Date:5/28/2021-5/31/2021
Destination: Salt Lake City, Utah
Goal: Lagoon; Park City Mountain; Culture
Distance: 1665 Miles
Means of Travel: Flying
Potential Credits: 11
And just like that, half a year later, it's region trip time once more! However, this region trip was like no other I've taken. When I finished Florida, I had no idea what 2021 had in store with COVID. I'm running out of big coaster cities/states in the US to do and plan to make these international soon, so in the spirit of saving vacation time and money for the future, I elected to make 2021's smaller, just a crazy holiday weekend in a city with a few coasters and a lot to check out. I looked at a lot of places, but ultimately, selected somewhere I'd never even considered traveling short term: Utah.
I knew a bit about Lagoon up until recently. I first heard of it when they were building Verbolten and Wicked was front in center of discussion, and I knew of Cannibal when it was first built. I also knew it was pretty old, like Knoebels or Kennywood era. But up until this year, it was just this weird little classic park, with a few weird coasters that they built in-house, in a part of the country that I viewed as pretty irrelevant. But when I really looked into this and saw all there was to do, from the Olympics stuff to a great-looking alpine coaster at Park City Mountain, I knew I had to get out here. I also like to learn about different religions, so this also seemed like a good place to learn more about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The glowing reviews I'd always heard of Lagoon here and there probably contributed to this trip happening as well.
Booking this trip was a nightmare, getting a rental car was hell with the rental car shortage and my credit card company threw a fit that I was spending that much money on two days car rental in Salt Lake City and locked my card. Hotels were a bit easier, but I managed to get decent ones near the park and hotel. Figuring out cool things to do in Salt Lake City and figuring out how to pack it all and a mountain coaster into one day was a nightmare, with things being added and omitted constantly and up to the day itself. So for the most hellish time I've ever had planning a trip...
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 1
...this will be updated each time a minor needless inconvenient happens, and we've got one on the board before I've even left. Don't know what I'm talking about, watch The Book of Mormon.
Day 0
First thing, I had to work. That whole day, I worked an agonizing 8 hour shift doing repetitive work, wanting so badly to just get out of there. At least I could grind harder at work and that made the time go by faster. But finally, 4:30 rolled around and I headed to my parents' place, changed into my airplane clothes, realized my mom wanted to drive my car and I unloaded my luggage for nothing, headed into my car, and my mom drove me to the airport!
It was pissing down rain that entire afternoon, causing us to get poured on going to Cinci, but we made it! In line to get to the counter agent, a screaming child making demonic noises (this has been a theme all season, and this trip was no different) set off a barking dog, so there was this chorus of shrill yapping and Satanic wailing accompanying my already frustrating wait behind people that didn't know how to fly.
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 2
But I got through that and security in a breeze (I was pulled aside to simply step through a metal detector and didn't have to deal with those horrible claustrophobic scanners) and got to my gate with a McDonald's knockoff Chick-Fil-A sandwich and time to spare!
If this airplane was a bird it would be a duck, it was absolutely dumping outside. I was honestly surprised weather didn't throw us for a loop, because when we took off you could actually see water droplets sliding sideways on the windows. If it works it works, but I had no idea planes worked that well in the rain.
Takeoff was beautiful flying over the Ohio River as the mist evaporated of the trees.
The Martian, yet another film about America spending obscene amounts of life and money to rescue Matt Damon, was my choice of viewing on this trip. I always believe that you need to set specific incentive to come home safely from your trip, preferably a little thing, and for me it was making this Cajun chicken sausage Everyplate kit. So seeing a film about someone going above and beyond to make it home safely was another nice reminder to travel smart and safe. And you can never go wrong with a Bloody Mary to accompany it!
When we were early in the air, the flight attendants were walking around, and I made eye contact with one of them and asked if they bring around the beverage cart in rounds or if you have to ask (first time on Delta), she explained that they normally do but not now because of turbulence, so I was understanding. Later in the flight she asked me if I had been served, I told her I had ordered a beer from another flight attendant but hadn't gotten it. She apologized and went to go get it, I shrugged it off and told her it was fine and not to worry about it, just get it when it's convenient for her. And she asked me, "how are you the most patient person ever?" Considering how I have it in my head that I'm dead weight that's existing in everyone's way all the time, I know that was just a kind remark but it really went a long way.
And yes, the Sweetwater Hazy IPA was amazing.
Eventually, they got Matt Damon on the spacecraft home by doing something super risky like the US government always does and I looked out the window to see not the flat green checkerboard seen when over the Midwest, but the craggy (and still snowy) brown peaks of the Rockies! We were here!
