SweDen 2024 Region Trip://Leg 3~ Helix, Kicks, and Derelicts

                            Date:7/13/2024-7/24/2024

Destination: Sweden, Denmark

Goal: Coasters and Culture in Sweden and Denmark

Distance: 4286  Miles

Means of Travel: Flight, Train, Ferry, Bus

Potential Credits: 34

Dag 5

I was up early, sun was blazing as is the usual for 7 am in Sweden, because I had to catch one of the first busses of the day to make my train.

Image Description: A green roller coaster does a roll with a European city in the background.

All this trip, I was hearing Gothenburg this and Liseberg that, Balder will fuck you in the ass harder than Wildfire without protection, blah blah blah, my journey through Sweden led here and nobody shut up about it the whole way here. 

 

I get on the bus, the bus driver yells something at me I did not understand, and I sit down...and this catchy song is playing! So I Shazammed it because I didn't understand the lyrics but understood it was a fucking bop...and when I see the title I understand enough Swedish to see it's about ordering a fucking kebab. No worries! 

Image Description: On a wooden tabletop sits a white cup of coffee, the cup is branded with a black band around it and a circular logo that says "ESPRESSO HOUSE" in a ring around a coffee bean. On a white plate sits a braided cinnamon pastry, sprinkled with white granular sugar, with cinnamon between the folds of the braiding.

Bus gets to Norrköping Station about 40 minutes before I need to be on a train, so because Sweden, naturally I treated myself to an early Fika. Still being new to this whole coffee thing I just said to “surprise me,” and I was shocked it was more than the usual going rate of 49 Krone for a kaffe och bulle I was seeing everywhere else, but it all made sense when she gave me a double cup. This was the best snack I had all trip! This bulle was braided and not swirled so that’s more books and crannies for the cinnamon to go, and the coffee was so strong. Definitely don’t miss Espresso House around Sweden if you go!

Image Description: The counter at a Swedish coffee shop, with triangular rainbow LGBTQIA+ flags hanging from the ceiling.

Not to mention the counter was gay as hell so that’s always a plus.

Image Description: Across a set of train tracks, a white building with a black roof and two spires atop the gable has a sign reading "KATRINEHOLM C" above the door. Similar white European-style buildings surround it.

I catch my train to Katrineholm, a big scary Scandinavian woman named Olga or something takes my ticket, and I made it to my connection in whatever this town was.

Image Description: Jarrett, wearing a green shirt with a snake logo on it, a blue unbuttoned flannel, a black Cheetah Hunt hat, and earbuds in, sits up against the window of a rail car.

Our high-speed rail train to Göteborg was about 20 minutes late, it’s whatever, little chilly that morning but I knew I’d be fine. Eventually, this silver, sleek, beautiful TGV-looking thing pulls up and I find my window seat. Bro next to me when we talked complained that Sweden's rail system was "just okay" because "the trains can be 20-50 minutes late sometimes." As an American where the best we have is Amtrak and Greyhound and shit, it took everything I had to not laugh in his face and tell him how cute that was. The only gripe I had was that the computer system on the train went out so there was no way to purchase this delicious prawn salad in the bistro car.

I'd been in contact with a few Liseberg employees, and one of them warns me that this weekend is Gothia Cup, a football tournament for kids all over the world. When I saw, "hopefully none of those kids bother you too much," I knew it was gonna be one of those school busses and basketballs days you see in America during the spring season.

Image Description: Jarrett's hand holds a green and white coffee cup with an SJ logo on it, with train rails against a watery fjard visible in the background out the window.

These things are awesome! I was able to plug up my computer, sip a free cup of kaffe from the bistro car, work on my novel, watch the beautiful Swedish countryside whiz by out the window, sip coffee from the bistro car, charge my phone, sip a coffee from the bistro car, and take frequent bathroom breaks because of all the coffee I was drinking.

Yeah, I drank way too much kaffe on that train ride. I have a caffeine problem. A serious one.

Image Description: A city street with people waiting in a concrete median. In the background is a hill where construction goes on against a Ferris Wheel. A blue and white streetcar can be seen making its way through town.

We arrived at Göteborg station and I made a beeline for 7-Eleven to snag a USB-C cable. Stepping onto the streets of Sweden's second city for the first time, I was instantly drawn to the sheer amount of construction going on, as well as the tangled messes of bike lanes, sidewalk, streetcar rails, and city street crisscrossing everywhere. The train station was absolute chaos, I had to get help picking between one of about eleven streetcars that I wouldn't have found otherwise, this city is much louder and in-your-face than Stockholm.

Image Description: An apartment bedroom with a thin-mattressed bed, a set of chairs, a black shelf unit, and a photo of Paris on the wall. All furniture is simple and in the Scandinavian style of home design.

