SweDen 2024 Region Trip://Leg 2~ A Wooden Coaster Too Wild To Bear

                           Date:7/13/2024-7/24/2024

Destination: Sweden, Denmark

Goal: Coasters and Culture in Sweden and Denmark

Distance: 4286  Miles

Means of Travel: Flight, Train, Ferry, Bus

Potential Credits: 34

Dag 3

My roommate Jason, god bless the guy, he was absolutely wonderful, dipped out at 6 am to catch a sightseeing tour, so I was able to crank the white noise, swipe both outlets, sleep completely butt naked with my unwiped ass touching the sheets I was laying in (just kidding), and make the hostel room my own for a bit.

I had killed my GoPro battery at Gröna Lund and to my rude awakening, went to charge it the night before and had realized I had forgotten to pack a USB-C cable. The night before I had borrowed Jason's USB-C charger (and by borrowed I mean, he had left it plugged into his outlet charging nothing so I plugged my own shit up) and saw it wasn't responsive, but couldn't leave it in too long because I didn't want him to come back and risk pissing him off. And with me having filming opportunities on some coasters out here, that's a problem.

Image Description: A wooden roller coaster with a dark green train goes over a hill, with pine trees in the background.

Today was hej då Stockholm, hej hej Kolmården as I continued to Leg 2 for one of the world's premier zoos. And while I was excited to see this place, my reason for being there was anything but cute or cuddly: Wildfire, the most anticipated coaster on this trip and the current top of my bucket list. But even more than that, RMC Connection was in contact with this park, and had planned to do a behind the scenes tour of Wildfire before the park opened on day 2. Time get the grand tour of an RMC!

Image Description: The view of Stockholm from the southern island, with City Hall and the boat visible.

Woke up early because I couldn't sleep so I decided to get some fresh air. Not a bad place to chill at 7 am while waiting on someone else to make you breakfast.

Image Description: An endtable decorated with vases containing purple flowers props a white door open. Out the door of the boat, one can see across the water to Stockholm.

It got a little stuffy at breakfast so we opened a door. No biggie.

Image Description: The inside of Stockholm Central Station. Several passengers sit on and around benches with luggage, with two screens showing train departure times overhead. An Espresso House is visible to the right, flying Pride flags.

After checking out of the boat, I snagged an Uber to Stockholm Central Station. Upon getting there 2 hours earlier than I anticipated (silly me, thinking I could sleep in), I wandered around the platform and saw two trains in depot: one to Gävle (if you heard of a town that does a straw goat figure that gets burned down every Christmas, this is that town), one to Norrköping. Norrköping! That's where Kolmården is! With a few taps of the screen and an ADHD impulse, I got completely refunded for the prior 11:30 train ticket I had and hopped on the 9:30 to Norrköping...and hoped my accommodations would let me drop my shit there early.

Train is my favorite means of travel, as I learned in France in 2022. You get all the cruising past beautiful scenery you get from a road trip, but with the comfort of a first-class plane flight. I just cracked open my laptop, plugged my shit up, worked on my novel, and rocked out to Avicii and Sabaton and Swedish House Mafia and Abba for an hour and a half as we cruised past rocky, piney mountains. Nothing like an effortless glide to the next coaster rocking out to good music!

Image Description: A blue and white screen aboard a train shows the train arriving at Södertälj at 10:04, Vagnhärad at 10:19, Nyköping at 10:45, Kolmården at 10:10, and Norrköping at 11:26, with the time as 09:57, Vagn 12, and speed as 151 km/h.

The train had this nice screen up to show you which stops were coming up. I'd been kind of in "on a mission" mode all morning, like I knew I was riding Wildfire, but I didn't start getting excited excited until I saw Kolmården pop up on the screen.

Upon nearing the station, I got an email from the cottage where I was staying offering me a ride from the train station. Ummm, what!? I took them up on it, of course, but that wouldn't happen in the States!

Image Description: A vast fjard stretching beyond a rocky ridge, with more terrain visible on the horizon.

Gubben, one of the two that owns Bränntorps Gård, picked me up and gave me a lift through the beautiful Swedish mountains, casually just driving past this gorgeous view of the Bråviken fjard. Talking, he asked me if I liked roller coasters, to which I of course had a bit of a laugh. But then he told me, "when they built the roller coaster here, those guys were American too, and they stayed with us." I was staying where RMC stayed while going there to ride their coaster!

Image Description: A complex of red wood plank buildings, with one long building on the left with a Swedish flag hanging by the door. In the gravel, a silver car is parked outside a small red cabin with white trim.

I didn't want to come to Sweden and stay at the Motel 6 the entire time (though the bathrooms may have been cleaner than they were on the boat), I wanted to come to Sweden and stay in a little red cabin in the countryside. Or a townhouse straight out of an IKEA catalog. Or a boat moored in Stockholm's estuary. I wanted to get the experience of being in Sweden, and this place was that. Bränntorps Gård is beautiful! I had a little cabin with a simple kitchen and bedroom, painted red and furnished with sleek IKEA furniture and everything.

Not wanting to waste any time, I headed straight for the bus stop (Gubben had shown me a footpath through the woods so as not to walk on the roads, but there was a tree fallen across it, so I was forced to walk down a European forest road straight out of a Volvo commercial) and caught the bus to the whole reason I was here: Kolmården Wildlife Park!

