Cornstalkers On The Cob://Cedar Point Halloweekends at Con On The Cob 2024

         Date:10/4/2024

Destination: Sandusky, OH

Goal: Cedar Point, HalloWeekends

Distance: 66 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 0

Con and Coasters, Double Feature

Zamperla will make an error

Screamsters jumping Carl Ben and Jarrett

We got nine people, can we plan it?

Oh-oh at the weekend, double feature, thoosie shitshow!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Into the black night sky rise two towers, one is a roller coaster of black supports with striped white and red track like a radio tower, the other is a purple pneumatic tower with four legs.

When I'm not running around a midway in cargo shorts like a loser, I enjoy running around nerdy comic cons in a costume, also like a loser. And my favorite con that's currently operating is Oddmall's Con on the Cob in the Akron area. Ben and I do this con every year, this year he brought his roommate and buddy Carl, who you might remember from the Silver Dollar City road trip back in March. These two had the idea to pop out and do Cedar Point one of the con days, and I wasn't about to say no to that! I'd been holding off until we had World's Largest Italian Carnival Ride to suck crowds from Steel Vengeance and the other coasters I like, but with that not happening for a while, now was as good a time as any to visit Cedar Point just once.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett, a man in his early 30s, stands in a bathroom wearing a black shirt with a white wooden coaster on it, a colorful button-down shirt depicting retro space rockets and planets, and a black hat that says "Fønix" on a phoenix logo.

Outfit of the day! Black Wildfire shirt makes its debut, Fønix hat for Siren's Curse since new Vekoma is awesome! And colorful retro rocket ships on the button-down just for the thoosies that don't like my flannels. <3

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: From a highway bridge, a body of water and lakehouses sit below amid swampy plants.

We got on the road, Ben and Carl stopped at Giant Eagle for coffee, I was working on finishing up some cosplay portfolio stuff on my laptop for the con, and we continued onward. The drive across Northern Ohio is beautiful! It's got wetlands to pass over, you take this drive you'll likely see a Great Blue Heron fly over the road or something.

Cedar Point, babby! Carl's first iconic drive across the causeway since childhood, and my first since last year's spring season!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two arching twists of blue roller coaster track twist through and adjacent to twin silver blade-like towers. A roof below holds several pumpkins with various faces on them.

Cedar Point during Halloweekends! First time here for Haunt since 2018, let's do this!

We got in, souvenir shopped, and met up with Carl's family. His mother, two aunts, and his own sister were all to meet up with us...as well as a few others later on in the day.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gift shop wall holds several white necklaces reading "NO BOO!" on a lanyard with a little plastic ghost prop. A black and orange sign reads, "DON'T WANT TO BE SCARED? PURCHASE A NO BOO NECKLACE TO LET OUR MONSTERS KNOW NOT TO SCARE YOU! $15.99"

We also swung by a gift shop to snag me this No Boo Necklace. With my social anxiety disorder, I can't have people spiking my anxiety when it's already super high being around a bunch of people on a midway, preferring to do that in a haunt maze where I don't have to worry about being in someone's way all the time.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up an aforementioned No Boo necklace, revealing details of the pendant. It is a small white plastic ghost with a smiling face and rosy cheeks.

This accommodation changes design every year, I have one that's a purple bat, a blue spider, a white skull, and a white mummy that flashes green. This year it's a cute little ghost! I love these, when they became a thing I was so thrilled that I was able to go to Haunt and enjoy watching other poor bastards get the shit scared out of them. Unfortunately, this cute little fella brings out a lot of very sad ableism from the coaster community. Many people complain about them, stating that those who need this shouldn't be in the park or citing bad parenting. And it's disgusting and a fandom that is welcoming and inclusive, as clubs such as ACE claim to be, has no place for that.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall black truss with vertical red and white striped track rises into the sky, in the foreground is a gray and red arch reading "TT2."

We went past WTT2 Radio, I mean Top Thrill 2, next on our way to our first ride of the day.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Into the sky rises a single spike of vertical track, white with red stripes, held up by a black truss. In the foreground, temporary barriers read "TOP THRILL 2" and "CP RACING."

Honestly? It's hideous. It looks like a radio tower, not a roller coaster. I'm all for the industrial/utilitarian aesthetic on a machine, but when it's this big it's an eyesore. The world's second tallest roller coaster should look like a roller coaster, not a soulless piece of hardware.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign reads, "TOP THRILL 2; This Attraction Will Not Open in 2024."