Hello, Salt Lake City! First time here, the second I stepped off that plane into the newly renovated Salt Lake City airport, I got the state credit, bringing my total visited to 30! (tool used for graphic)
With my feet on the ground in Utah, I headed from the B concourse through the HUGE newly renovated SLC to the front, where I caught an Uber to the nearby Microtel. The guy was super nice and offered me water before driving me...and then the hotel offered me water. No idea why everyone here offers water at the moment, but I took it! So here I am, all checked in to my tiny walk-in closet hotel room, it's midnight my time but only 10 here in Salt Lake City, so I just crashed for a bit and began to process that I was here in Utah and that I was safe and that I would be going to Lagoon tomorrow. I clicked the TV remote and South Park's on and it's funny, so I just relaxed and had myself a laugh over the water while my meds kicked in before I showered and hit the hay. Got a big day tomorrow!
Day 1
I usually try to sleep in once a week at least, and knew it would be tough on this trip, but the time change helped so much. I woke up feeling rested at around 6:45 MST and was able to just quietly doze until 8:30, when I got up, threw my mask on, and Ubered over to NU Car Rental to grab my car! It's coaster time!
Even using Rentalcars.com I got shaken down $300 for a car for only two days, due to the rental car shortage this country is experiencing. I had never rented from NU before, but picked them only because they were the least ridiculous option and the only other one was the Hertz downtown, which was a hefty Uber away from the hotel...as well as being by far the worst rental car agency ever to be given to us by Satan. But NU was fine...and for all that money, I got a gray Nissan Versa, just 2.5 years newer than the gray Nissan Versa I drive back at home! 300 bucks to drive what's pretty much the same damn thing I drive daily! I had a good laugh about it, got in, hit the button to turn it on, and the car came to life but wouldn't back out of the spot! I went inside to ask what I knew was probably a stupid question, but they told me it happens constantly and that with that car, you need to hold the brake when you press the button to start it. And it worked! I hit the road and headed to Lagoon!
Leaving the airport's vicinity and driving through Utah, I immediately noticed the state was...inorganic. Everywhere you look was just a layered view of construction, buildings that looked like warehouses, and large brown mountains. There was one of those huge oil? plants with one of those large chimneys with a flame shooting out of it. The city drive was a ghost town but once I was on the highway...Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints Utah drivers are crazy! The roads aren't any twistier than, say, Cincinnati's, but when the speed limit is 65, these locals read 80. Like, I'm sorry, I'm not going to tear down a highway I don't know at 80 miles an hour, especially not when it's well over the speed limit, and this decision pissed off a few other drivers but there weren't overly many to share the road with. Thankfully, it was just a short 20-minute drive through an area that looked like a large mountainous industrial district and before I knew it, I saw the S&S Combo Tower and Cannibal's elevator! I was there!
Lagoon had what amounted to its own highway exit, with a lane to get off, and I'm thinking "eh, that's nice!" I pull off, see nobody there...and then rounding a corner I notice the car ahead is stopped! And I had to slam the brakes on at highway speeds before rear ending someone! This goes from 60 to 0, like highway speeds to standstill traffic, when the park is opening. After paying the fifteen dollars to park, I headed in, parked my car, and looked at just how massive Cannibal was! Wicked, Roller Coaster, Spider, and Colossus also have quite the skyline presence at this park, with an obvious cluster of coasters stacked on top of each other near the parking lot. With that, I grabbed my backpack, locked my car, and headed in!
The style of park Lagoon is is pretty unmistakable. Lots of trees, older buildings lining prominent midways, chairlift overhead, the like. And just like that, traffic patterns at parks like this are pretty unmistakable: everyone gathers for the running of the bulls and tramples each other for the biggest, baddest coaster at the park. And for me, that coaster also happened to be the reason I was here in the first place, so I decided to take part! We wait around, rope drops, everyone takes off, and just as I close in on Cannibal...
Just my luck. No gate crash today! Ride ops confirmed it would open later, so I turned around and thought I'd try my luck finding an early rider for Jet Star.
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 3
Nope! No Jet Star either! I was initially both worried I wouldn't get it and relieved I wouldn't have to awkwardly beg someone to ride with me, but they said it would open in a bit as well.
