Rubber Ducks, Harambe, and Bears; Oh My!://Jeep Jamboree Dollywood/Cincy Zoo/Kings Island 2024

       Date:8/23/2024-8/25/2024

Destination: Pigeon Forge, Tennessee

Goal: Dollywood; Kings Island

Distance: 347 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 1

One fall, Dollywood began teasing a coaster of monster proportions. This launched behemoth would redefine the park, sending riders on a vehicular rip through the Smokeys in a ride like no other in a beautiful automobile-themed train. Dollywood's biggest investment to date, no inversions needed! I don't even need to tell you what ride this is, you know what I'm talking about! It opened successfully and everyone loved it!

Image Description: A rocky cave with waterfalls cascading down its boulders and into the pond. A length of orange coaster track goes through the cave, with a teal truck-themed van coming out of the opening.

Yeah, that's right, I'm talking about Big Bear Mountain! The new anchor attraction from 2023 didn't really interest me too much when it was announced, but I had heard it was good and wanted to ride it, if anything as an excuse to go to Dollywood. But sadly, last season ended in a break from coasters, so the Dollywood trip I wanted to do that fall didn't happen. But hey, better late than never! After pushing this back from June to August due to both Ben and I's separate Europe trips, we were able to make it happen!

One of my coworkers informs me that it's "Jeep Jamboree" the weekend we plan to go. Several thousand Jeeps would be converging onto Parkway, rubber ducks and all, which would make for some extravagant crowds but also some even more extravagant people watching.

Day 0- Oh Sheetz!

After another very long day on the grind at work, the plan was for Ben to land at CMH at 10 and for him to crash at my place for the night. So I headed out, picked him up, and we got Sheetz for the drive home. I was also able to give him a copy of the novel I wrote and some maps from Sweden and Denmark, so that was a plus. We got to my place, hung out, and went to sleep.

Day 1- Fiona At The Front Should've Told You

Ben and I got up at the time we agreed upon and I made us Scandinavian breakfast, kaffe and all. Little did I know that this would be our first of two Swedish meals today. But then we got in the car, Ben puts in the directions to Kings Island (plan was to spend the day there and head to the halfway point tonight)...and we see that the park doesn't open until 5. Disheartened, we decide to just kind of hang out and do Cincinnati Zoo and see Fiona, do the Kings Island evening thing, and head to the halfway point as a night drive.

Image Description: A white tray has a few plates on it, one has two chocolate treats, one has a shrimp salad and lemon wedge, one has brown cracker bread topped with shrimp salad, and the other has mashed potatoes, gravy, meatballs, and lingonberry.

Ben wasn't able to join me in Sweden but he was invited, so we stopped at IKEA on the way down and discovered it was half priced entrees day. I pigged out a little and got some of my favorite Swedish dishes I was missing, as well as some of those fika treats you see (the green one is actually called a vacuum cleaner) and some Skagen salad with knakkebröd. And, of course, their famous meatballs.

Image Description: A window has a frosted band with the words "Hej då!" on them in red lettering.

Contacting Liseberg about maybe working with them on my trip, I closed the email out with "hej dö," trying to say "goodbye." Their response informed me that I was probably meaning to say "hej då," which means goodbye, and that "hej dö" means "hello, die." So this was a laugh for all of us. After getting fika at Starsucks, Ben and I headed to Cincinnati Zoo, where I had not been since I was a Cub Scout. 

Image Description: Behind a cable fence, an elephant reaches up to a large blue hanging plastic drum with its trunk.

First up we went to see one of my favorites at any zoo: the elephants! They were nice and active, tearing things out of their food and just kind of chilling.

Ben's father, the sweetest man alive, loves zoos and animal parks and the like. Telling me about this, Ben declares, on the path full of people in earshot, "my father would love this, he's a huge zoophile." And I had to explain what that word meant.

Image Description: A cheetah moves through the woods down to a rocky creek.

Another favorite of mine! Cheetahs are so cool, it would be a great theme for a roller coaster.

Image Description: In the water, a small baby hippo passes in front of the camera.