Once again killing it with the accommodations, the nearest tramcar stop was also the Grand Curiosa stop, can't get much closer than that from an AirBnB. But one problem: it was up a steep hill from the park. And I had all my luggage with me. Needless to say, that absolutely sucked carrying that up the hill in the sun (glad it was Sweden July and not Ohio July!), I found the place. My host took me up four flights of stairs because I had clearly not climbed enough, we slipped off our shoes (Sweden is shoes off like Japan and Canada), and he showed me my quarters for this leg: a normal apartment in a Göteborg neighborhood, furnished with typical modern Scandinavian home design. IKEA products and all, all of Göteborg AirBnB looked like an IKEA catalog. This is a typical dwelling a city-slicker Swede might live in. I was not living like a tourist on this leg, I was living like the people who live here for real. 

I was disgusting and sweaty already from lugging my crap sharply uphill for three blocks, but fuck it, no use showering if I'm just going to go to Liseberg and get sweaty again within the hour.

Image Description: A white building with a small turret tower and green roof against a backdrop of other park buildings and apartments atop a hill. A green sign above a window reads "LISEBERGMAGASINET."

Welcome to Liseberg, asshole!

I went to get my ticket, and they ask me if I want my ticket and my ride pass. I didn't remember buying ride passes, something I assumed was like a line skippy here, so I said just the ticket. So I get in, decide on Lisebergbanan first, and get all the way to the front before being asked for my ride pass. I was confused and was told I needed a ride pass, then I realized what this was: a ride wristband that I totally forgot I had purchased with it. So I took my dumbass back to ticketing, they claim the ride pass was redeemed, which I know it wasn't, and was sent to guest services where I was given one. 

Image Description: A lift hill of white roller coaster track is supported by green tubular steel supports, with colorful flags reading "Liseberg" flying from several posts on the catwalk. A black locomotive-themed coaster train climbs the hill amid the trees.

Okay, Lisebergbanan, after all that headache. I sat in the back, realized I was sitting in the very back of a Swedish Schwarzkopf, and did like they did with that 1900s looping coaster and prayed to the coaster gods before the ride that this damn thing stayed on the tracks. And it did, but I did not stay in the seat. There's airtime on this coaster! It's nice, it's quirky, plays with the terrain beautifully, you'll get some good air with a simple rudimentary bar that lets your ass fly free. Add in some good terrain interaction, great views, a theme I love, and a triple helix through a wooded hill that could make Beast cry. Add in the fact that I'm neurodivergent so I was obviously a trains kid and this was like the best mine train ever themed to my own childhood. Not sure if I'll give it Thunderation's favorite mine train title because I'm not sure it fully counts as one, but this weird coaster fills the role of Liseberg's mine train, and it fills it extremely well.

Image Description: A black locomotive-themed roller coaster train passes a wall of mirrors in a building themed to resemble a train station.

I LOVE the train theme as well. I'd have been all over this thing as a child.

Image Description: A midway at Liseberg with a circular building and a spinning tower ride on the left, a wave swinger in the background, and a vertical dive coaster to the right.

Gothia Cup was leaving the park busy, and lines were there, but they weren't like they would be at Kings Island with this level of crowding. People in Europe more go to parks just to hang out and not ride as much. That being said, by now I'd seen that Sweden doesn't do the whole "walk on the right side of the path" unspoken rule we have back at home, and when you have bratty little shits running top speed, that's annoying having to dodge Soccer Sammy and his buddies running to get another 6-foot chocolate bar.

Image Description: Green roller coaster track criscrosses against a hill, a Ferris Wheel, and a pair of skyscrapers with mirrored windows. 

Okay, playtime's over. Liseberg's turn to take out their big guns! Helix, a Mack multi-launch LSM coaster, was built to be the best roller coaster in the world, let's hop on the hype train and see how true that is!

Image Description: Amid an iregularly-shaped concrete building, metal stairs and gantries crisscross in a maze-like setup, illuminated by green and teal lighting.

After climbing an escalator to Helix, you come across this almost shopping mall-looking indoor plaza with food and the entrances for rides and games. And off to the right is Helix. It's unique, it's different, but it looks like you're about to go play laser tag rather than go ride the alleged best roller coaster in the world. But then the queue gets crazy and turns into a maze of stairs, both standby and virtual queue, and it looks insanely cool and modern. Just good music, concrete, metal stairs, and some lights were all Liseberg needed to make one of the coolest queue lines ever. By now I was noticing the trend with theming in Sweden: put your heart and soul into dressing up that ride, no preshows, no enormous props. Just make it look really, really good.

And my favorite part of this: all that was needed to bypass all this shit is an accessibility lift that goes up one floor.