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 4
At this point, I just said fuck it and decided to take any coaster that was open that didn't have a stupid long wait. This stupid little Vekoma suspended family coaster, no different than Kings Island's back at home, had no wait so I decided to just knock it out before one train ops undoubtedly kicked the wait up. Nope! It went down as soon as I stepped into the station! "Why is Lagoon broken, mommy?" asked a child in one of the station gates. I waited around for probably ten minutes before a supervisor came out and fixed it. Fortunately, one family in line for the front left and I took their spot, so I got to ride in the front. It bangs you around just as much as these have aged to, no different from Flying Ace or Silver Streak, but Lagoon also had a lot of trees growing around the track, so I was always worried one would hit me in the face. Pretty sure the train was brushing the leaves!
Continuing around in "take what I can get" mode, I run into BomBora, the other in-house coaster here. I expected it to be a bit bigger than it was, it's about the size of a Vekoma roller skater. I didn't know it had this really cool surfing theme, and the ocean-themed trains were awesome!
This might be the surprise coaster of the trip! This is one of the best kiddie coasters I've ever been on! BomBora is very similar to a Vekoma roller skater, but being an in-house built coaster, I wasn't fully sure what to expect, and it's actualy got some good kick to it! The trains have onboard audio that plays Wipeout to go with the theme so that was fun as well. I don't quite "get" why the park went through the trouble of having this built themselves when they could have just bought something similar off the shelf from Vekoma for less hassle, but I'm not complaining! Great unique little coaster with some cool theming! Why can't we have more kiddie coasters like this and fewer Zamperla death machines?
We were told to check back at Cannibal in an hour, so I headed back to see if there was any luck...and there was! They were sending empties! And cycling them pretty regularly! I gazed up hopefully at the large dive coaster, anxious for them to maybe send a test rider or drop the gate, as they dropped car after car empty, at closer and closer intervals. It was testing! And when they recalled the ride ops at the entrance of the plaza back to the station, I knew it was time, and so did everyone else. A massive line began forming. And when asked if the ride was open? "Come back in forty-five minutes to an hour." Phone calls are being made to the greeter. "Come back in forty-five minutes to an hour." A line was forming because it was obvious they were getting ready to open it back up, a line I was first for, as I had been using the empties to dial in my camera settings around the queue entrance. I told the ride ops I had been chatting with they needed t-shirts that said "45 Minutes to An Hour" on them, as it was obvious that they had been told to say that regardless of the ride's status. Finally, after one call, this kid told one lady "we're opening the ride in just a second but put your bag in a locker," and I knew it was time! He unchained the queue and I ran up there, first rider of the day, and got right in the front row! Still got my gate crash, and not by outrunning, but by being opportunistic and outthinking!
I would barely call what Cannibal has "theming," it's more "props." Building is done in the same architectural style I had noticed all over Utah, with warehouse-esque metal panels and various river rock sidings, with wood beams being used more as accents than actual construction material. Any of the props in there feel very in-house, with nothing representing a fully cohesive aesthetic and more "here's some money go to Hobby Lobby or Pier 1 Imports and pick us out a few things that look cool." It's more a mishmosh of "primitive and/or exotic" than "here are things to set your experience to time place and mood."
Enough looking around, I'm hungry for some Cannibal! Over fifteen-hundred miles across the country for this thing and it all leads up to this! It's going down...116 degrees down a 208-foot drop to be exact!
Never in my life have I been so impressed and confused at the same time! What the actual flying fuck is this goddamned thing!?!? And why do I absolutely love it!?
I will start by stating the obvious...Cannibal has the best first drop of any coaster I have ever been on. Vertical and beyond vertical I've done before, yes, but this steep and this tall!?!? It's every bit as insane as you would expect it to be, and the ejector you get over it is on par with anything you'd get on an RMC. It's a dive coaster, the drop is supposed to be the best part, and I would place this drop as one of the best coaster moments anywhere in the US, right alongside Lightning Rod's quad down.
So, gushing about the drop aside, let's break this thing down. Cannibal starts with the blowing of a horn, not unlike the one heard at the beginning of Survivor's Ancient Voices theme song, so that was my first clue I liked this. You enter a dark room with a few antelope skulls on the wall, and before you is this large arch featuring two large ram heads. I largely got Moloch/Baal Hammon/Baphomet vibes from them, and below them is the entrance to this large metal chute, almost like a chimney, and it really looks like some crazy sandalpunk human sacrifice is about to take place. So you enter this tall metal chimney, we had the lights on, and could actually see the two halves to this elevator lift work in unison as the clanking, engaging, and disengaging of the mechanisms echoed ominously up and down this tower. Sitting on the side away from the wall, you actually see and hear the other side rush past you faster than you might expect. Finally, you get to the top, a drumbeat starts playing, and it slowly eases you out, almost as if it's teasing you and nudging you closer and closer to the edge of the cliff before shoving you to mess with your mind. It feels a lot more like walking the plank as opposed to just throwing someone overboard, things get very psychological up there and it really tries to scare you and drive home just how high up you are. If there's another train on the course, the structure you're about to be dumped onto visibly shakes (something I learned in engineering class is structurally necessary but still unnerving), adding to the mind games this coaster loves to play on its riders. You stop out there briefly before slowly tipping forward, hanging you partially upside-down, and tumbling down that massive drop and dumping you out and away from your seat, dishing out that massive ejector.