Cincinnati Zoo is famous for its baby hippos. Yes, hippos! Plural! Fiona is the one everyone knows, she was born prematurely and was unusually small for a baby hippo, and became a symbol of both survival and of Cincinnati. However, I didn't know that the zoo had another baby hippo, little Fritz here, and while Fiona was a preemie, she's still older and bigger than her babby brother. But they're both adorable water blobs.

Image Description: A baby hippo in the water, with two larger hippos on a rock in the background.

I think the medium-sized one in the back is Fiona. She was around, we did see her, but she wasn't feeling photogenic today. Considering all the media attention I remember when she was born, I could understand wanting a private day!

They also had a Florida exhibit which was funny, considering I was with a Floridian. Not the only manatees in Ohio but how can you not love them?

Image Description: A gold statue of a gorilla with a baby riding on its back.

Hang onto your kids, you know what's up here! This, right here, is ground zero from that exact moment in 2016 when society went to shit. COVID, Swifties, World War III, and my own personal trauma never would have happened if things had gone differently that day.

Image Description: A sign shows a gorilla and some leaves and says "GORILLA WORLD" in red letters.

Flashback to the mid-2010s. I'm struggling through engineering school, still involved in the coaster community and hating every minute of it, and getting paid to get into shenanigans at Walmart at 3 am. One fateful day that summer, one bad parent led to the shot heard 'round the world: when Cincinnati Zoo shot and killed Harambe the gorilla. Memes, song parodies, and even a movement spawned from this fateful death of an animal.

Image Description: Amid some bamboo is a small sign showing the Gorilla Glue logo: A round logo of a gorilla holding a sign reading "GORILLA GLUE." Around it it says "INCREDIBLY STRONG 100% TOUGH." Below reads "Official Sponsor of Gorilla Conservation at the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden."

Sponsored by Gorilla Glue. Helps you keep a good grip on your child.

That fateful Summer of 2016 when all this happened and I was working at Walmart, I opened a freight box of Gorilla Glue and, walking past my supervisor, on the sales floor in front of customers, told him, "Gorilla Glue. Helps you hang onto your child at the Cincinnati Zoo." Not only did he about piss himself laughing, but I didn't even get written up or anything.

Image Description: A rocky enclosure with a few trees and two large gorillas.

In all seriousness, though, I normally find monkeys creepy but I have a soft spot for gorillas. They aren't so human-like it's uncanny valley, they're strong yet gentle, and watching them just vibing and eating and going about their business did make me feel bad about what happened. I'm not saying they should have shot Harambe, I'm not saying they shouldn't have, but this shouldn't have even been a question because the damn kid should not have been in the enclosure.  There's also a 30 foot drop between the viewing deck and the enclosure, so I'm not even sure how the kid survived that.

After Harambe was killed, the State of Ohio passed legislation to legally hold responsible anyone whose actions force them to euthanize an exotic animal.

Image Description: A tree has a red panda climbing down a branch, while another one walks behind a rock.

Happier note, I love red pandas! And I didn't get to see the ones at Kolmården that they're very proud of, so it was nice to see these cute little ginger floofballs. Most of the animals at the zoo I want to cuddle would probably end my life but these are an exception.

Image Description: An arrow-shaped sign says "BOOMERS."

Come on, this way to the ACE Event Buffet! Let's save some shitty wooden coasters!

Image Description: A kangaroo lays in the dirt while another one sniffs its butt.

 Kangaroo sniffing other kangaroo's butt. Like Columbus, you can just walk right in with these guys and they won't kick you or anything. They aren't the Mike Tyson of the Oceanic animal kingdom like people think, they're actually pretty comfortable around humans.

Penguins! One of the only good things about second grade for me was the unit we did on penguins that made me love these little guys, and I still remember that this particular penguin, the Little Blue, is the smallest variety. They also live in tropical climates, something most don't understand as they can be found all over the southern hemisphere. And they make such cute little noises and swim laps and do flip turns!

Image Description: A sign depicts a large lizard and says "The Ultimate Predator; The Komodo dragon is the top predator on the Indonesian islands it inhabits."

Photoshop the coaster creep of your choice into this sign over the Komodo dragon.

Image Description: A large black lizard in some mulch pads behind some glass.