I got in the front row for my first ride, pulled down the restraint, and looked out at that view. You can see so much of Göteborg out off the precipice off of which you're about to be dropped, and not gonna lie, it psychs you out a bit. You're strapped into this thing, there's metal mesh and colorful lights everywhere, the sickest station music ever is bumping, everyone's excited to ride, ride ops are crushing it with dispatches, and you have no idea what this thing is capable of. It was built to be the best coaster in the world, what does it have that others don't?

Image Description: A green roller coaster train flies over a hill of green track, with people hanging onto the restraints.

Honestly, from my first ride? Not much. It was incredibly good, definitely top ten, but not top five at all. Which don't get me wrong, this ride is fucking incredible, but for best coaster in the world? Maybe ten years ago, definitely not now. But usually you need a few rides on something to form a good, decent opinion of it. But not gonna lie, that first ride made me a little worried that some of the criticism this ride was getting should have been taken a bit more seriously by me.

Image Description: Jarrett stands next to Helix's green launch into a top hat. His dark green t-shirt says "MATUGANI, LOST ISLAND THEME PARK" in the mouth of a green snake. He has a blue swirly button-down thrown over it, with a tag reading "LET'S TRAVEL" in green lettering with an airplane leaving wavy contrails all over a black luggage tag.

My shirt here was a huge hit! I wore my Matugani shirt because the coaster began its life here under the name Kanonen, and last year, Lost Island was kind of the SweDen 2024 preview trip unofficially. So naturally, I had to wear the Kanonen shirt to Liseberg. And people took notice! Several said they liked it, and two even asked for photos. One of which was a Helix ride op who stopped me for a photo of my shirt on the platform as I was unloading!

Image Description: In a cardboard serving tray, a bun holds a sausage topped with green herbs and white cream. Golden-brown frites sit with a small cup of ketchup. The table also has a green beer bottle that says "Carlsberg ALCOHOL FREE" on a green label.

Went to eat next, and found this sausage place right across from Lisebergbanan, and went with a green onion, sour cream, and chive dog and while all they had for beer was non-alcoholic, it was the best non-alcoholic beer I'd ever had. Way better than O'Doul's!

Image Description: Between a red and a green tree, a blue train takes a drop on a wooden roller coaster.

Balder was next, per my virtual queue time. All the past two days, I'd been hearing how much better it was than Wildfire, something I doubted considering I consider RMC's product superior to El Toro, but I was pretty excited for this one. Found an employee and asked, "Ursäkta, var är Balder?" and thought it came out pretty good, but she just told me how to get there in English so shows what Swedish I know.

Image Description: A Viking-themed roller coaster station, with a mural depicting the story of Balder's death in the Viking style.

Read the story of Balder's death in a book of Viking myths given to me by a Dungeons & Dragons buddy, so I knew what story this mural was telling immediately. Such a cool way to theme!

Image Description: A sign reads "BALDER" in red letters, flanked by two Viking-styled serpents. A wooden coaster truss rises into the background, with a blue train going over a hill behind the sign.

My first ride on this got completely ruined by some asshole Gothia Cup motherfucker up front. On a ride with a fuck ton of airtime, and a place to put your shit, this asshole had his phone out filming a stupid fucking TikTok in the very front row, and I'm in the back just hoping I don't have to see anyone get their nose deleted because of this stupid fucking teenager. After we returned to unload, I flagged down a ride op and sang like a bird about what I saw and they called security on the offending guest immediately. I've been hit with a phone on Diamondback, it hurts like a bitch, put your shit away.

I'd be back to reride this several times over the next couple of days. But I knew I'd be back to enjoy it because while I was not happy during that ride, I could tell this was a spectacular coaster.

Image Description: An escalator in an uphill tunnel, made with ornate white wooden architecture and trimmed with lights.

I'd snagged Virtual Kö for Luna as soon as my time for this went through, so that was my next stop. Luna Park is up another escalator, this one with an awning done up in the architecture of a classic amusement park.

Image Description: A tarnished bronze statue of three women, surrounded by a garden of white and purple flowers and white arches. A length of green coaster track winds around in the background.

Luna Park is gorgeous! This is like a pretty little flowery oasis atop the hill, you can't see it much from elsewhere but it's easily the prettiest part of an already beautiful park.

Image Description: The front car of a roller coaster train themed as a vintage blue space rocket sits under a blue and green dome in the ceiling, which is ornamented with a large brass telescope.

I developed an odd interest in these Vekoma kiddie boomerangs over the past season, likely due to my home market getting two of them. But at home, these get themed to Peanuts and gravy and shit, Liseberg totally took this coaster seriously and gave it the aesthetics of a mature, adult ride and, as with every other ride in Sweden, made it look really good. 

Image Description: A blue roller coaster goes up a vertical spike of track, with a white spinning tower ride in the background.