Once you dive under the tunnel, you rise into this Immelmann loop that somehow launches you out of your seat by some freak Newtonian phenomenon when it tightly flips you back over, dishing out some more airtime. Those of you who've ridden Stormrunner know the exact phenomenon, it's exactly like the flying snake dive but with just a lap bar. Immediately after, it flips you again and dumps you through this dive loop, dishing out even more insane flipping airtime. And once you're booking it at the bottom of that dive loop, the coaster dips again, not unlike the dips in the valleys of Steel Curtain, but these actually provide the ejector they were intended. Coming out of this, it does this weird hammerhead/cutback thing that it rips through at a decent pace, dives back on the other side of this temple ruin prop, then climbs up into the MCBR.
You can't see what's after the MCBR, as it's fixed to the tower, and turns left after, hiding the CRAZY Lagoon Roll following it! This is where the random props and theming built with the ride become relevant, as it slowly rolls you upside-down, dangling for dear life by just a lap bar, and just when you start to comfortably touch the seat again...let's do it again but holding you over water! After this is the ride's finale: a downward figure-eight helix where the car gains more and more speed before diving down into a cave behind the waterfall, flying out, getting a little splash, and finishing with an airtime pop into the brakes. This was the only remotely negative thing I have to say about this ride whatsoever, it's got a bit of a rattle in this helix but not enough to really take away from it.
So yeah. I like Cannibal. Like, a lot, if you read this all. I liked it so much that it took a bite out of my steel top ten, placing 8th between Skyrush and Copperhead Strike, and gobbling Time Traveler right off the list! It's known that the dive coaster concept never was my cup of tea, I always detested the concept of building a big awesome drop only for a coaster to fart around and not do much after, but like Copperhead did with inversions, Cannibal showed me that the dive coaster has potential to be something I really, really like, even though no real ride manufacturer has managed to wow me with one. It impressed the hell out of me! Who needs missionaries to cleanse them of their demons when you've got Cannibal?
Hey Cedar Point and Lagoon, can y'all trade dive coasters? Please?
Walking away, and noticing my lips starting to dry out, still stunned to the bone after Cannibal, I noticed I was already three coasters through the park, and not a lot of time had passed amazingly. I noticed a minimal line for these flyers and they snapped like crazy, so I thought I'd return the favor and play with physics myself. Snapping these is actually pretty scary because there were a few close calls in its proximity to (now operational) Jet Star.
I went and got in line for Wild Mouse, but I was stopped and told to put my bag in a locker at either Colossus or Wicked. Well...Colossus and Wicked's lockers are all full and people are throwing their stuff on the ground in front of them! It was a total mess, bags hidden in bushes and dropped right there on the midway in front of the ride entrance. Lagoon's dispatches were alright, but this was making me question if a Cedar Fair or Six Flags-style locker policy was really worth the hassle for a modest local park like Lagoon. I go over to Spider...and it has the same policy. Frustrated, I rolled my eyes and went to grab lunch.
And my mood instantly went from hot, dehydrated, and annoyed to pleasantly surprised when I entered Lagoon's Biergarten. They've got this nice pleasant little courtyard and German-styled building where you can get pub food and beer. I gravitated towards the chicken schnitzel but the side was cold potato salad, which I hate, so I got these nice fish and chips with a nice local craft beer, it was some kind of really refreshing apricot IPA. So I sat down, looked at some of my photos, and just tried to kind of relax.
Lunch aside, I did Colossus: The Fire Dragon. Lockers were still sold out so the kid at greeter said he'd get his supervisor to clear out the expired ones and told me to just throw my camera bag on the midway and promised to watch it, which seemed low risk because the line was the shortest in that area of the park anyway, and got in line. This thing gets hella close to the queue! It looks exactly like you would expect a traveling Schwarzkopf to look, simple station, rickety metal walkway as a queue, and that got me thinking, "what's so great about those anyway?" I'd ridden Scorpion, but it doesn't get the praise that, say, Olympia Looping or Quimera do. Or this, for that matter. But I love it! The pacing makes this ride, the first two loops are boring unless you like positives but after it, it really flies through those two slanted helices. The fact that you know it's a little more than cotter pinned together adds some major edge to the ride, I absolutely loved it!
