My Plan Was For Florida And I'm In New York://Adirondacks Winter Trip 2024

         Date:12/28/2024-1/1/2025

Destination: Upstate New York

Goal: Culture, Personal

Distance: 200 Miles

Means of Travel: Flight

Potential Credits: 0

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wrought iron sign in front of brick buildings says "ELMIRA" in brassy yellow letters.

New York has always been, for me, kind of a flyover state. I've been there on occasion, I've done Darien Lake, I've driven through, and had a beautiful stopover at Niagara Falls last season. Which is a shame, because I always thought the Adirondacks seemed absolutely beautiful. 

But that got changed by a few crazy events! My new partner Keely, who's been with me since the summer, lives upstate in Elmira, she has visited me but I've not been there. And this December I had planned to go to Busch Tampa to make up for the flop of a day we had on 2022's region trip, but that fell through. So what did I do? Make like Kevin McAllister and change my holiday travel to somewhere more Christmassy: New York!

Day 1- My Breakup With American Airlines

Before we even started to tango, American Airlines was already fucking shit up. The morning before I left, I went to check into my flight. I see that my tight connection at CLT is halfway across the airport, with the busy holiday season I shelled out $20 (which was charged to my card and not my existing flight credit) for a seat closer to the front of the airplane...and then it won't let me check in! Fortunate enough to live near an airport, I head over after work to ask, only to see American can't find my reservation. I stood around with the guy on the phone with the help desk as the parking meter ticked away, and ultimately, got my boarding pass after a total headache that they alone caused. Still need to contact them because they lost a customer.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A board with the Dayton International Airport logo shows various flights on the screen.

My flight left at the asscrack of dawn, so naturally, I dropped my phone in the sink doing dishes the night before. Fortunately it was fine, I didn't oversleep and leave my child home alone in a rush, and made it to the airport. Upon arriving, I saw a shuttle in the cold about to leave. I flashed my lights when I parked and waved the guy down, only to be greeted with a pleasant, "DO I LOOK FUCKIN' BLIND TO YOU???" by the poster child for creepy bus drivers everywhere. I awkwardly apologized for wanting to ensure I wasn't left in the freezing cold and waited for him to run me up to DAY's entrance. After my jeans got my crotch groped by TSA again, I got myself a bagel and found my gate. I was sitting on a narrow seat trying to keep my arm out of the other lady's space, it was a bit uncomfortable but the flight to Charlotte isn't bad at all.

 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall metal sculpture depicts a reindeer adorned with lights and colorful ribbons.

After a quick run through the gauntlet, making a forty minute connection during holiday season in a huge airport, I made my mainline American Airlines flight to ROC, where Keely and her mom were already headed. This plane was much nicer, much more spacious, and gave me time to type up a short story to go with her Christmas present.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Out of an airplane with the wing in view, icy residential terrain meets Lake Ontario.

Eventually, we rounded an icy Lake Ontario and landed over the charming, industrious, and hella frozen landscape of icy New York.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A bronze statue of a middle aged Black man with a beard in 19th century dress clothes stands in front of a display case of quilts and a blue ROC logo.

Upstate New York has major abolitionist history. Rochester's airport is named after Frederick Douglas.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett, a 30 year old man in a green Park City t-shirt, red buffalo plaid flannel, and green sunflower lanyard, stands in a pristine white airport terminal.

ROC is the nicest tiny airport ever! I got off the plane, got my bags, peed, and headed to the front to meet Keely and her mother.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In a car, Jarrett kisses Keely, a 34 year old woman in a grey hoodie and red glasses with wavy dark hair.

Obligatory sappy coupley reunion picture.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a highway, a snowy valley with wind turbines atop the mountains.

The drive back to Elmira was gorgeous! The snowy (or not) mountains of New York State capped with giant wind turbines are gorgeous!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely cuddle and hold hands on the couch.

After we got home, her father had just announced he sold the family Bronco on a whim, and her Chupacabra dog Dylan started snapping at me and tried to hump me as she just sat there and laughed.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small bar with hardwood bartop and white walls has people milling about, with Christmas ornaments hung overhead and lit wreaths in the windows.

After chilling out for a bit, we went to Elbow Room, a classic New York State bar, and got takeout appetizers for everyone, which I was honored to go in and grab us. The bars here are odd, there's a lot more floor space, a lot more standing/moving around, and a lot more socializing.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: ON a table with Let it Snow placemats, take out boxes contain appetizers such as pierogi, fried cauliflower, and a plethora of different chicken wing types.