The ride itself is pretty solid too! Didn't get any floater over that hump like you do on Snoopy's Soapbox Racers or Good Gravy, but that's not what this ride is about. It's about the spike, which I figured was probably better in the front, and promised myself I'd be back when it was less busy to snag a spin up front. It's about a beautiful theme, the spike, and of course, the view from the hilltop where it sits.

Image Description: A green Helix train flies skyward and into an inversion on an inverted top hat of green structure.

I wanted to give Helix a chance to climb in my rankings, so I went back for a second attempt. And this time in the back, I finally got that kickass Helix experience I came all the way to Sweden for. This ride is amazing! Definitely a contender for top five in the world, and rightfully in the conversation for Sweden's best roller coaster.

Image Description: A tarnished copper globe has fountain water sprayed at it. High over the trees in the background, a green roller coaster performs an aerial inversion element.

Let's break it down!

Mack likes to start strong with their rides, be it Copperhead's jojo roll or Time Traveler's dispatch into a huge vertical drop down the mountain, and Helix is no different. You're dropped right off that hillside into an inversion, the turn following is a bit poorly paced and rattly, but it's just to get you to the first launch. Now, if you like powerful, intense launches, Mack's launched coasters are not the rides for you. This gets you up to speed, nothing more, and launches you into a smooth but standard flat spin. Coming out of it, the coaster takes a bit of a swerve down the hill, gaining a bit of speed, and flies through a very strong airtime hill that rips you from your seat very violently, and when you land, it weaves again and gives the coaster more speed. The iconic pretzel knot comes next, which it takes very smoothly and is so fun to get all that speed at the very bottom of the coaster, think like Banshee's element like this but not as massive. It comes out of this, dives through a rocky notch cut into the hillside, and then chucks you through a very violent airtime hill that throws you just as hard as a good RMC or Intamin coaster. There's another roll, this is a bit snappy but not much, but then it goes into a rise that snaps into a turn. You get so much airtime on this transition, it's super brisk, and throws you into a nicely wooded part of the ride, it's easily my favorite moment on the coaster.

Image Description: A green Helix train twists up a hillside with Göteborg's apartments, towers, and a road in the background.

Coming out of this downhill helix, it turns to the right, weaving under a walkway, and comes out in the ride's second launch, which as with other Mack launches is not meant to be forceful. But once you're up to speed, you fly upwards, flip upside-down, and get slammed back into the hillside head-first as it comes out of the best inversion on the ride. Coming out of this is another amazing airtime hill, which drops you further down the mountain than you entered it, extending the amount of ejector and giving that amazing feeling of leaving an element faster than you entered it. Coming out of this is the ride's grand finale: a fast slalom up the mountain into a deceptively hangtime-y barrel roll.

Image Description: A green roller coaster performs a corkscrew beside a tall mirrored glass skyscraper, a sign atop the skyscraper reads "GOTHIA TOWERS" in white letters.

Welcome to the top five, Helix. You and Wildfire have both earned your spot here. I definitely prefer the RMC, but both rides are incredible, and both probably have some right to the claim of best roller coaster in the world.

Image Description: A hand holds a brown spiral-shaped cinnamon roll plushie, decorated with little white dots representing sugar.

I souvenir shopped for a bit and thought this plush bulle was cute.

Image Description: Jarrett sits in a vintage rail car, furnished with hardwoods and green upholstry.

I had been sitting on a train all morning just wanting to get here, so naturally, I would choose to voluntarily spend more time sitting in a railcar for dinner. Hell, I'll even pay for it! Järnvägsrestaurangen, or The Railway Restaurant, was one I had heard had good food, and you eat in a train car, so that's kind of fun.

Image Description: A white plate holds a cut of grilled salmon with vegetables, lemon wedges and hollandaise sauce. A beer sits in the corner of the brown hardwood table.

I got the fresh salmon, and it was so good! They cut it differently here than they do back at home, it was nice and fresh and ate more like a piece of meat than most fish does. The veggies were good too!

Bahaha I loved this. Just walking to Balder and seeing this little ballroom pavilion thing with people getting down. Swedes can dance!

Image Description: A red roller coaster train goes down a drop of wooden track, with a green Viking-styled building with a spire and grassy green roof in the foreground.

Wanting to gamble with the Viking gods a second time, I had virtually queued for Balder while I ate, so that was my next stop. And now that I was able to enjoy the ride, I loved it! It's full of good ejector air, they aren't assholes about the bar so the restraints felt more like Millennium Force's "tiny belt and bar as far down as you put it," but with El Toro levels of airtime. Continuing the comparison, it does suffer from the same issue I have with El Toro in that it does absolutely nothing interesting aside from repeated ejector. The corners are so boring and exist just to turn the train around into another gauntlet of airtime. I think I prefer this one just because they're not sticklers with the bar and it has tunnels and a better view, and it's an incredible ride, but only incredible at one thing. But I'm really into airtime, so I was hooked.

