Cornstalkers On The Cob://Cedar Point Halloweekends at Con On The Cob 2024

         Date:10/4/2024

Destination: Sandusky, OH

Goal: Cedar Point, HalloWeekends

Distance: 66 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 0

Con and Coasters, Double Feature

Zamperla will make an error

Screamsters jumping Carl Ben and Jarrett

We got nine people, can we plan it?

Oh-oh at the weekend, double feature, thoosie shitshow!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Into the black night sky rise two towers, one is a roller coaster of black supports with striped white and red track like a radio tower, the other is a purple pneumatic tower with four legs.

When I'm not running around a midway in cargo shorts like a loser, I enjoy running around nerdy comic cons in a costume, also like a loser. And my favorite con that's currently operating is Oddmall's Con on the Cob in the Akron area. Ben and I do this con every year, this year he brought his roommate and buddy Carl, who you might remember from the Silver Dollar City road trip back in March. These two had the idea to pop out and do Cedar Point one of the con days, and I wasn't about to say no to that! I'd been holding off until we had World's Largest Italian Carnival Ride to suck crowds from Steel Vengeance and the other coasters I like, but with that not happening for a while, now was as good a time as any to visit Cedar Point just once.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett, a man in his early 30s, stands in a bathroom wearing a black shirt with a white wooden coaster on it, a colorful button-down shirt depicting retro space rockets and planets, and a black hat that says "Fønix" on a phoenix logo.

Outfit of the day! Black Wildfire shirt makes its debut, Fønix hat for Siren's Curse since new Vekoma is awesome! And colorful retro rocket ships on the button-down just for the thoosies that don't like my flannels. <3

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From a highway bridge, a body of water and lakehouses sit below amid swampy plants.

We got on the road, Ben and Carl stopped at Giant Eagle for coffee, I was working on finishing up some cosplay portfolio stuff on my laptop for the con, and we continued onward. The drive across Northern Ohio is beautiful! It's got wetlands to pass over, you take this drive you'll likely see a Great Blue Heron fly over the road or something.

Cedar Point, babby! Carl's first iconic drive across the causeway since childhood, and my first since last year's spring season!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two arching twists of blue roller coaster track twist through and adjacent to twin silver blade-like towers. A roof below holds several pumpkins with various faces on them.

Cedar Point during Halloweekends! First time here for Haunt since 2018, let's do this!

We got in, souvenir shopped, and met up with Carl's family. His mother, two aunts, and his own sister were all to meet up with us...as well as a few others later on in the day.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gift shop wall holds several white necklaces reading "NO BOO!" on a lanyard with a little plastic ghost prop. A black and orange sign reads, "DON'T WANT TO BE SCARED? PURCHASE A NO BOO NECKLACE TO LET OUR MONSTERS KNOW NOT TO SCARE YOU! $15.99"

We also swung by a gift shop to snag me this No Boo Necklace. With my social anxiety disorder, I can't have people spiking my anxiety when it's already super high being around a bunch of people on a midway, preferring to do that in a haunt maze where I don't have to worry about being in someone's way all the time.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up an aforementioned No Boo necklace, revealing details of the pendant. It is a small white plastic ghost with a smiling face and rosy cheeks.

This accommodation changes design every year, I have one that's a purple bat, a blue spider, a white skull, and a white mummy that flashes green. This year it's a cute little ghost! I love these, when they became a thing I was so thrilled that I was able to go to Haunt and enjoy watching other poor bastards get the shit scared out of them. Unfortunately, this cute little fella brings out a lot of very sad ableism from the coaster community. Many people complain about them, stating that those who need this shouldn't be in the park or citing bad parenting. And it's disgusting and a fandom that is welcoming and inclusive, as clubs such as ACE claim to be, has no place for that.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall black truss with vertical red and white striped track rises into the sky, in the foreground is a gray and red arch reading "TT2."

We went past WTT2 Radio, I mean Top Thrill 2, next on our way to our first ride of the day.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Into the sky rises a single spike of vertical track, white with red stripes, held up by a black truss. In the foreground, temporary barriers read "TOP THRILL 2" and "CP RACING."

Honestly? It's hideous. It looks like a radio tower, not a roller coaster. I'm all for the industrial/utilitarian aesthetic on a machine, but when it's this big it's an eyesore. The world's second tallest roller coaster should look like a roller coaster, not a soulless piece of hardware.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign reads, "TOP THRILL 2; This Attraction Will Not Open in 2024."