I was taking a coasters break when this was announced, but I did care about this announcement because it had "bad idea" written all over it. While I do not usually care for Zamperla, I was impressed with their Wild Mouse, but that didn't qualify them to work on this with an unproven ride system. I was very vocal in my belief that there was no evidence Zamperla could pull this ride off. Furthermore, a design feature they highlighted in their press release was something I was taught not to do in my engineering classes. I was concerned something specific would happen, and based on rumors I've heard from the thoosie water cooler talk, that exact thing is the reason it only operated for eight days. Whoever at Cedar Fair authorized them to take this job really messed up, Zamperla should be financially responsible for getting it in working order even if it bankrupts them, and to be honest this should be embarrassing for everyone involved. I don't have all the answers, I'm just some dude who got his MET, but I knew enough to know that none of this was ever a good idea.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up a middle finger to a "TT2" sign hanging from a gray and red arch.

Fucking piece of shit ride. Everyone involved in the mechanical design process should be ashamed, as should anyone who was in favor of this work getting done by a manufacturer that was clearly unqualified.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A gray, orange, and red sign reads "MAGNUM XL-200" in a retro sci-fi font.

Okay, onto a good, innovative, actual quality ride that's stood the test of time for 35 years: Magnum XL-200!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett and a middle aged woman wearing a Cleveland shirt are on a roller coaster, with a sci-fi-themed on-ride photo frame. The top left has the Cedar Point logo, the bottom right says "35TH ANNIVERSARY MAGNUM XL-200 1989-2024."

I rode with Carl's Aunt Barb who was screaming terrified the whole time, it was hilarious.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A rocky formation holds a sign reading "STEEL VENGEANCE," with a large trussed roller coaster sending a train up a hill in the background.

That one was good consensus among the crowd, but some of them felt a little shaken up from those bunny hills, so we took them to a smoother airtime machine: Steel Vengeance!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Seven people flash peace signs in line for a roller coaster.

Fun times in a not-so-terrible line! Bunch of people about to experience one of the greatest machines ever built!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A twist of brown steel track emerges upside-down from a wooden truss, with a gray and wood train with red lights twisting out of the inversion.

Going from Magnum to this is awesome because as good as Magnum is, it doesn't hold a candle to SteVe. It's the same quality of airtime, if not better, but it's the entire ride and it's glass smooth. The best coaster in Ohio, don't @ me.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tin pie plate lined with Cedar Point paper holds a few slices of steak, a biscuit, and a white paper bowl of chili topped with cheese and red onions.

We wanted food next so headed to Farmhouse for some of their legendary steak and chili! Nothing like a good bite to eat while Carl's sister jokingly shamed us for not knowing who composed Ennio Morricone's music that played in the area!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Four adults in their mid-late twenties stand in a roller coaster station, flashing peace signs in front of a bronze-colored Intamin train.

Afterwards, some more of Carl's family met up with us, including his two cousins, so we all sort of split and went to ride other things. Myself, Ben, Carl, and his sister all went to Maverick.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black coaster train completes a roll of red track into some trees.

Maverick has kind of always been overshadowed by other Cedar Point rides for me. I like it, I really do, but when I started this, Millennium Force was the one I preferred, and now it's Steel Vengeance. It was never not in my top 5 in park, but I never walked away with Maverick being the significant highlight of my day, as much as I love Intamin's blitz system and this great (while flawed) layout.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An on-ride photo of Jarrett, Ben, and Carl on Maverick, Jarrett has his hands up.

Well, not anymore! This is the best ride I've gotten on Maverick during the day. My normal issues (farting around in some of the turns and taking too long between transitions) were almost nonexistant with how hot she was riding today. This is my new #2 in the park after this!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Steel Vengeance train flies over an outward banked airtime hill atop a tall wooden truss.

We met up at the train after this, but Carl's cousins and their aunt wanted to ride Steel Vengeance, so I ran off with them and did that.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An on-ride photo of Steel Vengeance, with Jarrett riding with a man and woman his age and their aunt.

These guys are a hoot! The aunt I had been around, but the two cousins were new, and one of them did a great job including me in conversation and the other was just really funny, so this was great company to have on such a good ride.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A plate lined with newspaper holds a few shrimp, a bowl of orange lobster bisque, a roll seasoned with herbs and butter, and a ketchup cup.