Right next door was Wicked, and I still wasn't sure what to do about the lockers, but I bit the bullet and got in line, looking for places to hide my camera. Hallelujah! Wait isn't hateful at all and when I get up there, there's a locker free! I locked my camera up and got on Wicked worry-free! Cool 80s neon sign and all!
Like Cannibal, Wicked has more an aesthetic than a solid theme. There's a siren when it leaves the station, there's a metal building, and some oil barrels, but that's it. You round a corner, and start with the best part of the ride: a launch up the tower and over a top hat that gives, say it with me, Wicked hairtime. It's amazing, it feels like you'd expect a NASA launch to feel!
Sadly, after this, while there are some solid moments, Wicked didn't do as much to wow me. You get some air over that little hop at the bottom of the top hat and through the zero-g, the overbank has some nice force through it but you'll get whacked around. But sadly, after the MCBR, the ride goes completely docile and just farts around until the brakes, and even whacks you some more.
Still, it's a coaster I had fun on, just one with some very clear and obvious flaws. I ranked it third in the park behind Cannibal and Colossus, but it would have been a clear contender to go toe to toe with Cannibal had it just been smoother and had a more interesting second half. Still, though, the selling point with Wicked is that really cool vertical launch right out the gate, something I think Zierer should have done with Impulse.
I have an app called Ride Forces on my Apple Watch that can log accelerometer data on a ride if you keep your hand still, so I attempted it on Wicked. Not sure how accurate it is, but the airtime at least seemed to match what I felt!
Moving right along, I decided to go from new to old and hit the infamous white roller coaster at the front of the park. It's called Roller Coaster, but the locals just refer to it as the white roller coaster. Ride had lockers but the wait wasn't hateful at all, with two GCI trains on the track.
BOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I could fall asleep on this thing, Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints it's so boring! You get no airtime over the hills, it farts around in the turns, and might actually be more of a snoozefest than Kennywood Racer. It gains speed throughout the layout and the last bit before the brakes is okay, but it's very much too little, much too late for this ride to be impressive. One and done, and as we all expected knowing my stance on these types of "nostalgic" outdated coasters...
#RMCitorWreckit.
Wanting to do something a bit more exciting, I went to the history walkthrough.
"I'd rather look at a bunch of old shit than ride a roller coaster" supposedly said no coaster enthusiast ever, but in the case of the white roller coaster, it was true. This pioneer village is history done right, displayed in a context that is inherently historical and not operating in a context that puts it as equal to technology that's obviously superior. You walk back through this trail, kind of like the ones that go to picnic groves, but find yourself in this little city street straight out of Red Dead Redemption. It's structured much in the way that Carillon Park back at home is, just a few historical buildings erected or moved set as a sort of historic still life, showing what the businesses might have been like back at the time.
After grabbing myself a water because my mouth was starting to dry out badly at this point, I went to check this place out! And of course, because children on this trip were total demons, I had a five year-old literally shove me aside while I was dialing my settings in at this cobbler shop.
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 5
Moving on, a lot of the businesses were really well-done, and had these little info cards in them to fully explain what you were looking at. You could walk around some more or less, this china shop in particular was completely glassed off, for the obvious reason that it's a literal china shop.
This general store was straight out of Red Dead Redemption. Lots of things on this trip reminded me of the game, as you've seen and will continue to see, but this was definitely one of them.
Towards the back of the main street is this little square, in it there's a food stand and a few buildings that are more museums designed to showcase specific things verses businesses that are supposed to look like an actual building from the period.
One of the buildings was a train museum, and having grown up as a Thomas the Train kid, this was like being a kid all over again! Shame the model train wasn't running but I'd still have been in Mormon heaven if I did this when I was 4! Some of these model trains were super cool!
They also had a cabin from a Pullman car on display, which was pretty cool. Loved that they even had the dinner plates with the Pullman name on them.
There was another gallery-style building that had a reproduction of Barnum and Bailey's circus in Salt Lake City, which was super cool considering one of my favorite movies is The Greatest Showman. Towards the back it also had a display of creepy dolls that will follow you back to your hotel and kill you.
Seriously. That shit was CREEPY, a guy even walked out declaring the building to be "creepy as hell" and "bad vibes" as his girlfriend trailed him telling him they were just dolls.