(That music sounds familiar, it reminds me of that movie with the blue people...)

Image Description: Beside a path up a steep hill, a large mossy rockface marks a hillside with tall pine trees growing on it.

I was excited to ride Wildfire by now, but not like, overwhelmingly, because I knew I wasn't near it when I arrived in Kolmården. Nor was I near it when I checked into the cabin. Nor was I near it when the bus dropped me off at the zoo. No, to get to Wildfire there is, no joke, a grueling 20 minute walk up and down mountains through the woods. It's all the way at the back of the property.'

And insult to injury? After I hiked up that awful hill at the front, I look to the left and see a fucking escalator.

Image Description: A fenced in grassy animal enclosure uphill from a large watery fjard.

Hey, it was a good way to stroll through the zoo at first though and see what kind of place this is. It's kind of a hybrid between an animal park and a straight zoo, with some areas with rides (Bamse Värld is one of the first things you see), and really nice, big animal exhibits. 

Image Description: From behind a rocky patch of forest, a brown wood and steel truss structure rides. Roller coaster track climbs an incline, turns around 270 degrees under itself, goes up and over a hump, and drops. There is a gap in the supports, indicating the metal truss is spanning something. A train is poised on the small bump, about to drop.

Eventually, there it was! I saw the coaster's iconic wood and steel lift hill, carousel, and drop pop out between two mountains, and kept hoofing it up and down hills past the tiger to RMC's last wooden coaster.

Image Description: Jarrett sits in the second row of Wildfire's red seats, with the restraint pulled down over his lap.

I had lost 25 pounds for this trip after getting walk-of-shamed on Outlaw Run, and not gonna lie, I was still a bit nervous I wouldn't fit despite fitting on Storm Chaser just a month before shipping out. And while this was definitely a bit snugger than Chaser, I still fit no problem! Not "jostle you around, standing up airtime" loose, but the restraint touched my thighs without me needing to be stapled.

Image Description: Wildfire's lift hill climbs a rocky ridge to a turnaround high in the blue sky.

It's time to ride! Flagship coaster of the trip, let's do this!

Image Description: A sepia-toned image depicting a Wildfire train flying over a banked airtime hill with pine trees in the background. Riders' hair stands on end from the airtime.

There's no initially looking at this coaster and not having at least some thought of "hey, that's pretty epic." Big badass Rocky Mountain Construction wooden coaster constructed onto a rocky mountainside, tied for tallest in the world, gorgeous view of the Baltic Sea amid the pine trees, on paper this should be any coaster enthusiast's wet dream, particularly if you like modern-era wooden coasters as much as I do. Every "Best Coasters in Sweden" video I watched placed this at either #1 or #2, with YouTubers seeming divided on whether this or Helix is the best berg och dalbana i Sverige.

However, while planning this trip, I had a lot of people tell me to prepare to be disappointed by it due to pacing issues at the end. I also know the topper track system has had issues at the Herschend parks, and like those, this has a very terrain-based layout. It seems to be received generally very positively by those who ride it, but not universally, and it does have some fairly consistent criticisms. Are these warranted?

Image Description: A brown steel and wooden roller coaster has truss supports rising high over a rocky cliff with sparse pine trees growing on it. A dark green train dives almost vertically down the drop towards the rocky formation.

This thing is so fucking epic and badass and incredible! One ride and I knew the trip to Sweden was worth it! If you have any serious serious complaints about this coaster, I'd like to see you try to do better. Because it's just as good as it should be on paper. Not flawless, but no machine is flawless. I honestly think most of the hate comes from it simply ending on a weak note and not leaving you much for the road.

Image Description: A dark green Wildfire train flies over the tilted track of a hill, with tall green pine trees rising into a blue sky.

We will do the lowdown on Wildfire like I do any major coaster!

You leave the station into a simple turn into the lift, which so far feels 100% steel and no different from, say, Storm Chaser or Wicked Cyclone. However, when you crest the top, it's fucking gorgeous, and the turn actually keeps you up there long enough to see the surroundings. Miles upon miles of mountainous pine forest overlooking a Baltic Sea fjard that's really far downhill, definitely the most beautiful view I've ever seen from a coaster. The drop is a standard RMC straight drop, you get a ton of airtime, this particular one reminded me of Twisted Colossus, but seeing the rocks down below as you plunge face-first is cool. From there is an element I always thought was an odd choice for first element on a coaster: a zero-g stall. But hear me out: it works here. That thing snaps you upside-down, leaves you hanging out of your seat, and then snaps you back. And just as your ass hits the seat again, you're flying into the best maneuver on this layout: an outward-banked wave turn. The airtime on this is killer, but the location at the edge of a large drop-off to the water makes for some breathtaking visuals of Wildfire trying to yeet you down the mountain into the icy Scandinavian waters. Coming out of this, you charge through a foggy themed tunnel, the only theming prop on this ride, before flying through the structure up a hill into a double-up. After surfing up the hill, you do a roll off the cliff a la Iron Rattler, which leads into another ejector-packed dip downhill. It then climbs into a Stengel dive, with the curvature closely hugging the rocky edge of the mountainside. The following element is one of RMC's best-executed rolls ever, whipping you right through and flinging you from your seat Mosasaurus style. There's another airtime hill into a turn that leads into the infamous missed airtime hill, which gives a bit of floater in the back but not much in the front, think one of Voyage's weaker moments. From there, the ride finishes out as a more traditional wooden coaster, swerving side to side along the boulders with. From there, you strafe into the brakes, stopping just short of the coniferous mountain in front of you.