We headed up front via train next and got Grand Pavilion for dinner The park was starting to get slammed so we knocked this out before lines got bad. I got the funnel cake shrimp (sounds nasty but it's honestly not different from coconut shrimp) and lobster bisque, which was really damn good!

We did GateKeeper next, which was fun as always and provides an incredible view at sunset.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign reads "MIDNIGHT" below a Roman numeral clock with the hands pointing to twelve o'clock. A blue roller coaster stands behind the haunt maze.

Okay, time for the spooky stuff to start! We got what we need to do for Midnight, the new voodoo-themed haunt at Cedar Point, themed to Mr. Midnight putting a voodoo curse on the park. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of a facade resembling a haunted mansion entrance.

Backstory time: I have not been able to do an indoor haunt maze since 2020. Between dealing with claustrophobia and social anxiety disorder, it was always something out of my comfort zone. In 2019 I had been starting to explore easier haunts to do, but in early 2020, I was on the receiving end of a domestic violence situation. This made the social anxiety way worse, I was diagnosed shortly after, and all that progress I had made just went away.

But I didn't want to let my abuser win. So I tested the water and did it.

This was so fun! Midnight has some of the coolest theming I've ever seen in a Haunted House, a spinning tunnel (those of you COSI kids remember this from Space), a hall full of leg ticklers, and some pretty good jump scares. Not gonna lie, they did make me jump quite a bit, but I didn't feel like I needed to be on the defensive in here at all. I knew I was safe, nobody was going to touch me or trap me, and the scares are so brief that my brain didn't really have time to send me into fight or flight.

I should've known I can do this. How scary can a costumed monster be when you survived the actions of a real one?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up a softly glowing lantern in front of a haunted house.

I also had this really cool lantern that I purchased that interacts with the haunt! It's a bit pricey but it's worth it, especially if you're going to do this multiple times. The light is normally a flickering yellow candlelight, but in certain haunt rooms it changes. It can also tag other guests (works in both ambient and tag mode, it does not need to be in tag mode), and set off props around the park. Take it to the seance in Frontiertown and look at the crystal ball!

We did Erie Estate next, which was built in a real old building from CP's early days and themed to a paranormal investigation in the home. This was probably my favorite one they had, there were some pretty cool props including a ouija board distracted and rotting grandma corpse one of the actors was crying over, shit was so creepy and the scares were great. This girl popped out from behind a window drape and got me good.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: An airbrushed t-shirt says "SKIBIDI OHIO" on it surrounding a red outline of Ohio.

Saw this and got a good laugh. Don't know what I'm talking about, watch RMC Connection's backseat Fønix video.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett holds up a green lantern next to an actor in a diving suit costume, with a colorful helmet window.

We headed back and did Cutthroat Cove next, which is a sort of haunted trail. Not really a scare zone, not really a house, just...there. No wait for it, though, and the scares and theming were pretty good. I loved this diving suit costume!

Freak Show was next, the one setting up in the old carousel building near Maverick. No photos of this as my phone was dying, but I got the best scare of the haunt here! Walking into an area themed as a carnival game, the actor points to a wall of plushies and says, "the pandas!" eyeing my lantern. So I go over there, hold the lantern up to this wall of panda plushies...and a fucking clown jumps out from behind the plushies and about makes me shit myself!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign hanging between two burlap columns says "CORNSTALKERS 2.0 REVENGE OF THE PUMPKIN HEADS."

My last haunt of the night was Cornstalkers, built in the drained rapids flume, and carrying one of my favorite horror tropes as a theme.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark corridor descends down a row of cornstalks at night.

Cornstalkers was...tight. You look and see there's barely 30 inches of space wall to wall, with cornstalks acting as SIF (stuff in face) the whole way. My claustrophobic ass was remembering exactly why I was never the biggest fan of these haunt mazes, that being said it was an amazing experience. The scares were of the appropriate level for me, many of them got me good, and the maze is beautiful with the wisps of fog and red light dancing over the corn. At the very end of the maze we went into a barn that had some kind of big scary animatronic, but the girl working in there rushed us out and we never really got to see what it was because the light was off when it activated, so that was anticlimactic. But still, this was great and I'm glad I did it.

