Date:4/30/2021-5/2/2021
Destination: St. Louis, Missouri
Goal: Six Flags St. Louis; Cahokia Mounds
Distance: 382 Miles
Means of Travel: Driving
Potential Credits: 0
One year into our two week lockdown, I finally got it. After weeks of waiting my turn, vaccine chasing, getting my first dose, getting my ass kicked by my first dose, waiting on my second dose, getting my second dose, and getting my ass kicked again by my second dose, well I still gotta wait for it to fully kick in but while I might not be fully vaccinated, I'm mostly vaccinated. And unlike last year, where me being exposed at a park would spell not being able to go to work for two weeks, I don't have to quarantine if I'm exposed now! Coasters, here I come!
My buddy Andrew, who's been a great friend for ten years as of 2021, wanted to do a trip as soon as we were vaccinated and able to, and with 80% immunity from just dose one and the CDC relaxing mask guidelines outdoors, we planned a trip for the weekend after we got our second doses with plans to remain safe and fully masked in parks that still required them. Meanwhile, Drew had purchased his new Six Flags membership from St. Louis, which wasn't the first Six Flags park I had in mind, but it was one that was open that I do enjoy, so I figured I was down for a trip there. Their rides are good and it's a nice quiet way to get started with the season, plus it's a city I love. Ordinarily I do it as an overnighter, driving early in the morning and show up halfway through the day to finish the park as a half day thing, but with their reduced COVID hours we elected to head out the night before and stop in Effingham to put us 4 hours closer the morning of.
Day 1
I waited so impatiently to get out of work before 4:30 hit and I bolted out of there. Drew had been instructed to be at my place at 4, not because we were leaving then, but because he's constantly late. Considering he was pulling up to my place at the same time I was getting home, that was a great call! He parked in my normal spot on the street and we transferred his stuff to my car and hit the road to Illinois!
The drive wasn't hateful at all, no significant traffic at all and the sun didn't get hateful until the very end, we breezed right through it. When we were in Indianapolis, Drew pulled out the copy I brought of the book I'm writing and read it in his Morgan Freeman voice impression, so that was both cool to hear and hilarious. Finally, we crossed the flat as boards farmland terrain and made it to our stop for the night: Effingham, Illinois.
We decided to opt for Culver's that night as dinner, so we got some baskets and concrete mixers and headed over to Econo Lodge. After pulling into the wrong business twice prior, we finally found it. I went in, checked us in as the only one in the room with a mask, and we headed upstairs...only for our room key to not work. I left Drew with the stuff while I got someone to help us and he got us in, time to chow down! I've been exercising and practicing intermittent fasting for a few months now trying to burn off tons of quarantine weight, but decided to throw that to the wind and enjoy myself on this trip. Yeah...chicken fingers and cheese curds with ice cream was pretty damn refreshing after living on Lean Cuisine and meal delivery kits since it got warmer.
The Survivor Online Reality Game I was playing was having tribal council that night, so after I finished I threw my buff on and hopped on the Zoom. Not wanting my vacation to be ruined, I reached into my pants and pulled out the immunity idol prop I had brought! I didn't need it, but playing the idol got it off my chest, and the cast got a kick out of me bringing it along! After tribal, Drew showed me some of the karate he'd been learning (which was a major step up from the clumsy kid that couldn't dance when I met him in community youth theater back in high school) and we hit the hay. Had a full, long overdue day of coasters tomorrow!
Day 2
Drew and I got up at the asscrack of dawn as usual and threw our crap in the car, ready to roll out. We swung by Hardee's and got breakfast before getting on the road. But when we pulled out onto the entrance ramp back to the highway, some old white redneck with a camper was taking his sweet time rolling on down, with no effort to pick up any speed, which could jeopardize our chance to merge onto 70! So we pass him...only for him to speed up and attempt to pass us, locking us in between two trucks! Not even skipping a beat, Drew pulled up Dueling Banjos and cranked it, we were paddling faster because we heard banjos trying to pass this idiot! No idea why people think it's a show of their manhood or whatever to pull in front of you and slow down, but we eventually got ahead and left him behind to slowly drag his big rolling turd in front of someone else. Aside from that, it was a pretty civil drive!