Image Description: A wooden roller coaster swoops around and down a cliff, with pine trees growing on the boulders.

I knew it was top five in my rankings from my first ride on it, putting it in the big leagues with ArieForce One, Iron Gwazi, Railblazer, and Velocicoaster. Not sure where it would go, probably not at the top because it had an obvious criticism whereas my current number one I don't have any major notes on, but still pretty high up there.

Image Description: A wooden roller coaster with a metal truss lift goes over a hump at the top of its lift hill. The bents and batter braces of another element are seen in the foreground, a pine tree at the left.

I despise coaster enthusiasts. Yes I know the irony of that statement coming from a fat sweaty dude with zipper cargo shorts, an ArieForce One shirt, and a Wildcat hat, but they're fucking vile. I freely use the word thoosie as a derogatory slur and look down on anyone involved in a coaster club. And today, I fucking thoosied out. I was back in line for this motherfucker, picking row after row after row, waiting on the midway for trains with my DSLR looking like a fucking idiot. I must have ridden at least seven times in a row, it runs one train but it never gets a huge line and the park makes it work.

Image Description: On a black picnic table in a wooden outdoor shelter, a green tray holds a rectangular white plate of orange chicken curry and white rice. A red cup bearing the Kolmården logo holds a red liquid. A tiger decoration can be seen on one of the picnic shelter's posts, with green deciduous and pine trees outside the shelter with a few boulders on the leafy ground.

With that all out of my system, I went to go see the rest of the zoo for real now, and that started with me having curry by the tiger exhibit.

Kolmården's most popular animal, based on what I saw, wasn't one you'd expect. People saw the bears, the tigers, the snow leopard, and it was cool, but this thing? Swedish kids go NUTS over Capybåra, I even learned the Swedish vocab for that animal because I overheard it talked about so much. Not the big badass lion, not the beautiful majestic elephant, in Sweden it's the big fucking mouse that's all the rage.

Image Description: A camel looks at the camera with its mouth open while eating, its mouth is filled with green ABC leaves.

Kolmården's animal exhibits are very Rollercoaster Tycoon 3: Wild! for those of you who know that game. They'll have multiple species of peaceful animals sharing a space, usually recessed with only a steep rock wall containing them and a low fence to discourage you from jumping down. This is kind of a nation where safety is approached as "yes we care, do what you want, don't get anyone else hurt, if you hurt yourself because you were stupid it's on you." But hey, great views of the animals!

Image Description: A fluffy brown baby yak eats a leafy branch on the sandy ground.

Shoulda brought Drew, I hear he yaks all over the park or something. This yak and its mother were in the Central Asia gallery with these, camels, and these endangered donkey things called Kulans.

Never seen a zoo in the States do a Central Asia-themed enclosure, so that was cool. And while I'd never (memorably) seen a Kulan before today, they were in probably at least three other enclosures here.

Image Description: In a green, watery, rocky meadow, stands a brown gazelle-like animal with a brushy mane and long, black, curved horns. There is white on its belly, its lower jaw, and a stripe from its eye to its nose.

Found this nice spot overlooking the African savanna (exactly like the ones at BGT and Columbus Zoo) that had this really cool kaffe house with an elevated deck! Vill du ha Fika?

Image Description: A white trash can is overflowing with waste, a vast majority of the items are the same black disposable coffee cup in a large pile sprinkled in with other trash items.

...nej, vi lämnar inga överlevande. Fika is fucking awesome, this was the second time I caught it while I was out here. That being said, I did not realize Swedish parents also give their kids the very strong Swedish coffee. They were Naruto running, going Super Saiyan, dancing, singing, kicking each other off chairs, this is the children of several families all drinking strong coffee and going full anime. Children scare me, and needless to say, I was afraid for my life!

Just for reference for how much fucking coffee these people drink: this is a trash can in Sweden at 4-5 pm.

Image Description: A hand holds a swirled pastry with white dots out over a green clearing in pine woods. A lake has an island.

Okay but this was my first ever Swedish bulle, or as the Yanks would say, cinnamon roll. America hasn't assigned a culture to this pastry as much as we have to, say, the croissant or the Danish, but here in Sweden the cinnamon roll is revered as the unofficial baked good of the homeland. They were invented here in Sweden and can be found in every kaffe house. And let me tell you, a Swedish cinnamon roll is valdigt bra! They're decidedly crunchier than back at home, they use large granulated sugar verses icing as their sweetener, and it has almost the vibe of a baked pretzel with cinnamon flavor.

Image Description: A rusty fire truck from the 50s sits in front of a tall wooden roller coaster in the forest.

It was getting late, so I elected to return to Wildfire, ride a few times, buy my merch so I didn't have to drag it around all day, and head back to the cottage.

Image Description: A hand holds a tray with a hot dog in a bun covered in ketchup.

One issue with these accommodations was simply the lack of nearby restaurants, and to my surprise, Kolmården had a little hot dog stand outside the park. When I explained what was going on, the girl was like, "yeah, you want a hog dog!" They had American grilled-style ones, and French-style ones. French hot dogs are a thing out here, I noticed. Both ones in a bun and ones in a steamed baguette are considered a good street food.