Ben, Carl, and Molly went off to do Slaughterhouse next, I avoided it because I heard the scares were pretty in your face and that might not work with my situation, so I threw my No Boo on and watched people get scared on the midway until they got out of there.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A green steel coaster twists around in the darkness, lit up in blue and purple.

From there, we made our way to the front and drove back to Con on the Cob.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tall wood-steel hybrid roller coaster rises out from behind a red steel coaster.

All in all? Wonderful slow-paced day! Carl has a wonderful family and it was great to go here with Ben and him at least once this season. And I'm so glad I can do Haunt again! This is the most Halloween stuff I've ever done at a park, and hopefully opens doors for me to enjoy even more in the future.

The Schwarzkopf Chainless Massacre://Indiana Beach September Friday the 13th 2024

        Date:9/13/2024-9/14/2024

Destination: Monticello, IN

Goal: Indiana Beach

Distance: 200 Miles

Means of Travel: Driving

Potential Credits: 2

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A grayscale photo of a steel roller coaster navigating a turn, with only its three-car train and a few scratches in the track steel popping in red.

That park is totally failing, the locals even joke about what a dump it is! Buy that shit up! Ooo this coaster derailed, add to cart! Wait, it needs trains, buy those trains that also derailed and put that on it! This'll make great Friday the 13th plans for some poor bastard thoosies!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A few curves of blue roller coaster track are held up by white supports. A red train banks to the right and navigates the middle turn.

Okay, so because I can be kind of a crackhead for aggressive, fast-paced coasters, hearing about ACE's trip to Mexico and riding Quimera at La Feria in all its overspeed, no brakes, five point harness, backboard in the station glory, put Mexico and that coaster on my bucket list in conjunction with Six Flags Mexico. When the 2019 accident happened, needless to say this changed, nobody's life is worth a ride on a coaster, no matter how sketchy and insane it might be. Those brakes are there for a reason, turning them off is extremely unsafe and puts more stress on the ride than it's designed to handle, not to mention some of the shoddy modifications La Feria had made to it. A year later, Indiana Beach, a park I had visited twice and barely cared about that was in danger of going under, suddenly had a new buyer and was planning to get Quimera operational on the shores of Lake Schafer. The coaster had a chance of basically being brought to me, operated safely in the way it should be, the right way. I was cautiously optimistic, knowing the coaster had literally crashed and needed fixed, and Indiana Beach as a whole was uncertain at the moment.

This year, All-American Triple Loop safely opened to negative reviews almost half a decade in the making. Many said it was rough and sketchy, but intense. And at the end of the season, they had taken the shoulder bars off of the trains, and the reviews coming out of that indicated a stellar improvement. Meanwhile, Drew and I always go somewhere every year, and he was on a budget, Indiana Beach was a no-brainer. Second to last weekend of their operating season, the plan was to overnight it there so we had time to really explore this park and area.

Day 0

After getting off work, Drew had been instructed to show up at 4 since he's habitually late. He shows up at 4:14, I didn't even get off until 4:30. But he chilled at a picnic table at my complex while I showered and changed and loaded my car. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A tray holds a basket of chicken tenders and cheese curds with ranch and ketchup.

Both of us were starving, so we stopped at the Richmond, Indiana Culver's just over the state line as our first stop on the drive.

The rest of the drive was pretty uneventful, we spent the whole time rocking out to Linkin Park and 80s rock and other shit Drew and I listen to. The sun went down, we were out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by corn for miles, if we blew a flat we knew the camera was gonna go black the second we screamed. And we'd be found horribly butchered in the news two days later. Eventually, we saw lights reflecting off the waters of Lake Shafer and knew we were here.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A dark amusement park parking lot has two roller coasters and some power lines under a full moon.

We pulled up to Indiana Beach and called the number in the voicemail to check into the cabin. The gentleman there on night duty (we saw him several times and he helped us more than once, he's fucking awesome) answered my call and helped me find where to go, checked me in with a clipboard under streetlight writing on the hood of my vehicle, and sent us to a row of cabins straight out of a slasher film.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At night, a red, white, and blue looping coaster sits behind barbed wire.

Doesn't look ominous one bit!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A row of small camping cabins overlook a lake at nighttime.

It's Friday the 13th. We're camping in a cabin on a lake. At this point we might as well invite Jason Voorhees and Chucky and Michael Myers and all their buddies inside for beers and let them murder us.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small cabin has a TV on, with Drew sitting on the couch eating beef jerky.

