Date:10/31/2020-11/8/2020
Destination: Orlando, Florida
Goal: Orlando Parks, Cape Canaveral
Distance: 961 Miles
Means of Travel: Flight
Potential Credits: 24
Day 3
Good morning, Universal!
Today was to be spent knocking out everything worth doing at Universal that we didn't already do, pretty straightforward, and then head to Fun Spot Kissimmee. However, today was also special because of what was going on not just in Florida, but all across America: Election Day. It was slated to be a fun day, yes, but one with some fairly important news at the end of it. So Ben and I got up and hit the water taxi for our second day at the parks!
Today was to be spent knocking out everything worth doing at Universal that we didn't already do, pretty straightforward, and then head to Fun Spot Kissimmee. However, today was also special because of what was going on not just in Florida, but all across America: Election Day. It was slated to be a fun day, yes, but one with some fairly important news at the end of it. So Ben and I got up and hit the water taxi for our second day at the parks!
Yesterday we started at Islands and ended at Studios, today the plan was the same thing in reverse. Start at Studios, finish everything to do there, end the day at Islands of Adventure.
Our first orders of business (after a quick spin on Mummy of course) were shows, specifically Bourne Stuntacular and the Horror Makeup Show. Horror Makeup is supposed to be really funny and Ben works at Bourne so that was reason to do both.
Bourne was incredible! The theming in the queue was cool but the actual show blew me away. It was nice that they had a preshow that explained the backstory as well, as someone that isn't terribly familiar with the Bourne movies. What it is is a normal stunt show mixed in with high tech special effects, mainly props that moved autonomously and even took damage in the fight. There was a lot of blending screens with live action seamlessly, mainly in a scene involving an infinity pool. Only gripe about this is I felt the gunshots were way louder than the rest of the show but that's a minor complaint when you're dealing with something this special.
Bourne was incredible! The theming in the queue was cool but the actual show blew me away. It was nice that they had a preshow that explained the backstory as well, as someone that isn't terribly familiar with the Bourne movies. What it is is a normal stunt show mixed in with high tech special effects, mainly props that moved autonomously and even took damage in the fight. There was a lot of blending screens with live action seamlessly, mainly in a scene involving an infinity pool. Only gripe about this is I felt the gunshots were way louder than the rest of the show but that's a minor complaint when you're dealing with something this special.
Horror makeup was very different but god it was funny! I grew up with two engineering parents that have used the holiday of Halloween as an excuse to unleash their mad scientist cravings in the past so I've been around all that latex and spirit gum before, so I was expecting things I'd seen in the past. Ben told he this show was HILARIOUS, and I went in expecting one of those Spirit Halloween demos you see combined with generic theme park humor. I was pleasantly surprised, those women are fucking hysterical! You get up, you make fun of Disney, you make fun of married couples in front of their kids as they laugh at their parents, and make sure there's blood everywhere for that lovely shock value humor I like so much and you get possibly the hardest I've ever laughed at a theme park show. Don't miss this if you go!
I mean, I had to get my photo with Sir Elton John's star, right? Elton John's the shit!
After the shows we went back to the little kiddie area for the childrens' coaster...yikes. Haven't seen this asshole since I was 5 it was like my demons coming back to haunt me.
Our only reason for being here was Woody Woodpecker, aka the most annoying cartoon character ever. Idk if that laugh is supposed to be annoying or if it just rubs me the wrong way but the only place that fucker belongs is in the kitchen at Bdubs getting tossed in spicy garlic sauce. The coaster was at least cute and didn't ride badly at all, I just hate the character.
Next order of business was something from my childhood that I actually like, E.T. The Extraterrestrial! I remember one night when my dad was traveling my mom picked this movie and we all got pizza and sat around watching this movie as a family. It was my first Spielberg film ever and remains one of his best in my opinion, regardless of your age it's the ultimate childhood adventure. The ride itself loads really slowly even with Express but it's a cute, nostalgic ride that's packed with campy 90's aesthetics. The damn thing broke down while we were in line, and I was amused that the safety spiel involves a broken bike considering I used to assemble bikes as a job...and the specific fix would have taken much less time than it did to fix the actual ride! But they fixed it and we got on. This ride is amazing! The scene with the bike flying over the neighborhood was ripped straight from the film, the forced perspective here is so convincing!
Next up were two...odd simulator rides. Simpsons was the first, and the first thing I noticed was that the theming is hilarious. I'm not a huge Simpsons nerd but I do find the show funny and the ride is every bit as goofy and sarcastic as the cartoon, it does it perfect justice. The weird thing was the ride system in riding what's basically an oversized version of those 25 cent monster trucks on a stick you find at the mall and stuff for kids to ride, but this had a screen in front of it. And each one has its own private room.
Men In Black was the next one and I have to say, I was disappointed that this wasn't in the locker where we put my bag...