Image Description: A plastic bottle of red pop with a green label. A blue cap reading PANTA MIG in white letters is attached to the top of the bottle by a blue neck ring.

Side note: Plastic bottles in Sweden have these little things on the rings that don't detach from the cap, so you never lose it and it never leaves the bottle. I love it, I'm a serial bottle cap loser! The US also needs this exotic Fanta flavor, it's delicious.

Image Description: A table has a Heineken cup of water, two green and pink tubes with blue caps, and a plate holds five crackers with cheese squeezed onto them.

I got back to the cabin and messaged the owners to see if they had a USB-C, and to my dismay, they did not. They said they'd check elsewhere and never got back with me. So I cracked open these tubes of Swedish squeeze cheese (one was bacon, one was ham) and put them on crackers and had a little party of one.

Image Description: Under a dark blue sky, two small red cottages sit in the woods with a car. A single light casts an orange glow from the left. Atmospheric perspective silhouettes a small mountain in the background, with trees around.

Cold, dreary, rainy night in the Swedish countryside. This was really giving me the experience, taking my wet shoes off at the door and shaking off a drippy umbrella every time I had to go take out the trash or use the shared camp bathroom or something.

Image Description: A simple Scandinavian bedroom furnished with two sets of IKEA bunk beds, all of them have thin mattresses topped with a topper and a single pillow.

It took some finagling, but I turned that bottom bunk into something nice and cozy, and drifted off to sleep under the pitter patter of rain hitting the roof of the tiny cabin. These were actual proper mattresses, unlike the foam pads on the boat, and I might have been fine on just the one, but I stacked the mattress from the top bunk to double the thickness. I needed to be asleep early, I had the opportunity of a lifetime the next morning!

Plan was: Go to the tour, purchase a USB-C cord at the park, take the bus back to the cottage, charge my device there with the new cord, and head back to Kolmården to get the POV footage I wanted.

Dag 4

Of course this is how this goes. The bed and breakfast owner had found a USB-C cord for my GoPro, didn't tell me, and had just left it outside my door and I'd been walking in and out past it it all night. It was a bit wet from last night's rain, so I dried it off and plugged my GoPro up, and to my happiness, it turned on! Just gotta get enough juice in it for some filming!

Image Description: A large golf ball-sized snail rests on gravely grown amid grass and weeds.

It was super early when I woke up to catch the bus to Kolmården, I needed to be there at 9 to meet a guy named Tomas to tour the coaster before park opening. Waiting on the bus I couldn't help but notice these big, beautiful snails that seem to like the Swedish countryside. They were everywhere!

Image Description: From the roof of a bus, a black charging cord is plugged into a USB port. At the end of the cord, a gray GoPro with a red light hangs freely. Green, leafy forest is visible out the window.

On the bus, I got a call from Tomas, told him I was on the way. I was so desperate to get some juice in this baby I hung it from the charging ports on the bus by the cord!

Once I was in the parking lot, I called Tomas back and found him, and we met up and he showed me into the park. We went up the escalator, past Bamses Värld, and he asked me if I'd ridden that coaster yet. I told him no, he advised me hit it because riding up the lift at the edge of the hill was fun. He also told me that the expansion beefed up the park's attendance from 400,000 to 700,000 a year, that yellow bear has been very good to Kolmården.

Image Description: Jarrett stands in front of Wildfire's brake run, with the coaster and its mountain in the background.

We hoofed it back to Wildfire, which as I knew yesterday was already a brutal walk and we were diving right into it at 9 in the morning, and if that wasn't enough, Tomas warned me that the climb up the lift is physically brutal.

Image Description: An empty black Wildfire train sits in the station, looking out at the turn to the lift.

Getting to the ride, we were the first ones there that day. The black train was on today, and the green one had been swapped off. None of the music or animatronic props were on in the station.

Image Description: A silver control panel with a screen showing a diagram of Wildfire's layout and a train with a green dot over each seat. Several green buttons and knobs are built into the panel, as well as a key slot and a big red E-stop button.

We first went over to the control booth, where Tomas was chill and let me plug my little European to American charging brick into an outlet and juice my GoPro up while we did the tour. He showed me all the features of this control panel, which can do everything from mark restraints as good or not good, time the last lap the coaster took, show which block zone the train is in, and even test fire the brakes with the push of a button!

Tomas let me help lift up bars before the restraint test! They have to push these down and try to lift them back up again.

The closest I will ever get to being a ride operator. Due to my social anxiety, I wrote off ever working a job where I was responsible for making someone listen to my life-or-death safety directions, so getting to see a ride up close like this was really special since I can't ever have the experience of actually working one.

Wildfire crew hard at work getting their shit ready!

Image Description: In the window of an control booth are several shattered phones propped against the glass. Through the window, one can see the train with two men pulling up on the restraints.

Oh yeah, having a phone out on an RMC is just as stupid in Sweden as it is at home. The crew has a little graveyard of destroyed phones propped up in the window of the control booth as a warning sign to lock up your loose articles.

Image Description: Wildfire twists down and around a wet, dreary, rocky cliff as seen from the lift hill railing.