We went home and her sister Lucy and her partner Brett joined all of us for appetizers. New York buffalo wings are proof you can never beat the original, these are much better than anywhere else in the world. The crunch comes not from breading but from taught, crispy skin on the wing and it's perfect for it.

Her and I went to watch Squid Game next, but I had been awake since 5 in the morning. Next thing I know I'm falling asleep nodding off on my girlfriend while Korean people danced around in a circle to "RING-A-RING-A-RING" waiting to get shot. Knowing I was slap happy and tired, Keely and I went to bed after getting to Mingle.

Day 2- Glass Stepping Stones

I woke up cold and tired, shortly after we got coffee and breakfast. The plan today was Corning Glass Museum and Watkins Glen with Lucy and some others.

Good morning, Upstate New York!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In an elevator, three women hang around smiling for the camera.

Lucy arrived with her friend Emily (not that Emily, iykyk) and we headed up to one of New York's many iconic things to do: Corning Glass Museum! 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and Keely cuddle in front of a Christmas tree made of colorful glass spheres.

My new phone screensaver.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On the wall hangs a large, colorful, circular glass art with colorful flames painted off to the upper right.

Corning is apparently home to a large glassmaking industry, this is an art museum that celebrates all things colorful melted silicon. It's probably the biggest thing to do in the area.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a shelf in a white room sits a large colorless orb with cell-like grayscale shapes on the surface.

We would see later were glass comes from, but what they did with this simple process was incredible. I was never a fan of more abstract art, slapping a 10 million dollar price tag on a Home Depot snow shovel isn't "art," but the random ass objects they make are legitimately beautiful and deserve to be celebrated.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In a dim room on a black stand sits an abstract glass sculpture of a lighted blue and red strand.

Some of them were colorful and beautiful...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Over a small piece of artificial turf with tiny model houses hang dozens of glass knives, tips pointed down.

Some depicted clear, profound messages with recognizable symbolism...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cat-like sculpture made of hundreds of green pointed glass shards.

This depicted the new rock type Eeveelution Pokémon...

This one contained the fifth, sixth, and seventh dimensions...

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A glass wall art resembles a vagina made of corn flanked by two roosters.

And some was downright meme material and you need to get your mind out of the gutter.

It's a corn cob. Definitely a corn cob. Nothing dirty about this. Nope.

They also had a little auditorium thing where you can watch them blow glass. Our glass blower was Katie, who made this little pitcher thing for us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gold and glass medal depicting five interlocking Olympic rings against a mountain landscape that reads "ALBERTVILLE 92" at the bottom.

One of the other galleries had an Olympic medal, which is always welcome.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A yellow and green octopus creature made of glass sits on blue waves with 

And my boy Cthulhu! This thing was so cool!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two white statues blowing glass behind a metal rail.

There's another cool exhibit that shows the more STEM-y practical side of glassmaking. Lenses and the like. One thing they had here was a really cool giant periscope you could use to see all of Corning.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of a curved glass bridge, with panes for steps.

They also had what is obviously the glass stepping stone bridge from Squid Game.

I took so many pictures here and I would love to share them all but we still had other stuff we did that day, so enjoy my little TikTok tour!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A cliffside view looking down a waterfall into a large lake in the mountains.

Watkins Glen was our next stop, to see the waterfalls and get dinner. We drove up and around Seneca Lake to this bend around a waterfall, where every car that passed honked their horn. Keely's mother informed me that this was because a child was hit there in the past, so everyone continues to do it to this day so that sightseers know a car is coming.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A waterfall has white water cascading down its many levels from a mountain.

This waterfall was beautiful!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An old industrial brick building says "SCHUYLER IRON & AGRICULTURAL WORKS; FOUNDRY" in grayscale.

From there we decided to go walk out on this little jetty on the lake, my photographer ass couldn't say no to a cool old brick building!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Three women stand behind Jarrett and Keely as he kneels down to the level of Keely's wheelchair. In the background is a small red building with a sign reading "SENECA LAKE" and a large lake.

Me with Keely and her wonderful family.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands on some rocks in the water looking off into the distance, a camera around his neck.

I went out on the rocks and Lucy got this for me!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large plate of linguini and various seafood in an orange sauce sits next to a small plate of spaghetti.

From there we were hungry and went to a place called Gerlando's to get real New York Italian food. This was a seafood pasta that had clams, scallops, and shrimp in it. Comes with a salad, I don't do lettuce, so they gave me a salad made with carbs and tomatoes instead of lettuce and tomatoes.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a white plate sits a cannoli stuffed with cream filling drizzled with chocolate.