Plans, however, turned from watching Friday the 13th (there was no wifi to stream) to finding The Mummy on cable and watching that here with a six pack and junk food!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A hand holds up a King Sized pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Pumpkins.

ND PYOOMKINS!!! REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER PYOOMKINS!!! I love 'em!

For any uncultured swine that do not get the reference. Drew introduced me to Angry Grandpa way back in the olden days when we were in high school. And while he may have passed, our sorry asses quoting and referencing his antics make his legacy live on.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A television shows an old woman in a green outfit. 

And then we watched Golden Girls because we were tired and tipsy and everything was hilarious and went to bed.

Day 1

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a lakeshore, several cabins can be seen as part of a campground.

We slept in, park didn't open til 11, we were right there, so I basically rolled out of bed, ate a donut, and strolled my ass in.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett, a 30 year old man with a Helix shirt, unbuttoned rocket ship flannel, and Hersheypark hat, stands in front of Steel Hawg and All-American Triple Loop.

Good morning, Indiana Beach!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign has the logos for All American Triple Loop and Steel Hawg, with an arrow pointing left.

Like a lamb to the slaughter, we saw them testing Triple Loop before this couple of dead men walking were subjected to this Jigsaw bullshit. I had no idea what kind of pummeling we may be in for!

Hello. I want to play a game.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red, white, and blue roller coaster has three red loops and a red train climbing a curved hill to the right.

The engineer in me was geeking out over the series of shafts rotating the drive tires, the enthusiast in me couldn't wait to ride, the rational part of my brain wasn't sure if strapping into this thing was a good idea at all. I mean, it wouldn't be the first thing from Indiana to get physically violent with me!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red roller coaster train barrels down blue track towards the camera, leaving a red vertical loop.

We strapped in, I used my Apple Watch to text my family I love them, and we were off. See you on the other side! Possibly bruised and battered!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black and white photo of three coaster cars diving down a curved drop.

Whew, what a ride! It's...a lot.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red roller coaster train with white accents and blue stars pulls out of a red and blue vertical loop.

All American Triple Loop at a safe speed with three-car trains is totally insane as is, I can't even imagine it with almost double the kinetic energy totally uncontrolled.

The ride starts with a climb up the lift, hoping it won't slip and roll back like in those videos, all kicked off by the electrical grind of its unique lift motor setup. The first drop has zero chill, it feels like the sharp bank to the right is a bit delayed, giving you some decent whip before slamming you into the ground and yanking you right back up like a yo-yo. It then hits some brakes, dives to the right again, and then sharply unbanks before flinging the train through two consecutive loops, both of which are very intense and caused me to momentarily black out. It then climbs up to the right, goes down a dip into a weird little upwards brake run lift thing, and then drops you down another rightward drop into the third intense blackout loop. This one is probably the most intense of the three, I lost my vision completely from 3 o'clock to 9 o'clock. It then meanders its way through a rugged little figure eight section to eat a bit more kinetic energy before hitting the brakes.

I had to ride it very defensively. I did not put my hands up once, I was hanging on, leaning into curves, head back, teeth gritted, and I did this because I knew what I was getting myself into with this ride. If you want an enjoyable Triple Loop experience, do the same.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett reclines in the coaster's test train, flashing two peace signs.

Jarrett Seal of Approval! 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A red roller coaster loop has a train at the peak of the circle.

I went around to shoot for a bit, then Triple Loop went down. Drew went to the restroom so I just hung around and shot until it went up, and got another ride.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A sign shows Flying Bobs, Cyclone, Double Shot, and Air Crow as not operating today.

We spoke to some other enthusiasts around the ride, and when I mentioned needing Triple Loop and the Cyclone credits, they informed me that the park's Galaxi coaster was down and had been most of the season.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A small roller coaster with a jungle of orange supports has an in-line train resembling toboggan.

Tig'rr was next, another really fun ride here that I enjoy. Not quite Whizzer or Lagoon's Jet Star, but make no mistake I do enjoy this. Even though it's been demoted to secondary Schwarzkopf in the park.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a wooden table sits a papered basket of fried fish, fries, and a hushpuppy.