Coming back, I checked out the stuff on the opposite side of the street of the pioneer village. The thing that really struck me as cool was this barber shop, which also had a dress shop upstairs so that men could get their haircut while their wives went and shopped as they waited. It was a brilliant business model and I'm surprised nothing like it exists today. I also liked these chairs made of animal horns, not sure about their load bearing capabilities but they're cool as hell!
Finally, I almost walked past the main reason I wanted to do this in the first place: the Mormon furniture exhibit! The carpentry on these pieces of furniture was impressive considering the technology they had back then, but what really got me was a process called graining. We all know hardwoods like oak and mahogany get used in furniture building, and these look no different. When I see this chair, I think...
...but it isn't. It's actually pine. They had a process called graining, where they would use brush strokes and stain to paint on patterns that resembled the grain of other woods by hand. To me, this was my favorite problem I saw solved by these pioneers in this whole village. They came here to this land with nothing but pine to make furniture out of, and not only did they become known for their craftsmanship with it, but also managed to make it indistinguishable from furniture made in more favorable situations.
At the very back of the park was the entrance to Rattlesnake Rapids. I passed on this because I didn't want to get my park clothes wet and the line was ridiculous, but it did look like a good rapids ride. No seatbelts, and people were getting up and walking around the boats to avoid this waterfall! I'm sure charging down a turbulent trough set in the beautiful Utah mountains was incredible, though.
I felt obligated to get a photo with this water because Lagoon charges 25 cents per water cup, and actually bothered running my debit card with the busted chip to get their quarter for something that's legally required to be free in most states. It was getting HOT, and you can see my lips starting to really chap up in this photo from the arid weather.
On my way out of Pioneer Village, this made my blood boil. There are a few peacocks around the park, I was told they're part of the local wildlife and they just kind of show up, no different from Cedar Point's seagulls. They're pretty noisy but they're beautiful birds, and completely harmless. Anyway, this guy's just chilling in this picnic area...and some horrible parent's crotch piglets decide to ambush him with sticks! These kids are chasing and trying to attack this innocent animal while mom just sat in a lawn chair reading her book not watching her kids. My ass would have been bluer than this bird's feathers had I done this as a kid! Leave animals alone!
Wanting to go get back on coasters and continue my progress through Lagoon's lineup, Spider was my next choice. I had seen Taylor Bybee's video about them doing something to the spinning that looked absolutely nuts, but that must have been short-lived because this barely appeared to spin. Liked this spider prop in the queue, though. Sometimes you'll even get a little mist or squirt of water from the fangs!
Coaster Studios made this thing look like a brown recluse but it rode like a daddy longlegs, sadly. Maybe something was done and undone, maybe we caught it on different days, but I know enough about balance to know that the heavy angle should have fallen behind me with the loading, and it didn't spin nearly as much as other versions of this model have spun for me with similar loading. Maurer's spinners never really wowed me, and this was no different. Maybe it's a spider that lives in the ground, because it can't even spin a coaster car let alone a web.
Walking back over to Jet Star, Lagoon has one of those water play areas, filled with kids of course. Nothing bad about that. Well just as I glance over in my usual people watching habits, this kid looks right down into one of the jets, it sprays him in the eye, okay that sucks, but this kid SHRIEKED. Like, the noise that came out of him was straight up demonic, it was like an exorcist screech. His mom took care of it at least, but there must've been holy water in that fountain to make a demon child make such a Satanic sound.
Coming out of this I elected to try my hand at Jet Star...and fell on my face and ate green Jello. This stupid manhole cover had a small water splotch on it and I slipped on it while wearing my camera! I saved myself last minute but I could have damaged my camera and I was NOT happy! Maybe I'm a Karen about this but I feel it's a legit safety concern. Diamond plate your shit or put out a wet floor sign, this isn't hard!
And with no travel party willing to let me ride with them, this is worth two!
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 7
Taking my loss, I decided to just grind it out and do the Wild Mouse. Using the same white roller coaster lockers I used for Spider, I dropped my shit and got in the line. Line wasn't hateful at all, I waited with a local that was there solo like myself and we talked coasters for about half an hour before we made it on. This guy asked if he should use the T-bar as a single lap bar, with the stalk in between his legs, and the op said not to. Good call, this thing is fucking awful! The trims grab the train way too aggressively and it rattles around those corners like hell, you can feel it lift up around the turns. Worst coaster here and worst Wild Mouse easily, pack it up and move it elsewhere, it can travel! Someone needs to lure this mouse into a rat trap, and not one of the humane ones!