#3 in Sweden. Disagree with the claim it's better than Wildfire, but I still really love it.

Image Description: A green roller coaster twists out of an inversion with a city in the background.

Went back for another Helix since the wait was tolerable, and it didn't disappoint. I was falling more and more in love with this amazing launch coaster. Did I like it better than Velocicoaster? We will see...

Leaving Helix, I see a group of roughly ten Gothia Cup kids charging up the escalator. Like, they were screaming a war cry acting like Vikings...with two pissed off adults in security uniforms frustratedly climbing the escalator after them.

Image Description: A Viking stave-style building with ornate windows and dragon roof ornaments bears a sign reading "VALKYRIA" in an Old Norse-looking font. To the right, a golden roller coaster can be seen behind a tree.

Valkyria had a single rider queue, so I decided to go get that one out of the way. Dive coasters are hit or miss for me, I mostly see them as non-enthusiast magnets that keep the lines for rides like Helix and Balder short, but they'd been growing on me in recent years so I went in with an open mind. 

Image Description: Inside a Viking stave-styled roller coaster station with a tall, sloped wooden roof. Two copper fire urns hang from the ceiling, and the opposite wall bears several circular Viking shields.

Again, make it look really, really good. Valkyria has the best station of any dive coaster. Not to mention the theme is fire, one part of the soundtrack even sampled Ride of the Valkyries!

Image Description: A golden roller coaster curves and dives under its own lift hill, with a Viking building in the background.

Not a bad ride! I don't always get as excited over these as I wish I did, but I liked this one. The drop is nice and scary under the bridge, nice hangtime through the inversions, it's like Valravn 2.0 in element choice and execution. Add in the incredible local culture theming and it's a product I respect. It plays well with where it sits, does the initial descent well, and the following elements are pretty amusing. For a Jarrett review of a dive coaster, you could say those are positive things to say.

I needed a potty break next, where I found this gem flushing into infinity.

Image Description: A small black charred wooden gate with a roof is decorated with corroded ironwork symbols, and holds a sign reading "MECHANICA" in black letters against an orange fire pattern, with two torches of rusty metal. In the background, a tall swinging ride rises from between the twists of Valkyria's golden track.

My virtual queue was for Mechanica next, which I was super excited for having seen promotional stuff from the States when it was announced. However, seeing it up close, it's kind of underwhelming. The queue didn't appear to be much more than a charred wooden shack, the theming wasn't as impressive as I had guessed it would be, soundtrack didn't play at all, the ride isn't even as huge as it looked in the video, it's just kind of...there, and commands no presence. You could walk by it like it's another flat ride. The ride itself felt like a shorter, tamer version of Tundra Twister, and it's fun, but I was hoping for more out of a ride with a theme so near and dear to me. The decorations on the entrance and structure were kind of cool, though.

Image Description: Jarrett smiles in front of an empty Helix train, lit up with green lights.

I had time for one more ride, and I knew what I was doing and hightailed it to Helix's escalator! Completely by accident, I got LROTNOH, and even got to help put my bar down and buckle it to put the train away at the end of the night. What a way to end the day!

Image Description: A wave swinger decorated with string lights spins amid the trees under a sunset.

Goodnight, Liseberg! See you tomorrow!

Image Description: A hand holds a baguette stuffed with a sausage, with the tip bitten off, in a gas station.

Walking back up the death hill to the apartment, I passed this little corner store and snagged a French hot dog, which I know all too well from France but are a thing here too. I was fat and got two, one with French dressing (more like mustard) and one with ketchup. Also got myself a juice and a pastry for breakfast tomorrow.

Image Description: A tree with a suggestive-looking knothole resembling human sexual anatomy in the streets of Gothenburg.

And here, outside my apartment, we have the National Tree of Sweden: the Gothenbussy Hardwood.

Image Description: A Swedish bedroom at night, with a blue light in the corner.

Got inside, took a much-needed shower, and honestly, was up later than I should have been but oh well. I was making quick work of Liseberg, needed only two kiddie credits, a dark ride, and a few flats I wanted to do, and of course, day 2 of being a total fucking fatass.

Dag 6

Image Description: A white countertop holds a silver tray with two coffee cups and a container of teabags. Off the tray are a large black electric water pitcher, and a clear plastic container of brown coffee labeled "GOLD 100% Arabica."

I again, woke up way too fucking early, and got into my pastry for breakfast. I am a 30 year old grown ass man, and yesterday I was texting my mother asking what to do with these coffee grounds in a container with a pitcher of hot water. I'm so new to this coffee thing, I'd not seen it before, and her response was telling me to just mix the instant coffee with the water, so I guess I can travel alone around Europe but not make instant coffee.

Image Description: A wooded neighborhood street goes down a hill, with a white drop tower and skyscraper visible over rooftops.

God morgon, Göteborg!