Before we knew it, the Gateway Arch appeared on the horizon, we had weaved our way through the chaotic interchanges of St. Louis, and gotten decently southwest of town to our destination: Six Flags St. Louis! And before the parking tolls had even opened! We almost did that whole enthusiast thing where we loudly blasted Ready To Go for all to hear, this was long overdue to be in one of these lines.
Drew and I passed through bag check and temperature scan with ease and here we were! This sign was installed since I was last here and I loved it!
All vaxxed up and ready for action! Back at this park for the third time myself, Drew's membership processed super easily and we were in just in time for the running of the bulls!
The only real heartbreak of the trip, and it was a real one, was the security guard at the rope informing us that Mr. Freeze was down all day yesterday and to expect the same today. So yeah, I felt super bad for Drew that we came all this way and one of the best rides in the park, possibly the best overall, is down.
Running of the Bulls took us to The Boss, where I stupidly wasted money on an all day locker we never even needed. Regardless, running of the bulls is never really worth much at Six Flags because half the time when I go they aren't even ready for riders yet. So Boss took a few laps and we managed to get on. First vaccinated coaster, let's do this!
That queue was brutal as always, but I got Drew in my favorite seat for the first ride of the day: second to last. This keeps you off the wheel and gives you maximum airtime as the train is pulled off those large hills by gravity. And man oh man did it deliver! I was getting solid falling ejector off of plenty of these hills and it wasn't unbearably rough at all except for in one spot. I love Boss, I never got all the hate for it, personally I think it's like Beast but better, but some people are weak and can't handle it. Eh, get out of line, I'll gladly go one more ride on this amazing wooden coaster!
Continuing our way around this hilly, wooden coaster-centric park, we found ourselves at the tip top of the park's incline at Screamin' Eagle. On the flip side from my stance on Boss, Eagle is one that everyone seems to love that I never got. I don't hate it, it's just never done anything for me. No airtime, nothing, it just feels like you're rolling over ramps back in the woods. I've even taken a picture sleeping in front of the sign! Meanwhile, Drew said it reminded him of his least favorite coaster in his count: Over Georgia's Great American Jackhammer Machine, as he calls it. So neither of us were particularly excited for this one, just wanted it out of the way. Fortunately there was no wait for the back, and I'd not ridden in the back, so we took that seat...
Aaaand the Eagle has landed! Took me two trips here to finally see the point of this coaster, but I see the point of this coaster! Early in the ride I got nothing different from my previous snoozer rides, but after the 90 degree bend, I was getting tossed from my seat a bit, and out of the 180 turnaround I actually got some ejector! Still think it's the least impressive of the three wooden coasters here, but it's a coaster I at least like now! Still think Thunder Road and Racer are better examples of seventies out and back woodies, but this is pretty damn good still!
Superman is next to Eagle, but sadly we would never ride it again as the ride is on its way out for Catwoman's Whip. It's a shame, I loved this when I rode it in 2019, it's good and scary and the view of the beautiful hilly surroundings from the top is gorgeous. I'll miss that view looking down at the park as it cascaded down the hill on which it's built.
Continuing around the loop, we did River King Mine Train, which is probably my favorite of the "old school" Arrow mine trains. It doesn't do much, some of the transitions are fun, but most importantly, it does enough (unlike Dahlonega or Carolina Goldrusher) and it doesn't beat the hell out of you (either Runaway Mine Train), so I enjoy it.
Food was next, so I used my dining plan to get the brisket sandwich and fries from Mooseburger Lodge. Six Flags food is hit or miss in my experience. Great America and Great Adventure have great food in my experience, Magic Mountain and St. Louis do not. This was consistent. Don't get me wrong, people starve, and I'm always thankful for a meal, and I did enjoy it, but not as fine dining. This tastes like theme park fries and BBQ scooped from a plastic tub onto a bun, albeit done very well.