Well, Studios, it's been real. Time to head back over to the other side of the Universal Universe to close the day out! We headed back to Harry Potter and took Hogwarts Express back over to Island of Adventure.
For some reason I was starving at this point, and boy did Ben's meal selection rise to the occasion! We ended up at Mythos, which was BEAUTIFUL. This Atlantis-themed restaurant sits on Islands's central lake and rocks a menu chock full of sunny Mediterranean flair.
There were many, many options on this menu that looked absolutely delectable, but Ben had been swearing up and down on the fork, knife, and spoon grilled cheese. This thing is so good! It's an upscale grilled cheese with Italian cheeses served in a shallow saucer of tomato bisque, topped with homemade chips and pork belly.
Now in full grind mode to just systematically knock the remainder of the resort out, we went to Seuss Landing. Dr. Seuss was a big part of my childhood learning to read, so naturally I sent my mother a picture since she loved reading books such as Green Eggs & Ham and Cat In The Hat to my sister and I when we were little. I should write about the two rides there in rhyme shouldn't I?
Ben told me although I'd never read it,
but apparently Sky Trolley's a credit!
So we sat down, pulled down the bar and relaxed,
as the "coaster" made its way around the tracks.
Next up was a dark ride about a headgeared feline,
and we were treated to a wait with no line!
It's a ride for kids but it didn't bore me
Because it really stays true to the classic story!
I'm a poet and didn't know it.
Ben told me although I'd never read it,
but apparently Sky Trolley's a credit!
So we sat down, pulled down the bar and relaxed,
as the "coaster" made its way around the tracks.
Next up was a dark ride about a headgeared feline,
and we were treated to a wait with no line!
It's a ride for kids but it didn't bore me
Because it really stays true to the classic story!
I'm a poet and didn't know it.
After all this and a quick spin on Hulk, we made our way to Toon Lagoon where I swapped my park clothes out for a looser t-shirt, swim trunks, and flip-flops to do the park's three water rides. First order of business was Popeye and Bluto's Bilge Rat Barges, which Ben claimed was "like taking a shower." And the people coming off dripping wet as if they had just fallen in a lake seemed to back this claim up. Now, usually I hate getting my park clothes wet. I get impatient because cotton doesn't dry...but here we are and I brought a change of clothes! Popeye's is awesome! The theming is cute but the section of absolutely wild roller coaster rapids. I have never been this soaked on an amusement ride, it rocks!
Next up was the main reason Ben wanted to do water rides, which honestly didn't impress me half as much as Popeye's did. Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls is a visually impressive ride, with all that water cascading out of that colorful façade, and everyone always talks about the airtime you get over this hill. I'm not and have never been a big flume guy. The physics behind open channel flow we did in my fluid mechanics course for my degree was kind of cool and I honestly might enjoy learning about how these things work than I do riding them. It wasn't a bad ride at all. Campy cardboard cutout theming and a few small drops give this ride its character, but it's way too long and you spend a lot of time just bobbing around and blocked up waiting for this thing to drop its logs. And as impressive as that drop was, I didn't get any airtime over that hill.
Finally we did Jurassic Park, which was honestly just an inferior version of the newly remodeled Jurassic World at Universal Hollywood. The dark ride portion was a bit better than Jurassic World's, however. The bigger here was that our masks had gotten soaked and we couldn't breathe in them! After I changed back into my dry clothes, we made it a point to find the nearest gift shop to get some dry masks.
Looking to end our day with a bang, Ben and I elected to take one last spin on Hagrid's before heading out to our next stop. Sadly it broke down in line on us but they got it fired back up and by the time we were able to get on, it was a fully darkened night ride. This thing ROCKS at night! It absolutely feels like a vehicular dash through the woods under the cover of night. Perfect way to close out the Universal experience!
Potter is beautiful at night as well! Would have been easier to get with a tripod but I did my fucking best.
Potter is beautiful at night as well! Would have been easier to get with a tripod but I did my fucking best.
One of my best shots from the trip and we didn't even get to ride it.
On the way out, we took it slow to get some night shots of the place, and holy crap it's gorgeous when the sun goes down!
But wait! There's more!
You think I could just call it quits here tonight? Ended the region trip shy of 300 back in 2017, ain't about to let it happen again! I had my 400 sign ready to roll and it was time to make that milestone! And where might that happen?
Hot Take: The Gravity Group is amazing. I liked them from my first ride on Voyage and I consider them second only to RMC in terms of personal preference for ride manufacturers. Back at the beginning of the year I had the honor of touring their facility, saw what they were working on and talked to Michael Graham and all that. During our conversation, Mr. Graham told me that their rides typically try to dial it back a smidge from what RMC does, with two exceptions. One was Hades 360, the other was...
We walked right on it. The ride ops were super cool about taking our photo before dispatching this historic lap for me. I was so excited! I knew I was about to get wrecked on a very extreme coaster so I was a little nervous, but excited.