I was taking a coasters break when this was announced, but I did care about this announcement because it had "bad idea" written all over it. While I do not usually care for Zamperla, I was impressed with their Wild Mouse, but that didn't qualify them to work on this with an unproven ride system. I was very vocal in my belief that there was no evidence Zamperla could pull this ride off. Furthermore, a design feature they highlighted in their press release was something I was taught not to do in my engineering classes. I was concerned something specific would happen, and based on rumors I've heard from the thoosie water cooler talk, that exact thing is the reason it only operated for eight days. Whoever at Cedar Fair authorized them to take this job really messed up, Zamperla should be financially responsible for getting it in working order even if it bankrupts them, and to be honest this should be embarrassing for everyone involved. I don't have all the answers, I'm just some dude who got his MET, but I knew enough to know that none of this was ever a good idea.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up a middle finger to a "TT2" sign hanging from a gray and red arch.

Fucking piece of shit ride. Everyone involved in the mechanical design process should be ashamed, as should anyone who was in favor of this work getting done by a manufacturer that was clearly unqualified.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gray, orange, and red sign reads "MAGNUM XL-200" in a retro sci-fi font.

Okay, onto a good, innovative, actual quality ride that's stood the test of time for 35 years: Magnum XL-200!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and a middle aged woman wearing a Cleveland shirt are on a roller coaster, with a sci-fi-themed on-ride photo frame. The top left has the Cedar Point logo, the bottom right says "35TH ANNIVERSARY MAGNUM XL-200 1989-2024."

I rode with Carl's Aunt Barb who was screaming terrified the whole time, it was hilarious.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rocky formation holds a sign reading "STEEL VENGEANCE," with a large trussed roller coaster sending a train up a hill in the background.

That one was good consensus among the crowd, but some of them felt a little shaken up from those bunny hills, so we took them to a smoother airtime machine: Steel Vengeance!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Seven people flash peace signs in line for a roller coaster.

Fun times in a not-so-terrible line! Bunch of people about to experience one of the greatest machines ever built!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A twist of brown steel track emerges upside-down from a wooden truss, with a gray and wood train with red lights twisting out of the inversion.

Going from Magnum to this is awesome because as good as Magnum is, it doesn't hold a candle to SteVe. It's the same quality of airtime, if not better, but it's the entire ride and it's glass smooth. The best coaster in Ohio, don't @ me.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tin pie plate lined with Cedar Point paper holds a few slices of steak, a biscuit, and a white paper bowl of chili topped with cheese and red onions.

We wanted food next so headed to Farmhouse for some of their legendary steak and chili! Nothing like a good bite to eat while Carl's sister jokingly shamed us for not knowing who composed Ennio Morricone's music that played in the area!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Four adults in their mid-late twenties stand in a roller coaster station, flashing peace signs in front of a bronze-colored Intamin train.

Afterwards, some more of Carl's family met up with us, including his two cousins, so we all sort of split and went to ride other things. Myself, Ben, Carl, and his sister all went to Maverick.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black coaster train completes a roll of red track into some trees.

Maverick has kind of always been overshadowed by other Cedar Point rides for me. I like it, I really do, but when I started this, Millennium Force was the one I preferred, and now it's Steel Vengeance. It was never not in my top 5 in park, but I never walked away with Maverick being the significant highlight of my day, as much as I love Intamin's blitz system and this great (while flawed) layout.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An on-ride photo of Jarrett, Ben, and Carl on Maverick, Jarrett has his hands up.

Well, not anymore! This is the best ride I've gotten on Maverick during the day. My normal issues (farting around in some of the turns and taking too long between transitions) were almost nonexistant with how hot she was riding today. This is my new #2 in the park after this!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Steel Vengeance train flies over an outward banked airtime hill atop a tall wooden truss.

We met up at the train after this, but Carl's cousins and their aunt wanted to ride Steel Vengeance, so I ran off with them and did that.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An on-ride photo of Steel Vengeance, with Jarrett riding with a man and woman his age and their aunt.

These guys are a hoot! The aunt I had been around, but the two cousins were new, and one of them did a great job including me in conversation and the other was just really funny, so this was great company to have on such a good ride.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plate lined with newspaper holds a few shrimp, a bowl of orange lobster bisque, a roll seasoned with herbs and butter, and a ketchup cup.

We headed up front via train next and got Grand Pavilion for dinner The park was starting to get slammed so we knocked this out before lines got bad. I got the funnel cake shrimp (sounds nasty but it's honestly not different from coconut shrimp) and lobster bisque, which was really damn good!