After our meal, we headed downhill for a coaster with a rap for beating the hell out of its riders...
You're the worst...around!
And long ago you should've been torn down!
Since I first got him into roller coasters, I told Drew horror stories about the coaster bearing this name at Six Flags Over Georgia, now called Blue Hawk, which he rode for himself in 2019 and he hated. So to see a similar type of coaster bearing the name at this park was very unwelcome to him. Such a shame, he's got a green belt in karate, he hated to see a theme he liked so much used on what was obviously a hunk of junk.
And the pleasant surprises of the day continue! This Arrow/Vekoma Frankencoaster is honestly better than Vortex was at the end of its life, I didn't mind it for the most part. Of course, it's an older Arrow, there's going to be problem spots. The top of the sidewinder was offensive, as was the little turnaround following. And the transition into the corkscrews. And the transitions into the helix. Okay, lots of bad spots on this thing. But also, a few good ones! That loop was better than I remember, as were the corkscrews. If you've got a good pain tolerance, Ninja can be somewhat enjoyable!
I lost my souvenir bottle next and wanted to do the train since I'd not done it before, and I was honestly impressed! Usually trains at themed amusement parks that don't care that much about immersion aren't the greatest, but this had some good views of the park and was just a nice, relaxing ride around the hill.
Six Flags St. Louis I've noticed isn't the most colorful park, as I struggled to get colorful pictures using my F-stop to get the more landscape shots, but it sure as hell is gorgeous.
At the bottom of the hill we decided to do some shopping, get our flash passes, and replace my lost water bottle while collecting his. Ugh! Bottles need to be gotten from membership services in Britannia, and the flash passes have to be gotten from...the stroller rental? Seemed like a lot of runaround from a park in a chain that usually has a membership lounge or whatever at the front, but whatever. We got flash passes for Boomerang and Batman (both had lines as we saw earlier), headed to Excalibur, and waited in line for bottles...and then waited in line again to get refills because we were starting to get thirsty in the hot sun.
Drew needed to use the restroom, so I chilled out in the mask free area. People were running around maskless, chinstrapping and ear dangling all day, with no social distancing in the queues or on some of the coaster trains. In the meantime, I remembered how different it was just being able to not wear a mask at parks. Like, it felt weird not having mine on.
Pandemonium was next, so we headed through Bugs Bunny to get it, when I noticed this! Grrr, this motherfucker, I always despised this character and I was so glad to see he was going. If not for the obvious that it felt creepy and inappropriate, then for the fact that my family is French-American and we always felt it was a really uncomfortable depiction of the culture. So seeing his ugly mug on a playground was bothersome, hope the park takes it down sooner than later.\
Wait for Pandemonium wasn't too hateful for what it is, bar the unruly children using the queue railings as a jungle gym. But we got on, knowing Drew gets motion sickness on spinning rides I balanced the car to spin as little as possible, and he really liked it!
Another not-so-pleasant cred was next: Boomerang. St. Louis's isn't bad but it isn't good either, but I was wary since I know Drew gets motion sickness, and forwards/backwards can set that off sometimes. Should've brought a bag, he projectile vomited all over the back car coming back into the station! It was disgustingly impressive, it was like going to Yellowstone and seeing Old Faithful vomit all over a Vekoma boomerang train. Needless to say, we both felt pretty bad about it.
Afterwards, Drew went to the restroom to wash up while I went to get us refills on souvenir drinks...in a long, disorganized line at Foul Ball. Food service here is as bad as Kings Island, I'm telling ya!
But...food. Food sounded good, and I had a dinner to redeem. It was a no brainer, we headed to Primo's for a spot of pizza and beer. I had read in the new Kings Island: A Ride Through Time book I'm reading that my home park actually pioneered pizza at parks, so this was in a way due in part to that special place. Sadly, my "pepperoni" pizza had less than a single slice of pepperoni on it but it was good, and the garlic knots were really good. Add an ice cold beer to wash it down and you're in business!