After this, Tomas said it was time to harness up and go to the top before the park opened. I was shown how to strap on a fall harness which was attached to a cable clamp (he said it was $900, be very careful) that slides along a cable attached to the handrail. If you jerk it forwards or backwards, it stops up. However, you really have to guide it along the cable.

Image Description: A long stretching view of a Swedish forest in the rain, with a flat turn of wooden track high off the ground in the foreground of the photo. A few radio towers can be seen off in the misty distance.

The climb to the top is exhausting, and with the park opening in 20 minutes, we had to keep moving fast! Imagine marathon climbing the stairs in your home 10-20 times in a row with no breaks in the humidity with the metal stairs being wet from rain, Tomas warned me it would suck and he was not kidding!

Image Description: Jarrett stands happily with his hands folded on a wooden railing, overlooking a forested green mountain sloping down to the Baltic Sea. Multiple dark islands and a white city can be seen in the misty ocean under gray skies.

But the view from the top? Absolutely phenomenal! Getting to the top huffing and puffing and then looking up to see this made the grueling climb up here completely worth it. Tomas showed me you can see all the way to the nearby city of Norrköping from up here, where my train would be leaving tomorrow.

Image Description: Seen from high up, Wildfire does a drop, inverted stall, and outward wave turn in a piney mountain forest. A set of cable cars can be seen to the right, and the Baltic Sea to the left.

Best view on any roller coaster ever. Don't @ me.

Image Description: From the top of wildfire, Jarrett shoots the view of the mountains, forest, and Baltic Sea going down the drop.

I had some trouble shooting up here as it had started to sprinkle and that was getting my lens wet, so keeping it good and dry was a challenge in the few minutes I had to shoot.

Image Description: Wildfire's drop plunges down to the forest with the water in the background.

I did get some shots that were pretty okay, though! Wish I had AI to clear up some of the rainy spots though but I did what I could with what I had.

Image Description: A dreary forested mountainside along the Baltic Sea, with a path for a zoo cutting through.

You can see the whole zoo from up here.

Image Description: Wildfire from the top of the lift, with the drop visible on the lower left and the first two elements of the ride visible amid the forest. The queue line, a backstage area with two white vans, and two blue turns of Delfin Expressen can be seen on the ground next to the coaster.

Time to head back down, zoo opens at 10!

Image Description: Jarrett stands in the Wildfire station with four Kolmården Wildlife Park employees: two men in brown and green jackets, a woman in a khaki polo, and a man in a black polo.

Thank you so much to Tomas and the Wildfire crew for this amazing opportunity. It was an honor! I got to help open an RMC, see it up close, and climb its structure, for someone who doesn't have the right stuff to be in this line of work it's a pretty cool experience.

But wait! There's more! "Want to see the maintenance bay?" Tomas asked me.

Image Description: Jarrett stands with his arm on the transfer track rail in a roller coaster maintenance bay. On the track is a dark green train with red seats, the front of the train says "WILDFIRE" in gold letters and is themed to look like a logging steam engine.

Wildfire's green train, which ran yesterday, was transferred off into the bay as the two alternate getting to be the sole train on the tracks every other day. So I got to see the green train up close!

Image Description: An assembly of a large wheel, a small sideways wheel, and a small upright wheel on a maintenace bay. This is a wheel assembly for Wildfire, and all three wheels contact the track normally, but it currently rests on the smaller lower wheel.

I got enough nerd shots to last a lifetime down here! Here's some thoosie porn of a wheel assembly (all 3 wheels being poly) of the train sitting on the edge of the maintenance track, with the start of the transfer track at the end. The train sits on the upstops when it's in storage.

Image Description: Two blue metal carts hold two stacks of roller coaster wheels, four wheels with a mint-colored polymer tread and three with a solid steel tread. They sit on greasy shop towels.

Three types of wheels: Steel (least rolling resistance), nylon (somewhere in the middle), and poly (most rolling resistance). Wildfire runs a combination of poly and nylon normally, then incorporates steel for Halloween. The ones you see here with the mint color are poly, nylon look the same but with a white tread, and the ones in the background are the steel.

I could have pointed a camera at this guy and grilled him in a language that wasn't his first, but YouTubers do that all the time and I didn't want to do that, so instead I just kind of sporadically filmed us walking around and chit chatting about this amazing ride. Lots of good stuff ended up coming out of our conversation!

Image Description: On a white shelf, five stacks of five and one stack of four small red white and blue boxes, with a logo saying "SKF" in a blocky font on the blue front of the box.

I recognized SKF as a bearing manufacturer, because of my own job back at home. Tomas told me they're huge in Sweden. These are the bearings they use to switch out the ones on the trains, as we discussed in the video.

Image Description: On a whiteboard, Wildfire's layout is drawn from the top view, with a blue and green marker dash drawing a line representing each bent of track.

The layout board for Wildfire, used to mark inspection for the structure. Blue means structure, green means footings if I remember correctly. And if something is found, red is used to denote it.

Image Description: Jarrett stands on the catwalk to Wildfire's brake run, in front of the station with a train on platform.

After this, Tomas had stuff he had to go do, so I shook his hand, got a bandage for the blister I felt forming climbing the lift, oh, and of course, took a spin!

Thank the gods Odin and Thor and all those guys and their buddies, my GoPro had charged and was back online! Didn't solve the issue of not having my own USB-C to charge it, but I didn't care, I was getting my Wildfire POV!