This thing ROCKS. That being said, that will not be the case for everybody that rides it. Gravity Group's Timberliner trains are designed to not tear up the track they run on, and man oh man is it necessary because this might be the poorest condition in which I've seen a Gravity Group coaster. It lives up to its name because it does clatter very violently and the ride feels like you're sitting on an explosion that lasts a full twenty seconds. Meanwhile, it's slamming you into these tight corners, violently trying to rip you from your seat, rolling you upside-down, and charging back into its own supports with major, major gusto. Imagine you're on an RMC, now imagine the RMC has the texture of Hades 360's tunnel the entire way through, that's Mine Blower. I know it can't be good for the structure and something should be done to make it run smoother but from a ride experience standpoint? If you like aggressive coasters this is the holy grail! It landed in my number three wood spot, the highest wooden coaster to not be an RMC in my wood rankings and the highest ranking Gravity Group coaster under my belt. This thing is amazing!
Fun Spot Kissimmee is...interesting. The park is in the middle of a mall, they've got three go kart tracks right next to each other, and half the rides are like across the street literally in the outdoor shopping complex.
We didn't have many clientele problems on this trip, but the biggest one we had was here. Ben and I did one of their Go Kart tracks, one of those multi-level ones with the spiral and shit. While I'm on the way up one of the spirals, this FUCKING DIPSHIT TEENAGER thinks it's funny to ram the rear corner of my kart, pointing me backwards into the flow of traffic and causing me to drive into the inner edge of the spiral, rendering me a sitting duck. This moron then drives off laughing, leaving me sitting there in a somewhat blind spot to potentially get hit. I was sitting there until Ben came around, I flagged him down, and he had to tell an employee to come up and spin me back around so I could keep driving. So we did that and I had to spend the rest of the experience watching this little shitstain to make sure he didn't do anything dangerous again. When we got off I wanted to walk up to this idiot and punch him in the face and yell at him for doing something idiotic and dangerous, but I'm a civil individual so I just walked away fuming mad at him. Kid's a walking ad for birth control, maybe one day his dad will realize he should have pulled out.
Fun Spot Kissimmee is...interesting. The park is in the middle of a mall, they've got three go kart tracks right next to each other, and half the rides are like across the street literally in the outdoor shopping complex.
We didn't have many clientele problems on this trip, but the biggest one we had was here. Ben and I did one of their Go Kart tracks, one of those multi-level ones with the spiral and shit. While I'm on the way up one of the spirals, this FUCKING DIPSHIT TEENAGER thinks it's funny to ram the rear corner of my kart, pointing me backwards into the flow of traffic and causing me to drive into the inner edge of the spiral, rendering me a sitting duck. This moron then drives off laughing, leaving me sitting there in a somewhat blind spot to potentially get hit. I was sitting there until Ben came around, I flagged him down, and he had to tell an employee to come up and spin me back around so I could keep driving. So we did that and I had to spend the rest of the experience watching this little shitstain to make sure he didn't do anything dangerous again. When we got off I wanted to walk up to this idiot and punch him in the face and yell at him for doing something idiotic and dangerous, but I'm a civil individual so I just walked away fuming mad at him. Kid's a walking ad for birth control, maybe one day his dad will realize he should have pulled out.
Next up we went across the street and into the shopping complex, well away from the rest of the park, for Hurricane. While we were there there were people in the low zone messing with something, which turned out to be a colored LED light on the track, trying to place it. So not only did we give them our point of view as to where it looked the best, but I got a great photo! As for the coaster...Ben warned me about it. He said it's a medieval torture device that rattles and beats the hell out of you. Both of us got surprisingly good rides on this, like it's the best of its model! Sure it feels sketchy but it was surprisingly smooth for what it was and had some nice edgy corners and abrupt dips. I didn't mind it at all.
When I was a kid, I got my first credit in Python Pit at a Jeepers FEC in the Detroit metro. I loved this thing! Sure it's just a kiddie coaster, but it had some cute cartoon jungle animals on cardboard cutouts as theming and that wiggly turn at the end was enclosed in a blacklit tunnel with bat eyes looking at you. So needless to say, it felt absolutely poetic when I went for the kiddie credit and see that the same one exists right next to Mine Blower, my 400th coaster. Needless to say, it made for a pretty funny before and after 400 credits picture!
After a quick non-spin on Fun Spot's shitty Reverchon, Ben and I headed out to go grab dinner: a legendary Mountain Melt!
We were pretty dead tired after this day, needless to say, so getting to sit down and enjoy a good old-fashioned fattening American meal was pretty damn refreshing. I did a beer with their limited time buffalo chicken Mountain Melt. This was so good but I couldn't finish it, hello drunk at 2 am leftovers!
UP NEXT: It's off to the happiest place on earth as Ben and I get to forget all our troubles in the world at Magic Kingdom! There is no COVID-19 in Ba Sing Se.