From there, we decided to hit my favorite ride in the park, now nice and warmed up: American Thunder! I heard great things about this GCI back in 2017 when Mystic Timbers opened, which ultimately got me to come out here for the first time and drink the Six Flags St. Louis Kool-Aid. As always, it delivered, and it delivered hard! This tiny, low-momentum coaster has plenty of airtime moments, from yanking you down off those high turns to those lovely little speed hops back to the station. I loved it, Drew loved it, this machine is incredible, and it should be noted that it does almost what Mystic Timbers does while being able to potentially fit in the side yard between two houses.
While in World's Fair, we thought the waffle cones smelled good, so I used my snack on ice cream. Cookies 'n' Cream, of course, because why the hell not? This was some of the best park ice cream I've had! Not sure if I just need to try more or what, but it was delicious in that fresh made waffle cone. Definitely try this, if anything it's one of the best uses I've seen for a dining plan snack.
One credit left! Let's go get the last available credit of the day for Drew, right?
Batman had a wait all day, and we see nothing in the cattlepen, so we shouldn't even need those flash passes, right? Ride is chained off when we get there, kid out front explains it's down due to guest illness. So we wait on them to clean the vomit, turns out this guy's an enthusiast, so we talk coasters. They open up, we get in line, and Drew and I are literally STRAPPED INTO THE GODDAMN TRAIN when they kick us out...to clean another guest illness. Two people shut down Batman by yacking on it within the span of an hour. Needless to say, Drew was looking at this like a deer in the headlights, terrified he would be the third in a long line of pukers here at Barfman: The Ride. But the ride goes back up, we head back into the queue, sit down, and go. And this time, I had gotten Drew a plastic bag in case of emergencies again, and he was fine!
It's a simple thing. It's a Batman clone, I've ridden several in my time as an enthusiast, but simply being back one one felt great for some reason. I do like a good B&M invert, I love riding all exposed beneath the track and getting flung around upside-down, and while I prefer larger elements like Banshee's, I'd take this! This might have been one of the best rides I've ever gotten on one of these Batman clones!
The sun was going down, we had ten more minutes left to park close, so we booked it over to American Thunder. Drew thought of sitting out for motion sickness reasons, but elected to come along last minute.
#LROTNOAT! Sure it wasn't a night ride, but we still got last train of the night, and it was still pretty full, add in snagging a front row seat and you have a perfect way to end the day! Okay, sure, Drew puked in the bag, yeah yeah yeah, but it didn't get on the train!
After park close, we headed to a gas station to grab some alcohol for that night, and headed to the hotel as I had a commitment for the Survivor ORG I was in. I didn't know what this was, but the hosts were pressuring me into making sure I could be there at 8 Central for this "very important" challenge. So I change into my pajamas, throw on my buff, and open up the Zoom. Turns out that Sandra Diaz-Twine, the Queen of Survivor, one of only two people to win twice and one of only three women of color to win the CBS reality show was on the Zoom call with us and I got to meet this amazing woman who I had been watching play Survivor since I was 8! Sucked a little to meet a childhood hero while I was still sweaty and just changed out of my park clothes, but she was super cool and fun to talk to. I was so glad I made it! I didn't want to say anything about having rushed to maybe catch it if I could, but then one of our hosts blurts out "Jarrett almost ditched you for Six Flags!" and I felt bad. Didn't win the trivia challenge about Sandra's second season but simply to be on call with her and talk to her was an honor! Thanks for doing this for all of us if you read this, Sandra!
Drew and I hung out, I had a few drinks, and we both ended up passing out, wanting to get some sleep after being so go go go for a good day and a half.
Day 2
The next morning we slept in good, waking up around 9:30 Central, and headed out. We snagged Arby's on the way out of St. Louis, crossed into Illinois on some convoluted highway/crisscross maneuver that Waze cooked up, avoided a random concrete barrier blocking off a lane around a corner that was there for some reason, and headed to our second destination: Cahokia Mounds!
