Benelux 2025 Region Trip://Leg 3.2~ In Bruges Without Data

             Date:5/17/2025-5/28/2025

Destination: Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg

Goal: Coasters, Culture

Distance: 4079 Miles

Means of Travel: Flight

Potential Credits: 39

Dag 3/Jour 3 (continued)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across some water is the medieval quarter of an old European town. Old brick towers and French and Flemish architecture dot the cluster of buildings.

The drive to Bruges was the longest hour of the trip. Belgium is just not an interesting country to drive in (at least Flanders isn’t), I’m sweaty, I’m waiting on these cold tablets to kick in, and by the time we get into Bruges we had to sit in traffic for a bit in a city that predates cars.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A garage staircase is flimsy, white and made of wood, going up at a 60 degree angle over some bikes.

Eventually we find our AirBnB, but the keypad says to look at the message I was sent on Booking. I pull up Booking…and with no working mobile data, Booking can’t load the message! I had to wander around this little canal street looking for a public WiFi signal, once I found one I got the code, opened the lockbox, and opened the garage like it was some kind of escape room. First thing we noticed was that the staircase belonged in this Death Stairs group I'm part of on Facebook. Two grown men can't reasonably climb this thing, you feel it flex under your feet, and it's hella steep and basically a ladder.

WTF did we get ourselves into with this place? I found what looked like a beautiful and authentic canal house on Booking, and that's what we got, but I didn't realize how...preserved everything here is. It isn't unusual for European apartments to be 400 years old, but here, the rafters in the ceiling and floor of the bedroom were original and medieval. The toilet was outside and you had to throw your toilet paper in the trash (this was disgusting), that being said, the packet said that all of this was normal for an old Brugge home. So we got the experience, staying anywhere else would've been the same, but it wasn't nearly as comfortable as it was authentic.

But hey, this place had WiFi. I had to laugh.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A medieval town street along a cobblestone road against a canal.

After settling in, we hopped on the bikes after I aired up the tires, and got to exploring this perfectly preserved European medieval quarter!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands against some buildings on a canal, one with a tower, the other flies a Belgian flag. Jarrett wears a blue bicycle helmet.

Like anywhere in the Dutch-speaking lowlands, the bike is king in Bruges. People bike all over this medieval city, often on cobblestone roads, as their own vehicle for getting around and living life. I wasn't fearless enough to forego the helmet like the locals do (I was in a bike accident in college and it might've saved my life), but the bike has always been a part of my life and part of who I am, so it was cool to get to cycle here in beautiful Bruges.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a cobblestone square rises a tall medieval belltower, with a clock atop the octagonal spire.

John and I biked to the main town square first, he had wanted to check out this belfry, but it was sadly closed at the moment.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Three ornate buildings, a gray one, a white one, and a brick one, all have ornate towers, spires, and dormers coming from them rising over a square. Many of the buildings have flags, a blue tour van is seen in the foreground.

This square is kind of the beating heart of Bruges. Everyone comes here, everything worth doing can be accessed fairly easily from here, and there are plenty of tours that leave from here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across some water can be seen an array of medieval buildings, with a willow tree on the left.

We stopped by this spot, definitely the famous photo spot in Bruges and possibly the most famous photo spot in all of Belgium, to take some photos. The lighting was sadly garbage, with the sun pointing right at us, so I told John I wanted to come back here later.

I also left behind a small green heart-shaped stone for Keely, in tribute for her favorite artist Lil Peep, who passed away on the way to Belgium. Symbolically helping him finish the journey on her behalf.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A row of narrow brick canal houses serves as a few businesses, one of which is Mr. Waffle & Sandwich, another is Casa Patata.

Bruges is the perfect city to just kind of hop on a bike and explore, see what pops out at you, rather than having a hard set destination.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A beautiful medieval building dotted with towers and turrets, made of brick. 

Seriously, where else can you just hop on a bike and run into this??? I think this was a museum or something.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black and white still of a street in Bruges, with a banner hanging for "PROCESSION DU SAINT-SANG."

Some festival was going on, though we couldn't find any festivities beyond these banners.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall tower rises from the trees, made of brick and with turrets and a steeple atop.

Another odd church, we couldn't go in, but it was pretty to look at! Not sure the era of this one but it felt more modern, despite definitely being medieval. This could easily be a brutalist-styled Catholic church in Ohio.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tarnished bronze statue sits atop an ornate marble base, with narrow red homes and a yellow flag in the background. Two men are depicted in the statue, one with a sword, the other with a flag.