Image Description: Wildfire's wooden station, with several pulleys and belts spinning in the wooden rafters overhead. Saws and other logging props are attached to the wall.

The theming on Wildfire is also really good. Nothing over the top, not a significant part of the project's budget, but it does look like a weathered shed in the wilderness, and there are spinning belts and pulleys overhead. This coaster could easily be right at home at Dollywood.

Image Description: A small blue roller coaster sends a gray dolphin-themed train out to the lift hill from a station built with coastal architecture, Wildfire rises high in the background on its cliff.

Next up on the agenda was the adorable Delfin Expressen, a Vekoma roller skater with the cutest trains ever. It didn't ride too badly either!

Why not film it?

Image Description: A tray holds a newspaper cone filled with french fries and fried fish, a cup holds a lemon and some tartar sauce. The silverware is made of wooden popsicle stick. A pink and white cup holds red liquid.

After this, I looked around and found fresh fish and chips for lunch. Absolutely delicious on the Swedish coast, the cod here can't be beat!

While I ate, I looked like a crazy person taking my sock and shoe off to bandage that blister. It had been bothering me since Skansen but this was my first chance I had to get a bandage on it that I had remembered to take care of it. But it was good and covered after!

Image Description: A dark stadium with a round blue pool and four dolphins jumping from it.

There had been a queue form for something called Hope I had been seeing, I walked past to see the door open and no line, so I ask the girl what it is and she tells me, "a dolphin show." So I went in just to kill time and see it, and oh my god this is so good! It doesn't photograph as well as SeaWorld's outdoor Shamu Stadiums, but the show is incredible. These dolphins can get 4-5 flips on a jump, the message of environmentalism was very powerful, the projection screens added to it, and the soundtrack, while definitely from other media, was amazing. Don't miss this if you come here!

Image Description: On a projection screen behind water, a baby rhino nudges its unresponsive mother in an African grassland.

Oh yeah. You see a baby rhino's mother shot by poachers and then at the end of the show it shows this scene again but pans out to show Kolmården tents with naturalists on site treating the gunshot. Like, it's way heavier and more emotional than something you'd see at SeaWorld despite conveying the same message.

Image Description: At left, an adobe wall with an awning shows three vintage travel posters depicting a cable car. On right, a remote control airplane sits amid a clutter of boxes, with people disembarking a cable car in the background.

Wanting to explore the rest of this amazing place, I knew I couldn't miss the cable car safari, so that was the next stop. The queue here is so similar to Zambezi Zinger's, I'd be surprise if Worlds of Fun wasn't trying to deliberately rip it off.

Ahh I love it! Each gondola is in the print of a different African animal, and their loading process is so continuous and efficient. This thing can get hour waits, but I didn't wait more than twenty minutes to ride.

Image Description: Jarrett sits in a cable car high above the trees, with an RMC hoodie on and a camera around his neck.

It was starting to sprinkle and I knew I'd be up high for 20-30 minutes on this, so I threw my RMC hoodie on. Let's go see some cute animals!

Image Description: From high over a piney mountain, rows of cables and gondolas crisscross each other over a clearing with a fallen log. Off in the background, a large wooden roller coaster and the Baltic Sea can be seen at the edge of the mountain.

The views from here of not only the surrounding landscape, but of Wildfire as well, are drop dead gorgeous.

Safari has a really cool feature that lets you select your language via a button on the roof of the gondola. I was able to have this narrated in English!

Image Description: Two lionesses play in the green grass, one of them licks her paws while the other sniffs a log.

You'll go over bears, South American mountain goat things, lions, and plenty of other amazing creatures. They won't see you watching them, you're safely over them in these gondolas, this is amazing and it goes on forever!

Image Description: A brown fluffy bison in a field of green grass, with two horns.

Cool fact: Kolmården almost singlehandedly saved this species. The European Bison was extinct in the wild, this zoo started breeding them and reintroduced them to Poland.

Image Description: A bison with a matted coat eats from a field of green grass next to some flowers.

The Bison is currently shedding its winter coat and that's why it's so ugly.

Image Description: A gondola rides through the piney Swedish woods on a cable.

I would have loved to share this with my family and the others I love, but it was nice being all alone up here with just me, my camera, and the vicious jungle animals I was precariously dangling over.

Image Description: A brown bear digs a hole in the rocky coniferous forest floor, at the base of a tree trunk.

Bears! They're so cute! And I had a tour booked to go behind the scenes with the bears later this afternoon!

Image Description: A lazy brown bear sleeps in a patch of green grass in a forest of pine trees.

Me after telling myself I was gonna get so much done this weekend.

Image Description: Wildfire rises out of the trees into the sky and sends a train down the drop, with the Baltic Sea and land across the water visible in the background.

Twenty minutes later, we come back into the station to more gorgeous views of Wildfire, and it's time for me to go see the bears!

Image Description: A small lemur-like monkey hangs from a rope in the forest, eating an ear of corn out of a wire cage.

Went past the monkeys on the way there. Usually I think monkeys are creepy (something uncanny valley, they're too human-like), but they had so many out at once and they were so active it was fascinating to see how smart these little guys are.

Image Description: Two chimpanzees in a tree. One on a top branch has a mouth stuffed full of green leaves, the one on the bottom holds its hand out with its mouth open as if it's upset.