After this, I did the whole re-entry thing and hopped out of the park for a bit to get photos from the parking lot, seeing as there seemed to be a lot of good vantage points out there. You can get in the white roller coaster's infield, get right (and I mean, RIGHT) up next to Wicked, and also shoot Cannibal's drop head on, something you can't do in the park. Definitely take your camera out of the park if you're a photography-type enthusiast!
Puff The Little Fire Dragon was the other time waster, pretty boring kiddie coaster...minus the fact that I rode with a literal baby! Family in front of me had a daughter of the target age for this coaster, which is okay, but then brought along a baby, like a <1 year-old baby in a onesie and diaper riding in front of me! Coaster wasn't bad, but the ride op telling this family the baby was okay was something I couldn't get over. At least it didn't beat the fuck out of me like the mouse did!
Moving on, I headed back across the park to take a third stab at Jet Star...and third time was the charm!
My father always told me that if I do nice things for other people, nice things would come to me. I had helped probably three people with Lagoon's locker headache all day, stopping to make sure the people around me could lock their stuff up because I saw so many people confused by it. Well, this held true today, because a travel party of BYU graduates adopted me when I asked around and I got to ride! They were super super sweet and invited me to play Heads Up with them in line (I always make fun of this but I've never played it personally) and I had a ton of fun! I got to ride in the very front and it was insane! It's like Whizzer meets Tig'r, and that helix midway through the layout felt like it would break my neck! Like, this thing is way crazier than I expected, easily #4 in the park! Major shoutout to Hayden?, his wife, and their friends if you're reading this, because I cleared this out because of you guys! You rock!
Time for a victory lap! Back to The Colossus Cannonball Cannibal (this was a ride name that the locals really struggle with for some reason) for a victory lap, which had a ridiculous line! Like, stretching back to the bumper cars! At this point, Lagoon's lines got so long with the lack of queue space (most rides barely had any actually built in brick and mortar) that you just saw a ridiculous stretch of people on the main midway, as in this picture, and asking what the line is for. Here it was for Cannibal so I waited it out, wanting to ride the coaster again.
(My mother said it would be funny, and the ultimate jerk move, to get in line for the carousel or something stupid and tell people it was for Cannibal...LOL)
It was great just as before! And what's this? They let me wear my GoPro! I filmed Cannibal myself and got Ride Forces data with my Apple Watch! Did you know it pulls 1.2 Gs of airtime? I've taken data on Storm Chaser before and it clocked the same, like this thing chucks you on the same level as RMC!
Cannibal aside, I went around to do tat shopping and grab a reride on my other favorite here: Colossus. The guy with me was absolutely hilarious (if not a bit annoying) and I got to film this amazing coaster that's now my new favorite Schwarzkopf coaster.
Seeing the sun go down, I wanted to go get a night-ish ride on Cannibal (the sun didn't set completely until like 9:30 here) and the line was already a bit shorter than it was earlier! The people I waited in line with were super nice and we actually held a bit of a conversation, much beyond the usual "you ridden this before?" icebreaker I usually use. When I got closer, I noticed that Cannibal's all glowy in the dark, with lights on the cars! This is cool!
Stowing my stuff was a bit of a mess because the lockers were crowded, and around the entrance to the actual queue structure, this kid working the ride was talking with me and I learned that a guest called this literal high school-aged child some very choice words while he was just working and being responsible, so that made my blood boil. I told him he and his crew were doing great and they didn't deserve to be treated like that.
There was a minor holdup for some reason but they got it hammered out just in time for things to get dark enough to make them interesting. We get to the top, the sun is setting behind the mountains, the view is distracting while the coaster is doing its thing holding you up there trying to scare you. And then it just plunges you into near darkness and the sky is glowing with a faint orange ribbon on the horizon as it's flipping and inverting you...and tossing you out of your seat in the process! Incredible coaster!
I was leaving when that young employee from the line stopped me and asked if I was getting back in line. I was in time to get last ride of the night! So I get in line with a few other people just in time for this kid to block the line off and me being an out-of-towner, so I tell them that last ride of the night is a bit of a tradition back at home, so we all decided to make it official and have some fun with it. That was kind of the little slice of Ohio I took to Lagoon that day.
#LROTNOC!
Cannibal at night is crazy! There's lights on it, there's lights around the structure, but seeing the highways all lit up in red and white on that vista view from the top is a visual I really dug. And of course, the virtually head-first dive from 21 stories up into complete darkness in that tunnel is insane. Also loved not seeing the light at the end of any of the tunnels, that helix at the end through the rocks is like plunging into a black hole, adding a little spritz of water to a pleasant summer night.