I mentioned I had only had cannoli from Olive Garden and Keely (Italian-American) about called the mafia on me to have Mario throw me into that lake. So we got Cannoli from Gerlando's and it was incredible.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At night, a waterfall cascades down a rocky cliff into an icy splash pool below.

One more stop on the way home! This waterfall was lit up so we went up to get a few photos before our planned final destination.

...and that didn't happen. We were gonna go to one of those walk through Christmas light displays only to learn it was $20 per person and not accessible to everyone we had. So we drove home to Elmira, but it didn't stop us from looking at neighborhood Christmas lights and joking that they were $20. Afterwards we got home, hung out for a bit, and went to watch shit.

Keely likes the death game genre, so after this I opted to show her Hunger Games as it was a big part of my adolescence. I don't think she fully enjoyed it, but did seem invested in how many were left, and that asshole getting ripped to shreds by wolves appeared to bring her great joy.

Day 3- The Poofy-Haired Adventures of Fuckleberry Finn

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In an aluminum pie tin, three enchiladas in various sauces join red Spanish rice.

Keely and I had kind of a slow morning, but her mom wanted to take me sightseeing in Elmira. So we Doordashed Salsa's, fully capitalized on the inappropriate enchilada inside humor between Keely and I, and got going to some really big graveyard!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind a graveyard of identical white headstones with Christmas wreathes, a large brick building sits ominously at the top of a hill.

Keely's mother is super cool! Super into politics, super into history, we got along great. One of Elmira's most notable features is this jail, which she took to show me. Apparently there used to be an electric chair here, I was shocked.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Several identical gravestones of white marble are arranged in a perfectly linear grid pattern in the green grass, each adorned with a green Christmas wreath and red bow.

I was informed that Elmira used to be home to a prisoner of war camp in the Civil War, one so bad that Confederate soldiers dubbed it Hellmira. Here, both Union and Confederate soldiers were buried, with the Union graves fully surrounding the Confederate ones as a show of victory.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Amid several gravestones sits a red granite block reading "ERNIE DAVIS; HEISMAN TROPHY 1961," decorated with a basketball, football, and small potted Christmas tree.

Here was a grave I wasn't expecting to see today. Ernie Davis, a Syracuse halfback who was the first Black winner of the Heisman trophy, is buried here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of the simple block-like headstone of Samuel Langhorne Clemens; Mark Twain, Nov. 30, 1835 - Apr. 21, 1910.

And on a roll with the whole famous graves theme today, a grave for Samuel Clemens sits somewhat mundanely on the side of the access road here. So here's me with Mark Twain's final resting place!

(I would also like to apologize, to Mark Twain and to anyone reading this, for my hair in this photo. I had ended up using Keely's girly shampoo the night before and it turned my hair into a greasy poof. I know it's unpleasant for you, but imagine how I felt walking around looking like a deep fried poodle.)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A grey monument in a graveyard with two tarnished green copper medallions, one of which depicts the profile of Mark Twain.

Twain's family was basically dropped in the ground and had a little more than monogrammed cinderblocks denoting who was who. But there was this really cool monument nearby kind of for the whole bloodline. Way back in ancient times when Jarrett was in high school, he read Huck Finn in junior year CP English and remembers it being the most enjoyable assignment that fucking bitch of a teacher assigned, so it was cool to see this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An ornate brick building against a cloudy sky.

From there, they wanted to show me Elmira College, where Keely briefly went to school. Can't trust me and my camera with dreary weather and cool brick buildings!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In the middle of a college campus sits a small, brown, hexagonal building.

The main reason Becky and Keely wanted to show me this was because of this seemingly innocent hexagonal gazebo thing. You'd blink and miss it, but it was in this little sunroom where Mark Twain wrote Tom Sawyer.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of a small hexagonal gazebo.

What did I do here? I whipped out my phone, pulled up Google Docs, and into my current writing project, typed a single sentence. Boom. Part of the Lightning War saga was now written in the same place that Mark Twain wrote Tom Sawyer. And what you say about his company is what you say about society!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a plate sits a messy piece of lasagna and garlic bread.

I mentioned Keely's Italian-American roots earlier. Dinner tonight was homemade lasagna with all the fixins, and it was delicious! It's not that they put a secret ingredient or anything, it's just portioned, layered, and cooked to sheer perfection. Absolutely delicious, I was so glad there were leftovers for when my insomniac ass couldn't sleep at 3 in the morning!