Both of us were hungry, having only eaten at Plopsaland, so we found dinner back at the square.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A square with a statue and gray ornate Gothic building, with a few flags reading "BRUGGE."

When my father went to Brussels, he talked about how fun it was to get a beer, frites, and street cart sausage near Mennekin Pis, and just sit there and people watch. That's kind of the point of these restaurants, you sit on the square and people watch. It was getting cold, but I toughed it out because it's Bruges and when else do you get to do this?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A square with several narrow canal-styled houses, and the statues and buildings from earlier are surrounded by flags. John takes a photo of several bikes near a concrete planter wall.

We sit down, I ask (in French, same language I was using at Plopsaland) if we may be seated, and we find a spot by a little fire lantern. Then, when asked by nobody their opinion, this crusty old Belgian lady pops in with, "we do not speak French here, it's Flemish! Just use English, it's easier!"

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden paddle contains a bowl of fried balls and three cups of dipping sauces.

We got some Bitterballen for the table. These are an iconic Dutch food, but Dutch food is present in Belgium, Belgian food exists in Nederland, it's three closely connected countries. But these were delicious, despite John biting right into one while they were the surface temperature of the sun!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plate holds a big glob of mashed potatoes and greens, with a piece of sausage sticking out of it.

Again with the cross cultural shit, this is Stamppot, the Dutch dish I learned to make before coming here! Mashed potatoes with greens and root vegetables are served with pork fat and sausage, a bit different from mine but it was delicious!

After whoofing down a big plate of mashed potatoes, sausage, and a huge slab of pork belly, I had to get on a bike in the cold and bike back to our house! So we did that, it was brutal, but we made it work. Once I was there, we had to kick one another out of the room to shower, as the shower was a glass box in full view of the beds, so that's how we did it. I called Keely, and then called Boost about the lack of roaming data, which ended up with me on the phone for over an hour trying everything to get my damn data to work. After MacGyvering a bike lock key into a SIM card pin only to have no success, I left it to them to fix, and they said they'd get back to me, as it was 10:30 at night. So I called Keely and we hit the hay, ready for the next day.

Dag 4/Jour 4

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A mirror-like canal reflects a city street of colorful, narrow houses leading back to a bridge and church.

We woke up somewhat early, and I prepped for the cold this time. We both wanted to bike around the city a little more before heading to Brussels, giving us nice morning biking conditions with quiet canals and empty streets. It was gorgeous!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A row of canal houses reflects into the water below.

THIS, my friends, is how you get those sexy Bruges Travel Channel shots! The morning bike ride around Bruges is one I'll never forget!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tarnished copper statue of a man with renaissance clothing and a tome says "JAN VAN EYCK" on the base, at the edge of a canal with colorful narrow buildings in the background.

Among the things we did this morning was running into a random statue of painter Jan Van Eyck at the head of this canal.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A city street is marked entirely with narrow brick houses with stepped gable roofs, curving into a dark alley.

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The whole city kind of looks the same, but that just means all of Bruges is beautiful. This could easily rival Stockholm or Paris for most beautiful city I've been to.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An outdoor dining area of pink flowers and black umbrellas sits at the foot of a church belltower.

We found this cute little outdoor dining area, though Bruges has a lot of them.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across water, one can see several narrow brick buildings with pointed roofs and spires, with a weeping willow over the canal. A belltower rises high in the background.

At my request, we did return to that canal corner, where I got much better pictures than the previous night.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across water, one can see several narrow brick buildings with pointed roofs and spires, with a weeping willow over the canal.

Boom! Most iconic view in Belgium, right there!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A medieval church with spires on its steeple rises high into the sky, made of brown brick.

We continued exploring Bruges where we found ourselves at this church, which sadly wasn't open and functioned as some kind of guided tour.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind a brick wall and wooden gate, several houses can be seen in a gated community. A black iron lightpost is on the street outside the gate,

John had found this little fort district, which served as our final stop In Bruges.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A boat crosses a canal in front of several small brick buildings, with a church in the background.

These boats kept going under this bridge, and every time they did, the tour guide would tell them to duck so they didn't hit their heads!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a medieval town street marked with road signs, one brick building has an archway over the road, leading to a small round tower overgrown with ivy.