Okay but I love these. It's the closest thing we have to a dragon IRL and they don't give a fuck. I've seen videos of them getting inside convenience stores and climbing shelves and stuff.

Obligatory posting of the cute animal video.

Image Description: A hand holds a metal cup with a zebra striped band bearing a green Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden logo, complete with the insignia of a rhino looking at a tree.

From here I wanted a beer so we went to the Biergarten, and I got a beer. To my surprise they come in these nice aluminum cups that keep your beer nice and cold. And it acts as a souvenir bottle!

Image Description: Two squirrels on a handrail in front of some trees. One squirrel sexually mounts the other.

Okay, too close to nature! It's time to leave, nobody needs to watch this!

Image Description: A gift shop table has several books, t-shirts, plushies, and other merchandise all depicting Fiona the Hippo.

We swung by the gift shop on the way out, where you give Fiona your money or be fed to her.

Ben and I got on the road to Kings Island and got there in about thirty minutes, a little after opening.

Image Description: A colorful train rolls down a ramp of brown steel track, with a turn curving under the drop behind it.

Our first stop was Snoopy's Soapbox Racers, new for 2024 here. Ben and I rode in the front for my first time ever and I still think it has the strongest layout of any of the four I rode this summer. Ben's fresh off a romp around Deutschland and says Raik is much more intense, and I think Good Gravy has the theming edge and both Luna and Saven have better locations and themes and visuals, but just on ride this is the best one.

Image Description: A wooden coaster train themed as a blue logging truck climbs a turn into brakes in the forest, with riders excitedly putting their hands up.

Mystic Timbers is a must-ride every time you come here, so we couldn't just miss that. Ben was amazed at how quickly their ops move people, comparing it to Europa's lightning-fast processes.

Image Description: The Beast sign, with Jarrett holding up his middle finger in the foreground, flipping off the sign.

We did Beast next, a coaster that I personally detest from a ride, ideological, and personal standpoint, but one that I'll ride if I'm with an out of towner that doesn't get to come here.

This was my first time on this this season and it's better than I remember it being, but I'm still not sold on it being even in the park's top five, let alone anywhere near the best coaster in the world. The refurbishment is wonderful and will guarantee this coaster lasts forever, but I now think it feels underspeed. It's been reconstructed to absorb the forces of a train on the track better, why can't they open up those trims a bit and let her fly? The only reason this coaster gets a pass for any of this is because a bunch of dirty old ACE members declared it the best coaster in the world at one point, it probably was, and it's a tradition kept alive by ignorant thoosies that listen to this crap because they're desperate to fit into that lovely crowd. Same reason Millennium Force is still ranked as highly as it is by so many, jackasses screaming aw yeah and all.

Image Description: On a black bartop sits a metal pan with a large hot dog topped with saurkraut and mustard with tater tots. A faux wooden beer flight board  holds three beers and one pink liquid.

Why bother coming to a park and not using your dining plan? Ben and I had free food waiting for us at Brewhouse so we did that, and I got a beer flight. THis is lowkey my favorite place in the park, even though I don't feel right spending money on alcohol always.

We continued our journey after this, and Ben was a rockstar and drove, giving me time to write and work on the sequel to my novel.

Image Description: At night, a large gas station has a circular yellow sign depicting a beaver wearing a red hat.

Eventually we got to one of the most important stops on the trip: Buc-ee's in Richmond, KY, which was our halfway point for the drive. For those of you who have not experienced Buc-ee's, imagine a massive dystopian gas station focused on moving beef and petrol, basically the most Texan thing ever but now they have one in Kentucky and one in Sevierville. And my hometown will get one soon! Ben and I got a bunch of food from here and headed to the Red Roof Inn I had booked us, knowing we had a big day tomorrow too.

Day 2- Where is the Big Bear?

I got up and snagged hotel breakfast, a major disappointment being stuck with waffles and cereal after my last trip had European-styled smorgasbord for breakfast every time I stayed somewhere that served it.

Image Description: The dashboard of a car, with an interstate through the mountains out the windshield.

The remainder of the drive was pretty calm, nothing really happened bar rocking out to Lady Gaga and Ben cussing out some hillbilly driver, the ushe for us traveling together.