Drew and I were both hungry next, and it was at this moment that I realized I was struggling to focus. I don't mean like "maybe I shouldn't be doing rocket science" couldn't focus, I mean "dropping my shit all over Indiana Beach can't hear shit" struggling to focus. This fish was good, but I had to pop my loop earplugs in simply not to dip my fingers in the tartar sauce.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands on a bridge over some water, with roller coasters in the background. He wears a colorful blue Orion shirt with planets on it, and over it a colorful blue shirt with rockets and planets on it.

Wanting to wear the shirt from my favorite German-made coaster to ride Drier Looping, I had rocked the Helix shirt today. However, it was 85 degrees out today, the material of that shirt is thicker than normal, and because I got it in Sweden where they don't have fat Americans, the fit is a bit closer to my body than a US XXL. This meant it was basically a thick sweat rag holding all my sweat against my skin, I have sensory issues with wet soggy things, so we went to the car and let me change into a more comfortable Orion shirt of a lighter weight. Also matches the rocket button-down I had chosen for the day!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A coaster train of two caged mine cart-like vehicles goes down a wooden drop.

Lost Coaster Of Superstition Mountain, or LoCoSuMo as the locals call it, was next. This had a small wait, but nothing terribly awful. This is one of the world's weirdest wooden coasters, almost feeling like a mix between a CCI, a Gravity Group Timberliner, and a ghost train, but it's one of the best coasters here. Drew rode facing forward, I rode backwards as I'd not done that in the past. This ride is crazy! It slams you around unbanked curves and over ejector hills with nothing but a seatbelt, not to mention racing backwards through those tunnels is super disorienting. 

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across water sits a mess of truss-supported coasters, with boats and trees around.

After this, we wanted to ride Shafer Queen, and headed to the bridge for a quick photo sesh.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden coaster on the water has a blue train climbing a hill to a turnaround. A white Ferris Wheel with blue and yellow pods hangs in the background.

Honestly? This was making me wish I was at Gröna Lund. Both are very similar waterfront parks that are compact to the teeth with a nice classic ambiance, but Gröna Lund just has a polish and classiness to it that Indiana Beach lacks. But Gene Staples needs to get his ass on a plane to Stockholm and see what this place could be! I was actually having an enjoyable day here for once, and that park is proof that something like this can be really special.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Jarrett stands in front of a white paddleboat with a red sign that reads "SHAFER QUEEN."

Speaking of parks and boats, Shafer Queen was something I'd seen in the past but was never running when I came here. But today she was on the water so Drew and I made sure to catch a three-hour tour! A three-hour tour!

(Drew is Gilligan, obviously.)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Across water, one can see a white truss-supported roller coaster next to a ferris wheel on a peninsula. A white suspension bridge goes from the peninsula to the mainland.

This is so pleasant! You get to see such nice views of the park from a different angle. Between this and the suspension bridge, Indiana Beach really knows how to give you those vantage points of the park in all its waterfront glory.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A boardwalk park sits on some lake water, with roller coasters in the background. A small Skycoaster and a Yo-Yo can be seen over the waves.

It might have been September, but being on the water with that breeze next to a boardwalk park under blue skies made today feel a full month or two behind on the calendar.

Among those rides noted down earlier was Indiana Beach's notoriously powerful Double Shot, noticed it making a hissing noise when we passed it and some drunk ass Midwesterners.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A lakeshore has several beautiful houses dotting it, many leading down to small docks and boathouses at the edge of the water.

It takes you all over the lake and also gives some nice views of the lakehouses and other landscape here. You can even see the dam if you look far out enough.

Come take an excursion with us!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A wooden coaster drops a blue train down a hill, with the ride on the edge of a lake.

Upon arrival back ashore, we did Hoosier Hurricane as it was right there. I loved this in 2016, hated it in 2019, this time it was kind of in the middle. A bit of weak airtime without much else, felt like it missed a few moments, and just a few rough patches compared to the battering I took the summer before COVID. Personally, I say this coaster should be RMCed. They already have a good iconic wooden coaster in Cornball and while Hoosier Hurricane is photogenic, it would look just as beautiful RMCed and give the park something modern and high-thrill that can be marketed as such. ArieForce One style Arcade Roll over the water, anyone?

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A skeletal pirate stands in a crow's nest with tattered sails hung in the corner of a building.