When your stoner buddy has all the good weed, but they ain't sharing.

Image Description: A large bin of various plush lions, ostriches, rhinos, giraffes, and gibbons, under a display of plush monkeys swinging on ropes and tires hung from the ceiling. The walls have a jungle pattern on them.

Zoos are plush vendors with a side hustle in conservation. Sorry not sorry.

Image Description: Two fluffy brown bears on some rocks, one sits on the higher, rounder, mossier rock while the other is on a lower, flatter rock. There are pine trees in the background on the left, and moss, grass, and ferns grow on the rocks.

I'm over by the bear enclosure, looking for a meeting point, and I see nothing. Then I get a call from a Sweden number, and it's a girl named Maja here at Kolmården telling me I had a meeting with the bears wondering where I am. She tells me this isn't communicated well in English as the tours are in Swedish, but the meeting was over by the monkeys clear on the other side of the zoo. I think I'm screwed, but she tells me, "go over by Bamses Värld, there's a black car gate, I'll meet you there." Next thing I know, this zookeeper is pulling up in a company vehicle and tells me to get in! I thanked her til I was blue in the face, telling her no park in America would just give someone a ride to the thing they missed like this. She then tells me, "really? I thought America was very proud of good customer service."

It took all I had not to laugh in this girl's face at that remark.

Image Description: Behind a chain link fence, two fluffy brown bears sit on some rocks.

She takes me over not to this bear enclosure, but to the Swedish forest section of Safari. She tells me one of her friends is conducting the tour in Swedish, but I can ask her if I have any questions. We're told to stay away from the fence and behind a row of rocks before we go to meet these two hungry cuties.

She fed them currant berries and fish.

My god they act like my parents' dog. When Zoey wants more food she knows how to be vocal and whine about it until she gets what she wants.

After this was shot, I pointed to the right at a fish she had dropped and declared, "fisk," making everyone drop what they were doing and stare over the fact that the American had just casually said something in Swedish. And I just repeated, "fisk." And then the other couple told her what I was saying in Swedish and she laughed, picked up the stray fish, and threw it over the fence.

Image Description: A bear eats a fish through the holes in a chain link fence, held by a hand wearing a black rubber glove.

We went over to meet two older bears next, both were a little bigger and a little hungrier.

Awwww they went swimming look at them!

Image Description: Wildfire's stall and the subsequent turn out of it.

After the tour, one of the girls walked me back to the car and asked if I had any particular interest in bears. I told her I picked that bear tour because I didn't want to go to Sweden and see giraffes or dolphins, I wanted to go to Sweden and see bears or reindeer or lynx. She also noticed that I seemed to know some Swedish and asked if I had been to the country before, so that made me happy.

Image Description: A steep downhill paved path through the forest, surrounded by pine trees, rocks, and bamboo.

Maja was cool and drove me back to Heart Attack Hill down to Wildfire, so you know what I did after that.

Image Description: I take a selfie in front of a Wildfire train, with guests loading in the background.

I sat on this thing for a good while, figured I might be back at close, might not be, so get my fill of it for now.

Image Description: Wildfire's wave turn rises out of the forest, overlooking the Baltic.

After a few solid rides on this, I decided it was my #2 overall and #1 wood. It was getting. It starts off extremely balls to the wall, the later half of the ride may taper off a little bit but is still very good, and by the end it might not finish super strong, but the dip off the cliff and strafing along the cliff face is a spectacular way to end the ride without needing to smash riders' thighs with airtime. It's Swedish Iron Gwazi, and so Swedish at that with the theme and location! 

Image Description: Wildfire's green train goes over a hill with the forest and a Safari gondola in the background.

My #1 steel, ArieForce One, is kind of out of place in that it's a big badass RMC that sits at a little go-kart and pizza park. It's theme, space travel, is something I like outside of coasters, and is very American. My #1 wood and #2 overall is out of place as a big epic wooden coaster at a zoo in rural Sweden. It has a beautiful rustic theme, I love things that are rustic and woodsy and mountainy outside of coasters, the cabin aesthetic is one I absolutely love. For this reason, while ArieForce One remains my #1 as I do think it gives a better ride than Wildfire, I almost consider my rankings to now have a double crown. There's so much duality that parallels my two favorites, both meet that criteria that I have that my #1 anything also has to be a good representation of my personal tastes, it's great. It's fucking great. It's not the #1, but it's a #1, and a very important one at that. The lanyard I purchased claims this is the best wooden coaster in the world, and I purchased it because I agree with it. And that's a very special lanyard I'll likely use if I ever need one at a park for real.

Image Description: From a tree limb hangs a wooden sign reading "BAMSES VÄRLD," and bears the image of a yellow cartoon bear wearing a blue nightcap.

Jeremy Clarkson Voice: I had a few more things to attend to after my final rides on Wildfire, including a visit with a certain yellow cartoon bear that eats honey and is beloved by children. He's not Winnie the Pooh, but he is Winnie the Pooh's socialist cousin.

Image Description: Amid the forest, a tall rocky mountain prop has a cottage and a fruit tree at its narrow summit.