However, getting closer and closer to Pigeon Forge, we were seeing more and more Jeeps. Pulling up to the park, the parking lot was almost completely full, and half the cars were Jeeps, rubber ducks and all. One of them even had a huge inflatable one on the roof of their Wrangler!

Image Description: In front of a building reading "SHOWSTREET PALACE THEATER" is a golden Dollywood logo in some bushes.

Okay, Dollywood! Been looking forward to this all season, finally here on my first trip post-SweDen.

Image Description: A wooden roller coaster lift hill stretches up a mountain, with a red train on it.

The main reason for the return this year was simply the fact that Lightning Rod is not the gamble it used to be. In the past, you'd wait for it to be somewhat stable, go, and hope it cooperates while you're in town; hell just look at my trip reports from 2018 or 2020 when I went here. Now they've made even more modifications to it, and it's supposed to be more reliable now, but that came at the price of the coaster's signature launch. Lightning Rod was the world's first launched wooden coaster, and now it's the only one that's ever existed of a now defunct coaster type. The ride's initial hill climb, modeled after accelerating a Baja buggy up a sand dune, is now a traditional chain lift. And we're going to see what that did to the ride experience.

Image Description: Two men sit in the front seat of a red hot rod-themed roller coaster train, complete with flames painted on the zero car. On the right is Jarrett, wearing a gray ArieForce One shirt and gray dragon button-down over it. On the left is Ben, wearing a red t-shirt reading "I'm just here for the Cinnamon Bread."

Our first ride on New Lightning Rod was done in the front seat, as Ben was a huge fan of it in the front back in the good old days before society was offended by wood launch coasters. So we rode again in the front to compare experiences.

Image Description: A 1950s-styled building has a tall brick portion behind a white paneled portion. A billboard says "LIGHTNING FAST SPEED ," below a sign on the building says "SERVICE & GAS." Behind it is the lift hill of a wooden roller coaster. In the foreground is a red sign that says "Lightning Rod" on the grill of a hot rod.

It felt...safe. It's still got that RMC quality, it still feels like a wooden coaster on the wood tracked sections, you still get solid airtime, but it's not the out-of-control crackhead "blast you up a mountain and into a valley batshit insane hell on wheels" this ride was supposed to be upon opening. It had airtime, but more like Twisted Cyclone or Joker airtime as opposed to Steel Vengeance or ArieForce airtime like it did when it opened. So yes, major kick to the rankings, I knew for a fact it had fallen out of my top ten, but it's still a very good ride and still the best coaster at Dollywood.

Image Description: In a gift shop sit all sorts of souvenirs depicting Jeeps, the Jeep logo, and rubber ducks.

They had Jeep stuff in the gift shop and it was cringe as fuck.

Image Description: On a tablecloth of old school newspaper ads sits a white plate, topped with a ham sandwich, potato chips, and a small bowl of beans.

Both of us were starving by now, so we went for Granny Ogle's Ham and Beans...and discovered the cassoulet I wanted to try there was no longer on the menu. But I ended up with a pulled ham sandwich with beans and shit, only to bury everything on this plate with chow chow.

Image Description: A coaster station has a rust-colored Arrow Looper train in waiting.

With where we were, we decided to just make the loop up to Big Bear for me. So logically, Tennessee Tornado was the first stop. It was running so well! Didn't hit my head once, it barrels into and out of those inversions, and that tunnel drop is so cool. My only gripe with this coaster is that there isn't more of it, and it hits the brakes with so much gusto that I know there could be more.

Image Description: Fastened to a fence is a white sign with a red frame depicting a hardhat with a butterfly on it. The sign says "PARTON OUR DUST. 'When I'm inspired, I get excited because I can't wait to see what I'll come up with next.' -Dolly Parton, Dreamer-In-Chief."

FireChaser had an insane wait and Wild Eagle was down, so we continued past both of them. The construction fence on the River Battle plot had nothing of the new restaurant hidden, but I did find this sign cute. 

Image Description: A circular blue disk sign has several scratches in the sheet metal, revealing the face of a black bear.