Parks are so serene at night when you're walking out. Lighting didn't look favorable for photos so I might have stuck around to take some had it been, but I elected not to. I had spent the whole day getting burned through my sunscreen, having my lips desiccated by the dry mountain air, my feet were killing me from walking all day, and I was still pretty jet lagged. So I elected to just get home, grab some beer and dinner, and crash at my hotel.
Getting out of Lagoon past close is a dumpster fire.
Hasa Diga Eebowai Count: 8
They have this weird promenade thing with multiple cut-throughs to get back to that frontage that leads to the park, but there's only one lane of traffic per direction, which stretches to a light to get back on the interstate. Needless to say, this gets pretty congested and you'll be sitting in traffic. Like, leaving Cedar Point's Halloween event traffic.
On the way out, I noticed a state liquor store was open, and realizing it might be my only chance to get beer, I bit the bullet and went in. I can usually drink shitty beer no problem but not when I've been at a park all day, when I'm this exhausted I typically crave a good craft beer or something. First off, Utah's liquor stores are beautiful. Like, if you've ever been to one of those duty free stores at a border crossing, it looks like that. So here I am inside, browsing, looking for good local brews, when out of the blue..."WE CAN ONLY SELL FOR ONE MORE MINUTE, ANYTHING YOU ARE BUYING RING IT OUT NOW!!!" And everyone makes a mad dash for the checkout lanes. I rushed myself, scrambled around inserting my cards multiple times before sliding them as usual, and made off with a few local brews, a cider, and a Mike's Hard Blood Orange Lemonade. Then I got back in my car and continued the drive to my hotel in Clearfield.
I talked to Drew on the phone a bit on the drive, as he had a tumultuous day at Six Flags Great America that day (all of which was self-inflicted, of course, dude's the worst trip planner I know) and snagged Carl's Jr! I know, it's not "local," we have Hardee's back at home, same little cute smiling star mascot and everything, but Carl's had a noticeably different menu from the Hardees' of Ohio. I got this bacon guacamole burger with their Santa Fe? sauce and fries with their fry sauce, and it was very good!
The brews were also pretty good! I wanted to get the same apricot beer from Lagoon but couldn't find it, so this had to suffice. It was still pretty good, though! Orange in beer can be hit or miss, but here it was very good!
After a few drinks I elected to crash for the night, knowing it was 1 in the morning Utah time and I had quite a bit of running around to do the next day. Gotta get some sleep, tomorrow is a Latter Day!
Lagoon is fun! I love this park, it might be my favorite straight up amusement park! Emphasis on amusement park, not theme park like Busch Gardens Williamsburg or Dollywood, not themed amusement park like Kings Island or Fiesta Texas, just classic amusement park in the vein of Knoebels or Kentucky Kingdom. You aren't going here to get some crazy immersion or expensive corporate park bells and whistles, you're coming here to get a good ol' fashioned Americana amusement park experience. This is where you go to ride a few coasters, a carousel, a haunted house, a tilt-a-whirl, the like. I told a lot of people it's the Knoebels of the West, and honestly I think that's the best way to put it. The experience is classic, some of the rides are classics, but it's blended with just enough modern technology to keep it relevant and not just turn into this dump full of outdated, boring rides. Kennywood is another park that comes to mind, though Lagoon is miles better with better rides and the park is taken care of much better. It's a nice, genuine, Pennsylvania-styled classic park nestled in the Rockies and it's truly a hidden gem in the scope of American amusement parks. Definitely get out here if you can make the trek, it's pretty isolated credit-wise but it's worth the trip!
Planning this trip, I told an Exploring Utah group on Facebook that I was going to Lagoon from Ohio, and many of them told me it wasn't worth it and I should just go to Kings Island or Cedar Point, or find other things to do in the area. But I didn't want to go to Kings Island or Cedar Point, I've been there. I wanted to go to Lagoon. This was a decision I questioned because of the local response to it, but one I made because it's what I do. I travel to different amusement parks, even the ones off the beaten path. And Lagoon is one of those that's worth the trek, in my opinion, contrary to what I was told.
And considering I saw this in the hotel parking lot, I can't be the only one with that opinion.
UP NEXT: We go from credits to culture as I explore the greater Salt Lake City area! Everyone spends Memorial Day weekend at a ski resort and ignores the beach, Utah continues its theme of being under construction and not working, and an experience so crazy I paid $80 for only 16 seconds!