Not fully sure what this was, but the architecture was kind of fun to shoot.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rippling canal runs between rows of medieval brick buildings, with a white swan swimming in it.

The whole city is somewhat touristy, but John found us as far off the beaten path as we were gonna get.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a grassy riverbank sit several large white swans with orange beaks and black eyes. Across some water, two medieval brick buildings sit atop a retaining wall.

Around here, we found this little park thing that was home to Bruges's iconic swans! These things are huge, they're mean, they're a national treasure to the Belgian people, and they want to be left alone.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large swan twists its neck back up and then down, standing on grass covered in white feathers.

They're big fellas. Now I see why that goose at Efteling was so afraid of the one that was chasing him. These are obviously accustomed to coexisting with thousands of stupid tourists, but nobody in their right mind would ever touch one of these. Pictures don't do it justice, they're absolutely massive.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A bridge stretches across a heavily planted canal to a cute two-story home.

From there, we decided to bike back so we could get on the road to Brussels, and were treated to some nice views from the bike path back around the city!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Atop a hill with steps is a wooden windmill with blades bearing red accents.

Another stereotypically Dutch thing that's shared amongst the whole of the Benelux, Bruges has windmills around the perimeter of the old quarter. And when we saw the one near our Booking, we new we were close!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A medieval street alley stretches back around some tall, narrow houses, with bikes on the cobblestone street propped against their walls.

"How can a fucking fairytale town not be someone's fucking thing!?" was the quote from the film In Bruges that both of us beat to death over the past 24 hours. This town is kind of sleepy, not much to do short of walk around, but that's kind of the charm. There are surprises hidden around every corner of this ageless centuries-old city, and I'm so glad we managed to work it in!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sweaty Jarrett stands in front of the willow tree on Bruges's famous canal corner.

I was so gross, I was exhausted from biking, I just wanted to get out of there, so as much as I loved Bruges, hopping in the car and heading out was welcomed. But this Belgian city is drop dead gorgeous and definitely worth checking out! It's so easy to base your Ride to Happiness run out of Bruges, that's my advice for any prospective travelers that want to ride it. This is where you stop to smell the roses, taste the beer, and pet the swans!

(Wait, no. Don't pet the swans. Not if you want to live to tell about your trip.)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A large geodesic sculpture is made of gray tubes connecting large chrome spheres in a formation, with the Belgian flag flown from the top sphere.

UP NEXT: We go from medieval times to the Atomic Age, heading to the important European capital of Brussels for the second Belgium-based leg of the trip! We've got knockoff Paris, my French is put to the test, and a delicious meal and trippy light show 300 feet over the Belgian capital!

Benelux 2025 Region Trip://Leg 3.1~ The Ride to Hell by Belgian Glee

            Date:5/17/2025-5/28/2025

Destination: Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg

Goal: Coasters, Culture

Distance: 4079 Miles

Means of Travel: Flight

Potential Credits: 39

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A steel coaster with maroon track and white supports does a banana roll element, with gold trains with steampunk theming navigating it.

Dag 3/Jour 3

I woke up feeling like there was acid poured down my throat. My throat was incredibly sore and I had a headache, I hoped I had just snored too loudly and a little water would clear it up. It was bright early in the morning as we drove all the way across the great nation of Belgium for Plopsaland De Panne, and a ride ranked among the best in the world!

As soon as we got behind the wheel, the trouble started. A wreck on the highway rerouted us through these little Flemish villages with maybe a lane and a half’s worth of width. And we’ve got tractors, combines, and full on semi trucks driving right at our tiny Toyota Yaris as we’re hugging the shoulder trying not to get smashed into head-on! Furthermore, I was starting to tell that it wasn’t just a sore throat from snoring, it felt like early cold symptoms complete with a runny nose. I masked at the airport in crowded spots as always but I guess I still got something. So fingers crossed I’m not dying of the plague or some shit that’ll ruin my trip!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A park turnstile building says "Plopsaland De Panne Celebration Parade" accompanied by pictures of colorful cartoon character costumes.

After 2.5 hours of driving turned into 4, we finally arrive in De Panne to a Plopsaland deader than Phil Robertson! There was no wait for anything, no crowd, this is my kind of park!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A town square across from a splash pad shows some buildings, a pointed castle tower, and a twist of maroon coaster track.