We headed up the hill to Big Bear Mountain next, my new credit for the trip. This was announced in late 2022 and I had planned to ride it in fall of 2023, unfortunately last season ended with me taking a coaster hiatus, so that trip didn't happen. But I wasn't there then but I'm here now, so that alone made this a meaningful experience, even for a random coaster I just saw as an excuse to go back to Dollywood.

Image Description: A teal Jeep-themed roller coaster train dives down a curve under some rocks behind a waterfall.

We're standing next to this water feature as I take this shot. Train comes, I open my shutter and do my thing, and then when it weaves back around a second time, someone on the train points towards Ben, the bearded burly gay man I'm traveling with, and shouts, "there's the big bear!"

Image Description: A queue line is in a canvas tent, with several bulletins and signs posted inside.

While there is a theme present and the ride does look nice due to good effort, Dollywood didn't break the bank with the theming here. No multi-story auto shop queues, no indoor/outdoor haunted mine, no exploding fireworks store (Jellico, TN doesn't have one either!), they put stuff down and erected rockwork to make the ride look good and tell the story. 

Image Description: A teal coaster train themed as a muddy Jeep emerges from a rocky cave, with a waterfall cascading into a splash pool below. The coaster track is orange and another turn weaves overhead.

Ben and I did not find the Big Bear, but I did find one of my new favorite coasters here. I didn't expect much from Big Bear Mountain when it was announced, but it blew me away! This is easily a top 5 in the park, possibly even a top 3 depending on your specific tastes. I love the tiny kiddie boomerang cars on a full-sized coaster, and the onboard audio really adds to the rush you feel zipping around this tame but agile layout. Going into the second launch, after I'd ridden enough to leave me impressed, Ben screams, "THIS RIDE NEVER ENDS!!!" And he meant it! After the second launch there's so much in terms of hills, turns, strafing, and even a dive under the pathway. Just when you think it's the last element, there's more. I expected to hit the brakes three times before we actually did. This is Dollywood's Cheetah Hunt, a thrilling family-friendly coaster that isn't too intense but is very fun because of its landscaping and how well it's paced. Maybe not as intense as Cheetah Hunt, but definitely in the same vane. It's fast, it's long, it's smooth, it's well-paced, and the ride just seems to keep dishing out more and more and never end. And considering the rumor I heard that Thunderhead is Dollywood's only other coaster to be built to the length fully planned, they needed that. I like Big Bear Mountain, if it wouldn't fall off I'd gladly leave a rubber ducky on it.

Image Description: A bubbling brook cascades down a rocky mountain creek. Uphill, two curves of orange roller coaster track crisscross, with a Jeep-themed train on the lower length.

The line wasn't that bad so we took another spin, this time in the very front. It's good all around but I think I prefer this seat for this coaster.

Image Description: A rickety wooden mine shaft has a length of dipping coaster track coming out of it, with a mine car-themed carriage climbing back up over a small hill.

Going back downhill we hit Mystery Mine, which was smoother than I remember it being. Sure it's still a bit rough around the edges, but I can forgive that a bit from a thematic standpoint, which is what this ride is all about. It's about mixing a themed experience with unusual elements and tricks involving darkness and illusions. And while some might see this as janky and misshapen, I love how back assward and out of control it feels. That finale is crazy!

Image Description: A curve of silver coaster track bends down a grassy slope, with a mine car-themed carriage carrying two rows of four riders. The curve weaves between two sets of track supports.

I still miss the horseshoe curve it used to have, but I understand why they did what they did, and I'm not going to complain if that's what needed to happen to keep this great indoor/outdoor coaster scaring riders for years to come. 

Image Description: A weathered sheet metal sign says "THUNDERHEAD; WOODEN COASTER" in front of a dip of track, with tree branches in the foreground.

Finishing off the loop, Thunderhead is next in the pecking order, and it was awesome! We rode up front and it hit every single airtime moment with just the right amount of edge appropriate for a good wooden coaster. Thunderhead's back, and she's still one of GCI's greatest creations ever. Definitely their biggest airtime machine, yes even compared to Mystic or Prowler.

Image Description: Three roller coasters are visible. A blue looping steel coaster does a drop and a loop at the top of a mountain. The rickety mine shaft-themed building of Mystery Mine has the coaster's name painted on the wooded wall. To the left, a rock formation with a waterfall has a bump of orange track weaving through the boulders.