Bamse is a cute, cuddly, cartoon corporate overlord that is beloved by Swedish children from Mälmo to Stockholm that exists to capture the hearts of young Swedes and sell lots and lots of toys and books to make lots of money. When the park built Bamses Värld, it nearly doubled their attendance. Throughout the trip, I saw several families on planes, trains, and ferries who brought Bamse books to shut their kids up for the sake of other passengers. Bamse is a big deal in Sweden. A huge deal, even. Couldn't pick up on much of what this is, but I saw a yellow bear living in the woods and eating honey but there was also a town with a boat, so more or less it's Swedish Winnie the Pooh.

Image Description: Across water, a train-themed roller coaster rounds a helix over a jetty from the wooded land in the background.

My reason for being here was Godiståget, or in English, Candy Train. Little Zierer Force Coaster similar to Grover's Alpine Express for those of you who know that one at BGW.

Image Description: A kiddie coaster themed as a locomotive with colorful cars and a red and white caboose engages a lift hill.

Wait was a bit annoying, but this was the last thing I'd needed to do and I was putting it off. So I just stuck it out and waited on this one and done pathetic attempt to add one credit to my count. That being said, Tomas asking if I'd ridden it this morning was motivation to make sure I got it done.

Tomas wasn't wrong, it's not bad! Bit of kick to it for a kiddie coaster, and the location on the edge of that hillside makes it kind of fun and picturesque. I underestimated it for sure, and with it ridden, I've now cleaned out Kolmården just in the nick of time.

Image Description: A pizza topped with red sauce, white sauce, kebab meat, and green jalapenos sits on a platter set on a brown picnic table with a Mariestad Export beer, the Swedish forest in the background.

Okay, kiddie coaster aside, now we face an adult problem: I have no food! I looked around for a place that was still open and was told there was a little pizza patio, so I decided to go get a whole pie and a beer, eat some of it there, eat some of it at the cottage for late snack and breakfast tomorrow. And it was here at this moment I was introduced to kebab pizza, with pickled peppers and Moroccan red sauce.

From there, I found the bus to make it back. I didn't have time to make it back to Wildfire, so figured I'd just head out, crash, shower, and get ready for another early morning the next day.

Image Description: A plate holds three slices of pizza topped with kebab meat, white sauce, red sauce, and jalapenos on a black kitchen table indoors. A pink bottle of Briska cider sits behind a fork and knife.

Thank god Kolmården does alcohol to go! I was able to snag a cider in bottle and take it back to my cottage after park close! This hits the

 spot late at night!

Image Description: A kitchen is furnished with IKEA-esque Scandinavian furniture.

I cleaned the place up, as there is a cleaning fee unless you do it yourself, and packed to leave for Göteborg bright and early the next morning. While I was showering, I left the bathroom and saw three kids on horses, completely decked out in Sweden riding gear, take the animals across the plaza casually. What a place to stay, just grab a horse from the stable and take it out! Had I not been so busy (or so fat) I might've done this!

Image Description: A small red rectangular cottage, trimmed with white with two windows on each face, sits atop a scruffy hill in the Swedish wilderness under a dusk sky with the moon rising behind the mountain.

As interesting, quirky, and fun as the boat was, I didn't miss it leaving. It was a cool thing I did, I'm glad I stayed there, it was cheap, I did what I had to do and made the best of it, but between the awful beds and showers I felt like I had the experience and wanted to leave after two days of boat life. But here, it was different. This cute little cottage in all its IKEA-furnished glory and not much better beds, did at least feel like a home. I had privacy here, I could do what I wanted when I wanted, and the owners were so nice letting me borrow a USB-C cord and picking me up and making sure I had all I needed. After all the cute little red Swedish cabins I'd been seeing, it was great to actually stay in one for real.

Bränntorps Gård is the name of this place, and I heavily recommend it if you want to add Kolmården Wildlife Park to your trip. Great owners, great accommodations, easy bus access, and so much more Sweden than staying at the Holiday Inn.

Image Description: Wildfire dives down the drop, with a cluster of tall pine trees to the right.

This trip leg was ending, and honestly I had been feeling like it was time to. Two days is usually a lot to dedicate to a zoo with three credits, but this wasn't just any zoo with three credits. Coming here is staying in the cute little red cabin from the IKEA catalog, it's walking to the bus stop in a Volvo commercial, it's as much Wildfire as you want, it's as much capybåra or other favorite animal as you want, it's $25 to see cute bears eat, and most importantly, it's the kindness and hospitality of the Swedish people like Gubben, Christine, Tomas, and Maja that made this leg as special as it was. I think I spent the right amount of time here, I got to do so many cool things, climbing Wildfire might have been the highlight of the trip for me, and I'm so lucky that I finally got to ride that huge epic terrain wooden RMC that enigmatically went up at that random zoo in Sweden back when I was in college.

It's all good in the woods out here!

Image Description: A green roller coaster climbs out of the trees into an inversion, with a city in the background.

UP NEXT: The biggest and most anticipated park of the trip with yet a third claim to world's best roller coaster awaits! I drink way too much coffee on the train to Liseberg, get security called on another guest for being an idiot, accommodations in Gothenburg leave me living like a local in present-day Sweden in a city where tradition meets futurism, coming face to face with Scandinavian pickled herring, and I take on the most daunting obstacle this trip has seen yet: the Gothia Cup and all the young, obnoxious, unsupervised football kids it would unleash onto the midways of Liseberg. Stay tuned for the crazy conclusion to the Sweden half of the trip!