Image Description: A line next to a hotel forms outside of a green gate reading "Liseberg" in gold letters.

I had no real motivation to gate crash, but I did it anyway purely because I couldn't sleep.

Image Description: A green roller coaster twists with a city in the background.

First ride of the day! This is the only way to start a full day here! Petrus from Theme Parks Sweden on Instagram, who I'd been in contact with, was also here and it was nice to finally meet the dude and shake his hand and ride his coaster. Shoutout from Ohio if you're reading this, you and the crew are awesome!

Image Description: A black coaster train goes over a hill of white track, with a golden roller coaster in the background.

Went for Lisebergbanan next since the line was short and I was still impressed! Sat in the front this time and while I think I'm sold on this being a backseat ride, I still had a ton of fun.

Image Description: A Viking-styled sign reading "BALDER" with a red roller coaster train painted with a gold snake flying over a hill in the background, with the rest of the ride's wooden support structure behind that.

Since I was acing this virtual queue thing, I had a time on Balder almost immediately after! Rode in the front this time and while I think back is better, it's good up here too. Bit of headchopper action with the tunnels and supports, it reminded me a bit of a more primitive Steel Vengeance up here.

Image Description: A golden roller coaster sends a train of three wide cars down a vertical drop.

I was going to ride Valkyria next, but they stopped me and had an issue with my camera bag. Yesterday they let me ride it without a locker, and just let me throw my bag on the platform, but today was different, so I passed knowing I may get a locker later. 

Image Description: A Viking building, a wooden roller coaster, an an arm holding a spoked disk of ride seats swinging into the sky.

However, one ride I did want to take for a whirl was Loke, the park's Intamin swinging disk ride. There's a bit of cool Viking theming in the queue, so that's fun, but the ride itself really surprised me. You get airtime on every swing Loke dishes out, it's awesome! Best discus ride out there, don't @ me. It's almost like Intamin's products are better than Zamperla's, or something.

Image Description: A rustic brick workshop, with a wooden turntable in the concrete floor and a circular yellow boat in a canal.

Kållerado was next, the park's rapids ride. I'd worn cargo shorts that dry fast and brought a spare shirt and sandals to change into, so that's what I ended up doing for both the whitewater rafts and the log flume. However, I got up to the station to see this was the one ride at Liseberg without a bag drop, you have to take your shit in the raft with you and I wasn't about to take my camera, and all the pictures from this trip, under one of those waterfall curtain things that dumps water on all the guests, so I left the platform, locked my stuff up under Valkyria, and got back in line. Nice theming on this, though!

Image Description: A circular yellow boat splashes down a turbulent canal through brushy woods.

The concern my stuff would get wet was baseless, this ride barely splashes you. However, it's fun in a lot of other ways: these rapids love to bump you around! You'll be bouncing around a bottleneck with three other boats ramming into each other trying to be the next to float down the trench.

Image Description: A log flume boat bobs around a turn, containing a pond decorated with buoys, lighthouses, wind turbines, and coastal Scandinavian buildings. A sign reads "FREDRIKSHAVN HAVN" while flying a red Danish flag bearing a white cross.

Not usually a log flume guy, but I had the locker and had heard that Liseberg had a good one, so figured while I was already wet I'd go do this. I loved the theming on this little kiddie boat ride next to it. It has sponsorship from Stena Line, who I was taking to Denmark tomorrow, and the ride is themed to the Baltic Sea voyage to Fredrikshavn!

Image Description: A log-shaped boat splashes down a watery channel, with a pond containing buoys and a shipping crane prop.

Flume ride is fun! Still don't see how it's that much different from other rides like it, but I rode it and enjoyed it. That last big drop at the end is so cool, gaining all that height and overlooking the park before tumbling down a huge drop and getting full brunt of all that panoramic altitude. 

Image Description: A train of three wide coaster cars twists through an inversion of golden steel track in the blue sky.

Since I had the locker, I took a spin on Valkyria to dry off. I still really like this! It does something Balder, Helix, and Lisebergbanan all don't and fits into the park's lineup like a glove. Even though I'd rank an agile airtime-based coaster higher any day I still enjoyed this, not sure if I like it or Yukon Striker better.

Image Description: A planted bridge over a stream surrounded by trees, with a few red Scandinavian buildings and a skyscraper across the water.

Liseberg is beautiful!

Image Description: A restaurant dining room painted hues of muted blue and gold, with colorful framed photos along the wall.

I was getting hungry next and wanted to try another Liseberg restaurant. Asking around, these girls told me Lisebergs Wärdshus had good Scandinavian food, so this was my chance to have herring and smørrebrød and all that in a fancy setting.

Image Description: A specked black plate holds a small piece of brown bread topped with lettuce, a hard white cheese, a dollop of jam, and two mint leaves. A stemmed glass holds an amber beer.