Plopsaland De Panne has a Main Street entrance under one of those tall glass awning things, but it’s a bit more on the cartoon side than a typical park’s Main Street. And it’s nice but gives the perfect first impression for this place: this is a classy European park, but a kid’s version of that. It’s gonna be colorful, there’s gonna be jarring cartoon characters and corporate tie ins and lots of stuff to sell toys, but it’ll still be nice and we’ll still put effort into it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A colorful green arch of gears and flowers leads back through a green, overgrown landscape to a twisted maroon and white steel roller coaster.

There was no question as to what we would do first. We’d practically been drooling over Ride to Happiness since we planned this trip, and my sick ass just lugged us clear across the great nation of Belgium to ride it. As we entered the colorful, beautifully landscaped, trippy plaza for Tomorrowland: Ride to Happiness, it sunk in that I was about to ride what’s generally agreed to be one of the most intense coasters out there, and suddenly I didn’t care about the sniffling or sore throat. It was time to ride!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A golden globe prop surrounded by rings and topped with a Tomorrowland butterfly insignia, atop it is a twist of maroon steel coaster track with white supports. Spinning golden cars themed as gears twist in various positions on the track as the coaster leaves the inversion.

WTF just happened??? I don’t know what’s going on but I think I liked it! Sometime after that drop off that little wind catcher thing I think the shit just hit the fan and I had no idea what was going on. It’s super intense, there’s powerful airtime, inversions are phenomenal (as with any Mack product), and the soundtrack just adds to the chaos that is Ride to Happiness!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A maypole with different European coats of arms and Swiss flag banners rises in the foreground of cabin.

After a few more rides, we left one of the world’s most intense rides past a cutesy little spinning duck to explore the rest of this kiddie park. Heidi: The Ride was next, located in this adorable Alp-themed plaza.

Heidi is a clone of White Lightning at Fun Spot Orlando, themed to some kids’ TV show set in Switzerland or some shit. It looks a lot nicer and has a cute little Mystic Timbers shed thing at the end, but Heidi on a full train packed less of a punch than White Lightning running empty. Maybe it was my middle seat, I don’t know, but this was one and done. Cuts coaster, though.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A roller coaster train resembling a dragon crosses red track into a castle.

This powered kids dragon thing was next, and it was honestly just a standard powered coaster. I’d have been indifferent to it regardless, but Max and Moritz made this experience so underwhelming as we’d seen how good these can actually be.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A golden gear-themed train navigates out of a vertical loop of maroon steel track, held up by white supports.

“Wait, this thing has a loop?” John asked as we made our way past a closed K6 Roller Skater. Looking up at Ride to Happiness, beautifully rising over this water feature, he noticed a vertical loop he didn’t even realize was present on the ride. Honestly, I likely wouldn’t have either had I not looked up the layout going into this. It’s that disorienting!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A checkered red and white tablecloth holds a plate containing a bowl of brown stew garnished with green onions, a wire basket of frites, and a stemmed glass of Leffe beer.

Both of us were hungry, so I asked where to get the best food in the park. “Monsieur Spaghetti,” the man escorting the creepy mascots gestured us. “Flemish food.” I got this Belgian beef and onion stew with frites and Leffe, John got some cheese and ham noodle dish. This food was great for park fare! Didn’t break the bank either.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small brick mockup of a school reads "SAS, SCHOOL AAN DE STROOM."

Plopsaland we were beginning to notice was more about IPs than we realized, but the next coaster had a theme I recognized that you wouldn’t expect to find on a coaster- Belgian Glee: The Ride! They turned the queue into a high school dance party!

John had seen the coaster but was unaware that it was a TV show. I had a lot of explaining to do.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A mockup of a high school hallway has lockers with "Party" painted across them in green.

#LikeMe is, more or less, a Flemish adaptation of America’s tv show Glee. And I had even seen a few episodes trying to learn Dutch, knowing that both TV and music are great tools for learning language. It’s cute, very overly positive, I was a theater kid so I'm used to that but I get it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It was honestly fun and entertaining, the music was catchy, plot is a little bare bones and it’s a lot more sanitized and less mature than Glee was, but it works. Dubbing a show about high school in Ohio for a Dutch audience probably wouldn’t have the same effect for cultural reasons. The #LikeMe kids seem like they want to be at school, they’re a bit more professional about it, nobody’s sleeping around getting pregnant, and there’s no mass school shooting episode. But I grew up a theater kid and a Gleek that graduated the same year that Rachel, Finn, Kurt, Mercedes, Puck, and all those guys graduated, so I’m game for this.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Through the green woods travels a blue and yellow train on blue track, with a yellow "SAS" school crest painted onto the side.