How the Dolly Parton park designed to wring money out of toothless hillbilly tourists has such a damn good ride lineup is beyond me, and their best coaster isn't even in this shot!

Image Description: On the front of a beige building is a large pink butterfly that says "Dolly" in a gold script font.

Ben and I had dinner reservations for Song & Hearth at DreamMore Resort, but it was a bit early, so to kill time we checked out the new Dolly museum.

Image Description: In a glass display case sits a child-sized coat made with colorful fabric patches.

They kept this artifact front and center on display, and that's what matters most to me. Dolly's Coat of Many Colors that inspired the song of the same name is the single most precious thing in this park and I hope it remains there forever.

Image Description: A tall purple-lit room, with a guitar-shaped screen showing Dolly singing in a lavender dress, her name written in cursive above. On the adjacent wall are several gold records in frames.

The new museum is very well done. It's thematic, it tells the story well with lots of different media, and looks incredible. However, Ben and I did both kind of feel like it made it look like she was already dead. You enter the last room and it's 360 degrees of Dolly on 20 foot high walls, and then she finishes singing and you see "DOLLY" fade onto the screen. But they can't be preparing to turn this into a memorial because Dolly Parton is too good to ever be taken from this world.

Image Description: Jarrett stands in front of a chrome bus, with a purple window strip reading "Dolly" in gold cursive letters.

We also swung by Dolly's tour bus, which I had never seen in all my years coming here.

Image Description: In a narrow bus, three bunk beds stacked closely on top of each other are topped with thin purple bedding.

Seeing these tiny triple bunk beds with paper-thin mattresses gave me flashbacks to those awful Scandinavian beds.

Image Description: A bedroom in the back of a bus has a large bed adorned with several pillows and a guitar on the sheets. A small vanity with a mirror is along the back wall, a small TV is mounted facing the bed.

Dolly travels well! How can I get myself a bus like this so I can sleep while Ben drives my ass around like my little roadie slave?

Image Description: A large white hotel made with classical southern architecture.

Oh yeah, that Song & Hearth thing. My first time at DreamMore Resort, though I had read about it before.

Image Description: Behind a glass pane sits a locked wooden box. A sign next to it explains that it is a chestnut "Dream Box" containing a song called "My Place in History" that only she knows, that will be released on 1/19/2045.

I also knew about this Dolly time capsule, but had no idea it was displayed here. This was so cool to actually see, but it'll be another 20 years before we get to hear its contents.

Image Description: A tall rustic dining room with river rock and natural wood architecture. Appalachian art depicting trees and music notes hangs on the walls alongside stained glass. A light fixture made of copper cloches hangs down.

Song and Hearth is the ultimate theme park "stuff your face" restaurant. It's a bit pricey but it's for all the damn good southern cuisine you can get off the buffet. Among my favorites here were stuffed pork loin, Korean BBQ short ribs, fried chicken, smoked sausage, and macaroni & cheese.

Image Description: A small glass holds a yellow ice cube in colorless liquid. A small skewer garnishes it with two black cherries.

Dollywood is dry but this restaurant has liquor, and I got this pineapple old fashioned. The cube is frozen pineapple juice floating in almost straight liquor and bitters, the idea is to drink it slowly as the pineapple melts and sweetens it.

Image Description: A white plate holds several sugary desserts, including banana pudding, pineapple upside down cake, flan, a worms and dirt cupcake, colorful pound cake, a donut, a Jello shot, and a key lime pie.

Forgot to photograph my food food, but this was the dessert spread I got. I go to buffets more to sample lots of different food than to actually be a fatass, so no worries, I did not eat all of what is shown, but it was good. I liked the banana pudding and worms and dirt cupcake the best, I think.

Image Description: Across a lake sits a wooden roller coaster climbing up a mountain, with a red train curving up a turn.

After heading back to Dollywood, Ben wanted to call home, so I continued onto Lightning Rod without him...and it's fucking phenomenal!  I rode in the back, warmed up, broken back into after a brief breakdown, and I got much closer to the OG Lightning Rod experience than I was getting earlier. After Ben got done and headed back over, I basically dragged him on it.