This smørrebrød came with a little 10 cl Pripps Blå beer. Took the lettuce off, but the västerbotten cheese and fig jam worked so well on the open-faced rye bread. Smørrebrød is a Danish thing, but I'd be in Danmark soon enough, and this was a nice preview to the country!

Image Description: A plate holds herring covered in yellow, white, and colorless liquid. The plate has three potatoes garnished with dill, a dollop of white sour cream, a pile of diced red onions, sprinkle of chives, a wedge of butter, a wedge of hard white cheese, and a large piece of brown crackery bread. A beer sits on the table.

Ended up getting the SOS, which is like a little sampler of three types of herring: one with a mustard glaze, one with a cream sauce, and another plain and pickled. It was served with knäckebröd, steamed potatoes, sour cream, diced onions, more västerbotten, and butter. This is so good! It's like sushi kind of, but you can mix it up with other strong (or mild) flavors to kind of do  your own thing with it. The knäckebröd is perfect for just breaking off a piece and making like a little Swedish nacho with it.

Image Description: A green roller coaster down a hillside flips through a loop with a city in the background.

After lunch, I had a virtual queue time for Helix. But on my walk up the escalator, some unsupervised Gothia Cup bastard (little shit was probably like 14) thought it would be funny to reach out and snatch my hand. Having my hand/wrist/arm grabbed is a trigger of mine that stems from having been on the receiving end of a domestic violence situation, and that sent my brain right into fight or flight. I snapped at the shithead and his buddies, "grow up!" and they just laughed, and honestly I wish I'd been more attentive so I could tell security that another guest intentionally made unwanted physical contact with me, but I didn't give a shit. The world's greatest launched coaster was here, how upset could I be?

Image Description: A green roller coaster dives through a Norwegian loop into some trees, with a white drop tower nearby.

I also did Atmosfear while I was up here, and it was a lot of fun! The drop is nice and scary, you get a great view of the park and Gothenburg from it, and best of all, after landing back in the little courtyard-like station it has, the gondola full of soccer kids was going nuts and clapping and cheering, which reverberated around the walled-in platform. The energy on this drop tower is great!

Image Description: A group of kids stand around a counter labeled "CHOKLADEN," decorated with several yellow Marabou chocolate bar boxes in large sizes surrounding a large spinning Marabou wheel.

Scandinavia's midway games consist of a lot of these roulette things for giant chocolate bars.

Image Description: A blue coaster train themed as a vintage rocket rounds a curve of blue track, with a green coaster's inversion in the background alongside a tree.

After this, I went around the hilltop and did some photo lap stuff.

Image Description: A sign on a fence outside a yellow roller coaster says "RABALDER" in old colorful pieces of pipe.

There were still two kiddie coaster credits and a dark ride I needed, and with it getting into that time of the afternoon where parents take their kids home, I decided to take care of that now. Rabalder (name means Uproar, not sure what that has to do with a rabbit) was my first ride of choice, which is some kind of Zierer kiddie coaster. Annoying but short wait, and it dumps water on its riders via a drippy bucket at the end outside the station, but it's cute I guess.

Last credit in Sweden! Stampbanan is one of those kiddie coasters that's just a big double helix, think Dollywood's old Veggie Tales coaster. It wasn't nearly as bad as Sideshow Spin was, and it was actually pretty well landscaped!

Image Description: A length of kiddie coaster track spirals down to rocky ground amid plants and colorful buildings.

And that's Sverige! Rode every coaster I planned to in this country, except for Kvasten which was down, and I had no more credits to clean up and I could just chill the rest of the evening.

Image Description: A cottagecore dwelling with several houseplants, vegetable print wallpaper, and a portrait of a grandpa rabbit.

Underlandet, or Underground, is Liseberg's dark ride themed to these cheesy colorful rabbits the park has as mascots. "Is this Swedish Looney Tunes?" is what I was asked when the pictures hit Facebook. It's actually an original park mascot they made a long time ago for Liseberg, and for something like that it's pretty nice. I was shocked how good the theming was! 

Image Description: A colorful dark ride station with cartoony props and guests disembarking vehicles.

This was really well done as a dark ride! Didn't understand much beyond my limited Swedish, but the props and scenes are nicely made and the music is happy. This is easy to miss, make sure to catch it if you come!

Image Description: A door says "BUTIK VALKYRIA" over the arch, with two men in security uniforms wearing utility belts and radios going inside to deal with something.

Dinner reservations were coming up so I decided to just stroll around the flat part of the park and get photos...when I saw security go deal with some more little bastards at Valkyria!

Image Description: A harbor-themed theme park area, with coastal buildings along a water feature with two boats moored into it.

My reservations were at Hamnkrogen, or The Harbor Tavern. When I was asking for food advice earlier, and mentioned I had a dinner reservation here, both the women I had spoken to said, "oooooh!" so I knew this was a good pick.