I was worried about family back at home, and I remember of all the ways Keely could comfort me, she lets me lay on her lap and puts on Tophia so I can laugh at this shameful byproduct of TikTok and feel better.

Day 4- New Year, Same Shit

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely smiles into the camera, wearing red and white plaid pajamas with a Christmas tree.

Today was New Year's Eve, not much got done since a party was planned that evening. I did, however, do a shoot for Keely with the tree and some cute PJs to start off the day.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Keely sits on a chair with her feet up, reading a book with a black and white cover.

Shameless plug for The Lightning War: Grounding Unit, the novel I wrote which I am currently reading to her.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On the floor of her living room, Jarrett and Keely kiss in the darkness.

New Years party came and went, towards the end of the evening my social battery short circuited so we hung out in her bedroom for a bit. But come midnight, the ball was dropping, I'm outside on the armchair watching it fall just a few hours away in Time's Square, and just as 2025 came to be, Keely scooched up to me and kissed me in the most perfectly timed New Years kiss ever! Afterwards, we celebrated with a chocolate cake.

Day 5- Cheating on Keely with Penny and Bernadette

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: In a car, Jarrett and Keely cuddle, sticking their tongues out to the camera comedically.

Alas, it was time to go home. That final day, we decided to make a family road trip out of it and have Lucy and Emily tag along.

This is beautiful! A polar vortex was coming that day, sure it sucked with the flight anxiety but made for some stunning views on the way up.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large plate of gumbo, with a pile of brown rice at the center.

We went to the American architectural marvel known as the Cheesecake Factory. This place, design-wise, is a disgusting over-the-top baroque mess, and the menu ain't any better. And it's glorious for it. I ended up with gumbo and a chocolate peanut butter cheeseckake that was like 2000 calories. Because I can!

I got dropped at ROC, gave Keely a long, sappy, teary hug and kiss goodbye, and headed in. My luggage got searched by TSA, the suitcase because of a little snowglobe wine stopper Keely had given me to give my parents, my camera bag because my dumb ass forgot I had a can of Sprite in my camera bag. But at least I didn't get diddled like I did coming here!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: ROC's airport terminal at dusk, with rain on the tarmac.

ROC is the best tiny airport ever. And I say that as a guy who loves my tiny home airport right across the street. I was able to charge my shit, despite it not being sunflower friendly they still accommodated my additional needs, I may have accidentally gotten in the wrong seat, but oh well!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall atrium of an airport with curved ceilings, with a large American flag hanging.

My connection coming back was a new airport for me: the extremely American DCA! Ronald Reagan National Airport in DC is honestly prettier and nicer than I expected. That being said, it's 'Murica as fuck. Trump merch and MAGA hats for sale, Five Guys burgers right next to the gate honoring our veterans, this airport should have more international connections than it does simply because it stands as a testament to why the rest of the world makes fun of us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black wok-like bowl holds kung pao shrimp, with a side of rice and alcoholic beverage.

And nothing is more American than some good old Chinese food! I love Chinese food to the extent that Keely calls me Panda Bear sometimes. Nothing like a good sichuan kung pao shrimp!

After my long layover, my trip ended with a beautiful takeoff into the skies over the nation's capital at night.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From airport tarmac rises a tall, conical tower, lit up in red and green at night.

...Aaand just like that, back at DAY! Our control tower looks like a large gray inverted cone dominating the flat land, very appropriate for the tornado-stricken Midwest, but they always light it up for whichever holiday is going on. It's orange around Halloween, pink near Valentine's Day, and since it was still somewhat Christmas season, these are the iconic Christmas configuration colors for DAY's control tower.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An empty airport terminal.

There's always something about stepping into these terminals at ungodly hours for me. It's that "so close yet so far" feeling, knowing home is just around the corner, but you still have to find your baggage, ride, shuttle, or whatever the holdup is this time.

Getting into the shuttle, I cracked a joke about the asshole that picked me up, and the nice lady driving us tonight, as well as the other passengers riding with me, were horrified a DAY employee would speak to anyone that way. I got to my car, got home, and passed right out. But not without washing my greasy, floofy hair, with the correct shampoo first.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across a lake, a large marina with a hotel has yellow lights lit in the blue dusk.

What a cool trip! This was one of those places I might not have gone had I not had some personal connection to it, but I'm glad I picked a New York girl from such a beautiful, mountainous, and wintery part of the world! I can't wait to keep coming back here and seeing all the other cool stuff to do in Upstate New York!

Thank you, Keely. Thank you.