Oh yeah, the ride. The coaster itself is just a normal Zierer Tivoli coaster, I feel like I’ve ridden one like it in terms of layout but I can’t place it. It goes around twice and it isn’t a bad ride, but aside from one light by the lift hill, nothing about the actual ride has anything to do with the show. Onboard audio would’ve made this even more fun! 

John wanted to do the Starflyer next. I don’t do those, so I shot this photo of #LikeMe while he rode.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall hexagonal wooden tower has a piece of red coaster track dropping from it, a boat rolls down the rails.

Supersplash was next! Is it a credit or not? I’d seen Plopsa had some kind of flume thing coming out of a wooden tower, but didn’t think much of it. Turns out it’s a water coaster with a single airtime hill! It’s the bare minimum, but we took the plunge and the +1. Didn't even get splooged on!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small brick manor with blue roller coaster track exiting the left side.

“What’s that cool-looking building?” I thought as we approached some kind of slightly cartoonish mansion. And then I saw the blue track leaving the side of it and it dawned on me: this was the thing I dreaded most here.

Rewind to a little less than a year ago. I’m at beautiful Fårup Sommerland, Danmark’s funnest forest, enjoying a quiet, beautiful day.  Saven’s ticked off, Fønix is ticked off, mine train is ticked off, and I find myself at one of their more unique rides: a Gerstlauer launch coaster called Lynet, one of only two ever built. This rare ride system features six-seater cars similar to Dare Devil Dive and a launch, catapulting these log-themed trains through the woods of North Jutland. And it starts out great! Good kick to the launch, good air, I’m liking it! But then we get to the brakes and the shit hits the fan. Transition after jarring transition, my head is paddled around the OTSR. Imagine the "bad Eurofighter" stereotype taken to the literal extreme.

I was so relieved when it was over, I did not return to give it another go, and I thanked my lucky stars that there were only two in the world! I had a negligible chance of ever running into one of these pieces of junk ever again and no longer had to live in fear!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A twist of blue coaster track with gold supports. A single gold, Egyptian-themed car twists upside-down through a barrel roll element.

…until now! Two of these were built: Lynet at Fårup, and Anubis right here at Plopsaland! And we are ready to be badly beaten up!

And apparently this is a TV show too. The station is supposed to be some African explorer’s mansion, I think.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A golden Egyptian-themed coaster car dives downward through a loop into some tropical foliage, with a red pirate lantern in the foreground.

First ride I strap in, already with a bit of a headache so I know this is gonna suck, and braced for the worst. But it didn’t suck at all! It was a little rough and I did get hit here and there, but it was no worse than what my ex did to me. Riding it again, and knowing how to move with and brace for the layout, I actually really enjoyed it. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A golden coaster car with an Egyptian eye and wings on the front dives through green foliage.

My second ride on this was, honestly, really awesome! The headache from the congestion was a little worse after getting knocked around, but I braved it and took a second ride with John, and knowing how to brace made this ride actually really awesome! It's like an intense 2000's Intamin and deserves every bit the notoriety that Maverick has. What a great ride, and I was expecting it to be absolutely horrid!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A length of maroon track leaves a station adorned with ornate gold and a colorful stained glass butterfly art, twisting around a curve through a barrel roll.

K, creds are knocked out, neither one of us cares about K6 Roller Skater (it was testing but who gives a fuck), let's keep riding to Happiness!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A green, flowery field has a few twists of maroon coaster track twisting behind a colorful steampunk building. A flying snake dive element has twisting golden cars diving back to the tall grass.

I felt like dog shit at this point, but Ride to Happiness was a solid walk on, I did not give a damn. I was going to whore this coaster so much they would have to pull my cold, dead corpse from the seat and zip it into a body bag!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gold steampunk-themed coaster train dives down from an inversion of maroon track.

The more I rode it, the more I fell in love with it. It's not perfect, no coaster is, it's got a bit of a rattle in spots and I had laps where the angle maybe wasn't where I'd want it to be, but it's really damn good. If you're one of those people that sees Mack as weak launches and inferior RMC airtime, Ride to Happiness is here to change that. This coaster provides something nothing else can: pure and unique chaos every time you step aboard it. That "different ride every time" slogan used to market every spinning coaster system ever is actually a relevant selling point for Ride to Happiness.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett smiles in front of Ride to Happiness, as a train behind him traverses the jojo roll.