We did GateKeeper next, which was fun as always and provides an incredible view at sunset.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign reads "MIDNIGHT" below a Roman numeral clock with the hands pointing to twelve o'clock. A blue roller coaster stands behind the haunt maze.

Okay, time for the spooky stuff to start! We got what we need to do for Midnight, the new voodoo-themed haunt at Cedar Point, themed to Mr. Midnight putting a voodoo curse on the park. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of a facade resembling a haunted mansion entrance.

Backstory time: I have not been able to do an indoor haunt maze since 2020. Between dealing with claustrophobia and social anxiety disorder, it was always something out of my comfort zone. In 2019 I had been starting to explore easier haunts to do, but in early 2020, I was on the receiving end of a domestic violence situation. This made the social anxiety way worse, I was diagnosed shortly after, and all that progress I had made just went away.

But I didn't want to let my abuser win. So I tested the water and did it.

This was so fun! Midnight has some of the coolest theming I've ever seen in a Haunted House, a spinning tunnel (those of you COSI kids remember this from Space), a hall full of leg ticklers, and some pretty good jump scares. Not gonna lie, they did make me jump quite a bit, but I didn't feel like I needed to be on the defensive in here at all. I knew I was safe, nobody was going to touch me or trap me, and the scares are so brief that my brain didn't really have time to send me into fight or flight.

I should've known I can do this. How scary can a costumed monster be when you survived the actions of a real one?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up a softly glowing lantern in front of a haunted house.

I also had this really cool lantern that I purchased that interacts with the haunt! It's a bit pricey but it's worth it, especially if you're going to do this multiple times. The light is normally a flickering yellow candlelight, but in certain haunt rooms it changes. It can also tag other guests (works in both ambient and tag mode, it does not need to be in tag mode), and set off props around the park. Take it to the seance in Frontiertown and look at the crystal ball!

We did Erie Estate next, which was built in a real old building from CP's early days and themed to a paranormal investigation in the home. This was probably my favorite one they had, there were some pretty cool props including a ouija board distracted and rotting grandma corpse one of the actors was crying over, shit was so creepy and the scares were great. This girl popped out from behind a window drape and got me good.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An airbrushed t-shirt says "SKIBIDI OHIO" on it surrounding a red outline of Ohio.

Saw this and got a good laugh. Don't know what I'm talking about, watch RMC Connection's backseat Fønix video.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett holds up a green lantern next to an actor in a diving suit costume, with a colorful helmet window.

We headed back and did Cutthroat Cove next, which is a sort of haunted trail. Not really a scare zone, not really a house, just...there. No wait for it, though, and the scares and theming were pretty good. I loved this diving suit costume!

Freak Show was next, the one setting up in the old carousel building near Maverick. No photos of this as my phone was dying, but I got the best scare of the haunt here! Walking into an area themed as a carnival game, the actor points to a wall of plushies and says, "the pandas!" eyeing my lantern. So I go over there, hold the lantern up to this wall of panda plushies...and a fucking clown jumps out from behind the plushies and about makes me shit myself!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign hanging between two burlap columns says "CORNSTALKERS 2.0 REVENGE OF THE PUMPKIN HEADS."

My last haunt of the night was Cornstalkers, built in the drained rapids flume, and carrying one of my favorite horror tropes as a theme.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark corridor descends down a row of cornstalks at night.

Cornstalkers was...tight. You look and see there's barely 30 inches of space wall to wall, with cornstalks acting as SIF (stuff in face) the whole way. My claustrophobic ass was remembering exactly why I was never the biggest fan of these haunt mazes, that being said it was an amazing experience. The scares were of the appropriate level for me, many of them got me good, and the maze is beautiful with the wisps of fog and red light dancing over the corn. At the very end of the maze we went into a barn that had some kind of big scary animatronic, but the girl working in there rushed us out and we never really got to see what it was because the light was off when it activated, so that was anticlimactic. But still, this was great and I'm glad I did it.

Ben, Carl, and Molly went off to do Slaughterhouse next, I avoided it because I heard the scares were pretty in your face and that might not work with my situation, so I threw my No Boo on and watched people get scared on the midway until they got out of there.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A green steel coaster twists around in the darkness, lit up in blue and purple.

From there, we made our way to the front and drove back to Con on the Cob.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall wood-steel hybrid roller coaster rises out from behind a red steel coaster.

All in all? Wonderful slow-paced day! Carl has a wonderful family and it was great to go here with Ben and him at least once this season. And I'm so glad I can do Haunt again! This is the most Halloween stuff I've ever done at a park, and hopefully opens doors for me to enjoy even more in the future.