Image Description: A wooden roller coaster train themed as a hot rod barrels down two dips on a scruffy mountainside.

She's still got it! Both of us were floored with the 2-3 rides we were able to get, that quad down still hits just as hard in the back as it used to. The drop maybe lost a bit of its oomph, maybe a bit with the first element, but the closer you get to the end of the ride, the more it feels like 2016 Lightning Rod. But this time, planning a trip to come experience it isn't a dance with danger, and that's important. 

Image Description: Across a fountain at sunset, a wooden roller coaster climbs a mountain. Red and white chaser lights can be seen on the lift hill handrail.

What's this? Lightning Rod is glowy in the dark now? The park installed a rockin' lighting package going up the lift and it looks good!

Image Description: Amid some trees at night, Mystery Mine's colorful building stands in front of one of Wild Eagle's loops all lit up.

We hit Wild Eagle next, since it was operational but on one train. It was pretty good! Night rides on this can be hit or miss, it depends on the time of year, but this was a gorgeous flight through a beautiful summer night overlooking the park, glowing with the various hues of its lighting. This was kind of the underrated coaster at Dollywood for me always, my family trip here in 2012 meant so much to me so it's kind of sentimental in that respect.

Image Description: An empty station is themed as a fire depot.

FireChaser is always a walk on later in the day, and we took advantage of that since we passed it on our first loop around.

Image Description: A green roller coaster has a red locomotive-themed train go over a hill, with a fire tower in the background.

I used a daytime photo because, you know, lighting; but this was a night ride. And a damn good one! It's not glass smooth like it was when it opened, but I can forgive a bit of steel texture if the ride is supposed to be a train or something as long as it doesn't totally wreck you. It's more intense than Big Bear but not as well-paced. However, it's still incredible going up and down those drops and weaving around the mountain and towers at night. And my favorite part of the ride, that backwards launch that punches you in the face and careens around aimlessly with no rhyme or reason, is even weirder at night. I like this ride! I'm not sure if I prefer it or Big Bear, but that's where we're headed next!

Image Description: At night, a tree atop a rock has its leaves lit up in every color of the rainbow.

Time to go looking for the Big Bear after dark. Kids, don't type that into your search engine.

Big Bear Mountain at night is fun! Ben and I rode up front, with the headlights illuminating the few feet of track in front of us, and it really feels like a race down mountain backroads in a vehicle that handles well. And like the rest of the ride, the best part is that it's consistently good the entire time and never ends. It might lack a standout element, but it's a jack-of-all-trades.

Image Description: A freestanding sign says "Lightning Rod" on the front of a flaming hot rod grill, with a sunset sky and fifties-styled service station in the background.

We had kind of been blitzing the loop because we wanted one last ride on Lightning Rod at night, and we made it just in time to do that! And it's every bit as legendary at night as it used to be. I'm so glad it's been kept as intense as they could, and so excited I feel I can safely come here in the future and expect it to be open. Even for a roller coaster, Lightning Rod has had its ups and downs, and while one of those ups might now be much slower, it reasonably works. I'd still like to see them fix that rough spot between the first two elements, but I feel like this won't be a financial money pit for Dollywood's maintenance department anymore, and it can already be seen on how well everything we rode today handled. New Lightning Rod: You're The One That I Want! 

Image Description: A black dresser has one leg smashed off, with a wood block holding up that corner.

After a terrifying slalom through the backwoods at night in my tiny car, Ben and I arrived at Hotel Pigeon Forge. He drops me off to check in and parks the car, I come back with a luggage trolley to unload our shit, and he tells me, "Jarrett, you missed Let's Go Brandon!" Behind us on Parkway was this obnoxious ass parade of Jeeps, and every thirty seconds was either the distinctive honk of a Jeep or some jackass screaming Let's Go Brandon into a megaphone. Because it's an election year and, we have to make everything political even in a vacation town.

Nice room, but this was pretty Pigeon Forge of them. 

Day 3- Wake Up, Jeeple

Good morning! I love waking up, opening the window, and seeing that you're in Pigeon Forge! This view was almost as beautiful as the boat I slept on in Stockholm! Almost!

Image Description: A laptop with Google Docs sits on a table with paper plates and a half-finished cup of coffee.