Image Description: A slate-colored pasta bowl holds linguini in a red sauce with small prawns topped with parmesan, a ring of black-shelled mussels sit around the noodles.

Went with the seafood pasta, which had those little Baltic sea prawns and mussels served with it. This was amazing! I like mussels, but the smaller European ones as opposed to the American ones that feel like you're swallowing a giant slug's pancreas. So this was great to have this with a very good shrimp and red sauce pasta, and a beer, of course.

Image Description: A blue circular boat with an umbrella bobs down a watery channel past thick green vegetation.

This little boat ride, Morotresan, or Carrot Trip, I had heard was good so I decided to do that to digest my food a bit. Kaninlandet was dead so I was able to just hop right on and chill as we bobbed past cute scenery. It's a different kind of scenic ride and I like it, the cute garden theming reminded me of my grandmother.

Image Description: A green roller coaster goes through an inversion.

Took one more spin on Helix after this and decided it's officially better than Velocicoaster. The two rides feel the same, but Helix's view, location, and uniqueness of design just slightly edge out the Florida Intamin. This places it at #4 solidly in my rankings, just above its American Florida Man crackhead cousin with a pet dinosaur.

Image Description: A spinning tower ride with a blue roller coaster heading up a spike in the foreground. The ground is decorated with trees and ornamental white arches.

Figured I'd step away and come back. I wanted to ride Aerospin, so I virtually queued for that and went up and did it. There were some older Gothia Cup kids there that struck up conversation with me that were actually pretty respectful so I told them a funny story from back at home in line and that was wholesome. Sadly the ride seems to not flip all the way upside-down, preventing full flips, but getting off I did hear one of the kids shout, "Yooo, American! You were upside-down more than any of us!" 

I was right there, and it had no line, so I snagged a spin on Luna next, this time in the very front. This ride was so pretty at sunset, but I was most blown away by how fun that spike is. You really go vertical, like on your back, on this family coaster. It fits the theme so well, I love the whole package here with this family coaster.

Image Description: Jarrett stands in front of a red and gold sign reading "LISEBERGBANAN" lit up with yellow string lights. Helix's green twists and Luna's blue curve can be seen up the hill.

I tried to return to Helix, but the queue was shut, so I instead picked Lisebergbanan at sunset for my last ride here. It's so much fun in the lower light, racing in and out of the trees between the shadows with the whole park lit up in front of you.

Image Description: Under a dusk sky, blue and yellow string light arches hold up yellow lanterns. Coaster track and lit up buildings can be seen amid the shadowy trees.

Goodnight, Liseberg, thank you to everyone here I talked to who helped make these two days special, hej då, Göteborg, och tack så mycket, Sverige. It's been real. I stopped by the corner store again, got more stuff, and headed back to my AirBnB for my final night in the country. I had a big day tomorrow with my journey to Denmark!

Image Description: A black and white image of a swing pendulum ride and a wooden coaster rising out of the trees, with a vintage building in the foreground.

All three of Sweden's parks I went to made some claim of having the best roller coaster in the world. Be it Monster in Stockholm, Helix in Göteborg, or even some zoo in rural Sweden throwing up something as unhinged as Wildfire, this is a country that values good coasters. But one thing I felt they didn't get enough credit for was simply how nice the parks themselves were. Food, employees, ambiance, even the view from the rides, everything about parks here shows a care you just don't see back in the United States. These aren't some corporate cash cow where you shell out a ton of money to deal with cheap labor shortages and pretend to be happy waiting in a 2 hour line, these places genuinely function in a way meant to make people as happy as possible. 

To have a favorite park to me, is to not only pick the product you think is best, but also the one that is most representative of your personal tastes. And for me, RMC is a huge part of my interest in coasters, so it didn't seem very "me" to have a favorite park without one. However, Liseberg still has a killer, diverse lineup that accurately reflects not only what I like in coasters, but a park as a whole. Good flats, amazing food, it photographs so well, and of course, while it isn't an RMC, Helix is a very good product of my #2 exporter of amusement rides. All they need to do now is authorize security to hand out Gothia Cup red cards to some of these shitheads!

Considering the sheer quality of this place and everything about it, I think it's fair to say I have a new favorite park. Sorry, Fiesta Texas, there's a new sheriff in town.

Image Description: Jarrett, wearing a purple shirt with palm trees, stands on the port side of a ship in the Baltic Sea in front of an orange lifeboat hanging from a white winch.

UP NEXT: We hop the Baltic Sea from Sweden to Denmark! My first time on one of these ferries since I was a little boy, unlimited Scandinavian buffet and alcohol for all ages, beautiful Fårup Sommerland, watching Cobra Kai in a hobbit home, and where the hell is everyone in Denmark? The adventure continues in the second country on this trip!