For those of you who don't know (sadly many don't), Cahokia was really the first "city" in what would one day be America. A settlement built by the indigenous Native American Mississippian culture, this trading hub was able to produce a surplus of corn to last the winter, allowing residents to stay there year round, and enabling some residents to take up occupations other than farming to sustain life. It's the largest archaeological site in the Americas north of Mexico, and a visit there provides a look at indigenous cultures very different from the one you're taught in public schools. As much of it was made of wood, it's not quite like visiting the Mayan ruins, but the grounds are very peaceful, there's a really cool free museum, and the towering mounds built by the Mississippian cultures still stand, including the massive Monk's Mound, which is comparable in size to some of the most iconic pyramids around the world.
Needless to say, the whole thing was a bit of a shock for Drew to learn, having also learned about Native Americans largely as simple hunter-gatherers in wigwams, now seeing that they managed to create a whole urban metropolis that was conveniently left out of our history books. "Come for the creds, stay for the culture," as he says about our travels.
Never noticed this artifact before, but I found it unusual, and the way it was presented looked kind of surreal out of context.
After going through the museum, we crossed the street to go for a little climb...
Climbing Monk's Mound is exhausting, it's a good 100 feet up and the steps get kind of steep towards the top, and I've even seen MMA fighters running up and down these steps on past trips here to get a workout. However, the view from the top is so worth it...
The whole "point" of a trip to Cahokia, in my eyes, is learning about the culture in the museum, seeing the models of it, learning what was there, and then climbing this enormous earthwork, turning around, and seeing just the scale of everything. It's not really until you get up here that the history lesson turns into an experience, letting it sink in that this really happened and you're standing in the same land where it did.
You can see mounds, the interpretive center, Woodhenge, everything from up here. And it even stretches into the trees! This city was huge!
And seeing St. Louis just across the river from up here is kind of spooky, knowing one major metropolis used to call that river home, and another one has taken its place. And one day that will probably fall, and someone might stand atop that iconic arch, now the new Monk's Mound, wondering what it was used for.
The city might be gone, but the story and land it left behind is pretty damn spectacular.
We were going to head out after this, but Drew suggested we check out Woodhenge, a sort of celestial calendar similar to Stonehenge, just down the street from Monk's Mound, so we did that. Not a lot to see here, not as many info boards, but the view of Monk's Mound is pretty nice.
I watched a thing on National Geographic called Chasing The Equinox about different ancient cultures and their architecture used to chart the stars, such as the Mayans and Khmer. Based on that, Woodhenge operates kind of the same as some of these, and the preservation society even has an event on the solstice to watch the sun rise through Woodhenge.
I hate this photo.
I love it, it's a great photo, but I drive all the way out here, spend the day with my camera pointed at these really cool roller coasters, and my best photo to come of the trip is a dreamcatcher on a wooden post. Not quite as cool as a coaster, but it's simple and beautiful, I'll take it! I just hate that this kind of proved I don't need to go out to all these crazy places to get cool photos. I don't even know who put this here or what its significance is, but person running the museum's Instagram said it was "one of [their] favorite artifacts," but I have no idea of its spiritual significance at Woodhenge, if any. Kind of a mysterious find, honestly...
We got back to the car just as it started raining and left Collinsville for home, enjoying a boring ass, rainy drive that lasted into the evening. And got home safely, feeling refreshed. I had been at home for a year, I was itching to travel that whole time, and that was the last thing I missed about going on these road trips: that feeling of getting home after one.
None of this is that flashy. A park with a few good wooden coasters, a once proud city now reduced to a few mounds and park infrastructure, but somehow it's enough to remind me exactly why I cut it back a bit last season: so I could not die of COVID and live to see this one. It's the little things in life, that last ride of the night energy on the train, learning something new at a historical site that you connect with, hell even getting fast food and doing the token crazy stop for the night at a sketch cow town motel. It's back, I'm vaxxed, and while I don't know what I'm going to do exactly, I know I'm going to enjoy every minute of it I get more than I ever did.