When one lap ended, we got back on. Maybe one of us would go pee, the other might need a break, but there was nobody at a coaster that has been consistently voted this highly at the global level, we weren't getting off. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Ride to Happiness flies up into its flying snake dive amid green trees.

So John and I get back in line, hop in the back, and take what we (stupidly) expect to just be another lap on Ride to Happiness. It's mostly dead, the train is largely full, but we're fortunate enough to have nobody opposite us to leave our car off balance.

(Wise Words From An Industrial Balancer: To get a spinning coaster to spin the hardest, concentrate all the weight to one singular point as far away from the axis of rotation as possible.)

Oops we broke the laws of physics.

WTF did we even do??? We'd been riding off balance all day, but something about this ride just kept grabbing the heavy angle the right way over and over again. The result? We hit the brakes spinning so hard that I could feel the restraint resisting it from just flinging me across that trippy plaza by the end of the ride! It took me a good four seconds to even realize how quickly we were actually spinning, and shortly after, these kids onboard the train were dying with laughter as our train violently whirled uncontrollably.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From the Ride to Happiness station, two cars tumble through the Jojo roll, the second car on the right is a man in his 30s in a Hyperion shirt.

We decided to ride one or two more times, when the ride started getting a bit more traffic. Opposite of us on our last ride, we find this German couple and they start chatting with us. Usually back at home I despise thoosies, they're unemployed drama queens that commit criminal acts and blame others to start internet drama. But in Europe? You won't find a nicer bunch to go and ride coasters with, and every time I've strapped in with a European enthusiast I was honored to do so.

The German couple talked more to me, meanwhile John was chatting wit this cool guy in a Hyperion shirt. We had to leave, but the guy John was talking to introduced himself as Youri and we shook his hand.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Ride to Happiness train dips down over a lake, with a swan boat on the water and a colorful castle in the background.

"Skip Plopsaland, it's for little kids," I was told. "You'll be disappointed in Plopsa." "It's all rides for children," repeated into infinity the echo chamber in the Belgium travel group I had shared my plans in. And they're right. A park with rides like K6 Roller Skater, Heidi, and #LikeMe surrounded by cutesy spinny kiddie flats is definitely for kids. But they also have super intense Anubis and, for some reason, one of the best coasters in the world. Many polls ranked it here, and while the two ahead of it varried vastly, I follow the global consensus that Ride to Happiness is my #3 coaster. But what the hell is a super intense spinning coaster doing with Heidi and Maja the Bee and those guys??? It beats me. But my $1 is a big scary RMC I-box at a pizza and go kart park, and my #2 is a big epic fjord-riding wooden coaster at a rural Swedish zoo, so I suppose my favorite rides being out-of-place is just going to be a tradition that continues, as Belgium becomes the third nation represented in my top ten!

Honestly? The park is adorable. If I had kids, I'd gladly take them here. But you don't try to sell the kiddie park angle when you build things like Ride to Happiness and Anubis. But based on my reception int he Belgium group, people still see it that way. Maybe Belgian kids are just hardasses that don't get traumatized by rides like Ride to Happiness, maybe they haven't shown the rest of Belgium that Plopsaland means business, but for a kiddie park, their best attraction is a big boy toy if I've seen one!

A Ride to Happiness shirt will run you $50-$100 and probably isn't available in your size, to our frustration. So I got some merch in the form of a hat (we won't talk about the price) and a keychain, and we headed out.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands before Plopsaland De Panne's billboard entrance.

John and I had planned to spend the evening in Bruges, so after this lap, we headed out, swung by a pharmacy where I was given 48 pills of good cold medication for $10, and drove an hour to Belgium's crown jewel: the medieval fairytale city of Bruges!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall cathedral of reddish brick rises into the blue sky, flanked by colorful medieval flags.

UP NEXT: How can a fucking fairytale city not be someone's fucking thing??? John and I head to Bruges and its famous medieval quarter. What is more likely to kill us? The cold? The "stairs" in our AirBNB? Not having Wifi to call for help? Having a heart attack from eating pork belly stamppot? Tune in next time as we bike quite the gauntlet through this beautiful town!