We did Den of Lost Thieves, which had a line, but not a terrible one. We couldn't ride together, but it didn't matter because one of my blasters didn't work and the other one had a readout that didn't work. Furthermore, I remember it having music in the queue that wasn't playing at the moment. Drew loves pirates and got a real kick out of this ride, and I did too, but I think it could use some love.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: an empty room has several chairs lined up at wooden game tables, each topped with glass perched above dividers.

We had wanted to play Fascination earlier today, but while the door was unlocked, the lights were off and nobody was inside. The park had since gotten someone to man the parlor, so I got to show Drew this insanely fun game for the first time! Basically, it's Bingo meets Skeeball and it's so fun!

We were both pretty hot afterwards and got the rude awakening that Indiana Beach doesn't give out free water cups (this should be illegal) and also lacks drinking fountains in the parks. Gene Staples, if you are reading this, this is the first thing that should be rectified from an infrastructure standpoint. I'm not paying $2.50 for a Walmart bottle of water with that damn crow on it every time I get thirsty in 80 degree temps.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Over the water, a wooden coaster amid other rides sends a yellow train down a drop to the waves.

I whooped Drew's ass in the first round, he whooped mine in the second, we called it even and headed to Cornball Express. Last time I was here, I walked in with horrible memories of this ride and walked out of the park with it as my new favorite. I think someone even got electrocuted on it the day before or something. This time around, like Hoosier Hurricane, it felt more mid than I remember. Like, it was still the better ride, but it had gotten a bit rougher and started missing airtime moments. Not quite the insane airtime+laterals combination flinging you out to the water I remember, but still a great ride that's earned its stripes in Indiana Beach's lineup.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: On a wooden bartop sits a bright orange cocktail with ice and a blue straw.

Went to go grab a drink next and got this Tig'rr-inspired cocktail to cool off. It was so good! Wish I remember what was in it.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A black and orange roller coaster hangs riders upside-down in its compact layout, a single car approaching a dive loop drop. In the background is a very steep 90+ degree drop.

Oh, and one more orange thing that'll mess you up for the day: Steel Hawg! The wait for this was obnoxious with just one car, but we got through it. This was also the one Drew was most excited for, having never ridden an El Loco himself. Both of us really liked this coaster, I always compare it to a budget Mystery Mine but more rattle rough than headbanging rough. However, Drew's motion sickness was bugging him, and I had to get home for Dungeons & Dragons that night, so we made like a banana and split.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Behind the wheel of a car, traffic is backed up on a rural T intersection outside Indianapolis.

I was trying to make good time, but Indianapolis was Indianapolis and had a wreck and we had to navigate around it and back up a single stop sign with Wazers circumnavigating a full highway closure wreck. Their drivers are totally reckless and, from my experience, never take responsibility for their destructive habits behind the wheel.

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: At night, a blue car has splattery marks from the shotgun window spraying all over the back of the car.

Drew was NOT doing well on the way out, and had been on and off all day. But I think after a day of puking in a bag, he had nothing left to upchuck, and driving away from the park he threw his head out the window and just made full on exorcist noises trying to vomit up something else. It was not pretty. Well...I get home and find this shit on the side of my car!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A screenshot from a Facebook group for Indiana Beach accounts a fist fight at the bumper cars amongst multiple adults.

Icing on the cake? After running inside to change and head to DND, I get there and sit down at the table and my phone is blowing up asking me for the tea. Apparently some knuckleheads got into a fight by the Dodgems and we missed all the excitement!

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A lime green scrambler extends off of a boardwalk over the waters of a lake, with several rides and roller coasters and an American flag in the background.

What a way to kick off the (often dull) fall season! It felt like maybe the last day of summer weather, maybe the first day of fall vibes, maybe both. But it was so nice to get back here, ride Quimera after I'd been eyeing it and seeing it seems to be well-loved in its new home, and finally walk away from Indiana Beach smiling. Not gonna lie, not much has changed concretely beyond the two new coasters. However, I think the big difference this year is simply that there's so much heart in this park it was lacking under Apex. The employees were all Dollywood-level kind and hospitable, the place didn't have every single ride partially disassembled like I remembered, it felt like a park that was fun today, not a park that was trying to be fun in the future. Sure there are some flaws, sure stuff is run down, sure there needs to be better access to water, but with the right management, Indiana Beach could be the Gröna Lund of Rural America. Gene Staples, make it happen!