove and are able to touch the bolts without feeling them. Lightning is a big theme in the books I'm currently writing, so it was cool getting to handle it.

Image Description: An orange sign reads "Fun Art Museum," but due to the position of a light in the ceiling appears to say "F U ART MUSEUM."

F U Art Museum.

Image Description: A Titanic prop hits an iceberg in blue light.

They had a little thing on the Titanic, though no lessons on "don't drive a sketchy submarine to see it with a Playstation controller." There were decks that were angled as the ship tipped upwards as it sank, as well as this iceberg with water at the temperature it was when the Titanic sank. You could put your hand in and see how long you lasted, I made it 30 seconds and couldn't feel my fingers after.

It was almost as cold as the water in Mystic River Falls. Almost.

Image Description: On the top left, a bag of Buc-ee's Bohemian Garlic Beef Jerky. On the top right, a half-eaten brisket sandwich in foil. On the bottom left, a wrapped chocolate called "Buc-ee's OverBite Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter." On the bottom right, a two inch wide chocolate disk with the Buc-ee's beaver logo stamped into the candy.

We headed out with a deadline and made a quick pit stop at Buc-ee's again on the way through Springfield. So food was in order.

Image Description: The view down a very rainy highway, with a windshield wiper active in the shot.

Again, certain things cannot happen when I take Ben to Missouri. We can't see the bottom of Marvel Cave, we can't ride Outlaw Run, and we can't not get our drive fucked up by rain flooding everything. Missouri floods really easily because of all the rivers, and the rain was pretty bad. We saw a semi truck completely jack knifed 180 degrees around behind itself as well as a car that ran into the median and almost crossed into oncoming traffic.

Image Description: A car radio playing "Bet On It" from High School Musical 2.

We rocked out to old school Nickelodeon and Disney the whole way back. Call me cringe for it, I don't care, I was a theater kid so High School Musical will always be the shit to me.

Image Description: Jarrett drinks a Diet Mtn Dew with a blue Mexican blanket in his lap.

Needed a nice warm blanket for the drive because Ben and Carl are from Florida and always have to have the damn A/C on no matter what temperature it is.

Image Description: A look out into the night from a gas station in a small Midwestern town. Visible in the darkness are illuminated gas stations and hotel signs.

I dropped them at IND, took over the drive, and got myself the remaining two hours home. Had to stop at this nasty gas station to gas up and pee halfway there, but I made it in one piece!

Image Description: A Mystic River Falls boat splashes into the pool at the end of the ride.

What an amazing start to the season! This was the Route 66 road trip that Missouri sets the stage for beautifully, and I'm so glad the second time we went we were able to kind of enjoy the journey just as much as the destination.

That's what this whole interest is about, right?