That morning, I joined several rednecks in the hotel lobby for breakfast (shoes optional apparently, this was gross) and worked on my novel with food. There was a nice older couple there that I talked travel with, so that was nice.

Image Description: On a luggage trolley sits a pair of detached car doors, one of which has a Coca-Cola bottle in the cupholder.

Once Ben was up, we go to check out...and see this shit. Jeep doors on a luggage trolley, what was going on here?

Image Description: A black Jeep without doors sits outside a hotel door blocking the loading area, with a luggage cart holding two doors parked next to it. One door still has a Coke bottle in the cupholder.

The audacity of this bitch was going on! This couple decides because they have a Jeep and they're the shit, they park their gas guzzler in the hotel loading area, get out the toolbox, and make a full mechanical modification to their car, fuck anyone else needing to throw their crap in their vehicle and go! Ben had to park in the middle of the parking lot, and by the time we were all loaded up to leave, they hadn't even reattached one door to their car.

Image Description: A tall lodge-themed hotel lobby with a large stone chimney at the center. In the roof rafters are decorations resembling orange monarch butterflies.

What's a Dollywood trip without cinnamon bread? We went to Heartsong Resort next for a little spot of Fika. I love this hotel so much more than DreamMore, but some of the halls and rooms seemed a bit bland.

Image Description: On a plate sits a piece of cinnamon bread next to a coffee cup.

The cinnamon bread here isn't as good as it is in the park, but it was good! I got the dark roast soulless cremated coffee that tastes of the sucked-out life force of the child laborers who picked the beans. Dip your happy sugary cinnamon bread into it, and the two opposites pair perfectly.

Image Description: A large travel stop is full of people. A red truck sits to the left.

We had to get a move on after. But first...Bucees! There was a ton of traffic to get into the Sevierville travel stop, but we braved a gas light and pissed off Jeep traffic and even a Cybertruck to get in here!

Image Description: A blue Nissan has a blue rubber duck on the dashboard.

Like Dollywood, Buc-ee's was prepared for Great Smokey Mountain Jeep Invasion, and I even got two rubber ducks from both locations we stopped at on the way! Dolly is blue (as seen here), and Donald is orange and sparkly and gay and shit! I like the rubber ducks, I hate everything else about Jeep culture after this weekend and they're gonna be Ben and I's new white pickup trucks.

Image Description: An orange Jeep has two flags hanging off the back, one is American and says "ONE NATION UNDER GOD," the other has an obnoxious-looking eagle.

We got a move on past the wave of Jeeps leaving Pigeon Forge, each more obnoxious than the other. One we even blasted the Top Gun theme while passing to mock their stupid ass 'Murica decorations!

Image Description: A highway has a blocky silver pickup truck uglying it up.

Look, a Cybertruck! There goes the biggest dipshit on the highway, this is almost worse than the Jeeps!

Image Description: On a plate lined with newspaper are two saucy meat skewers, a piece of naan, and a paper bowl of fried rice.

We popped into Kings Island on the way back to use our dining plans at Grain & Grille. I got this fried rice and Asian pork kebabs which was really good.

Image Description: A black sandwich board with chalky white letters says "The French Corner Bar & Bistro; French Corner is currently closed. We're brewing up something special, coming this Fall."

The initial plan was French Corner, but there was a sign up that it was closed for renovations. Connor and I were here a few weeks ago and heard them talking about adding a bar, it was likely for that.

Image Description: A tall blue Eiffel Tower surrounded by Kings Island flags on a midway.

We left Kings Island, got Ben to the airport, and got me home after a great weekend.

Image Description: Orange coaster track descends from the sky, carrying a teal Jeep-themed train full of riders with their hands up.

This was not only a great welcome back to the States after what I just did, but also the perfect goodbye to the summer season 2024. This was a much overdue return to a beautiful park, and I had a great time. Jeeple watching, new Lightning Rod actually working, discovering how much I liked Big Bear, and of course, the food made this trip, as well as the usual Ben and Jarrett chaos that often ensues when we do this. Normally I'm ready to kind of settle down this time of year after running around all summer, but this was different. I'm excited for my next trip, bring on the fall season!